Overdefensiveness, lack of discernment, and regret

Believe it or not, I don't get over defensive, but I do feel extremely uncomfortable when people try to cross into my comfort zone, both physically and emotionally. Eventually however I got over it and even learned to enjoy it a little, I have an idea why you feel this way, why it's so uncomfortable, but I can't seem to put it into words just yet.

 

Hey sexy, How about you and me go catch a show together? I'll bring along some Parasaio, and a nice picnic dinner. I've got a great blanket and some pillows that we can lay out on while we wait for the sun to rise

 

I can be quite mean if a guy I am not interested keeps pushing me. I am normally nice until they keep persisting, then I can be quite mean. I did tell off a drunk guy once and my friend had to pull me away.

 

That's exactly what I was seeing in my head Stone


I wrote a long response then saw this bit;

Yes, one idea: Don't!!! Seriously, PLEASE trust your intuition. It tells you things even when you can't fully understand or verbalise.

Tis better to misjudge someone and treat them with harshness then ignore your intuition and end up in an unsafe situation. Hurt feelings can be recovered from. Please read this link titled Women, "play nice" and the danger instinct. The thread talks about how women are subtly trained to ignore their instincts when it comes to being impolite to men, the results for some of the women who posted were horrible but they clearly show instinct must be trusted despite being told from a young age to be polite to men.

With that in mind, being over defensive is not a problem, let people earn your trust before you let them in if you would rather not feel like you are being mean. Maybe this is an overgeneralisation but if you're being particularly friendly and accepting of guys who would not normally get that kind of affirmation from women then your statement about not being able to be friends is accurate, keep this in mind and have your guard ready for when you need it.

Idea #2: Stay the HELL away from the janitors!

 

Why is Neil Flynn here anyways.?

 

invest in a cubic zirconium ring to wear? It'll stop you from being hit on, but people who legitimately are trying to be friendly won't bat an eye at it. Then if you happen to make good friends with someone else who's unmarried, you'll have a solid basis for a relationship on your own terms as well as theirs...

 

But then JD won't see you!





:bolt:

 

JD?

Damn good idea Frozen... I ought to buy myself a wedding band.

 

haha already thought about it, actually... doesn't quite work the same way.

Wedding ring on girl ---> husband will beat you up if you try to flirt with her. "Creepy old men stay away"
Wedding band on guy ---> air of forbidden adventure compounds attractiveness. "Immature young girls, catch me if you can."

...unless that was your hope...?

 

It can be tough going when you're a nice person and aren't afraid to show it. The way people misconstrue the meaning of nice just absolutely baffles me. So many times I've met people and it's like I already know what is going to happen in advance. They are going to notice that I'm 'nice' and they immediately won't trust it so they will begin their series of 'tests' to see if my niceness is genuine and by the time they decide they want to be my new BF I'm sick to death of them and am no longer interested! haha
Some people mistake niceness as some sort of sucker bait.
Some people mistake niceness for stupidity.
And oh it is so not just janitors (sorry to all the janitors out there btw!) who prey lecherously on a so-called nice person. I had one horrifying experience with the CEO of one company I worked for. And I can clearly remember battling with my intuition when he offered to walk me to my car which was in an empty parking lot on a cold and dark night. Was I going to turn down an escort? That would be ridiculous! He's a CEO! I figured my intuition was just plain whacko and dismissed it. Boy did I turn out to be wrong!
But that's the trouble with intuition sometimes. In order to do what it's telling you, you put yourself in a real spot that causes you to look nuts at times.

 

I do NOT believe there is any excuse for nastiness whatsoever!
whether it be a Janitor a Bin-man or some filthy rich successful businessman the mere fact that someone has admirable feelings towards you should be flattery of the up most and should be not only perceived as such but acknowledged in such a way,
that's what is know as having class, being able to take the world head on and still maintain that air of grace about you, i find putting out all the right (wrong in their case) signals is all that's needed, body language or actions sure do speak louder than words, did you actually even try, 'i'm very flattered but im not interested in seeing anybody right now or that's really sweet thank you, but i don't think my boyfriend would approve?'
i mean come on most men maybe led by their cocks but ego is something they profusely protect, simple english, is all that is needed, and

Sadly... then we come to what in my opinion is the worst part, of what i have read, which is to scoff at them,
and how this person has now lost his identity thus become labelled simply by his profession, to me almost makes me ashamed to either be an INFJ or of the fairer sex variety, (im still trying to work out which one), non-the-less it is all pretty disgusting to me, i'm sorry to have to be the 1 to break it to your but.. were all equal - deal with it!!

jeeeze!! i thought NF's had more depth than that...

 

Kyla, I wasn't talking about men who are simply asking you out on a date or even flirting. These guys trample all over your boundaries grabbing your hair and pressing their face into it (that one happened to me too) or pinning you to your car - abnormal behaviour. What do they see in certain women that makes them think they are fair game?

 

Assault, abuse, rape...

There are genuine and serious reasons for being blunt or nasty.

Like Sumone said it's not about being rude to someone for no reason, it's about trusting your intuition when it says something about this person isn't right. Women are told to go against this intuition if it means being nasty to a man. Sometimes there are no consequence besides feeling uncomfortable, sometimes they end up in the paper the next day as victims.

"Gabrielle Union was 19 when she was raped at gunpoint while she was trying to close up the mall store she worked at - and now she just wishes she had run when her gut told her to. She says, "When the man who raped me came into the store, my heart said run, but I was raised to be polite and not make others uncomfortable. Women are constantly second-guessing our instincts but you know your body, and your body is telling you something is wrong... We are given instincts for a reason." source

Why should women be flattered if someone makes advances towards them if they are not interested or feel uncomfortable? Why should they outwardly pretend to be flattered, is some guys ego so important that women should have to make an excuse as to why there advances are unwanted?

Once again I stress, I am not talking about your average guy that shows interest but a man who you feel uncomfortable around even if you are unsure why. Their intentions are not known, intuition should not be ignored. It's not about inequality or scoffing someone's profession.

Frankly someone’s job is completely irrelevant and I think you’ve missed the sarcasm in the posts about janitors, I doubt anyone who’s posted here has any preconceived prejudices against someone’s job.