Not made for this life | INFJ Forum

Not made for this life

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Orion, Jun 23, 2009.

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  1. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    I've been putting off starting a thread for two days but I'll explode otherwise, so here goes.

    This week I've gone from extreme high to extreme low. It's like a mixture of current events and all the past stuff that has built up I think. When I started posting on here I was trying to come across as really happy but I'm actually dying.
    It just never ceases to amaze me how I could let my own stupid, unfounded emotions just mess me up so royally. Like they have no boundaries and they can just run riot in what direction they please without any real grounding in reality.

    Basically, me and my friend met up with some guys for a meeting on a project we're doing together. There's this girl, who I've met before and talked a few times of face book. We only talked briefly online but we had the same sense of humour. When we saw each other, it was almost like I could feel we were analyzing each other... I can't explain it, it was weird. Like the eye contact was...blurgh...I don't know.

    Anyway we started talking and stuff and I was massively surprised at how intuitive she was. Like... she really got what I was saying and you could see she was real intelligent and I was very interested in her and what she had to say. Plus she's hot. I really liked her basically and I think she liked me. If didn't think that she liked me, then I probably wouldn't be here typing this now. But I think she did and of course, my emotions and idealism just started firing off on all cylinders. This backed up by my mate saying he "sensed a connection".

    I'm on top of the world at this point. Yeah I know, It's sad now I think about it. I go training later and I was so social! Talking to everyone and filled with...life! I was thinking "So this is what it feels like to be happy and outgoing?"

    So I can't sleep. I get started on the writing I need to do, in order for us to meet again. Constant swirly butterflies in my stomach and I find it difficult to think of anything else.

    Then comes the crash. Few days later (all the while feeling fantastic and working non stop on the writing) I make the mistake of looking up her face book profile to see what kind of stuff she likes. Low and behold she likes the exact same films and music as me! Then that black shadow comes creeping over my head. My veins fill with angst fuelled adrenaline. She's the biggest, brashest, most outgoing extrovert you could ever meet.

    How the hell could I keep up with that? She mentions all the guys who ask her out etc. and how plastered she gets on Saturday night. Then I just start getting images in my head of her getting banged by 3 different blokes as her favourite past time and I feel sick.

    I think and think and think and become this giant, flaming ball of neurosis. How could I be so stupid as to think I could actually go with her? Then I just break down and cry. I must have gone for like 20 minutes or something, lying on my bedroom floor weeping. Just thinking about my whole life and how crap it is to be this socially retarded, overly sensitive, introverted guy. Of course, I'm thinking how ridiculous this whole thing is now. I got worked up and down over NOTHING but own feelings in my head.

    Sometimes it just completely and utterly sucks to be an INFJ. What fuck is wrong with me? If life and relationships are gonna be like this for the duration of my stay, what's the point?



    I guess my actual question is, how could I just get raped by own feelings so easily? And how can I prevent this happening again?

    Oh wow. That was sad and long. I know you get people complaining all the time on here. But seriously I just needed to get that out there. If you read the whole thing, thanks.
     
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  2. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Awww. I feel ya buddy. Well have you now given up hope of this girl, or just going through a decision crisis? Just cos she's popular doesn't mean she won't be faithful to you. Maybe she needs someone to tame her. Maybe all the partying has been fun, but she now needs something real? If you have so much in common it would be a shame not to give it a shot.

    Whatever you decide, it's not wrong to be you. You feel things deeply and strongly, but don't kick yourself for it. It's not always a bad thing. It can be a wonderful thing, when things are going well. Hold on to hope. :)
     
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  3. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Pfft, noone is made for this life. You make this life for you.
     
  4. RetardedMonkey

    RetardedMonkey Community Member

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    :hug: I know exactly what you're feeling. There is nothing wrong with you, trust me. This happens to me all the time. After meeting someone I really click with and get along well with, I constantly question myself and think "WHY would they want to like/be friends with ME?? I'm such a freak." I really do wish I could give you some really awesome advice here, but since I'm in the same boat I can't. :( I want you to know that you're not alone I feel this quite frequently.

    On a side note, you never have to pretend to be happy here with us, we'll still like you even when you're feeling crappy. :smile:
     
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  5. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    yikes, you've had a load of highs and lows! I envy the feelings and emotions you had when you first found the connection. It truly is energizing! I get what you say about the feeling of 'living.'
    I guess the low part is par on the INFJ course, it's kinda inevitable with us types. LOL
    Anyhow take a deep breath and tell yourself to stop overthinking and putting too much pressure on yourself. If you continue on this path it won't matter if she's extroverted or not. You'll just end up annoying her!
    Can't you just share bits and pieces of her life with her? When you get together couldn't it be just one on one? She could go partying or gettin' blasted with her other friends. If you could get through to her about introversion you would have a better chance with her I think.
    I say relax and enjoy yourself as you see where it leads.
    Don't be afraid to be yourself!
     
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  6. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    I've always liked to date extroverts. They seem to tell you what's going on with them more easily than introverts. As a matter of fact, I don't even have to ask extroverts "how are you doing" because they will tell you that even though you don't want to hear it. They also make more enjoying company when you're so isolated and want to be let alone. They are the ones to usually to tell you that they should do something fun. I'm an extreme introvert but I love fun and more if it's with a flaming hot ENFP. yummie yummie.
     
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  7. sassafras

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    Okay, I think you're putting the cart in front of the horse, and you are assuming a lot about this girl from her Facebook profile. Frankly, as unpleasant as it might be to hear, you might be getting worked up about absolutely nothing.

    I don't know about you, but I think Facebook/MySpace/Twitter is just a bunch of bull. People put total B.S. up there in effort to look "cool." You can't know a person from what they've written about themselves on screen. She may make it seem like she goes out every weekend with a different guy, but you don't know if she's 'banging' them. There are girls who are outgoing, and who date guys, but stick to their moral principles. My point is, its just a bunch of pictures and words that are suggesting the worst, but it's just a 'suggestion'--it's not what IS. You're upset about something that might not even be true.

    Which brings up another point. What's wrong with dating an extrovert? It seems like you have some preconceived notions of how 'terrible' things could be with a person who is outgoing. That's just how they relate to people; it doesn't have any bearing on what kind of person they are inside, nor does it necessarily mean that you two are so black and white that it would never work. After all, she didn't seem so strange or different when you two met at first. From what you've described, it sounds like you got along exceptionally well.

    I think if you had a connection with this girl, you should just go with it; but you shouldn't automatically assume that things are either going to go swimmingly or swimmingly down the crap chute. It's always exciting to meet someone you have chemistry with, yes, but don't start planning the wedding or subsequent divorce from one encounter. Give it time to develop, otherwise, you're falling in love/out of love with just an image of a person instead of the real individual.

    Emotions can sometimes spiral out of control. Heck, mine do a regular swirl in the vortex of trepidation on an almost daily basis. But you got to realize that even when things feel like absolute shit, you still have a head on your shoulders. You can use your reason to step back from whatever situation you're in and analyze it objectively. That includes your emotions. That's the hidden "super power" of the self-realized INFJ. If you can grow and utilize that power, and I know you have it, you might save yourself some unnecessary emotional turmoil.

    So for now, my advice to you is to resist placing judgments on your potential sweetheart. Step back and just sit with the facts that you've observed on your face-to-face encounter; everything else might not even be relevent. After all, even your buddy observed a "connection" between you two. That's definitely something.

    Just remember: life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you react to it... that makes you 90% accountable for your own life, and you can deal with it. Everyone on the planet is dealing with it, sometimes with worse situations. You can too. There's no such thing as not being 'meant for this life.' That's just low self-esteem talking. That's not who you truly are.

    Cheer up, sweetheart. There's potential for beauty if you only you let go of your fears, and expectations for the worst. Emotions are a great thing to have, but if they get out of control, know that it is within your power to keep them in check. You're not any different from anyone else in that regard.
     
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    #7 sassafras, Jun 23, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2009
  8. Tamagochi

    Tamagochi Sushi Destroyer
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    so you found a hot girl who likes you and you got depressed because she's an extravert? How can you even be sure of that? Not that it really matters anyway. Extraverts are often attracted to intraverts and vice versa.

    And why are you so stupid to think that you cannot go with her? If you're not gonna try, then you will lose for sure.

    INFJs seem to have a habbit of overanalyzing relationships.
     
  9. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    God, you guys are awesome. You'll never realise how grateful I am for your responses. I actually feel a lot better. I just wasn't sure if my emotion overload with a burgeoning psychotic episode...

    I completely agree with this. Thats why I feel like a twat! Thanks for the post 'HatTrick.

    Sumone, yeah, I'm gonna try getting her on her own at some point.

    But yeah, Helpful Elf, I'm definitely going for it, no doubt about it. I'd walk over broken glass just for a shot. And I'm not really worried about going out with an extrovert, Relaxingmelody, all my friends and other girls that I've met are of the E side of the force, so I'm used to it.

    And thanks R' Monkey!

    This isn't really like me. I'm not made out of glass and I consider myself strong. I guess this is just my achilles heel...
     
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  10. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Yeah, you're right!
     
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  11. sassafras

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    Sometimes we all get a little worked up about a few things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we're crazy or weak persons. It's awesome that you're able to sit back and digest all our insights on this and ground yourself again.

    It's also assuring to see that you felt enough of a connection with us to share your story. We're here for you :)
     
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  12. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Please stop, or I'm gonna start crying again! I guess that was what I was looking for when I started going crazy- that rationalisation, I was thinking, where is it? I just don't understand why it took a week of rotting in hell for NOTHING, to get it back.
     
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  13. ^ This, in a nutshell.

    Get to know her. You might find out many different things. Like... she might not be as bad as she seems, or she's possibly doing it due to a lack of a sense of security, or many other different things. You could find out that being around an extroverted person that you can relate to makes you more around others (that's what happens with me).

    Point being, you can only predict stuff like this so much.

    What do you have to lose, eh?
     
  14. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I expected something totally different from the title of this thread...
    (Sigh.)

    Remember that suffering and misery arises from trying to control things that are beyond your control. Stop analyzing and worrying because she's not this or because she's that or because she does this.

    Get to actually know her. If you guys end up dating after you know her personality and she knows yours, then good. If not, accept it. That's all there is to do.
     
  15. corvidae

    corvidae ohai internets
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    Scary, nearly the same thing happened to me with my extroverted intuitive ex. I had a panic attack at a mutual friend's sweet-sixteen. It's like I felt guilty trying to be her friend.

    INFJs are Ni Fe Ti Se, and ENFPs are Ne Fi Te Si (opposite introvert/extrovert but same order). I think this is why INFJ/ENFP interactions can be so magnified for the INFJ and smoothed out for the ENFP.

    ENFPs (as I'm assuming she is) are not snooty or elitist from my experience. Even if she's popular, if she showed interest in you, take that for what it's worth.

    And for goodness sake, use more open communication and less inferring! =)
     
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  16. Krumplenump

    Krumplenump Community Member

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    Like you say, you go from extreme highs to extreme lows. It may sound blunt, but, since I have been exactly where you were in your opening post, I can simply suggest that you allow yourself to feel those festering pangs of 'why why why' and so forth. It's part of who you are and without them intermittently gnawing away at you when such incidents occur your INFJ positive assets would be worth far less.

    I know it sounds religious but, everything happens for a reason, let it and sorta keep the pleasure/pain theory in mind:D It doesn't make the pains less painful for me but it certainly makes them more meaningful.

    I hope it all works out mate, just remember than as an INFJ you have rare qualities in a guy that many MANY girl would yearn for.
     
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  17. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Thanks Krumple', I have been reading your threads recently and I got a lot from them. Reading those made start this one.

    Sound advice guys, thanks.
     
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  18. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I agree, just let the bad thoughts go for a bit and just do it.

    I speak from experience I used bad intuition to force myself out a good relationship.

    So ya at least give her a chance.

    Agreed being unsure is not weakness.

    INFJs take calculated risks and sometimes that can slow us down.

    And good luck. I wish I was in your shoes.lol
     
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    #18 Blind Bandit, Jun 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2009
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