Second Love | INFJ Forum

Second Love

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Fireflies-free, Jul 19, 2010.

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  1. Fireflies-free

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    Is it possible to truly love 2 people? What did falling in love for the second time feel like? Did it make the feelings you had for your first love disappear? If you've ever truly loved somebody, what did it feel like for you to move on and fall in love with somebody else?


     
  2. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I love a whole bunch of people.
     
  3. Holden On

    Holden On Community Member

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    I assume you are referring to romantic love, or what people often refer to as "true love.". Yes, I absolutely believe it is possible to love more than one person in a lifetime. I believe many relationships have the potential to become "true love" - if both participants choose it. (Of course there needs to be some degree of compatibility as well.)

    I would say that I've been in love 3 times in my life. The first two times, I was not ready to make the choice to love that person for the rest of my life. The third time, I was, and I did, and it makes all the difference. However, if my husband were to pass away (heaven forbid!!!!!), I think that eventually, after grieving for him and healing, I would be able to love another and remarry. I suppose the same if we ever divorced, but it'd have to be something pretty major for us to separate. I think we both would make every effort to heal our relationship and stay together. But, it happens, and I won't be so arrogant after 1 year of marriage to say that it could never happen to us.
     
  4. the

    the Si master race.
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    I think it is possible to love several different people in a romantic sense.
     
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  5. sassafras

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    I think it is possible to love any number of people in a romantic sense, but I think it's impossible to love them all equally. You have preferences.
     
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  6. NiennaLadyOfTears

    NiennaLadyOfTears Goth Hobbit Lass
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    I truly loved once, and we planned to marry, but the night before our wedding he died in a car accident on the way back home (the other driver was drunk.)

    Then I got in a relationship with a guy a few years later and he was a totally different type of person. This wasn't true love however, and we eded up deciding things weren't working out.

    About a couple years after that I met the guy who is now my husband. In personality and interests he's a combination of the two previous men. We were long distance for 4 and a half years before we were able to marry, and over 5 years into our relationship.
     
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  7. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Yes, it is possible to have true love for more that one person. I've got a good frame of reference here as I have loved twice. The first was my fiancee in college. There is no love quite like first love and I don't think you ever wholly get over it. Getting over it was a long, painful process (again it never totally disappears). Getting true closer with an adult mindset was the key for me.

    The second time (with my current wife) was different, but equally as sweet. Your heart toughens a bit too. I saw my first love this weekend at her daughters Graduation Open house. It's weird seeing her and my wife talk. Like they belong in different times and I've somehow cheated the S/T continum.
     
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  8. Tamagochi

    Tamagochi Sushi Destroyer
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    It is possible and it can be even better then the first one. Only I think it gets harder each time to entrust your heart to another. It feels like moving on.
     
  9. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    What I'm curious about is can you love more than one person at once and love them the same? For me at least no I can't.
     
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  10. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    This.

    It always feels that you're betraying one, or both - and always one more than the other.
     
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  11. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Sorry i don't agree with your thought. Please try to explore past or history of love. You can find only 2 love at a time. Only those can do who has developed higher understanding about love. In this love three people can live happily and can understand each other. You need pure thought and hearts. Need stronger bond.

    I told this because i found such things when i explored history. max limit is 2 and need both of their permission.
     
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  12. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    I agree
     
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  13. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    I once was told that in your lifetime, you only get two great loves.

    This is bullshit.

    Most people don't truly love another person they are simply so infatuated with the idea of being in love they are capable of talking themselves into loving someone. They desire the emotional care and support and stability that "love" is thought to bring ergo they manipulate their will-power to convince them of the love in order to satiate their denied needs.
     
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  14. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I'm not sure how true this is. But to some degree I think its true. We are all so unwilling to be alone that people just say ya I love this person. When they often just think they do. I see this a lot with people who can't be single. Its sad people just go throw all this hardship for people they don't love.
     
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  15. Holden On

    Holden On Community Member

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    More than one at once... hmm, for me, no it would not be possible. In modern, mainstream western society, I believe it would be very different, because romantic love is socially constructed as being between two people.

    However, I can imagine a scenario where it would be possible to love more than one person in a romantic way at once, such as in a culture were group marriage is the norm. The kind of love may be different between different members of the relationship - for example, in polygamous Mormon culture, I don't believe it was/is believed that the wives should experience sexual attraction to each other like they do to the husband, but they love each other in more of a sisterly way. So maybe that's not really romantic love, I don't know. But if there were a culture (and perhaps there is, but I'm not aware of a specific one) where group marriage is the norm and presupposes romantic/sexual attraction between all parties involved, I think it would be possible to experience such love.

    Perhaps even in modern, western culture, a group of very open-minded individuals might be able to experience group romantic love as well. But I would think it would have to be mutual for all involved. If we're talking just your average, everyday American (or whoever) and wondering whether it is possible for him or her to experience romantic love for two different people at once - not in a group relationship but say, dating two different people at once - then no, I don't really think that is possible, due mainly to our social construction of romantic love.
     
  16. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    Codependent people thoroughly disgust me. I hate that I am so surrounded by them.
    The only person you can depend upon is yourself, and even that's shaky at best.
     
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  17. Holden On

    Holden On Community Member

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    Yes; however, being in a relationship/in love doesn't necessarily imply codependency.
     
  18. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    No, it does not necessarily denote this. However the vast majority of people I do interact with happen to struggle with issues of codependency. It is not just because they happen to be in a relationship that I feel this way. It is in fact, because they are codependent. Not because they are in love.
     
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  19. Phoenix Down

    Phoenix Down Permanent Fixture

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    :m171:I love ALL of you (platonicly)
     
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  20. Zero Angel

    Zero Angel Permanent Fixture

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    How about physically?
     
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