People taking you for granted | INFJ Forum

People taking you for granted

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Siamese cat, Oct 30, 2010.

Share This Page

More threads by Siamese cat
  1. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2010
    Threads:
    33
    Messages:
    2,043
    Likes Received:
    501
    Trophy Points:
    672
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    5w4
    Does this ever happen to you?

    I'm really reliable and people know that they can count on me. But sometimes I have a feeling that people take me for granted, people close to me who should be aware that though I usually don't make a big fuss at first, I will feel hurt by their actions.

    The one of the minor examples of this is a situation with a friend that as of recently started getting late for our meetings. And she knows that I hate when people are late. I have a feeling that she is taking me for granted even though I told more than once that I really dislike her being late. She always apologise, and then she is late the next time.

    Being late, pushing appointments often, cancelling meetings, I could go on and on, all of those things are something that I consider rude and like I'm being taken for granted because of my benevolent nature.

    Do you ever feel like this and what are the things people do that make you feel this way?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. Odyne

    Odyne ===========
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2009
    Threads:
    156
    Messages:
    6,090
    Featured Threads:
    7
    Likes Received:
    6,836
    Trophy Points:
    887
    MBTI:
    Enneagram:
    So far in my life, there was one person who I thought was taking me for granted, and he recently admitted he did. Not to get into detail, let's just say, I've always been there for him, where he was there for me when he felt like it.

    Just like you, I do consider myself reliable and dependable. If I gave my word, I'll keep it. Not because I want people to find me dependable, but it's just against my values (as I imagine it's the same for you) to break a promise.

    For me, it's as simple as being there when I need you (and I am really not a needy person), and for some reason that proves to be difficult for many of the people I know minus a few trusted ones.

    If there's one thing I know about when it comes to dealing with people like that, is give them a taste of their own medicine. I stopped talking to my friend for 6 months and refused to connect with him after 2-3 years of bad treatment on his part. It's only then he realized what he had lost.

    However, as much as it sucks to be taken for granted, I always give a second chance when I meet new people in the hopes of finding someone trustworthy.

    I hope one day your friend realizes what she's doing. =)
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Siamese cat likes this.
  3. Matariki

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Threads:
    106
    Messages:
    3,491
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    498
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    N/A
    Enneagram:
    N/A
    Yep, people take me for granted all the time. It makes me very frustrated because It tells me that I am not valued as an individual. It usually happens when I become another person. I'm 'just there'. No acknowledgment, that is until I leave. It peeves me off.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Blind Bandit likes this.
  4. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2009
    Threads:
    8
    Messages:
    2,145
    Likes Received:
    308
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Yes, I have had this happen to me. I am very tolerant and certain people had forgotten their own manners and that there were limits as to how far such things could go. In the end, they never did get it and I moved on. I make no apologies for being tolerant but, by my own hard-wiring, I can never take people for granted.
     
  5. Nevermore

    Nevermore Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2010
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    None
    All of the above. I simply stop hanging out with that person. Or if they've really pissed me off I will make an appointment with them and then find something else to do at the appropriate time without bothering to let them know. Of course all of that relies on me not caring if I ever hear from them again. The bottom line for me is that I hate feeling negative about a person, so if I stop exposing myself to that, problem fixed.
     
  6. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Threads:
    77
    Messages:
    1,112
    Likes Received:
    109
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Always.

    Usually, I don't really mind at first and then it all piles up. I remember all the minor things they do that hurt me then I start to conclude that they always take me for granted :(

    I'm kinda used to it though I don't want to.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. Diana

    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2010
    Threads:
    29
    Messages:
    1,403
    Likes Received:
    398
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ....
    Enneagram:
    ...
    Yes, I know how this feels. I have ended friendships because of it happening one to many times. People don't understand that when I do something for another person I put my whole heart into it. If they take that for granted, repeatedly, it crushes me.
     
  8. Prometheus

    Prometheus Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2010
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    I don't like to ask for return favors and I don't even like to be paid back. Ever. I honestly feel like it cheapens my actions, though I will rush to repay any favor given to me. This is probably the greatest hypocrisy of my nature and I know it drives some people insane. My bestfriend and I share this mentality and that caused us to clash a lot when our friendship started, but we eventually just started a system of "out of sight out of mind." If we're watching a movie, for example, and tickets have magically appeared in one of our pockets, that's all that happened; it's there, no money is assumed to have been exchanged. While this system has worked for the last few years, it also means we now rush to be the first person there, much to the amusement of our circle of friends.

    However, if the time comes that I need the help of someone to whom I've dedicated countless deeds, and they are not willing to make some kind of effort? Total black out. When I started my Master's program, a one year accelerated program, I knew I was going to need a support system (and fuck yes, I did), so I went out to find out who my friends really were. For most of them, this was the first thing I ever asked of them, and requests were as simple as "Answer these interview questions over the phone to help with a homework assignment" or "Catch up over lunch." If they couldn't do me that little bit of friendship, I decided they weren't worth it, not because they owed me, but because each one of them knew damn well that I'd drop my entire life to do it for them. Among these people was the first girl I'd ever had true affections for, whom I'd counseled through her parent's divorce, three suicidal episodes, her brother's fullbody-cast car accident, three horrific relationships, and numerous other emotional breakdowns, often going without sleep for days to do so. Meanwhile, my friend AJ, who is the world's largest womanizer and deliberately exists with the moral compass of Darth Vader, attorney at law, actually left his date-in-progress to help me with a homework problem. Disproportionate much?

    In the end, regardless of how overwhelmingly painful it was, I just started cutting people out. I've never been happier because now I have far fewer people that I believe are just using me for whatever.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. MindYourHead

    MindYourHead Courage doesn't always roar.

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Threads:
    21
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    291
    Trophy Points:
    230
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Where I work, I am in a department with one other woman who can be very hard to cope with.
    She talks incessantly, is a messy slob, just all around a real pain in the ass.
    We all love her though like a sister don't get me wrong. It's just she has habits that drive all of us nuts.

    I was transfered up here when the location I worked at closed and have worked with her for 7 years now. Longer than anyone in the history of the company. Some call me a saint. Saint Dale.

    Over the years, I have approached the owner asking to be moved to another department when an opening occurs.
    I always get the response that I am invaluable to him and the company in the position I am now.
    "I need you up there".

    I often think I am being taken for granted and advantage of due to my having managed to cope with her unlike anyone else has in the past.
    But making the best of a situation and getting along with people is the way I am wired.


    I'm an on time kind of person too. I don't even really try to be on time, I just am. I guess it's just built into me.
    Some are just the opposite though and are always late. I've pointed out that if they can consistently show up 5 minutes late, they can consistently show up 5 minutes early.
    I have a friend that if I want him to be at my house at say 10:00 AM, I will tell him to be there at 9:30. At least then I can count on him by 10:15.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #9 MindYourHead, Nov 4, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2010
Loading...

Share This Page