Another thread kind of triggered this one. I think I've stopped introducing people into my life for so long, that I've very nearly lost the ability to cultivate relationships, or even make a lasting connection. It's depressing, I want to, but it's like I don't belong anywhere. One of the reasons I joined this forum was to try to make some sort of connection, just anything, even if it's just baby steps to help me progress in my everyday life. I thought for sure this would jump start something in me because I'd be talking to people similar to myself... And now, as I sit here and think about it, it seems worse than it did before. If I can't open up to people like me, how the hell am I going to do it with others? Even in the comfort of my own home, hidden away from pressure and expectation, knowing that it is likely I will never meet any of you, 300 posts and almost 6 months later, I still can't connect. There are people here I like in general that energize me and I have things in common with, but still I can't bring myself to really open up, not even send out a "friend request". I don't think I know how to be a friend anymore. Even, in my everyday life, I will get invitations to social gatherings and I always turn them down...even if I really do want to go. And those who wanted my company eventually just give up. I don't know if it's a vulnerability issue for me or something else. For the first time in a long time, my heart feels heavy and alone. I just want to say "Eff it" and become a hermit permanently. Words aren't enough anymore, a primal scream feels like a better form of communication.