Need some advice.... (INFJ + ESTP) | INFJ Forum

Need some advice.... (INFJ + ESTP)


Nov 16, 2009
I've been looking through the interent and apparently this is a good pairing as opposite attracts... Well I think I am more attracted to him than he's to me...

Plus the thing I absolutely hate about estps is that they only live in the present. For me, if I don't see a future in a relationship I find it absolutely pointless and insecure. On the other hand, he only care about having me as a companion NOW and he's enjoying it NOW (then what about the future Grr!).
Therefore I have been restraing my love towards him... just in case he decides to end the relationship all of a sudden (typical of estps...)

Since we infjs are looking for long term relationships... so what should I do??
I can see him as a good partner for the rest of my life..........

Being in love with an estp is seriously very exhausting......
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Love the man first. See if you love him, despite the labels - and see if he actually loves you back. If he does, then take it one step at a time. Don't assume it's time for everything at once, and allow yourself to use that ol' Se. As you become more focused in the now, he might become more future focused, too.
listen being an S can be good, life is about enjoying each others company. Your scared he won't love you. Being with an ENTP,ENFP won't be any different, you can't control whats gonna happen. If you get along well let the relationship run its course for the right reasons. Obsessing over a future you can't control or anothers persons feelings is futile. In my opinion, which of course could be wrong
ESTPs don't often put a lot of emotional input into a relationship at first. However, if you can get him to really care for you, their tertiary Fe kicks in and you'll find they can be very loyal.

But yeah. Sometimes they find it extremely difficult to look towards the future.

As for a relationship, here's a few pointers:
Let him know what you want and expect (but don't force them on him). They don't like guessing. Communication can really help keep from misunderstandings.
Don't be a push-over. They do like having some control, but they also don't like dealing with someone without a backbone. Having someone with opinions makes things more interesting to them.
Don't be afraid to try new things! Keep things fun and interesting.
Don't overreact. Be a guiding light for them, but don't be overemotional when you can avoid it.
It can work. It might take him a while to realise how precious you are, but once he does, it will be for life... but can you wait that long, and can you face the possibility that he may stray, when he gets caught up in the moment?
Being in love with an estp is seriously very exhausting......

AMEN! I married an ESTP. They can be extremely frustrating. They can also teach you lots of new things. Be careful, though. Don't get too emotionally involved before you know for sure if it's going anywhere. Sadly, my relationship didn't work out, but I think that has less to do with his being ESTP, and more to do with his being completely self-involved. Only advice I can give is to be VERY careful, and protect your heart.
Mankind has survived for thousands of years without MBTI to give them answers and/or tip offs. People did just find without knowing their lover's type before they got into a relationship.

Take MBTI with a grain of salt. It isn't something to live your life by. There are some people who I get along with just fine. Later on I'll find out their type. Truth of the matter is, had I known their type before I knew them better, I would have subconciously put some distance between us.

So I guess the saying about books and covers applies here too. Don't judge someone by their type. You just might be cheating yourself out of a good friend.
Don't expect empathy.

INFJs are like benevolent empathy fairies, so this may come as a shock, but for ESTPs, that skill could require some learning.

Try to tell him what you want out of the relationship. It's difficult, sometimes, for Infjs to express our needs, but we have to remember that everyone is not as intuitive as we are, and things must be s-p-e-l-l-e-d o-u-t.

Good luck!
From my experience, I believe to have dated and ESXP and my Ni really encountered trouble with this Se. Although it is nice (or at least for me) when my parter brings up new things to the table, or adds where I cannot (sensing world e.g.), I am not so sure if they enjoy it as much.

However, I believe if two individuals love each other, anything could work... but you need two oars to row a boat. Don't worry too much about the future and try to go with the flow (nice excercise for us) if he makes you happy, you can leave anytime if things do not go the way you would want to, but at least have the experience :)