Saying "I love you"

[Mogura]

For some people, saying "I love you" comes easy. For some, saying "I love you" comes with great difficulty. Still for some, saying "I love you" comes too easy (or sleazy). And for some, saying "I love you" is just too cheesy,
or never comes at all.

How would you describe your ability to say "I love you" to: 1) Family members, 2) Friends, 3) SOs, in the beginning of a relationship, 4) SOs, after the relationship has matured, 5) People you don't truly love? (this may seem like a weird one, but there are people out there that throw "I love you" around a little more than they should IMHO)?

Finally, how would saying "I love you" compare in terms of feeling cognitive functions (Fe vs Fi)?

Thanks. Looking forward to reading everyone's honest replies.

Love, Mogura

 

[Gaze]

"I love you" to:

1) Family members, - sometimes, but not our thing. Actions speak louder than words.

2) Friends, - never

3) SOs, in the beginning of a relationship, - not really

4) SOs, after the relationship has matured, - probably? Even if I feel it, I'm not sure I want to say it out loud. My SO expresses his feelings more than I do.

5) People you don't truly love? - never (I'd just give a compliment instead)


Finally, how would saying "I love you" compare in terms of feeling cognitive functions (Fe vs Fi)?

With family, it's Fe - I say it for my mom.

With SO, it's Fi - I would say it because I feel it's the right time and way to express how I feel

 

[Bird]

I don't really tell other people I love them.
It makes me very uncomfortable.

I tell my mother I love her out of guilt.

Family members: Familial expectation
Friends: Societal pressure
SOs: get out of here
People I don't love: you can leave too.

 

[invisible]

i try to never say it. i think it's practically nonsense.

 

[Free Mind]

I somewhat agree with invisible and bird on this one. I find it really uncomfortable saying 'I love you' sometimes. :L I have other ways of expressing 'love' for someone. Saying it is just awkward...

 

[roxtehproxy]

Quite difficult for me. I have to now the person really well, as to them. I won't show you anything otherwise.

 

[Carola]

i try to never say it. i think it's practically nonsense
.

Why is it nonsense?
I think that i have to express love with my actions, words sometimes are misleading , and then i find difficult to say it, anyway.
Anyway i know that i should say it sometimes because people need to hear it .

 

[invisible]

Why is it nonsense?
I think that i have to express love with my actions, words sometimes are misleading , and then i find difficult to say it, anyway.
Anyway i know that i should say it sometimes because people need to hear it .

it doesn't seem to mean anything at all. people who say it don't seem to have any fixed idea of what they mean by it. they throw it around apparently for the sake of social convention or as a sort of ritual of intimacy and they seem to forget about it as soon as it's convenient for them to do so. i have found without exception that people who have said it to me have subsequently behaved in ways contrary to the cultural significance that is given to those words. in this way it's almost the same thing as saying "goodbye". it also seems to mean something slightly different every time. like a nonsense word, you have to discover what it's supposed to mean again every single time just from the context. the emotional content attached to the production of this statement in interaction seems to be so changeable as to be void. it seems nonsensical because it identifies a concept that almost never seems to match with reality. what it pretends to mean is something very different from the actual chaos that prompts it, at least in every day usage.

i think it means something sometimes... but usually, for the most part, practically nonsense.

 

[Carola]

it doesn't seem to mean anything at all. people who say it don't seem to have any fixed idea of what they mean by it. they throw it around apparently for the sake of social convention or as a sort of ritual of intimacy and they seem to forget about it as soon as it's convenient for them to do so. i have found without exception that people who have said it to me have subsequently behaved in ways contrary to the cultural significance that is given to those words. in this way it's almost the same thing as saying "goodbye". it also seems to mean something slightly different every time. like a nonsense word, you have to discover what it's supposed to mean again every single time just from the context. the emotional content attached to the production of this statement in interaction seems to be so changeable as to be void. it seems nonsensical because it identifies a concept that almost never seems to match with reality. what it pretends to mean is something very different from the actual chaos that prompts it, at least in every day usage.

i think it means something sometimes... but usually, for the most part, practically nonsense.

Yes i understand what you mean . For the same reason i don't like when people geet each other with kisses.
Kiss is a serious thing , to me, full of meaning ,that i give with great difficulties and only when i deeply love the person

 

[mochi]

How would you describe your ability to say "I love you" to: 1) Family members,

Very casual like, often done in a humorous or exaggerated way.

2) Friends

It's hard for me to ever tell my friends something like that, it's so serious... The few times I did something like that they needed to be cheered up, or if they said something like that to me, likewise.

3) SOs, in the beginning of a relationship
4) SOs, after the relationship has matured

I don't have enough experience to know for sure. But I think I wait until the other person says it first. And if I mean it, I say it back. The time frame depends on the other person.

5) People you don't truly love? (this may seem like a weird one, but there are people out there that throw "I love you" around a little more than they should IMHO)?

Nope. But I could see how it could happen.

 

[Arsal]

1) Family members: Over my dead body.
2) Friends: Not the exact phrase, but maybe some form of affection. (The word "love" is out of the question.)
3) SOs, in the beginning of a relationship: Probably once, if it's required.
4) SOs, after the relationship has matured: Probably never.
5) People you don't truly love: Hah, okay, I might say it jokingly. It wouldn't bother me at all.

 

[Stella]

1) Family members: Very close ones, yes
2) Friends: No
3) SOs, in the beginning of a relationship: Probably not
4) SOs, after the relationship has matured: Probably, but it'd be hard and quite a while after
5) People you don't truly love: No, maybe sarcastically but not for real

I was actually just telling someone that I hated how "I love you" is thrown around so much these days, making its value seem a little less in my opinion. But, because I use it sparingly, it means something to me.

 

[Billy]

I hate saying it, it makes me feel weird.... SO WEIRD!

 

[Cecilff2]

I don't think I've said it ever. Least not that I can remember... It's generally understood.

 

[melatonin]

it doesn't seem to mean anything at all. people who say it don't seem to have any fixed idea of what they mean by it. they throw it around apparently for the sake of social convention or as a sort of ritual of intimacy and they seem to forget about it as soon as it's convenient for them to do so. i have found without exception that people who have said it to me have subsequently behaved in ways contrary to the cultural significance that is given to those words. in this way it's almost the same thing as saying "goodbye". it also seems to mean something slightly different every time. like a nonsense word, you have to discover what it's supposed to mean again every single time just from the context. the emotional content attached to the production of this statement in interaction seems to be so changeable as to be void. it seems nonsensical because it identifies a concept that almost never seems to match with reality. what it pretends to mean is something very different from the actual chaos that prompts it, at least in every day usage.

i think it means something sometimes... but usually, for the most part, practically nonsense.

I wholeheartedly agree. Especially in today's day and age it's almost sickening to hear the amount of 'I love you's floating around when, for the most part, none of them are the Truth. Often times, it's said without a thought, to express light non-committal affection, to appease rather than reciprocate. And at that point the meaning it's supposed to have is lost and a new definition is made out of sheer overuse and insincerity. I personally don't say I love you much because I feel that it demeans a relationship I'm in, as if saying it would just fuel the idealistic social construct that's been created around those three words. I prefer finding other ways to express my love for someone that I truly do love rather than using a superflous phrase.

At the same time, I still have hope for 'I love you's true meaning, and I feel as if it can still be retained on a personal level. It's integrity can be preserved through careful delineation to the right people at the right times.

Meh, there goes my INFJ mind again

 

[Nixie]

Family--yes
Friends--not unless it seems there is a demonstrated need for the other person to hear such affirmation. In general silliness, I will tease around and say things like wuv or lurv but those are meant as general statements of affection for that person.
SO at beginning--hell no, wouldn't want them to get too attached
SO after awhile--depends if I love them or not. I will/have left individuals whom I believed had a greater attachment to me than I did to them
People I don't love--not at all.

 

[Gaze]

I agree with the comments about the overuse of the word. I am afraid to say it because it has so many sentimental or idealistic notions attached to it, and has connotations which I don't agree with or feel comfortable expressing. I'd rather use actions than words to express how I feel. I feel a bit awkward expressing personal feelings through statements as if saying "I love you" makes it a fact. You can love someone but not experience the stereotypical feelings which are associated with it. But the word has definitely lost some of its specialness because it's used to express positive feelings about everything. I think the idea or true meaning behind it is still relevant and meaningful but the overuse has glossed over it. sad really.

 

[TigersGoRAWR]

1) Family members - Only to mum occasionally. It depends really.
2) Friends - Again, occasionally to my best friend. But I find it very uncomfortable saying it to them.
3) SOs, in the beginning of a relationship - No, I wouldn't xP
4) SOs, after the relationship has matured - If I love them, yes.
5) People you don't truly love? - Definitely not xD

I'm not one who flings it about just because I can. If I really do love them, then I will say it and mean it.
I dont really feel comfortable saying it to Mum or my best friend, with my SO I feel fine.
I dunno... it's always been that way xD

 

[Carola]

Why so many INFJ are not confortable with expressing feelings ? Is it for the emotional ''power'' that this things have , for the Fe that make this situationan difficult to handle(too mich intense)? Could it be?If not...Why?
To me the reason , i guess, is that ( too strong emotional atmosphere )

 

[Haven]

Why so many INFJ are not confortable with expressing feelings ? Is it for the emotional ''power'' that this things have , for the Fe that make this situationan difficult to handle(too mich intense)? Could it be?If not...Why?
To me the reason , i guess, is that ( too strong emotional atmosphere )

I honestly believe, I could break someone with my emotions, which is why i'm selective about who I express my real feelings to.