Self help

I am really beginning to wonder if I have been helpful. I have been the door matt in life for others too. It seems that people don't like to hear advice even if it will help them. I have learned to help those who help me. And screw anyone who does not support me. As an infj I have been way too sensitive to others needs and way too neglicting of my own.
With the right people I can be happy as hell with the wrong people I feel used up. I only hang out with the right ones now and drop the rest..

 

It may be the devil's advocate effect of Fe. Does this sound like you?

 

Only Introverts can 'play' being extroverted, we will show sides or parts of ourselves that we only want people to see, hiding our true self, it can seem to others that we are fake or lying to just get along, this can come from a number of sources like our parents, siblings, teachers, or even TV, we end up growing up being copies of momma's beliefs, daddy's beliefs, society and religions beliefs; all our normal tendencies are lost in all these images of perfection we try to live upto, at an extreme level (those with personality disorder) - this fragmented sense of self is more pronounced, I know, I recovered from BPD.

Extroverts cannot play introversion, in the sense we introverts know it.
An extrovert reading a book is not introversion.

It is a hard task always being in job interview mode; getting approval from others by pretending to be 'one of them' - if you do it too much, other people will see thru the falsehoods and will claim you to be dishonest, the first lie we all believe about ourselves is the lie of our imperfection; the truth is we are all perfect, only perfection exists, else it would not be.

Find a way to let people know of your need to just 'be' and if they can be comfortable with your periods of much needed silence (silent air) then you should be able to break free a little from this problem;-)

Read this: http://www.kitschmag.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=113&Itemid=27


Good Luck!

 

How can one 'be' extroverted if you were/are introverted without 'pretending'? innate personality functions can't possibly change without some type of psychobabble and many years of it too (btw i've done the psychotherapy course and I'm still intoverted) you are still introverted and studies back me up on this. Emulating extroversion or better still, ambiversion is considered convenience. I said 'pretending' erroneously - but it's in the same context.

I still stand with my original post. I wasn't picking on you or pointing out fatal flaws in a negative ways, the setup each and every person in the western world lives with is this idea of the lie of our imperfection (We're considered imperfect and never will be perfect) however the truth is we are perfect but if like me you watch all the BS on ITV, Sky, Cable or whatever, then you'll be subjected to images of perfection that are only true for those portraying it, for example you see Rogaine ads (mens hair loss) and you see a George Clooney look alike and he says "I tried Rogaine and my hair grew back in 7 days, now I look like this and I have the life I want" - well, that's him and good for him. But the viewer wants to look just like him, someplace deep down inside.

Teachers tell school kids "You come to school to become somebody, the world is divided into winners and losers, you're here to be a winner, do good, get good grades then you can become a doctor, an engineer" - This tells the child they are NOBODY and so introverts and extroverts reject themself, but introverts are liable to suffering more with it.

PS Nobody knows who or what they are, you only know what you believe you are not.

 

I'm terribly afraid to say that I just can't offer any explanations at the moment, though I would so very like to, I'll try - I havent done, researched or known of NLP - only in passing comment have I heard of it's acronym, and forgive me if I took out of context your OP - Self help seemed appropriate for me to post...

Actually, I was 'put' into therapy because I was becoming a liability to the safety of me and others due to a personality disorder I grew into, of the borderline type with narcissistic traits so, I do admit to getting on my high horse and thinking I have all of life's answers.

IME I can see how being extroverted for days on end could work for you, afterall, I shift from being passive to rageful at best of times, I love people then hate them wildly but thats due to conditioning, but coming back to introversion seems like a crashing event, is it for you? And, FWIW When I feel rebuked, I get throttled into the mindset of a child so right now I feel dim as a 2watt bulb and can't understand your headache theory - because then, self help in this context is blown out of all proportions, it depends on which "I" is asking the question Izero I1 I2 I3 and Ix?- I cant explain these atm because of the above reason.

Perfection does exist in people dude, Stephen Hawkins is perfect, I am perfect, You are perfect, Murderers are perfect, even Hell is perfect (hell can inspire you) - What people do with knowledge is where imperfection comes in, so therefore Bush was imperfect, but as an experiencer he is perfect. - Knowledge is imperfect, words are imperfect because of context and my train of thoughts are making me dig a hole far deeper than i can rescue myself. Agree to disagree?

 

I know the current conversation has wandered a little bit and perhaps my addition to the discussion will seem a little irrelevant, but I agree with this post. What I've learned, from my experiences with people is that: People will do what they want to do. And I guess that's been difficult for me because I feel the need to 'save' my friends and family from troubles they are going through. My general rule now is that if a friend asks for an advice I'll give it to them, but I don't go out of my way to tell someone what I think because I know my opinion won't be understood or valued.

"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town."

That's how I feel about people. Some are too ignorant to listen to advice, but in many cases it's simply because they've already made up their mind on what to do and they want reassurance. I've never understood that, really. I'm much better at giving advice than telling someone 'everything is going to be alright' or, 'i understand'.

 

Also, I came up with some additional thoughts on advice. When I say that I 'give people my advice when they ask for it' I don't really mean that. I find that more and more I will just bait my friends into answering their own questions. Someone will come to me with a problem similar to this:

"Ruby, what do I do? I'm in love with this 28 year old guy and I know my mom thinks he's too old for me, what should I do?"
I respond something like
"Well, you're the only one who knows that. I can't make a decision for you. We're all different people. Do you care about your mom's opinion?"

"Yes, I do, but I think she's wrong."

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be dating someone who's over ten years older than you. But, that's probably how your mom feels too. Sometimes people aren't going to agree with your decisions and you just have to act on them. I think you're wrong, but do what you feel you need to do."

"Thanks Ruby! You really helped. I think I'm going to go get married now."

>.< You just got to let your friends learn their own lessons, I guess.

 

Your friend gunna get raped.

 

My friend is the most moronic person on the face of the planet. She was raped by her father in her youth and by what I can tell because of this she craves attention from men to make up for her abusive relationship with her father; which, I've told her and she agrees is true but she will NOT go to counseling. I find teenagers have a problem going to get help for some reason beyond me- I've been to counseling before and the person I saw told me I was at the maturity of a 20 year old and she didn't see any reason for me to be coming if I didn't have anything to discuss. [ I was there because my parents sent me, though I had psychological trauma from intense bullying I had endured most of my life from other children] From what I can gather is that people my age are afraid of telling an adult how they feel because 'adults just don't get them' or 'adults just judge'....But isn't their wisdom helpful? It is to me. I don't know what to tell my friend, though, I've given up hope on helping her and have left it up to her family to deal with her issues.

 

mid years like me don't trust any of them, and are more than willing to let them find folly if they don't take advice

 

So true, so true. I've come to realize that my thoughts will not even be considered by the majority of the world until I'm at least 25. Ten more years to go...:ballchain: