- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 1w2
I've been putting off starting a thread for two days but I'll explode otherwise, so here goes.
This week I've gone from extreme high to extreme low. It's like a mixture of current events and all the past stuff that has built up I think. When I started posting on here I was trying to come across as really happy but I'm actually dying.
It just never ceases to amaze me how I could let my own stupid, unfounded emotions just mess me up so royally. Like they have no boundaries and they can just run riot in what direction they please without any real grounding in reality.
Basically, me and my friend met up with some guys for a meeting on a project we're doing together. There's this girl, who I've met before and talked a few times of face book. We only talked briefly online but we had the same sense of humour. When we saw each other, it was almost like I could feel we were analyzing each other... I can't explain it, it was weird. Like the eye contact was...blurgh...I don't know.
Anyway we started talking and stuff and I was massively surprised at how intuitive she was. Like... she really got what I was saying and you could see she was real intelligent and I was very interested in her and what she had to say. Plus she's hot. I really liked her basically and I think she liked me. If didn't think that she liked me, then I probably wouldn't be here typing this now. But I think she did and of course, my emotions and idealism just started firing off on all cylinders. This backed up by my mate saying he "sensed a connection".
I'm on top of the world at this point. Yeah I know, It's sad now I think about it. I go training later and I was so social! Talking to everyone and filled with...life! I was thinking "So this is what it feels like to be happy and outgoing?"
So I can't sleep. I get started on the writing I need to do, in order for us to meet again. Constant swirly butterflies in my stomach and I find it difficult to think of anything else.
Then comes the crash. Few days later (all the while feeling fantastic and working non stop on the writing) I make the mistake of looking up her face book profile to see what kind of stuff she likes. Low and behold she likes the exact same films and music as me! Then that black shadow comes creeping over my head. My veins fill with angst fuelled adrenaline. She's the biggest, brashest, most outgoing extrovert you could ever meet.
How the hell could I keep up with that? She mentions all the guys who ask her out etc. and how plastered she gets on Saturday night. Then I just start getting images in my head of her getting banged by 3 different blokes as her favourite past time and I feel sick.
I think and think and think and become this giant, flaming ball of neurosis. How could I be so stupid as to think I could actually go with her? Then I just break down and cry. I must have gone for like 20 minutes or something, lying on my bedroom floor weeping. Just thinking about my whole life and how crap it is to be this socially retarded, overly sensitive, introverted guy. Of course, I'm thinking how ridiculous this whole thing is now. I got worked up and down over NOTHING but own feelings in my head.
Sometimes it just completely and utterly sucks to be an INFJ. What fuck is wrong with me? If life and relationships are gonna be like this for the duration of my stay, what's the point?
I guess my actual question is, how could I just get raped by own feelings so easily? And how can I prevent this happening again?
Oh wow. That was sad and long. I know you get people complaining all the time on here. But seriously I just needed to get that out there. If you read the whole thing, thanks.
This week I've gone from extreme high to extreme low. It's like a mixture of current events and all the past stuff that has built up I think. When I started posting on here I was trying to come across as really happy but I'm actually dying.
It just never ceases to amaze me how I could let my own stupid, unfounded emotions just mess me up so royally. Like they have no boundaries and they can just run riot in what direction they please without any real grounding in reality.
Basically, me and my friend met up with some guys for a meeting on a project we're doing together. There's this girl, who I've met before and talked a few times of face book. We only talked briefly online but we had the same sense of humour. When we saw each other, it was almost like I could feel we were analyzing each other... I can't explain it, it was weird. Like the eye contact was...blurgh...I don't know.
Anyway we started talking and stuff and I was massively surprised at how intuitive she was. Like... she really got what I was saying and you could see she was real intelligent and I was very interested in her and what she had to say. Plus she's hot. I really liked her basically and I think she liked me. If didn't think that she liked me, then I probably wouldn't be here typing this now. But I think she did and of course, my emotions and idealism just started firing off on all cylinders. This backed up by my mate saying he "sensed a connection".
I'm on top of the world at this point. Yeah I know, It's sad now I think about it. I go training later and I was so social! Talking to everyone and filled with...life! I was thinking "So this is what it feels like to be happy and outgoing?"
So I can't sleep. I get started on the writing I need to do, in order for us to meet again. Constant swirly butterflies in my stomach and I find it difficult to think of anything else.
Then comes the crash. Few days later (all the while feeling fantastic and working non stop on the writing) I make the mistake of looking up her face book profile to see what kind of stuff she likes. Low and behold she likes the exact same films and music as me! Then that black shadow comes creeping over my head. My veins fill with angst fuelled adrenaline. She's the biggest, brashest, most outgoing extrovert you could ever meet.
How the hell could I keep up with that? She mentions all the guys who ask her out etc. and how plastered she gets on Saturday night. Then I just start getting images in my head of her getting banged by 3 different blokes as her favourite past time and I feel sick.
I think and think and think and become this giant, flaming ball of neurosis. How could I be so stupid as to think I could actually go with her? Then I just break down and cry. I must have gone for like 20 minutes or something, lying on my bedroom floor weeping. Just thinking about my whole life and how crap it is to be this socially retarded, overly sensitive, introverted guy. Of course, I'm thinking how ridiculous this whole thing is now. I got worked up and down over NOTHING but own feelings in my head.
Sometimes it just completely and utterly sucks to be an INFJ. What fuck is wrong with me? If life and relationships are gonna be like this for the duration of my stay, what's the point?
I guess my actual question is, how could I just get raped by own feelings so easily? And how can I prevent this happening again?
Oh wow. That was sad and long. I know you get people complaining all the time on here. But seriously I just needed to get that out there. If you read the whole thing, thanks.