Privacy | INFJ Forum

Privacy

Moxie

Moxie

Absent-Minded Professor
Oct 31, 2009
1,519
151
0
MBTI
INFJ
I wrote this in my blog today... what thoughts do you guys have on privacy and being a private person?

Being a Private Person

Privacy is an interesting topic to me, because I consider private information different than what other people do. Anything someone could find in a record somewhere (divorce records, etc), I don't think of as private. Important things that people tell me, on the other hand, are absolutely private, and I won't share them. That trust is sacred to me.

Maybe it's because of all the therapy I had. Losing my parents at a young age, and growing up in foster care, I went through a LOT of therapy for trauma. Every time I moved to a new home I got therapy. Every time I sneezed I think I got therapy. Every therapist or social worker I would see, in their initial interview with me, would say, "Ok, now tell me your life story."

I could belt that thing out in 3 minutes flat (still could probably-but, unlike my listeners, I find it really BORING). I think it was my 27th therapist or social worker who said, "That's a terrible and extremely sad story! Don't you find it odd that you tell your life story without any emotion?

Ummm, no I didn't. I had told it so often to so many people that it was rehearsed. As a kid, I already knew they had my story in my foster care records. I had been prodded from every angle for every part of the 'story.' Talking about the traumas I went through had become nothing to me. Even still, to this day, every once in a while I will shock someone by saying something that happened in my past so offhandedly. The weird thing to me, is that it is off-hand to me. It's old news, I've moved on. My 'story' isn't me.

It was never about who I was, it was about what happened to me.

The 'stories' I may tell about myself in my blog are similar. People think I'm really open, but I know I'm not. Rarely will I talk about my intrinsic or intimate feelings. I don't talk about drama in my life, or what's stressing me - because... that's personal. I don't talk about my religious or spiritual beliefs or my sensitivity, and I definitely do not talk about things that I share with my boyfriend, or the stuff that my friends and I talk about to each other. These are things I share with my good friends if at all.

But I know I'm totally weird with privacy, because other people don't talk about things that I will, while other people will absolutely talk about things that I would never share. I think this is all a matter of how we grew up - an environmental factor.



Anyway, I am totally one of those people that seem to share too much, while I feel like I share stuff that's not that important to the 'me' I am. This is weird, huh?
 
Moxie said:
I wrote this in my blog today... what thoughts do you guys have on privacy and being a private person?

Being a Private Person

Privacy is an interesting topic to me, because I consider private information different than what other people do. Anything someone could find in a record somewhere (divorce records, etc), I don't think of as private. Important things that people tell me, on the other hand, are absolutely private, and I won't share them. That trust is sacred to me.

Maybe it's because of all the therapy I had. Losing my parents at a young age, and growing up in foster care, I went through a LOT of therapy for trauma. Every time I moved to a new home I got therapy. Every time I sneezed I think I got therapy. Every therapist or social worker I would see, in their initial interview with me, would say, "Ok, now tell me your life story."

I could belt that thing out in 3 minutes flat (still could probably-but, unlike my listeners, I find it really BORING). I think it was my 27th therapist or social worker who said, "That's a terrible and extremely sad story! Don't you find it odd that you tell your life story without any emotion?

Ummm, no I didn't. I had told it so often to so many people that it was rehearsed. As a kid, I already knew they had my story in my foster care records. I had been prodded from every angle for every part of the 'story.' Talking about the traumas I went through had become nothing to me. Even still, to this day, every once in a while I will shock someone by saying something that happened in my past so offhandedly. The weird thing to me, is that it is off-hand to me. It's old news, I've moved on. My 'story' isn't me.

It was never about who I was, it was about what happened to me.

The 'stories' I may tell about myself in my blog are similar. People think I'm really open, but I know I'm not. Rarely will I talk about my intrinsic or intimate feelings. I don't talk about drama in my life, or what's stressing me - because... that's personal. I don't talk about my religious or spiritual beliefs or my sensitivity, and I definitely do not talk about things that I share with my boyfriend, or the stuff that my friends and I talk about to each other. These are things I share with my good friends if at all.

But I know I'm totally weird with privacy, because other people don't talk about things that I will, while other people will absolutely talk about things that I would never share. I think this is all a matter of how we grew up - an environmental factor.



Anyway, I am totally one of those people that seem to share too much, while I feel like I share stuff that's not that important to the 'me' I am. This is weird, huh?
Click to expand...

I can actually relate quite a bit to this. I have had very little therapy in my life besides in my teens when I got kicked out of high school. My sense of privacy is very similar to yours. I am not horribly private about my sense of religion or spirituality, probably because I still seek to learn about it from others, but I am VERY private about my job, my intimate emotions, etc. I don't like to discuss my relationship with others unless I sense there is something seriously wrong.

Sometimes I can say off the wall stuff that doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but shocks others. I tend to be quiet because of this.
 
Thanks NAI and Solar Empath.

NAI, We've just met and I already feel like you're a friend. :) I appreciate your viewpoints on privacy, and understand where you're coming from. I totally understand how you feel about your relationships especially!

I guess I just feel like a freak sometimes, because of how people react sometimes.

And being quiet rocks. :p

And Solar Empath, I'm also totally with you on the personal weaknesses thing. Why give this world of predators something like that????????? That's ammunition!!!! LOL.
 
Last edited:
Moxie said:
Thanks NAI and Solar Empath.

NAI, We've just met and I already feel like you're a friend. :) I appreciate your viewpoints on privacy, and understand where you're coming from. I totally understand how you feel about your relationships especially!

I guess I just feel like a freak sometimes, because of how people react sometimes.

And being quiet rocks. :p

And Solar Empath, I'm also totally with you on the personal weaknesses thing. Why give this world of predators something like that????????? That's ammunition!!!! LOL.
Click to expand...


SWEET!!! BFFs??? Can I borrow $5???
 
Hahahahhahahahahahaahhahahahhahahahahahhahaha!

Sure....................................................................




after I pay off the mobsters.



Umm, maybe.
 
Moxie said:
Hahahahhahahahahahaahhahahahhahahahahahhahaha!

Sure....................................................................




after I pay off the mobsters.



Umm, maybe.
Click to expand...

OMG you have mobsters?? Can I take pics????

Shit, another thread derailed... Sorry!
 
I very much identify with what you're saying Moxie, I can be apparently very open but only typically about superficial stuff. People can know me for years and not know about me.
I had an incident many years ago when I was engaged to a guy who knew me intimately psychologically, but I hadn't told him much of my childhood and other things I liked to do by myself that he ended up feeling like he didn't know me.
 
I think it's a tricky thing. What one person considers private, others consider public. I notice that things which someone else may consider private such as feelings i would consider public. There are things i don't think i should have to hide but i do, because it is not appropriate to discuss it publicly. It makes others feel uncomfortable but it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable to speak about it. But yet, there are things which others think are public, which i think are private, such as information about relationships or sex. But that's just me. So, i guess it depends on who you are.
 
Last edited:
I always err on the side of treating things I hear/am told as private.
 
maybe it is because of your therapy that you can be very open about stuff that other people are used to hide. I have a real problem with telling people about my past, it is like they don't have any affaire with it, it is in the past, leave it there or because I don't want any of the people involved in my past to find out through gossip what I have told about them. And I have learned to hide a lot: "nobody should know about this". While you had to tell your story over and over again. And maybe because of the therapy you had so little privacy left that you hide your intimate feelings more carefully? (I'm just guessing here!)

I have a friend who feels a lot like you do. She talks a lot, tells a lot about herself but somehow, somewhere I sense that what she tells me are just stories. Although its all true what she says, there is something fake about it. Like it is not the full story, something is missing, she is not showing here real self. So it may seem like she is revealing a lot, actually it is a coverup. Does that make any sense to you?
 
Morgan said:
I have a friend who feels a lot like you do. She talks a lot, tells a lot about herself but somehow, somewhere I sense that what she tells me are just stories. Although its all true what she says, there is something fake about it. Like it is not the full story, something is missing, she is not showing here real self. So it may seem like she is revealing a lot, actually it is a coverup. Does that make any sense to you?
Click to expand...
Makes sense to me. That's exactly how I am. There are certain things in my past I refuse to share, but many of the most painful ones are right out there.

But I won't actually talk about what I thought and how that made me feel during those times.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back