Opposite sex interactions due to attraction? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Opposite sex interactions due to attraction?

i don't have much to do with the opposite sex even though i find them much easier to talk to than many of the same sex. it really depends on the person rather than their gender in my opinion...or perhaps even more on how intuitive they are. i don't seem to get along very well with S types. however, i would say that i can connect more deeply with women than with men even though most women i've come across exhaust me in conversation. it's probably because i haven't done enough digging beyond the emotional barrier of men. then again, i also have a strong emotional barrier...hmm maybe that's why there's so surface a connection when we understand each other that way.
 
I don't qualify for this question but as it is, it should serve for a good example!

Generally I don't feel the desire to be around either sex, my own or the opposite. I take a person for how they are and generally asses the personality; what else could I be assesing? I'm not interested in sex.

My personal observation of the problem of being friends with either sex in regards of relations is this:

If you are a woman and you are friends with other women, the minute you make a male friend your female friends begin to get a competitive edge. Women tear apart other women. Not all of them, but there are very few I have not seen do this. There is some unconcious desire that a woman will have to 'claim' a man as theirs; not to actually have the man but to show off for her female friends. In fact, a lot of the primping women do is not to impress males; a man could care less if you have your hair curled pretty or you are wearing makeup. The typical man will look for two things: your personality and your body. Females do a lot of primping and take a lot of time on their appearance to impress other females; it's a competitive edge that I have noticed most men do not have. Sure, men will compete in sports to test who is the best, but it is not the mentality.

So that's the problem of sex/attraction with hanging out with female friends if you are a female.

Here's the problem of hanging out with males if you are a female:

A lot of the time males will want to be friends with you to fuck you or get in a relationship with you. It may or may not be a concious decision, but if you have a male friend, the more time he spends with you the higher the chances increase. It's especially annoying when you hang out with many of your male friends at once and then the others leave and it's just you and one male friend. A lot of times, unless they look at you as more of a 'buddy' ( buddy meaning you are unattracitve to them, usually due to being overweight, small breasts, a dull personality or no vagina) they WILL hit on you at some point or another.

Personally, who I will hang out with depends on my mood. But I don't prefer either sex over the other because they are both sexual and that's all that is important to them. I don't relate and it's very difficult when I get caught up in sexual attraction games of both genders.
 
I think it would equalize my interactions more and result in having a 50% chance of having a female roommate. I have run into different kinds of conflicts with the different genders, but I think it results primarily from the underlying issues of sexual attraction between the genders. I don't see the genders being as fundamentally different apart from their social roles and conditioning related to sexuality.
 
I have friends who are male and female and a wide variety of sexual types. I have close friends who are male and a few who are female or gay. I enjoy their company differently. I don't feel any sexual overtones from my male or lesbian friends. I get more flirting from my gay friends who will say "hi" by grabbing my breast.

I have a few friends who are asexual. They tend to hang out with more or less equal parts male and female. Thing is our group understands and accepts their asexuality. If you try anything on them you come off as a jerk.

I personally see my gay and lesbian friends hang out just as much as my strait friends. Maybe my group is weird, but I don't see too much difference in friends.
 
I think MBTI should put paid to that kind of notion, there are many women I relate to much more than some men.
 
Silently Honest said:
Does anyone get the idea that if we weren't biologically attracted to the opposite sex, we probably wouldn't have anything to do with them?

Or the opposite, we might get along better?
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The reason it's hard for men and women to get along is because one usually has to be dominant while the other submissive. The hierarchy is based on gender constructs and gender roles, and reinforced by the male culture and the female culture.. making legitimate equality unachievable.

If we didn't have to mate to perpetuate the species, the hierarchy would not exist and we'd probably get along because we'd be of one culture. It would be difficult to differentiate between the two. (But I'm thinking of this in terms of androgyny. Kinda sci-fi scenario in my mind..)

Or do you mean we'd still keep masculine/feminine physiological features to distinguish one another by? Who knows then. Maybe we'd get along no better or worse than neighboring tribes.

But it occured to me that gay people are not attracted to their opposite sex, and yet gay people usually have friends of the opposite sex.
 
I like people of all kinds.
When not sexually attracted to someone of the opposite sex, which is most of the time(Most girls my age are just that- Girls[IE: 18-22]. So, sexual attraction isn't strong, 'lest I come across a mature one that I can really learn from), I actually enjoy getting to know them. I have no issues with being friends with girls. I put myself in the friendzone on purpose. It just happens that they are a bit harder to figure out than males, so it's nice to get into their head.
 
Bored Now said:
But I like guys. They're easier to deal with. I have more male friends than I do female friends... always have. I like girls just fine and they like me just fine, but its hard to find other women I really gel with. I'm intimidated by other women... they seem so ...something I'm not. But I'm still fascinated by them. Glad I don't have to date them though. Been there, Done that.

I guess I like everybody then. I don't think its sex that complicates things. But I don't know if that true for most. Sex usually brings clarity for me, in an odd way.
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Then lets clarify some things.
 
alt ctrl del said:
The reason it's hard for men and women to get along is because one usually has to be dominant while the other submissive. The hierarchy is based on gender constructs and gender roles, and reinforced by the male culture and the female culture.. making legitimate equality unachievable.
Click to expand...

I completely agree with this part. What I'm not sure of is whether or not the removal of the necessity of coitus in order to continue the species would indeed generate equality. I have a tendency to feel instead that sex, like everything else, has been taken by society and fit into the constructed gender hierarchy, and co-opted by that hierarchy into a tool of domination.

I.e., sex has become a part of the conquest.

Take elephants, for example. Elephants live in complex social units which are matriarchal, and yet they are a sexually dimorphic species and of course, have sex to reproduce. Orcas are the same way.
 
I took some time to think about this one before posting. Regretably there were no 'Ah Ha' or 'Eureka' moments. So I'll just BS my way through a response.

Silently Honest said:
Does anyone get the idea that if we weren't biologically attracted to the opposite sex, we probably wouldn't have anything to do with them?

Or the opposite, we might get along better?
Click to expand...



I've never had that idea. I personally prefer guy friends. Especially gay ones (I'm weird like that). Guys are just overall more straight forward in their dealings with you. More than not, there usually is some sexual attraction on either or both sides, but that doesn't become a problem as long as boundries are preserved. I have a family, they respect that. There are some lines that I won't cross and thats how it is.

There are things guys like to do (or are more willing to do) that most gals just aren't into. I'm an outdoorsy type. I love to hike, camp, garden etc. I'd be more likely to go white water rafting with a group of guys than I would be with a posse of girls (I originally used a different word....but decided to self edit :) ) I am also a DIY'er and more apt to enjoy a shopping trip to the local hardware and craft stores than I am a mall.

However, these are my preferences. Everyone is different and I think that individual interests would most probably be the dictators of whom we'd choose to associate with.
 
alcyone said:
I took some time to think about this one before posting. Regretably there were no 'Ah Ha' or 'Eureka' moments. So I'll just BS my way through a response.
Click to expand...

May I borrow that as a title for all of my posts from now on? :dance:
 
Silently Honest said:
Does anyone get the idea that if we weren't biologically attracted to the opposite sex, we probably wouldn't have anything to do with them?

Or the opposite, we might get along better?
Click to expand...

Au conraire,
I try to have little to do with women BECAUSE I am attracted to them. They make me vulnerable and I lose objectivity. I don't like going through that agony.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
Au conraire,
I try to have little to do with women BECAUSE I am attracted to them. They make me vulnerable and I lose objectivity. I don't like going through that agony.
Click to expand...

But where's the fun in that? ;)
 
Considering all my guy friends I am not attracted to in the least.
No.
 
uberrogo said:
Then lets clarify some things.
Click to expand...


::makes flirty eyes at uberrogo::

Huh, what was the topic again? Sorry, I'm easily distracted by clever and cute.....

I
personally prefer guy friends. Especially gay ones (I'm weird like that). Guys are just overall more straight forward in their dealings with you. More than not, there usually is some sexual attraction on either or both sides, but that doesn't become a problem as long as boundries are preserved. I have a family, they respect that. There are some lines that I won't cross and thats how it is.

There are things guys like to do (or are more willing to do) that most gals just aren't into. I'm an outdoorsy type. I love to hike, camp, garden etc. I'd be more likely to go white water rafting with a group of guys than I would be with a posse of girls (I originally used a different word....but decided to self edit :) ) I am also a DIY'er and more apt to enjoy a shopping trip to the local hardware and craft stores than I am a mall.

However, these are my preferences. Everyone is different and I think that individual interests would most probably be the dictators of whom we'd choose to associate with. 07-05-2009 14:41
Click to expand...

Word. Even down to the white water river rafting (fav spot Colorado River) and the trips to Lowes/Home Depot. I'm a crafty girl. (New crafty obsession: Acid staining concrete.) But I dress SUPER girly if I'm not hiking or camping, so people are inclined to think I'm more feminine than I actually am.
 
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