Relationship advise from an Exovert | INFJ Forum

Relationship advise from an Exovert

B

Bt4fl

Community Member
Jun 13, 2009
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Now I won't lie, I've had my share of ups and downs in relationships, but all and all I believe I've been very sucessful.

I've learned alot over the past few years about budding relationships, and I have help a number of my friends to find long lasting ones (though I can never help myself *sigh*)

I think becasue of the fact that I am ALO more extroverted then most of the people on this forum that I might be able to add a diffrent perspective for you to concider.

So if anyone has anything they want to ask me about relationships, how to find a good one, ways to flirt and bag a guy/girl, how to keep them going, how to break up from a bad one, how to turn a bad one good, or anything else like that, feel free to post away.

I'll also answer any questions about my own relationships if you so desire.

This is me wanting to help out and offer new views on diffrent subjects. Don't be afraid to ask anything!
 
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yeeah..nice

how do you get a good one?
I seem to always like people but never get attached to them for a number of reasons most of the time being they not liking me back :/
 
Grey Wolf said:
yeeah..nice

how do you get a good one?
I seem to always like people but never get attached to them for a number of reasons most of the time being they not liking me back :/
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Wow, a nice tough one right from the start!

First off, in order to find the right person you need to be compleatly honest with yourself about what you truly desire in a relationship. You have to remember that relationships are give and take, and both people want something out of the relationship that betters themselves. It's not a bad thing by any means, it's just human nature to look for what is best for yourself.

When it comes down to it, there is no such thing as a "perfect" person. all humans are flawed in their own way, there has to be compramise so that you can fine the traits that the MOST important to you, and you have to be able to look over the minor flaws in a person that you wouldn't otherwise like.

There is, however, a perfect relationship, being able to co-exist with one another in a way that is mutraly good for both of you. The perfect relationship will have diffrent aspects of it that you disire most, be it lots of sex, or being able to trust each other when away, no problems spliting up diffrent roles in the relationship between each other, a general feeling of calm when the two of you are together.

The perfect relationship will have arguments or fights, it's how you deal with them that makes or breaks the relationship. It is healthy to get out frustrations about the relationship or your partner, as long as it can be done in a controled way that both can move away from with no hard feelings.

Now, on to finding the perfect relationship!

With everything in mind with how you want your relationship to go, and the traits that are the most important to you in a partner, you can set off to find what you disire. Here are a few general things you want to do:

  • Allways be willing to try with someone that seems close to what you desire, it might not seem perfect at first, but that doesn't mean it can't change into it.
  • Spread your net wide and far. Do not be afraid to go look in areas that you wouldn't normaly think your perfect mate would be in, you might be surprised by what you find.
  • Don't look too hard! Attraction is natural, you can screw up the natural process by putting in too much effort and not listening to what your mind, body, and genitals tell you. (yes, they play a big part too!)
  • Relize that while someone might be perfect for you, you might not be perfect for them. Think hard on what about yourself you are willing to change for this person if you really want to be with them, but never compramise your true self.
  • DATE AROUND! It's a VERY GOOD thing to actualy have some expireance in a relationship. Your perfect mate might allready have had many diffrent relationships before you and maybe be expecting someone with expirance. Dating around will also boost your confindance, and help you understand what you both like and dislike in both your partner and yourself.
  • And allways, ALLWAYS, go with the flow. Try to feel which way energies are moving and don't work agenst them, especialy the natural ones your body gives off. It is a innate skill to find a mate, listen to your instincs.
If you can keep all this in mind and actualy put yourself out there, you may find a great relationship, you may not. Try, try again is the name of the game here, and think of every failed attempt as something you can learn from instead of as a dead-end.

I hope this helps you. If there are any points you want me to be more specific on, let me know. :)
 
Ortorin said:
Wow, a nice tough one right from the start!

First off, in order to find the right person you need to be compleatly honest with yourself about what you truly desire in a relationship. You have to remember that relationships are give and take, and both people want something out of the relationship that betters themselves. It's not a bad thing by any means, it's just human nature to look for what is best for yourself.

When it comes down to it, there is no such thing as a "perfect" person. all humans are flawed in their own way, there has to be compramise so that you can fine the traits that the MOST important to you, and you have to be able to look over the minor flaws in a person that you wouldn't otherwise like.

There is, however, a perfect relationship, being able to co-exist with one another in a way that is mutraly good for both of you. The perfect relationship will have diffrent aspects of it that you disire most, be it lots of sex, or being able to trust each other when away, no problems spliting up diffrent roles in the relationship between each other, a general feeling of calm when the two of you are together.

The perfect relationship will have arguments or fights, it's how you deal with them that makes or breaks the relationship. It is healthy to get out frustrations about the relationship or your partner, as long as it can be done in a controled way that both can move away from with no hard feelings.

Now, on to finding the perfect relationship!

With everything in mind with how you want your relationship to go, and the traits that are the most important to you in a partner, you can set off to find what you disire. Here are a few general things you want to do:

  • Allways be willing to try with someone that seems close to what you desire, it might not seem perfect at first, but that doesn't mean it can't change into it.
  • Spread your net wide and far. Do not be afraid to go look in areas that you wouldn't normaly think your perfect mate would be in, you might be surprised by what you find.
  • Don't look too hard! Attraction is natural, you can screw up the natural process by putting in too much effort and not listening to what your mind, body, and genitals tell you. (yes, they play a big part too!)
  • Relize that while someone might be perfect for you, you might not be perfect for them. Think hard on what about yourself you are willing to change for this person if you really want to be with them, but never compramise your true self.
  • DATE AROUND! It's a VERY GOOD thing to actualy have some expireance in a relationship. Your perfect mate might allready have had many diffrent relationships before you and maybe be expecting someone with expirance. Dating around will also boost your confindance, and help you understand what you both like and dislike in both your partner and yourself.
  • And allways, ALLWAYS, go with the flow. Try to feel which way energies are moving and don't work agenst them, especialy the natural ones your body gives off. It is a innate skill to find a mate, listen to your instincs.
If you can keep all this in mind and actualy put yourself out there, you may find a great relationship, you may not. Try, try again is the name of the game here, and think of every failed attempt as something you can learn from instead of as a dead-end.

I hope this helps you. If there are any points you want me to be more specific on, let me know. :)
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wow..that was detailed.
must have taken you quite some time.
thanks!
 
I'll try.

I haven't dated anyone before (by choice) and I'm going to be at a point where I would like to, as I go off to a university in the fall. I'm comfortable around women, at least as much as I am around anyone, but I don't understand how to act differently than I would with someone who I wanted to be friends with. Mainly I would like to find someone who makes me feel comfortable and who I feel like I have a connection with.
 
Koba said:
I'll try.

I haven't dated anyone before (by choice) and I'm going to be at a point where I would like to, as I go off to a university in the fall. I'm comfortable around women, at least as much as I am around anyone, but I don't understand how to act differently than I would with someone who I wanted to be friends with. Mainly I would like to find someone who makes me feel comfortable and who I feel like I have a connection with.
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As I said before, follow your instinics.

Human beings are really just animals that think too much. There is an AMAZING wealth of un-used natural reations to all sorts of situations that if you just listened to them, you'd be listening to millions of years of evolution tell you what it's expreanced.

Feeling an attraction for someone is easy, but telling if they are attracted to you is hard.

Ways to tell is someone is attracted to you, to the bulliten points!!!!
  • They start making physical contact with you more, even though the situation doesn't normaly call for it.
  • They laugh at even some of your worst jokes in the world.
  • After laughing, if they continue to look you in the eye with a smile on their face, even if you go onto a compleatly boring/unfunny conversation. (watch for subtle eye movements here, they may start watching your mouth as you speak... BIG SIGN!)
  • A tendancy to move closer to you in a situation that doesn't need it.
  • Blushing, adverting their gaze with a smile when you say something "dirty", biting their lip or playing with their hair, lips becoming redder.
  • They may do alot of soft sighs or moans for comunicating instead of saying "yes" or "no" like normal
  • If you see other signs AND you start feeling yourself becoming turned on when there isn't any directly sexual things happening, there maybe be pheromones in the air!
OMG is this last one a big hint. If like I said, nothing sexual is actualy happening when you start getting a turned on feeling, the pheromones are probaly racing! You can't smell them that well directly (though you kind've can over time with the same person) but your mind picks up on them and gets your body ready for the act. This is another of the natural reactions that you have to pay attention to to really be able to pick out these things.

I guess I'm gonna be posting a whole lot more about relationship stuff then I thought, but it's cool, keeps me busy! :)
 
OOOh this is fun.. ::Lays down on couch::

I don't need any advice. I've been mostly lucky in love but I do have a question. Why do I get off on bastards so much? Bastards make me feel all tingly. I usually settle down with men who aren't bastards but I keep getting distracted by bastards. Not all bastards, just the perverse clever funny ones. It sucks. What can I do to get bastards out of my system?
 
Bored Now said:
OOOh this is fun.. ::Lays down on couch::

I don't need any advice. I've been mostly lucky in love but I do have a question. Why do I get off on bastards so much? Bastards make me feel all tingly. I usually settle down with men who aren't bastards but I keep getting distracted by bastards. Not all bastards, just the perverse clever funny ones. It sucks. What can I do to get bastards out of my system?
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Honestly, the only way... date them!

There is allways this draw to things that seem scary or just to difficult to try for people. And when someone shows traits like these, we are drawn to them. Bad boys/girls are allways a big draw to people that are generaly nice because the nice people, even in just a small part, wonder or wish that they were like them.

Maybe these bastards are good for you, maybe they are bad. You will not know for certain untill you actualy try one out. You might get a little hurt in the process, but it is a learning expireance that will lay your doubts and questions to rest. It's kind've like when a kid trys to touch the stove when it's hot. You tell them no and they listen for a minute, but they will never fully understand untill they get burnt for themselves.

Go out there, get burnt a little, and get the "what if's" out of your head by actualy doing! You never know, you might learn something about yourself along the way that you never knew about!
 
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Just wanted to repost these here.

**How to score a date with a female**

The number one thing women respond to is humor, if you can make her laugh, you can get her to like you. Make sure she feels comfortable around you, allways be open to listen to her, yet at the same time, you need to be slightly assertive.

This is gonna sound weird, but it's true, most girls like bad boys. Why, oh why, I will never know, but, it is something you can use. Make jokes that only SLIGHTLY make fun of her and make her laugh at herself. It will boost you an amazing amount. If she says something jokingly mean to you, push her shoulder a little, nothing hurtful, but it's a actualy physical touch that is nessacary for any sort of relationship building. Plus the push is being playful, a very big thing when it comes to the physical attraction part.

I'm sure you allready know all her likes and dislikes, but allways get her talking about herself. Leave open ended questions that she could talk about and fill in with her own stuff. It is an amazing way to continue any converstation with anyone. When she says something that could be taken as a sexual innuendo, smile all goofy like and say something like, "My mind just went in the gutter when you said that!" and Laugh about it, and if she laughs too, your golden! She's totaly in to you at this point.

Take it slow, let the conversation move the feelings, not the other way around. Moving the conversation in the right way will get you to influance her feelings, do it the right way, and you will have HER asking YOU out. ;)

Oh, and before I forget, DO NOT BE NERVIOUS! I swear, women can smell fear.

Well, good luck to you mate!
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**Way to tell if the other person is serious about flirting with you**

The best thing to do when your unsure about if the other person like you that way is to try to joke around about being serious.

Play the "nervious" game. Put your hand on their knee and slowly move it up while saying "does this make you nervious" every few inches. It's VERY easy to tell how people feel when you do this.

1) They don't like you and pull away, you can play it off by saying something like "awwww! You got nervious!" (you can still get them to like you though if you can play it off right and see if they play back.)

2) They say that you can't make then nervious... at first stop before you start grabing anything, but on the second or third time you do it... go for the grab/grope! Watch their reaction, if they don't seem to like it, then play it off again as just a joke, if they DO like you, your in like flin!
Click to expand...
 
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Ortorin said:
Wow, a nice tough one right from the start!

First off, in order to find the right person you need to be compleatly honest with yourself about what you truly desire in a relationship. You have to remember that relationships are give and take, and both people want something out of the relationship that betters themselves. It's not a bad thing by any means, it's just human nature to look for what is best for yourself.

When it comes down to it, there is no such thing as a "perfect" person. all humans are flawed in their own way, there has to be compramise so that you can fine the traits that the MOST important to you, and you have to be able to look over the minor flaws in a person that you wouldn't otherwise like.

There is, however, a perfect relationship, being able to co-exist with one another in a way that is mutraly good for both of you. The perfect relationship will have diffrent aspects of it that you disire most, be it lots of sex, or being able to trust each other when away, no problems spliting up diffrent roles in the relationship between each other, a general feeling of calm when the two of you are together.

The perfect relationship will have arguments or fights, it's how you deal with them that makes or breaks the relationship. It is healthy to get out frustrations about the relationship or your partner, as long as it can be done in a controled way that both can move away from with no hard feelings.

Now, on to finding the perfect relationship!

With everything in mind with how you want your relationship to go, and the traits that are the most important to you in a partner, you can set off to find what you disire. Here are a few general things you want to do:

  • Allways be willing to try with someone that seems close to what you desire, it might not seem perfect at first, but that doesn't mean it can't change into it.
  • Spread your net wide and far. Do not be afraid to go look in areas that you wouldn't normaly think your perfect mate would be in, you might be surprised by what you find.
  • Don't look too hard! Attraction is natural, you can screw up the natural process by putting in too much effort and not listening to what your mind, body, and genitals tell you. (yes, they play a big part too!)
  • Relize that while someone might be perfect for you, you might not be perfect for them. Think hard on what about yourself you are willing to change for this person if you really want to be with them, but never compramise your true self.
  • DATE AROUND! It's a VERY GOOD thing to actualy have some expireance in a relationship. Your perfect mate might allready have had many diffrent relationships before you and maybe be expecting someone with expirance. Dating around will also boost your confindance, and help you understand what you both like and dislike in both your partner and yourself.
  • And allways, ALLWAYS, go with the flow. Try to feel which way energies are moving and don't work agenst them, especialy the natural ones your body gives off. It is a innate skill to find a mate, listen to your instincs.
If you can keep all this in mind and actualy put yourself out there, you may find a great relationship, you may not. Try, try again is the name of the game here, and think of every failed attempt as something you can learn from instead of as a dead-end.

I hope this helps you. If there are any points you want me to be more specific on, let me know. :)
Click to expand...


Ahhhhh bullets. How organized, how INTJ. *eye twitch*
Do more of this organized bullets.
 
Bored Now:

I'll bet you like bastards because you've got a messiah complex. But not too much of a messiah complex, because you settle down with the good guy. You're just flirting with your own messiah complex, mostly.
 
alt ctrl del said:
Bored Now:

I'll bet you like bastards because you've got a messiah complex. But not too much of a messiah complex, because you settle down with the good guy. You're just flirting with your own messiah complex, mostly.
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But I don't want to fix them. I like the bastard part, its amusing. I just want to torture them, make out with them and toss them aside when they get on my nerves. Only nice guys get my heart. I think I like bastards because they are disposable. That's messed up. Ha!
 
You I liken to a black widow or a preying mantis. Groovy.

My motivations for the bastards are not like that. In fact, I have a bit of a messiah complex. Which is quickly being cured.

I'm starting to like bastards less and less. I'm starting to realize I don't have the patience I used to for emotionally unavailable bastards. Which is a good thing.
 
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slant said:
Ahhhhh bullets. How organized, how INTJ. *eye twitch*
Do more of this organized bullets.
Click to expand...


It's just an easy way to get short points of info across that all go to the same idea.

Otherwise, my organzational skills suck!
 
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