Narcissist/Emotionally Manipulative People

blueflame

blueflame

Regular Poster
MBTI
INFJ
Emotional Manipulators are the hardest to deal with because they always flip the script on you and never take responsibility for their actions, especially if they are protected by others that validate them regularly. My question is about how to stop/deal with these types of individuals. I have noticed that in many situations the manipulator keeps in contact with the "victim" after break ups or ended work relationships etc. Why is this so? and why do therapist or whoever recommend that you don't even if you are on friendly terms. I say friendly lightly because they seem to be passive agressive and patronizing even with this newly created distance. I would have thought they would have just moved on to their next victim. Why do they try to stay connected?
 
Ignore them. Refrain from giving them the reactions they expect.

It takes two to tango. They stay connected because you feed them with the reactions they want.
They look for victims who can be emotionally manipulated.
 
blueflame said:
Emotional Manipulators are the hardest to deal with because they always flip the script on you and never take responsibility for their actions, especially if they are protected by others that validate them regularly. My question is about how to stop/deal with these types of individuals. I have noticed that in many situations the manipulator keeps in contact with the "victim" after break ups or ended work relationships etc. Why is this so? and why do therapist or whoever recommend that you don't even if you are on friendly terms. I say friendly lightly because they seem to be passive agressive and patronizing even with this newly created distance. I would have thought they would have just moved on to their next victim. Why do they try to stay connected?
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Why do they stay connected? Because they get off on the fact that they may have control over your emotions and perhaps even actions.
I'd stay away from such people .....
 
Etiquette.
 
blueflame said:
My question is about how to stop/deal with these types of individuals. I have noticed that in many situations the manipulator keeps in contact with the "victim" after break ups or ended work relationships etc. Why is this so? and why do therapist or whoever recommend that you don't even if you are on friendly terms. I say friendly lightly because they seem to be passive agressive and patronizing even with this newly created distance. I would have thought they would have just moved on to their next victim. Why do they try to stay connected?
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I guess because they still believe they'll be able to manipulate you into doing what they want. If it has worked before for them (if you've given in before) then a precedent has been set upon which they'll try to build.
 
I think narcissism is one of those things that are not cured, but occasionally managed/controlled (as ironic as that is).

I suspect that narcissists need to be controlling to be comfortable/happy. This puts them in the position of either being functional and miserable; or being disfunctional and happy.


As with all people burdened with disfunctional traits, there is probably a moderate point at which their needs are somewhat met, without impinging on that of others. I suggest open, frank dialogue could be of help for the narcissist/controller. However, you might not be the one who should have that conversation.
 
PeaceSeeker said:
Why do they stay connected? Because they get off on the fact that they may have control over your emotions and perhaps even actions.
I'd stay away from such people .....
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+1

In my experience, those kinds of people love being in control and love that power
 
If the door slam doesn't work, tell them if they don't leave you alone you're going to tell everyone they care about who they really are. That usually gets them out of your life completely.

I've found that the hardest part in dealing with people like this is not breaking my own connections with them (I doorslam like a champ), but getting the other people in my life to break their connections with them. I've also learned that trusting people to make the right choices and decisions when dealing with these people is very foolish, especially considering that emotional manipulators will often try to 'get back at you' for no longer allowing them to manipulate you by manipulating the people around you if they can.

If you find yourself in this situation, I would suggest a taser, duct tape, a studry oak chair, a gallon of diesel, and a hammer for the dental records.
 
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Obviously the try to stay connected because they get pleasure out of tormenting someone else and feeling power over them. Yes, if someone is behaving this way toward you, sever the connection and make it sting.
 
I think too this falls under the shadow of perception. It becomes difficult when people are resistant to the idea that what you have done is offensive. People will try and say stuff like: I didn't mean it that way, You took that the wrong way. Feeling manipulated is subjective not concrete. What one person feels is wrong or manipulative, someone else won't bat an eyelash at. It is very difficult to own up to harm when you really don't feel that you did harm. It takes time and practice to build healthy boundaries in a relationship and sometimes you fail. Hopefully you learn from your failures-whether you are the one whom feels manipulated or the one who is being accused of manipulating. I think that people who are deliberate in their attempts to be highly manipulative have other traits like lying and other character flaws that make it obvious they were aware of what they were doing. On the other hand, most people are blissfully unaware of making someone feel manipulated and are shocked when it is pointed out to them. You will find out the mettle of someone if they are willing to acknowledge you feel harmed and the mettle of yourself if you are willing to give another person the chance to just be human and falliable and work stuff out.
 
+1
I'm going to stop clicking on threads that you've posted in because you leave me nothing to say.
 
Tulip said:
Ignore them. Refrain from giving them the reactions they expect.

It takes two to tango. They stay connected because you feed them with the reactions they want.
They look for victims who can be emotionally manipulated.
Click to expand...

Thats the only method that works for me.

-Anna
 
Emotionally abusive people are actually really weak people imo. I've seen it where the control has been "swiped" from them, and underneath it all without emotional control they are really vunerable. They usually aren't good at anything with the exception of manipulating emotions. When I first witnessed this feeble state from an emotional abuser, I almost thought to myself, omg go back to being narcissitic. Hurry. But then I thought of all the sh*t they put people through and how they make others feel crap all the time. And thought, why am I feeling bad for them? They have made others feel bad for a really really long time. To answer your question, someone already mentioned it, it's not like they can manipulate all people. They can at times, but they get figured out most of the time in my experiences. They already know what makes you tick so they figure it's easiest to keep manipulating you, they are in it for control basically and don't give a crap about human emotions besides their own. My 2 centz.
 
donkeybals said:
Emotionally abusive people are actually really weak people imo. I've seen it where the control has been "swiped" from them, and underneath it all without emotional control they are really vunerable. They usually aren't good at anything with the exception of manipulating emotions. When I first witnessed this feeble state from an emotional abuser, I almost thought to myself, omg go back to being narcissitic. Hurry. But then I thought of all the sh*t they put people through and how they make others feel crap all the time. And thought, why am I feeling bad for them? They have made others feel bad for a really really long time. To answer your question, someone already mentioned it, it's not like they can manipulate all people. They can at times, but they get figured out most of the time in my experiences. They already know what makes you tick so they figure it's easiest to keep manipulating you, they are in it for control basically and don't give a crap about human emotions besides their own. My 2 centz.
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I call those people "Emotion Leeches".
But it's very hard to manipulate INFJs, because we rapidly figure out what's going on and neutralize the threat.
 
If they are narcissistic then they probably feel like you are now part of their property. You don't stop seeing your property. You keep hold of it as much as possible.

Also, narcissists are like drug addicts. They are addicted to control/attention/validation etc. If they previously got some of their drug from you by bullying you then they won't want to let go of that supply.

They need to control partly to convince themselves of their own delusions i.e. that they are superior to you and everyone else. If they were previously able to use you to convinve themselves that they are superior then once again, they won't want to let go of that.

Stay away. Delete their number from your phone, don't answer their calls. they will get bored and move on
 
VH said:
If the door slam doesn't work, tell them if they don't leave you alone you're going to tell everyone they care about who they really are. That usually gets them out of your life completely.

I've found that the hardest part in dealing with people like this is not breaking my own connections with them (I doorslam like a champ), but getting the other people in my life to break their connections with them. I've also learned that trusting people to make the right choices and decisions when dealing with these people is very foolish, especially considering that emotional manipulators will often try to 'get back at you' for no longer allowing them to manipulate you by manipulating the people around you if they can.

If you find yourself in this situation, I would suggest a taser, duct tape, a studry oak chair, a gallon of diesel, and a hammer for the dental records.
Click to expand...

Ideally, one should be able to spot such a personality within minutes of meeting.. and then promptly door slam them. I don't know how to get other people to stop communicating with someone else without manipulating them.. All I've ever been able to do was give warning and then door slam away... and hope for the best with other parties involved.
This will sound harsh, but some people are just not even worth dealing with.
 
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