Sorry for the extended essay but here goes
Hey, sorry to answer this so late. I saw this article online and thought I'd share it because it was about MBTI. I thought the article was interesting because I've never before heard about MBTI included on dating profiles, but the article explored the pros and cons. I've not been on dating sites in years and will likely never try any dating site or app ever again, because as soon have said, it's a meat market and rarely have I ever felt that I would sell very well at auction. I think you have to create image of yourself that marketable (essential brand yourself) to be seen as an eligible candidate, then it becomes a competition, one I ain't winning so
.
In terms of MBTI, I agree with I think it was
@Ren who said that it can be a good conversation starter and have something to discuss since personality theory generally attracts people who like to discuss things such as psychology and communication. But as the article said, I think someone could easily see someone's type and assume they're not going to be a good match just because they have opposing letters, etc. (that's assuming the person is posting their actual type
) or they could stereotype. So, you're seen as a type rather than as a person.
People aren't always aware nor do they always hold themselves accountable for their personal prejudices, and just do confirmation bias, so this is why I would be reluctant to post my type. Kinda why I don't think dating sites are right for everyone because besides personality type, people today look for a type of person or looking for someone to fit their ideals since there are so many choices, not to really to know who people are as they are on their own terms. Rather than being treated as individuals, someone is treated as just type to weed out who they think won't be a good match since there are so many options. Now, I'm not saying you should force yourself to engage with someone who really isn't a good fit, but I think you should let your personal engagement with them decide if they're a good match and not simply the four letters of a type they mention in a profile.
Yes, you will need compatibility and yes, deal breakers are important and valid but people can be overly judgy and selective sometimes, assuming they have someone figured out before they even get to know the person. We can also be extremely impatient if someone doesn't match what we want on face value. We may not be open to something different than what we are used to. However, people are more complicated than a personality profile description, dating profile description and a photo, so to judge someone entirely by pictures or words on a page is ridiculous. (Yes, I'm still a tad bitter about my experience on dating sites
).
Another con of using personality typing is someone may use type similarity to be complacent. e.g. Someone thinking that if they choose someone who is the same type, since they will supposedly be similar enough and may understand each other better, that life will be easier and therefore better. This could mean that you choose someone who just validates you but may not push you to step outside your comfort zone and develop other aspects of your personality. This could ultimately limit personal growth especially if you're simply looking for confirmation of what you think or how you feel.
We don't always realize how limited our thinking may be because as long as how we feel is validated or reinforced by someone, we don't care. Even if it does a disservice to ourselves or others.
A classic example is how people see introverts. It annoys me when people see introverts as antisocial or meek because they're not overtly social all the time, or not immediately talkative in newer social situations, or perceiving introversion as shyness because you're not immediately talkative in a new group of people. On the other hand, people can use their introversion as an excuse not to develop social skills, and be more engaged. You can't forever or always be reserved or quiet in social situations, because people are not going to know how to relate to you if don't make the effort to engage. Introverts can sometimes make extroverts feel as if they're having to do all the "social" work. However, extroverts can sometimes always be on, and don't know how to value quieter moments, and don't know how to have balance in socialization.
Of course, you can meet someone who is similar in personality, who you like, feel comfortable with and clicks with you, but they may still not be the best person for you, and may not make you a better person. Yes, we all want to choose what we want in a person, but sometimes we don't choose what's best for us, or what we need in addition to what we want. People often want to choose someone who caters to how they feel and think rather than challenge false notions they have of themselves or the world. This is why the best person for us may not always be the obvious choice and it may not be someone we would choose for ourselves.
Good point. I said "if I tried internet dating", and a large part of why I wouldn't is that it would force me to turn myself into a commodity to be marketed. I don't want to see myself nor others that way, and yet enough people do see it like that to define how others must play the game. Maybe it's idealism, or maybe it's the fact that I don't believe I could present myself as a good match for anyone. It's easy to say I would hate to compete against others, but is it merely because I don't believe I have the resources to win?
Exactly the way I feel. Though I don't think it's that we don't have the resources but that these resources have to be displayed or presented in a particular manner to be seen as valuable. The idea that I should be a showpiece or dress femininely or "womanly" in order to be seen as attractive enough to draw someone's attention has always been a huge turnoff for me. This often makes me feel less valuable, and automatically less visible or invisible to people all together because I am not not marketing my body in a particular manner to be seen and noticed.
That's the thing. Are relationships about winning or just living and making the most out of it? I don't get the competition at all. I don't get the status quo.
x 1,000. Maybe I'm just being a jealous hater when I say this?
But yeah, it seems being with someone today seems to be more about trophyism (.e.g I won the lottery because I got the hottest partner on my arm, they have a hot bod - work out a lot maybe has an 8-pack, and they're so smart and so successful, etc. ) or elitism (they must have the same higher social status, financial situation, and credentials) rather than meeting someone who yes, maybe they will have these things but you're with them because you like them, and enjoy spending time with them, and are with them because they will encourage you to be the best of who you are, not simply to be a "perfect" match for them.
For me, I want someone who I can laugh with, make fun of myself with, and doesn't need to be impressed all the time, and who doesn't need me to be perfect to think I'm cool. I know I will not find that anywhere online. Not dating irl is any better, but I'd rather meet someone on a whim or unexpectedly than go out there looking for someone. I think though that it's a very different world today than before, and some changes are good, and others make it harder to find someone to truly click with.
