A Dracula parrot is the gothest of all the parrots!!
Merkabah
- Thread starter Skarekrow
- Start date
A Dracula parrot is the gothest of all the parrots!!
One of my favorite speakers.
Very insightful!
Love to you all!
Very insightful!
Love to you all!
Dr. Gabor Maté - Toxic Culture | Bioneers
The Canadian physician and best-selling author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts is a brilliantly original thinker on addiction,
trauma, parenting and the social context of human diseases and imbalances.
Contrary to the assumptions of mainstream medicine, he asserts that most human ailments are not individual problems,
but reflections of a person's relationship with the physical, emotional and social environment, from conception to death.
Mind and body are not separate in real life,
and thus health and illness in a person reflect social and economic realities more than personal predispositions.
In other words, personal responsibility cannot be separated from societal responsibility and changing the world.
The Canadian physician and best-selling author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts is a brilliantly original thinker on addiction,
trauma, parenting and the social context of human diseases and imbalances.
Contrary to the assumptions of mainstream medicine, he asserts that most human ailments are not individual problems,
but reflections of a person's relationship with the physical, emotional and social environment, from conception to death.
Mind and body are not separate in real life,
and thus health and illness in a person reflect social and economic realities more than personal predispositions.
In other words, personal responsibility cannot be separated from societal responsibility and changing the world.
If you've read any of this thread you'll find that it's quite rare that I will advocate taking any type of medication or supplement.
I have to say though, I've been taking Acetyl L-Carnitine combo with Alpha Lipoic Acid for nearly 3 months and there is definitely a difference in both my general mood, my level of mental alertness, as well as my energy levels and possibly even my levels of pain/inflammation from the AS.
There are very few negative side-effects if any at all - those with cystitis may find it aggravating the condition.
In the first article of the two below, they mainly talk about treating neuropathy in diabetics - remember though, that it is those same nervous systems that facilitate and temper all pain in the body.
When they say "neuropathy" you can take it to also mean any pain caused by inflamed nerves produced by any variety of conditions, not just diabetes.
Here is some general info for you all.
Much love!
When we think of Amino acids we understand that they are the chemical units, or “building blocks” that make up protein.
They play a critical role in how in various forms protein plays a vital role in the important chemical processes that help sustain life.
Acetyl L Carnitine and Alpha Lipoic Acid For Neuropathy.
Neuropathy pain can range from mild and nagging to full out debilitating and disruptive.
Alpha Lipoic Acid (ALA) has been seriously looked at and considered an alternative remedy for treating the pain that is associated with diabetic polyneuropathy.
Neuropathy, or nerve damage, is actually quite common and can potentially have very serious complications of diabetes.
Nerve damage is permanent, and its symptoms can be difficult to alleviate.
Polyneuropathy involves the peripheral nerves of the body.
It’s the most common form of neuropathy in people who have diabetes, and it causes foot and leg pain.
Where can you find ALA (Alpha Lipoic Acid) Naturally?
ALA is also called lipoic acid.
It’s an antioxidant and can be found in trace amounts in a number of different foods like:
red meat
liver
broccoli
spinach
brewer’s yeast
The human body can also produce Alpha Lipoic Acid naturally and makes it in minute amounts.
Doctors, scientists, and nutritionists believe antioxidants can protect against cell damage.
ALA (Alpha Lipoic Acid) helps fight free radicals, which are the substances that cause cell damage.
ALA (Alpha Lipoic Acid) may also help the body be more sensitive to insulin and this can help improve symptomatic pain for those who may have neuropathy.
Acetyl L Carnitine (ALCAR) – ALCR treatment is efficacious in alleviating symptoms, especially nerve pain.
Acetyl L Carnitine also improves nerve fiber regeneration and vibration perception in those suffering from established cases of diabetic neuropathy.
A predominant number of the cells in the human body contain carnitine.
Carnitine is manufactured by the liver and kidneys.
A primary role of carnitine is to help the mitochondria of your cells produce energy.
Acetyl-L-carnitine (ALCAR) is a variant form of carnitine that’s available as a supplement and acts in a slightly different way in the body than Carnitine alone.
Antioxidants play a critical and important role in the management of neuropathy.
Alpha-lipoic-acid (ALA) is a powerful antioxidant that is involved in metabolic pathways and reactions in the mitochondria of the cell.
Alpha-lipoic-acid also plays a role as a cofactor in energy production.
When scientists study animal models of neuropathy, alpha-lipoic-acid has shown to reverse the decrease in nerve blood flow.
Alpha-lipoic-acid also plays a vital role for reconstituting reduced GSH after it has neutralized free radicals present in the body.
The anti-oxidant Alpha Lipoic Acid (ALA) has been used for quite some time to help those who struggle with neuropathy.
The reality is that Alpha Lipoic Acid is a robust and powerful anti-oxidant and that means that it can help to protect the nerves of your body so that no further damage is done.
And while Alpha Lipoic Acid can help with neuropathy it is made far more effective by the addition of Acetyl L-Carnitine.
Relief from neuropathy can be elusive and yet this combination of Acetyl L Carnitine and Alpha Lipoic Acid may bring relief.
Acetyl L-Carnitine dramatically improves the cells in our bodies ability to produce energy; this allows the cells to do their jobs.
But more energy creates more free-radicals.
Adding Alpha Lipoic Acid to the Acetyl L-Carnitine handles these free radicals.
The cell producing better can now use cholesterol and B vitamins to repair the nerve cells.
B vitamins play an important role in the assimilation and utilization of certain amino acids and supplements like Alpha Lipoic Acid in the body which are beneficial to help improve symptoms of neuropathy.
These two supplements taken together will facilitate faster results.
There are also additional benefits when taking other supplements that support healthy nerve function.
Acetyl L Carnitine and Alpha Lipoic Acid together.
The amino acid Acetyl-L-Carnitine also known as ALCAR is often utilized as an alternative remedy super antioxidant, occurring form of L-Carnitine that specifically enhances the function of the brain.
Acetyl-L-Carnitine helps supply the brain with energy by improving function in the mitochondria which is where energy is produced inside all of our cells. Acetyl-L-Carnitine enhances the biosynthesis of acetylcholine which is a key neurotransmitter for brain and nerve function.
Acetyl-L-Carnitine has demonstrated in various clinical studies to benefit cognitive ability, memory, and mood.
Neuropathy can be so debilitating and over time cause those suffering to experience bouts of depression and anxiety.
Given that Acetyl-L-Carnitine helps improve cognitive function and mood adds to the multiple benefits it can offer both physically and psychologically.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The combination of acetyl-l-carnitine and alpha lipoic acid has been shown to help neurons maintain optimal energy levels and rejuvenate aging brains.
Acetyl-L-carnitine
ALC has been extensively studied and found to have significant cognitive and anti-aging effects.
It can be effective in improving memory, mood and response to stress.
What Does ALC Stand For?
Acetyl-L-carnitine.
This acronym will be used extensively throughout the remainder of this article.
ALC is a cognitive enhancer and neuroprotective agent that protects against a wide range of age-related degenerative changes in the brain and nervous system.
ALC is an ester of carnitine that modulates cellular concentrations of free coenzyme A and acetyl-coenzyme A, two compounds integrally involved in numerous cellular functions, including the transfer of fatty acids across mitochondrial membranes for energy production.
ALC is found in various concentrations in the brain and its levels are significantly reduced with aging.
Several studies suggest that acetyl-L-carnitine delays onset of age-related cognitive decline and improves overall cognitive function in the elderly.
ALC protects against brain degeneration, helps with energy production in mitochondria of cells, and removes toxins from the mitochondria.
Mitochondria
The spherical or elongated organelles in the cytoplasm of nearly all eukaryotic cells, containing genetic material and many enzymes important for cell metabolism, including those responsible for the conversion of food to usable energy.
Also called chondriosome.
Its effects on brain cells include:
Several clinical trials suggest that acetyl-L-carnitine improves overall mental functioning and mood.
In one study, acetyl-L-carnitine was given to elderly people with mild cognitive impairment.
After 45 days, significant improvements in cognitive function (especially memory) were observed.
Another large trial of acetyl-L-carnitine for mild cognitive impairment in the elderly found that supplementation significantly improved memory, mood, and responses to stress.
The favorable effects persisted at least 30 days after treatment was discontinued.
Acetyl-L-carnitine also has effects on alleviating depression.
Studies have shown that acetyl-L-carnitine supplementation is effective at relieving depression in elderly people, particularly those showing more serious clinical symptoms.
ALC also significantly reduces damaged fats, such as lipofuscin, in the brains of aged rats.
In addition to accumulating in the aging brain, lipofuscin also accumulates in the skin as aging spots, those brownish pigmented blemishes that accumulate in the backs of hands of many people over fifty.
The reduction of these deposits following consumption of ALC may be evidence of a slowing in the aging process in the brain.
Alpha-Lipoic Acid
ALA is a natural substance that has potent antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties that can recycle other antioxidants such as vitamin C, vitamin E and glutathione.
What Does ALA Stand For?
Alpha-Lipoic Acid.
This acronym will be used extensively throughout the remainder of this article.
It also is important for optimizing energy metabolism and thus provides an important impetus for the maintenance and repair of the central nervous system.
The Central Nervous System.
The human central nervous system consists of the brain and spinal cord.
These lie in the midline of the body and are protected by the skull and vertebrae respectively.
This collection of billions of neurons is arguably the most complex object known.
The central nervous system along with the peripheral nervous system comprise a primary division of controls that command all physical activities of a human.
Neurons of the central nervous system affect consciousness and mental activity while spinal extensions of central nervous system neuron pathways affect skeletal muscles and organs in the body.
It has been shown to inhibit cross-linking among proteins, a process that contributes to the aging process in the body.
Alpha-lipoic acid activates a collagen-regulating factor known as AP-1 that turns on enzymes that digest glycation-damaged collagen.
It also improves vascular function and helps the repair process in damaged tissues.
As well, it helps neutralize and remove various toxic metals, including mercury, from the body.
All of these properties allow ALA to exert beneficial effects on the brain and neuromuscular, immune and cardiovascular systems.
Alpha-Lipoic Acid (ALA) is an excellent antioxidant agent in neurodegenerative diseases due to the fact that it can interrupt free radical damage at several points.
It has been shown to elevate antioxidants in various brain regions and improves memory.
Further, ALA supports healthy blood glucose levels and insulin activity.
A combination of ALA and ALC has been found to rejuvenate elderly rats and could have a similar effect in aging humans.
These two nutritional supplements act on the mitochondria.
Studies show that over time, damage to mitochondria could be significantly implicated in the aging process.
I have to say though, I've been taking Acetyl L-Carnitine combo with Alpha Lipoic Acid for nearly 3 months and there is definitely a difference in both my general mood, my level of mental alertness, as well as my energy levels and possibly even my levels of pain/inflammation from the AS.
There are very few negative side-effects if any at all - those with cystitis may find it aggravating the condition.
In the first article of the two below, they mainly talk about treating neuropathy in diabetics - remember though, that it is those same nervous systems that facilitate and temper all pain in the body.
When they say "neuropathy" you can take it to also mean any pain caused by inflamed nerves produced by any variety of conditions, not just diabetes.
Here is some general info for you all.
Much love!
ALC(AR) and ALA
When we think of Amino acids we understand that they are the chemical units, or “building blocks” that make up protein.
They play a critical role in how in various forms protein plays a vital role in the important chemical processes that help sustain life.
Acetyl L Carnitine and Alpha Lipoic Acid For Neuropathy.
Neuropathy pain can range from mild and nagging to full out debilitating and disruptive.
Alpha Lipoic Acid (ALA) has been seriously looked at and considered an alternative remedy for treating the pain that is associated with diabetic polyneuropathy.
Neuropathy, or nerve damage, is actually quite common and can potentially have very serious complications of diabetes.
Nerve damage is permanent, and its symptoms can be difficult to alleviate.
Polyneuropathy involves the peripheral nerves of the body.
It’s the most common form of neuropathy in people who have diabetes, and it causes foot and leg pain.
Where can you find ALA (Alpha Lipoic Acid) Naturally?
ALA is also called lipoic acid.
It’s an antioxidant and can be found in trace amounts in a number of different foods like:
red meat
liver
broccoli
spinach
brewer’s yeast
The human body can also produce Alpha Lipoic Acid naturally and makes it in minute amounts.
Doctors, scientists, and nutritionists believe antioxidants can protect against cell damage.
ALA (Alpha Lipoic Acid) helps fight free radicals, which are the substances that cause cell damage.
ALA (Alpha Lipoic Acid) may also help the body be more sensitive to insulin and this can help improve symptomatic pain for those who may have neuropathy.
Acetyl L Carnitine (ALCAR) – ALCR treatment is efficacious in alleviating symptoms, especially nerve pain.
Acetyl L Carnitine also improves nerve fiber regeneration and vibration perception in those suffering from established cases of diabetic neuropathy.
A predominant number of the cells in the human body contain carnitine.
Carnitine is manufactured by the liver and kidneys.
A primary role of carnitine is to help the mitochondria of your cells produce energy.
Acetyl-L-carnitine (ALCAR) is a variant form of carnitine that’s available as a supplement and acts in a slightly different way in the body than Carnitine alone.
Antioxidants play a critical and important role in the management of neuropathy.
Alpha-lipoic-acid (ALA) is a powerful antioxidant that is involved in metabolic pathways and reactions in the mitochondria of the cell.
Alpha-lipoic-acid also plays a role as a cofactor in energy production.
When scientists study animal models of neuropathy, alpha-lipoic-acid has shown to reverse the decrease in nerve blood flow.
Alpha-lipoic-acid also plays a vital role for reconstituting reduced GSH after it has neutralized free radicals present in the body.
The anti-oxidant Alpha Lipoic Acid (ALA) has been used for quite some time to help those who struggle with neuropathy.
The reality is that Alpha Lipoic Acid is a robust and powerful anti-oxidant and that means that it can help to protect the nerves of your body so that no further damage is done.
And while Alpha Lipoic Acid can help with neuropathy it is made far more effective by the addition of Acetyl L-Carnitine.
Relief from neuropathy can be elusive and yet this combination of Acetyl L Carnitine and Alpha Lipoic Acid may bring relief.
Acetyl L-Carnitine dramatically improves the cells in our bodies ability to produce energy; this allows the cells to do their jobs.
But more energy creates more free-radicals.
Adding Alpha Lipoic Acid to the Acetyl L-Carnitine handles these free radicals.
The cell producing better can now use cholesterol and B vitamins to repair the nerve cells.
B vitamins play an important role in the assimilation and utilization of certain amino acids and supplements like Alpha Lipoic Acid in the body which are beneficial to help improve symptoms of neuropathy.
These two supplements taken together will facilitate faster results.
There are also additional benefits when taking other supplements that support healthy nerve function.
Acetyl L Carnitine and Alpha Lipoic Acid together.
The amino acid Acetyl-L-Carnitine also known as ALCAR is often utilized as an alternative remedy super antioxidant, occurring form of L-Carnitine that specifically enhances the function of the brain.
Acetyl-L-Carnitine helps supply the brain with energy by improving function in the mitochondria which is where energy is produced inside all of our cells. Acetyl-L-Carnitine enhances the biosynthesis of acetylcholine which is a key neurotransmitter for brain and nerve function.
Acetyl-L-Carnitine has demonstrated in various clinical studies to benefit cognitive ability, memory, and mood.
Neuropathy can be so debilitating and over time cause those suffering to experience bouts of depression and anxiety.
Given that Acetyl-L-Carnitine helps improve cognitive function and mood adds to the multiple benefits it can offer both physically and psychologically.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The combination of acetyl-l-carnitine and alpha lipoic acid has been shown to help neurons maintain optimal energy levels and rejuvenate aging brains.
Acetyl-L-carnitine
ALC has been extensively studied and found to have significant cognitive and anti-aging effects.
It can be effective in improving memory, mood and response to stress.
Acetyl-L-carnitine.
This acronym will be used extensively throughout the remainder of this article.
ALC is a cognitive enhancer and neuroprotective agent that protects against a wide range of age-related degenerative changes in the brain and nervous system.
ALC is an ester of carnitine that modulates cellular concentrations of free coenzyme A and acetyl-coenzyme A, two compounds integrally involved in numerous cellular functions, including the transfer of fatty acids across mitochondrial membranes for energy production.
ALC is found in various concentrations in the brain and its levels are significantly reduced with aging.
Several studies suggest that acetyl-L-carnitine delays onset of age-related cognitive decline and improves overall cognitive function in the elderly.
ALC protects against brain degeneration, helps with energy production in mitochondria of cells, and removes toxins from the mitochondria.
The spherical or elongated organelles in the cytoplasm of nearly all eukaryotic cells, containing genetic material and many enzymes important for cell metabolism, including those responsible for the conversion of food to usable energy.
Also called chondriosome.
Its effects on brain cells include:
- Increasing neural energy production
- Protecting neurons from toxins
- Maintaining neuron receptors
- Increasing availability of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine
Several clinical trials suggest that acetyl-L-carnitine improves overall mental functioning and mood.
In one study, acetyl-L-carnitine was given to elderly people with mild cognitive impairment.
After 45 days, significant improvements in cognitive function (especially memory) were observed.
Another large trial of acetyl-L-carnitine for mild cognitive impairment in the elderly found that supplementation significantly improved memory, mood, and responses to stress.
The favorable effects persisted at least 30 days after treatment was discontinued.
Acetyl-L-carnitine also has effects on alleviating depression.
Studies have shown that acetyl-L-carnitine supplementation is effective at relieving depression in elderly people, particularly those showing more serious clinical symptoms.
ALC also significantly reduces damaged fats, such as lipofuscin, in the brains of aged rats.
In addition to accumulating in the aging brain, lipofuscin also accumulates in the skin as aging spots, those brownish pigmented blemishes that accumulate in the backs of hands of many people over fifty.
The reduction of these deposits following consumption of ALC may be evidence of a slowing in the aging process in the brain.
Alpha-Lipoic Acid
ALA is a natural substance that has potent antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties that can recycle other antioxidants such as vitamin C, vitamin E and glutathione.
Alpha-Lipoic Acid.
This acronym will be used extensively throughout the remainder of this article.
It also is important for optimizing energy metabolism and thus provides an important impetus for the maintenance and repair of the central nervous system.
The human central nervous system consists of the brain and spinal cord.
These lie in the midline of the body and are protected by the skull and vertebrae respectively.
This collection of billions of neurons is arguably the most complex object known.
The central nervous system along with the peripheral nervous system comprise a primary division of controls that command all physical activities of a human.
Neurons of the central nervous system affect consciousness and mental activity while spinal extensions of central nervous system neuron pathways affect skeletal muscles and organs in the body.
Alpha-lipoic acid activates a collagen-regulating factor known as AP-1 that turns on enzymes that digest glycation-damaged collagen.
It also improves vascular function and helps the repair process in damaged tissues.
As well, it helps neutralize and remove various toxic metals, including mercury, from the body.
All of these properties allow ALA to exert beneficial effects on the brain and neuromuscular, immune and cardiovascular systems.
Alpha-Lipoic Acid (ALA) is an excellent antioxidant agent in neurodegenerative diseases due to the fact that it can interrupt free radical damage at several points.
It has been shown to elevate antioxidants in various brain regions and improves memory.
Further, ALA supports healthy blood glucose levels and insulin activity.
A combination of ALA and ALC has been found to rejuvenate elderly rats and could have a similar effect in aging humans.
These two nutritional supplements act on the mitochondria.
Studies show that over time, damage to mitochondria could be significantly implicated in the aging process.
Last edited:
Tin Man
"a respectable amount of screaming"
Do I see a new avatar coming?
I pose this question here now - as an INFJ do you feel you have more of an internal locus of control or external?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control
Personally, I used to be more external/unhealthy internal than I am presently.
This is only after a lot of self-work, soul searching, and acceptance of difficult concepts - like learning to accept chronic pain.
Becoming disabled from the arthritis in my spine was a huge blow to how much control I felt like I had over my life and where it was headed.
It was always on somewhat shaky ground being depressed as a child ---> adulthood.
My internal locus was jaded by issues of self-esteem and/or unhealthy concepts of perfectionism.
It actually wasn't until I started to have the loss of control due to the chronic pain and illness that I learned how to refocus and shift this perspective toward a healthy internal locus.
For a while there was a lot of anger, frustration, self-hatred.
It really took the dark night of my soul to find the attitude shift that ultimately saved me and helped me deal with constant pain and loss in ways that were restorative and desirable.
I am now incredibly grateful that I had this difficulty in my life - it forced me to sink or swim, and I'm still swimming.
Thoughts on the concept and how it applies to you?
Much love everyone!
(PS - the list below includes such statements like - it's in my control how I feel.
This isn't always true...there are a lot of reactions that are out of our control...especially when they have been tainted by trauma, loss, depression, etc.
However, those reactions that are out of our control can be relearned and changed...not always very easy, but well worth the efforts.
They eventually can become something within your control)
You didn’t get the job you really wanted.
But you aren’t surprised.
The odds were stacked against you anyway.
Even if you prepared more, the result would’ve been the same: Someone else would’ve gotten the position.
Or you did get the job.
But it has nothing to do with your qualifications, experience or interview skills.
You were just at the right place at the right time.
You got lucky.
You decide to start dating.
Your first date is awful.
It’s awkward, and they spend the entire time talking about themselves.
Which only makes you feel more and more rejected.
But you’re not surprised, because this seems to happen often.
According to Rebecca Turner, MS, a marriage and family therapist intern, these examples illustrate an external locus of control: a belief that what happens in your life is outside of your control.
In contrast, individuals with an internal locus of control believe that what happens in their lives is within their control.
For instance, if a person with an internal locus of control gets a job, they believe that it’s, in part, due to their efforts, experience and hard work.
If they don’t get the job, they examine their interview and see where they can improve — and use these insights for future interviews.
In the dating example, for starters, a person with an internal locus of control would take actions to increase their chances of meeting potential mates.
They might try a dating site.
They might seek out people with similar passions, joining a running club or taking a photography class.
They might ask loved ones to set them up.
If a date goes terribly, they remind themselves that some people simply don’t have chemistry, and sometimes things don’t work out.
Ultimately, an internal locus of control is about responsibility, Turner said.
You know you don’t have complete control over your life, but you understand that you do have control over your effort, attitude and ability to be proactive.
You realize that you are responsible for what you make of your circumstances, she said.
It’s important to point out that these are general ways of how individuals interpret their world, Turner said. Which also might be “more pronounced in some areas than others, such as family versus work relationships.”
How do we develop an internal or external locus of control?
In short, it’s complicated.
That is, according to Turner, it’s “likely a complex interplay of intersectional factors like family, culture, gender, socioeconomic status, experience of poverty or violence.”
For instance, maybe you grew up in a family where your emotional and physical needs weren’t met, even though you tried your best to communicate them. And you learned that what you do doesn’t matter.
Maybe you grew up in an anti-Semitic country, and watched your loved ones get passed over for positions solely because of their ethnicity.
As kids, we also pick up on how adults in our lives perceive and respond to their own circumstances, Turner said.
Over time, this mentality becomes so ingrained that you believe and act like you have zero control, even when others tell you otherwise or opportunities arise.
For instance, as a child, you’re told repeatedly that you are stupid.
A supervisor points out your natural talents and offers to help you develop them, but you decline.
The good news is that you can change these beliefs, regardless of how entrenched they are.
Below Turner shared three ways you can start cultivating an internal locus of control.
Focus on what you can control.
Identify your goals and divide them into steps.
Ask yourself: “What do I want from my life?”
Next make two separate lists. Looking at your steps, note what you have control over and what you don’t.
Then reflect on your strengths.
Create a plan for how you’ll use your strengths to address the steps you have control over.
Turner shared these examples: You’re an extrovert who’s interested in programming.
You find an in-person class, which gives you the opportunity to study in a group setting and meet new people.
Or you’re an introvert who loves to cook.
You prepare a new recipe for a few friends.
“Actively exploring things you are good at or interested in in the context of what helps you be your best self can help us create our own path, not wait to let others create it for us.” (In the above example, someone who’s an extrovert seeks out a large group, while the introvert chooses a small group.)
Turn criticism into growth.
When something doesn’t go as you anticipated, practice self-compassion.
Focus on what you can learn, how you can evolve.
For instance, instead of saying, “I’m such an idiot” or “If I had been better, this wouldn’t have happened,” name what you’re feeling and learn from the experience, Turner said. You might say, “I’m feeling really disappointed that I wasn’t offered the job. What can I do to make myself a more attractive candidate for my next interview?”
Seek support.
“Life can be painful and disappointing, thrilling and challenging,” Turner said.
Having a support system is vital.
Others can help us gain perspective.
They can encourage and inspire us, particularly when we feel disappointed and stuck.
They can hold us accountable.
They can cheer us on.
And we can do the same for them. If you’re having a hard time finding supportive people, Turner suggested getting creative: Consider everything from book clubs to online communities to churches to counselors.
Having an internal locus of control is incredibly empowering.
It is this very thinking that helps us create the lives we want to live — lives that are fulfilling and meaningful to us.
At the same time, there are many factors — poverty, violence, sexism, ageism, racism — that have a significant influence on our well-being and sense of control, Turner said. “These are issues not just for the individual, but for our national and global society to acknowledge, take responsibility for, and begin to enact open-hearted and wise-minded change.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control
Personally, I used to be more external/unhealthy internal than I am presently.
This is only after a lot of self-work, soul searching, and acceptance of difficult concepts - like learning to accept chronic pain.
Becoming disabled from the arthritis in my spine was a huge blow to how much control I felt like I had over my life and where it was headed.
It was always on somewhat shaky ground being depressed as a child ---> adulthood.
My internal locus was jaded by issues of self-esteem and/or unhealthy concepts of perfectionism.
It actually wasn't until I started to have the loss of control due to the chronic pain and illness that I learned how to refocus and shift this perspective toward a healthy internal locus.
For a while there was a lot of anger, frustration, self-hatred.
It really took the dark night of my soul to find the attitude shift that ultimately saved me and helped me deal with constant pain and loss in ways that were restorative and desirable.
I am now incredibly grateful that I had this difficulty in my life - it forced me to sink or swim, and I'm still swimming.
Thoughts on the concept and how it applies to you?
Much love everyone!
(PS - the list below includes such statements like - it's in my control how I feel.
This isn't always true...there are a lot of reactions that are out of our control...especially when they have been tainted by trauma, loss, depression, etc.
However, those reactions that are out of our control can be relearned and changed...not always very easy, but well worth the efforts.
They eventually can become something within your control)
Cultivating an Internal Locus of Control — and Why It’s Crucial
By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
Associate Editor
By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
Associate Editor
You didn’t get the job you really wanted.
But you aren’t surprised.
The odds were stacked against you anyway.
Even if you prepared more, the result would’ve been the same: Someone else would’ve gotten the position.
Or you did get the job.
But it has nothing to do with your qualifications, experience or interview skills.
You were just at the right place at the right time.
You got lucky.
You decide to start dating.
Your first date is awful.
It’s awkward, and they spend the entire time talking about themselves.
Which only makes you feel more and more rejected.
But you’re not surprised, because this seems to happen often.
According to Rebecca Turner, MS, a marriage and family therapist intern, these examples illustrate an external locus of control: a belief that what happens in your life is outside of your control.
In contrast, individuals with an internal locus of control believe that what happens in their lives is within their control.
For instance, if a person with an internal locus of control gets a job, they believe that it’s, in part, due to their efforts, experience and hard work.
If they don’t get the job, they examine their interview and see where they can improve — and use these insights for future interviews.
In the dating example, for starters, a person with an internal locus of control would take actions to increase their chances of meeting potential mates.
They might try a dating site.
They might seek out people with similar passions, joining a running club or taking a photography class.
They might ask loved ones to set them up.
If a date goes terribly, they remind themselves that some people simply don’t have chemistry, and sometimes things don’t work out.
Ultimately, an internal locus of control is about responsibility, Turner said.
You know you don’t have complete control over your life, but you understand that you do have control over your effort, attitude and ability to be proactive.
You realize that you are responsible for what you make of your circumstances, she said.
It’s important to point out that these are general ways of how individuals interpret their world, Turner said. Which also might be “more pronounced in some areas than others, such as family versus work relationships.”
How do we develop an internal or external locus of control?
In short, it’s complicated.
That is, according to Turner, it’s “likely a complex interplay of intersectional factors like family, culture, gender, socioeconomic status, experience of poverty or violence.”
For instance, maybe you grew up in a family where your emotional and physical needs weren’t met, even though you tried your best to communicate them. And you learned that what you do doesn’t matter.
Maybe you grew up in an anti-Semitic country, and watched your loved ones get passed over for positions solely because of their ethnicity.
As kids, we also pick up on how adults in our lives perceive and respond to their own circumstances, Turner said.
Over time, this mentality becomes so ingrained that you believe and act like you have zero control, even when others tell you otherwise or opportunities arise.
For instance, as a child, you’re told repeatedly that you are stupid.
A supervisor points out your natural talents and offers to help you develop them, but you decline.
The good news is that you can change these beliefs, regardless of how entrenched they are.
Below Turner shared three ways you can start cultivating an internal locus of control.
Focus on what you can control.
Identify your goals and divide them into steps.
Ask yourself: “What do I want from my life?”
Next make two separate lists. Looking at your steps, note what you have control over and what you don’t.
Then reflect on your strengths.
Create a plan for how you’ll use your strengths to address the steps you have control over.
Turner shared these examples: You’re an extrovert who’s interested in programming.
You find an in-person class, which gives you the opportunity to study in a group setting and meet new people.
Or you’re an introvert who loves to cook.
You prepare a new recipe for a few friends.
“Actively exploring things you are good at or interested in in the context of what helps you be your best self can help us create our own path, not wait to let others create it for us.” (In the above example, someone who’s an extrovert seeks out a large group, while the introvert chooses a small group.)
Turn criticism into growth.
When something doesn’t go as you anticipated, practice self-compassion.
Focus on what you can learn, how you can evolve.
For instance, instead of saying, “I’m such an idiot” or “If I had been better, this wouldn’t have happened,” name what you’re feeling and learn from the experience, Turner said. You might say, “I’m feeling really disappointed that I wasn’t offered the job. What can I do to make myself a more attractive candidate for my next interview?”
Seek support.
“Life can be painful and disappointing, thrilling and challenging,” Turner said.
Having a support system is vital.
Others can help us gain perspective.
They can encourage and inspire us, particularly when we feel disappointed and stuck.
They can hold us accountable.
They can cheer us on.
And we can do the same for them. If you’re having a hard time finding supportive people, Turner suggested getting creative: Consider everything from book clubs to online communities to churches to counselors.
Having an internal locus of control is incredibly empowering.
It is this very thinking that helps us create the lives we want to live — lives that are fulfilling and meaningful to us.
At the same time, there are many factors — poverty, violence, sexism, ageism, racism — that have a significant influence on our well-being and sense of control, Turner said. “These are issues not just for the individual, but for our national and global society to acknowledge, take responsibility for, and begin to enact open-hearted and wise-minded change.”
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- It's your choice how you interpret events.
- It's your choice what meaning you give to the things that happen to you.
- It's your choice what you focus your attention on.
- It's your choice who you compare yourself to.
- It's your choice what you expect from yourself, from others and from your life.
- It's your choice what you imagine will happen next.
- It's your choice what you remember about your past.
- It's your choice how important you consider events to be.
- It's your choice what you think about.
- It's your choice how you feel.
- No one can upset you, but you.
- What others say and do are just events that you can choose how to react to.
- Events do not cause your feelings. Your thoughts do.
- No one is responsible for how you feel, except you.
- It's not anyone else’s job to make you feel better, but your own.
- Others can think and say whatever they want about you. But it's your choice how you feel about yourself. No one gets to make those choices for you, unless you let them. And you can choose not to.
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ah, my life in a nutshell. I spent so much of my life drowning in low self esteem. it jaded every decision I made. I didn't really wake up from it until my divorce. at that point I decided to take whatever time it took to discover the self I never really knew. to state my wants and needs clearly to others. to really understand that I am in control of every aspect of my life, and to start living that way. .
Impact Character
folding paper cranes ⭐
I read about this when I was learning more on Imposter Syndrome, which is basically an example of the topic itself.
In German locus of control has a "conviction of control" nuance (much stronger than belief) with the "expectation of self-efficacy". ..Expectation.. is a word with problems of its own, isn't it?
My past has been shaky often, with things that were really not in my control whatsoever (this is not about blaming, just literally not in my hands' reach), and although intellectually I know these statements from your post above are to be true, my heart is not really full heartedly onboard so to say. Low self-esteem, high expectation, distorted responsibilities, and unhealthy perfectionism have been a part of this.
In German locus of control has a "conviction of control" nuance (much stronger than belief) with the "expectation of self-efficacy". ..Expectation.. is a word with problems of its own, isn't it?
My past has been shaky often, with things that were really not in my control whatsoever (this is not about blaming, just literally not in my hands' reach), and although intellectually I know these statements from your post above are to be true, my heart is not really full heartedly onboard so to say. Low self-esteem, high expectation, distorted responsibilities, and unhealthy perfectionism have been a part of this.
I'm glad that you found your way!
Unfortunately it seems that it takes some kind of big negative experience to wake us up and shift our perspective.
The whole...gotta learn to be comfortable in the darkness to fully appreciate the light type saying.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts my friend!
I hear you!
There will always be aspects of our lives that are not in our control - this whole virus business is a prime example of that!
And...there are many reactions we have as humans that are not in our control always, many of those must be learned or unlearned.
This is the quandary yes!
I've had similar issues with all those and sometimes still do...I don't know that we can always keep a purely internal locus all the time.
Not sure that is even healthy, lol?
But it is possible to start to change it from an intellectual understanding, to one that is also true to you in your heart - it just takes time, effort, and a lot of commitment.
It would be wonderful if you we could shift this perspective overnight...but we don't work in such ways usually.
For as long as you have seen things through one lens of thinking, it will take a good while to shift it to the other lens.
If your entire life has been all about learned helplessness, it can be incredibly difficult to change that way of thinking...if one can even imagine that at all when in this state.
I have found that it's about lots of small changes consistently done over a long period of time - which can make one also impatient and want to give up too - as it can be easy to feel that progress is not being made or made fast enough for our tastes.
For me, it was the loss of control that showed me change needed to be made in some drastic ways.
It was slowly killing me, killing my soul anyhow if that makes sense?
Thanks for sharing too!
I hope you are happy and well!
Impact Character
folding paper cranes ⭐
I'm glad that you found your way!
Unfortunately it seems that it takes some kind of big negative experience to wake us up and shift our perspective.
The whole...gotta learn to be comfortable in the darkness to fully appreciate the light type saying.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts my friend!
I hear you!
There will always be aspects of our lives that are not in our control - this whole virus business is a prime example of that!
And...there are many reactions we have as humans that are not in our control always, many of those must be learned or unlearned.
This is the quandary yes!
I've had similar issues with all those and sometimes still do...I don't know that we can always keep a purely internal locus all the time.
Not sure that is even healthy, lol?
But it is possible to start to change it from an intellectual understanding, to one that is also true to you in your heart - it just takes time, effort, and a lot of commitment.
It would be wonderful if you we could shift this perspective overnight...but we don't work in such ways usually.
For as long as you have seen things through one lens of thinking, it will take a good while to shift it to the other lens.
If your entire life has been all about learned helplessness, it can be incredibly difficult to change that way of thinking...if one can even imagine that at all when in this state.
I have found that it's about lots of small changes consistently done over a long period of time - which can make one also impatient and want to give up too - as it can be easy to feel that progress is not being made or made fast enough for our tastes.
For me, it was the loss of control that showed me change needed to be made in some drastic ways.
It was slowly killing me, killing my soul anyhow if that makes sense?
Thanks for sharing too!
I hope you are happy and well!
Yes, it takes time, learning all these things are really helpful in resetting alot of internal things, understanding "normalcy" and such, or just plain having names for things.
(But.. then again! I'm still here kicking.. so, something must have gone right underneath despite of difficulties and regular shakyness. Things are gray, right?)
I believe the heart needs to dare, whenever things have to do with the heart it is about courage, vulnerability and openess to new experiences in the end. Things that cannot be unlearned or learned only by pure intellect or theory in a remote castle of riskfree security. - Stepping out of the quarantine of the heart.
You make as always alot of sense, Skare. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the topic and your personal feelings. You too, @Aneirin Much appreciated. <3
Arrogance exists within us all.
This is something I recognize and continue to work on within myself.
For those who may have noticed me overstep my bounds in this regard from time to time, bless you and thank you for showing kindness and patience in return.
We truly are all works in progress!
Love to you all - stay safe out there in this upside-down world!
In light of the upcoming presidential race and the increase in narcissism amongst our youth, I think it’s safe to say that, as a society, we could use a little more humility.
Our culture places so much value on external accomplishments, appearance, and self-aggrandizement—all things that are ephemeral at best—that even a small display of this quiet virtue can make one feel like a drowning man coming up for air.
Yet why can it be so challenging for us to express humility?
Is it because we often misinterpret its active demonstration to be a sign of weakness, when in actuality it is an indication of tremendous inner strength?
The answers may be found in what scientists are discovering about this quality—one so deeply revered by all spiritual traditions that many consider it to be the mother of all virtues.
Why is humility good?
When I meet someone who radiates humility, my shoulders relax, my heart beats a little more quietly, and something inside me lets go.
Why?
Because I know that I’m being fully seen, heard, and accepted for who I am, warts and all—a precious and rare gift that allows our protective walls to come down.
Truly humble people are able to offer this kind of gift to us because they see and accept their own strengths and limitations without defensiveness or judgment—a core dimension, according to researchers, of humility, and one that cultivates a powerful compassion for humanity.
This kind of self-acceptance emerges from grounding one’s worth in our intrinsic value as human beings rather than things such as six-figure salaries or the body of a movie star or climbing the corporate ladder or the number of friends on Facebook.
Instead, humble people place high value on more meaningful things that benefit others, such as noble qualities.
They also see life as a school, recognizing that while none of us is perfect, we can, without negatively impacting our self-esteem, work on our limitations by being open to new ideas, advice, and criticism.
This ability alone cultivates an awe-inspiring inner strength, the most powerful example of which is Gandhi, whose Autobiography is a journey of humbling self-dissection.
He once famously said, “I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”
If Gandhi is an example of what a humble leader can accomplish, then society serves to benefit from this kind of governance.
Consider what researchers of the “quiet ego”—a construct similar to humility—suggest happens when we gain control of our ego: we become less likely to act aggressively, manipulate others, express dishonesty, and destroy resources.
Instead, we take responsibility for and correct our mistakes, listen to others’ ideas, and keep our abilities in humble perspective.
Who wouldn’t want that kind of leadership for our country—and the world?
But the benefits of humility do not extend to just our leaders.
Nascent research suggests that this lovely quality is good for us individually and for our relationships.
For example, humble people handle stress more effectively and report higher levels of physical and mental well-being.
They also show greater generosity, helpfulness, and gratitude—all things that can only serve to draw us closer to others.
Three tips for cultivating humility
Given what scientists have discovered about humility, it’s evident that cultivating this quality is not for the faint-hearted, nor does it appear overnight.
Yet it would seem that one of the great rewards of humility is an inner freedom from having to protect those parts that we try to hide from ourselves and others.
In other words, we develop a quiet, understanding, and compassionate heart.
Here are some scientifically-based ways to start.
1. Embrace your humanness
For many, when we fail at something that is important to us—a job or a relationship, for example—our self-esteem plummets because we tied our self-worth to those things.
All of a sudden, we become bad or unworthy people, and it can be a long road to recovery.
Not so for people with humility.
As stated earlier, their ability to withstand failure or criticism comes from their sense of intrinsic value of being human rather than outer means.
So when they fail at a task or don’t live up to expectations, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with them.
It just means that they are human like the rest of us.
Scientists suggest that this intrinsic value stems from secure attachment, or the healthy emotional bond formed with close others, usually our childhood caregivers.
Having the experience of unconditional acceptance and love, particularly when we’re young, can serve as a buffer against the effects of criticism or failure.
Unfortunately, many of us did not experience secure attachment when we were children.
One study found that a whopping 40 percent of adults are not securely attached, but thankfully this does not mean we are doomed.
We can heal through healthy adult relationships, such as friends, romantic partners, or even with a higher power.
This recent GGSC article suggests some ways.
2. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion
In recent years, mindfulness and self-compassion have been linked to greater psychological resilience and emotional well-being.
And I can’t imagine developing humility without them.
According to scientists, humble people have an accurate picture of themselves—both their faults and their gifts—which helps them to see what might need changing within.
Mindfulness grows our self-awareness by giving us permission to stop and notice our thoughts and emotions without judgment (if we judge what’s going on inside us, we paint a distorted view of ourselves).
The more we become aware of our inner lives, the easier it is to see where unhealthy beliefs and actions might be limiting us.
Noticing and then accepting those parts of ourselves that are wreaking havoc and that require us to change calls for self-compassion, or treating oneself with kindness and understanding.
Once we accept what needs changing, then we can start the process of transformation.
I love the saying by a wise sage, “If you are in a dark room, don’t beat the darkness with a stick. Rather, turn on the light.”
In other words, just gently and patiently replace a negative thought or action with a positive one and over time, we may not even recognize the person we once were.
3. Express gratitude
Saying “thank you” means that we recognize the gifts that come into our lives and, as a result, acknowledge the value of other people.
Very simply, gratitude can make us less self-focused and more focused on those around us—a hallmark of humble people.
Indeed, a recent study found that gratitude and humility are mutually reinforcing. Expressing gratitude can induce humility in us, and humble people have a greater capacity for conveying gratitude.
Both gratitude letters and gratitude diaries were used in this study—easy to perform practices that are described in greater detail on the GGSC’s Greater Good in Action website.
Perhaps the key to humility is seeing life as a journey towards cultivating those qualities that bring out the best in ourselves and others and make this world a better place.
And this journey is not just for the average person, but one that many of our greatest leaders have embarked upon.
To close with the words of one who knew humility, Nelson Mandela:
Transactional Analysis is based on the understanding that everyone has three parts, Parent, Adult and Child.
The Parent is the learned element, and is basically the unfiltered recordings of the first five years of your life.
It can be thought of as what your parents taught you, consciously or unconsciously, in that time.
It may include safety information (“Don’t run across the road!”), beliefs (religious or ‘life’ systems), and rules for life.
The Child is the ‘felt experience’, or the remembered responses of the ‘little person’ to the adult world, again in the first five years.
In general, the Child is about emotion and feelings, as these are the predominant response in small children.
The Adult is the thinking or reasoning element who examines the Parent and Child data and decides whether
When the Parent is involved, there are some give-aways in the language used, with common phrases being ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘should’, and ‘ought’, especially when these are used without considering whether the position is sensible.
There may also be gestures such as finger-wagging and head-shaking.
The Child often manifests in a very emotional response.
Verbal clues include use of childish words and phrases such as ‘I wish’, ‘gonna’, ‘don’t want’, and ‘won’t’.
The Adult manifests through fact-finding.
The basic language of the Adult is a series of questions: who, what, why, where, how?
This is something I recognize and continue to work on within myself.
For those who may have noticed me overstep my bounds in this regard from time to time, bless you and thank you for showing kindness and patience in return.
We truly are all works in progress!
Love to you all - stay safe out there in this upside-down world!
How Humility Will Make You the Greatest Person Ever
It's so hard to be humble.
Here are three tips for taming your ego.
BY VICKI ZAKRZEWSKI
It's so hard to be humble.
Here are three tips for taming your ego.
BY VICKI ZAKRZEWSKI
In light of the upcoming presidential race and the increase in narcissism amongst our youth, I think it’s safe to say that, as a society, we could use a little more humility.
Our culture places so much value on external accomplishments, appearance, and self-aggrandizement—all things that are ephemeral at best—that even a small display of this quiet virtue can make one feel like a drowning man coming up for air.
Yet why can it be so challenging for us to express humility?
Is it because we often misinterpret its active demonstration to be a sign of weakness, when in actuality it is an indication of tremendous inner strength?
The answers may be found in what scientists are discovering about this quality—one so deeply revered by all spiritual traditions that many consider it to be the mother of all virtues.
Why is humility good?
When I meet someone who radiates humility, my shoulders relax, my heart beats a little more quietly, and something inside me lets go.
Why?
Because I know that I’m being fully seen, heard, and accepted for who I am, warts and all—a precious and rare gift that allows our protective walls to come down.
Truly humble people are able to offer this kind of gift to us because they see and accept their own strengths and limitations without defensiveness or judgment—a core dimension, according to researchers, of humility, and one that cultivates a powerful compassion for humanity.
This kind of self-acceptance emerges from grounding one’s worth in our intrinsic value as human beings rather than things such as six-figure salaries or the body of a movie star or climbing the corporate ladder or the number of friends on Facebook.
Instead, humble people place high value on more meaningful things that benefit others, such as noble qualities.
They also see life as a school, recognizing that while none of us is perfect, we can, without negatively impacting our self-esteem, work on our limitations by being open to new ideas, advice, and criticism.
This ability alone cultivates an awe-inspiring inner strength, the most powerful example of which is Gandhi, whose Autobiography is a journey of humbling self-dissection.
He once famously said, “I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”
If Gandhi is an example of what a humble leader can accomplish, then society serves to benefit from this kind of governance.
Consider what researchers of the “quiet ego”—a construct similar to humility—suggest happens when we gain control of our ego: we become less likely to act aggressively, manipulate others, express dishonesty, and destroy resources.
Instead, we take responsibility for and correct our mistakes, listen to others’ ideas, and keep our abilities in humble perspective.
Who wouldn’t want that kind of leadership for our country—and the world?
But the benefits of humility do not extend to just our leaders.
Nascent research suggests that this lovely quality is good for us individually and for our relationships.
For example, humble people handle stress more effectively and report higher levels of physical and mental well-being.
They also show greater generosity, helpfulness, and gratitude—all things that can only serve to draw us closer to others.
Three tips for cultivating humility
Given what scientists have discovered about humility, it’s evident that cultivating this quality is not for the faint-hearted, nor does it appear overnight.
Yet it would seem that one of the great rewards of humility is an inner freedom from having to protect those parts that we try to hide from ourselves and others.
In other words, we develop a quiet, understanding, and compassionate heart.
Here are some scientifically-based ways to start.
1. Embrace your humanness
For many, when we fail at something that is important to us—a job or a relationship, for example—our self-esteem plummets because we tied our self-worth to those things.
All of a sudden, we become bad or unworthy people, and it can be a long road to recovery.
Not so for people with humility.
As stated earlier, their ability to withstand failure or criticism comes from their sense of intrinsic value of being human rather than outer means.
So when they fail at a task or don’t live up to expectations, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with them.
It just means that they are human like the rest of us.
Scientists suggest that this intrinsic value stems from secure attachment, or the healthy emotional bond formed with close others, usually our childhood caregivers.
Having the experience of unconditional acceptance and love, particularly when we’re young, can serve as a buffer against the effects of criticism or failure.
Unfortunately, many of us did not experience secure attachment when we were children.
One study found that a whopping 40 percent of adults are not securely attached, but thankfully this does not mean we are doomed.
We can heal through healthy adult relationships, such as friends, romantic partners, or even with a higher power.
This recent GGSC article suggests some ways.
2. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion
In recent years, mindfulness and self-compassion have been linked to greater psychological resilience and emotional well-being.
And I can’t imagine developing humility without them.
According to scientists, humble people have an accurate picture of themselves—both their faults and their gifts—which helps them to see what might need changing within.
Mindfulness grows our self-awareness by giving us permission to stop and notice our thoughts and emotions without judgment (if we judge what’s going on inside us, we paint a distorted view of ourselves).
The more we become aware of our inner lives, the easier it is to see where unhealthy beliefs and actions might be limiting us.
Noticing and then accepting those parts of ourselves that are wreaking havoc and that require us to change calls for self-compassion, or treating oneself with kindness and understanding.
Once we accept what needs changing, then we can start the process of transformation.
I love the saying by a wise sage, “If you are in a dark room, don’t beat the darkness with a stick. Rather, turn on the light.”
In other words, just gently and patiently replace a negative thought or action with a positive one and over time, we may not even recognize the person we once were.
3. Express gratitude
Saying “thank you” means that we recognize the gifts that come into our lives and, as a result, acknowledge the value of other people.
Very simply, gratitude can make us less self-focused and more focused on those around us—a hallmark of humble people.
Indeed, a recent study found that gratitude and humility are mutually reinforcing. Expressing gratitude can induce humility in us, and humble people have a greater capacity for conveying gratitude.
Both gratitude letters and gratitude diaries were used in this study—easy to perform practices that are described in greater detail on the GGSC’s Greater Good in Action website.
Perhaps the key to humility is seeing life as a journey towards cultivating those qualities that bring out the best in ourselves and others and make this world a better place.
And this journey is not just for the average person, but one that many of our greatest leaders have embarked upon.
To close with the words of one who knew humility, Nelson Mandela:
"As I have said, the first thing is to be honest with yourself. You can never have an impact on society if you have not changed yourself…Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, and humility."
- Spend time listening to others
A key quality of humbleness is to value others and enable them to be heard. Spending time listening to others, and drawing out their feelings and values, enabling them to express themselves, is a very powerful way to start to understand this.
It is important to remember that you are not trying to solve their problems, or answer them: just listen and respond to them as a fellow-human.
- Practice mindfulness, and focus on the present
A key part of mindfulness is accepting what is, rather than judging and commenting on it. An important element of humility is accepting yourself with all your faults, rather than judging yourself for your shortcomings. That doesn’t mean you should not strive to improve, but positively, rather than berating yourself for your negative qualities.
- Be grateful for what you have
In other words, take the time to ‘count your blessings’, and be thankful for them. It is easy to get sucked into a negative spiral of wanting more, whether in yourself, or externally. Taking time to stop, and remember what you have to be grateful for, is a good way to cultivate a more humble, and positive, frame of mind.
- Ask for help when you need it
There is, as many of us will ruefully recognize, a form of pride that lies in being able to solve our own problems. Humility, therefore, lies in recognizing when we need help, and being able to ask for it appropriately. You may find it helpful to read about Transactional Analysis to identify how to ask for help without losing a sense of equality.
Transactional Analysis is based on the understanding that everyone has three parts, Parent, Adult and Child.
The Parent is the learned element, and is basically the unfiltered recordings of the first five years of your life.
It can be thought of as what your parents taught you, consciously or unconsciously, in that time.
It may include safety information (“Don’t run across the road!”), beliefs (religious or ‘life’ systems), and rules for life.
The Child is the ‘felt experience’, or the remembered responses of the ‘little person’ to the adult world, again in the first five years.
In general, the Child is about emotion and feelings, as these are the predominant response in small children.
The Adult is the thinking or reasoning element who examines the Parent and Child data and decides whether
When the Parent is involved, there are some give-aways in the language used, with common phrases being ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘should’, and ‘ought’, especially when these are used without considering whether the position is sensible.
There may also be gestures such as finger-wagging and head-shaking.
The Child often manifests in a very emotional response.
Verbal clues include use of childish words and phrases such as ‘I wish’, ‘gonna’, ‘don’t want’, and ‘won’t’.
The Adult manifests through fact-finding.
The basic language of the Adult is a series of questions: who, what, why, where, how?
- Seek feedback from others on a regular basis
This is, perhaps, particularly important for leaders, but we can all gain from hearing what others think of us. Take time to ask others to provide feedback, anonymously if necessary, and make it clear that you welcome their opinions. Listen to the feedback openly and then be grateful.
- Review your actions against the language of pride
Pride and arrogance, which also cover smugness, snobbery, and vanity, are unpleasant words. It can sometimes be hard to avoid feeling a bit proud of ourselves, or vain, or even snobbish. It is often quite pleasant to feel like that, for example, if we have done something good, and everyone is praising us. However, we tend not to call these feelings by name, because the words themselves carry negative connotations.
To cultivate humility, review your feelings against the words: ask yourself ‘was that snobbish?’, ‘was I being a bit vain then?’, and be honest about the answers. Recognizing and naming these feelings for what they are is a good step towards humility.
Great read! Thank you for posting this!Arrogance exists within us all.
This is something I recognize and continue to work on within myself.
For those who may have noticed me overstep my bounds in this regard from time to time, bless you and thank you for showing kindness and patience in return.
We truly are all works in progress!
Love to you all - stay safe out there in this upside-down world!
How Humility Will Make You the Greatest Person Ever
It's so hard to be humble.
Here are three tips for taming your ego.
BY VICKI ZAKRZEWSKI
In light of the upcoming presidential race and the increase in narcissism amongst our youth, I think it’s safe to say that, as a society, we could use a little more humility.
Our culture places so much value on external accomplishments, appearance, and self-aggrandizement—all things that are ephemeral at best—that even a small display of this quiet virtue can make one feel like a drowning man coming up for air.
Yet why can it be so challenging for us to express humility?
Is it because we often misinterpret its active demonstration to be a sign of weakness, when in actuality it is an indication of tremendous inner strength?
The answers may be found in what scientists are discovering about this quality—one so deeply revered by all spiritual traditions that many consider it to be the mother of all virtues.
Why is humility good?
When I meet someone who radiates humility, my shoulders relax, my heart beats a little more quietly, and something inside me lets go.
Why?
Because I know that I’m being fully seen, heard, and accepted for who I am, warts and all—a precious and rare gift that allows our protective walls to come down.
Truly humble people are able to offer this kind of gift to us because they see and accept their own strengths and limitations without defensiveness or judgment—a core dimension, according to researchers, of humility, and one that cultivates a powerful compassion for humanity.
This kind of self-acceptance emerges from grounding one’s worth in our intrinsic value as human beings rather than things such as six-figure salaries or the body of a movie star or climbing the corporate ladder or the number of friends on Facebook.
Instead, humble people place high value on more meaningful things that benefit others, such as noble qualities.
They also see life as a school, recognizing that while none of us is perfect, we can, without negatively impacting our self-esteem, work on our limitations by being open to new ideas, advice, and criticism.
This ability alone cultivates an awe-inspiring inner strength, the most powerful example of which is Gandhi, whose Autobiography is a journey of humbling self-dissection.
He once famously said, “I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”
If Gandhi is an example of what a humble leader can accomplish, then society serves to benefit from this kind of governance.
Consider what researchers of the “quiet ego”—a construct similar to humility—suggest happens when we gain control of our ego: we become less likely to act aggressively, manipulate others, express dishonesty, and destroy resources.
Instead, we take responsibility for and correct our mistakes, listen to others’ ideas, and keep our abilities in humble perspective.
Who wouldn’t want that kind of leadership for our country—and the world?
But the benefits of humility do not extend to just our leaders.
Nascent research suggests that this lovely quality is good for us individually and for our relationships.
For example, humble people handle stress more effectively and report higher levels of physical and mental well-being.
They also show greater generosity, helpfulness, and gratitude—all things that can only serve to draw us closer to others.
Three tips for cultivating humility
Given what scientists have discovered about humility, it’s evident that cultivating this quality is not for the faint-hearted, nor does it appear overnight.
Yet it would seem that one of the great rewards of humility is an inner freedom from having to protect those parts that we try to hide from ourselves and others.
In other words, we develop a quiet, understanding, and compassionate heart.
Here are some scientifically-based ways to start.
1. Embrace your humanness
For many, when we fail at something that is important to us—a job or a relationship, for example—our self-esteem plummets because we tied our self-worth to those things.
All of a sudden, we become bad or unworthy people, and it can be a long road to recovery.
Not so for people with humility.
As stated earlier, their ability to withstand failure or criticism comes from their sense of intrinsic value of being human rather than outer means.
So when they fail at a task or don’t live up to expectations, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with them.
It just means that they are human like the rest of us.
Scientists suggest that this intrinsic value stems from secure attachment, or the healthy emotional bond formed with close others, usually our childhood caregivers.
Having the experience of unconditional acceptance and love, particularly when we’re young, can serve as a buffer against the effects of criticism or failure.
Unfortunately, many of us did not experience secure attachment when we were children.
One study found that a whopping 40 percent of adults are not securely attached, but thankfully this does not mean we are doomed.
We can heal through healthy adult relationships, such as friends, romantic partners, or even with a higher power.
This recent GGSC article suggests some ways.
2. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion
In recent years, mindfulness and self-compassion have been linked to greater psychological resilience and emotional well-being.
And I can’t imagine developing humility without them.
According to scientists, humble people have an accurate picture of themselves—both their faults and their gifts—which helps them to see what might need changing within.
Mindfulness grows our self-awareness by giving us permission to stop and notice our thoughts and emotions without judgment (if we judge what’s going on inside us, we paint a distorted view of ourselves).
The more we become aware of our inner lives, the easier it is to see where unhealthy beliefs and actions might be limiting us.
Noticing and then accepting those parts of ourselves that are wreaking havoc and that require us to change calls for self-compassion, or treating oneself with kindness and understanding.
Once we accept what needs changing, then we can start the process of transformation.
I love the saying by a wise sage, “If you are in a dark room, don’t beat the darkness with a stick. Rather, turn on the light.”
In other words, just gently and patiently replace a negative thought or action with a positive one and over time, we may not even recognize the person we once were.
3. Express gratitude
Saying “thank you” means that we recognize the gifts that come into our lives and, as a result, acknowledge the value of other people.
Very simply, gratitude can make us less self-focused and more focused on those around us—a hallmark of humble people.
Indeed, a recent study found that gratitude and humility are mutually reinforcing. Expressing gratitude can induce humility in us, and humble people have a greater capacity for conveying gratitude.
Both gratitude letters and gratitude diaries were used in this study—easy to perform practices that are described in greater detail on the GGSC’s Greater Good in Action website.
Perhaps the key to humility is seeing life as a journey towards cultivating those qualities that bring out the best in ourselves and others and make this world a better place.
And this journey is not just for the average person, but one that many of our greatest leaders have embarked upon.
To close with the words of one who knew humility, Nelson Mandela:
"As I have said, the first thing is to be honest with yourself. You can never have an impact on society if you have not changed yourself…Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, and humility."
- Spend time listening to others
A key quality of humbleness is to value others and enable them to be heard. Spending time listening to others, and drawing out their feelings and values, enabling them to express themselves, is a very powerful way to start to understand this.
It is important to remember that you are not trying to solve their problems, or answer them: just listen and respond to them as a fellow-human.
- Practice mindfulness, and focus on the present
A key part of mindfulness is accepting what is, rather than judging and commenting on it. An important element of humility is accepting yourself with all your faults, rather than judging yourself for your shortcomings. That doesn’t mean you should not strive to improve, but positively, rather than berating yourself for your negative qualities.
- Be grateful for what you have
In other words, take the time to ‘count your blessings’, and be thankful for them. It is easy to get sucked into a negative spiral of wanting more, whether in yourself, or externally. Taking time to stop, and remember what you have to be grateful for, is a good way to cultivate a more humble, and positive, frame of mind.
- Ask for help when you need it
There is, as many of us will ruefully recognize, a form of pride that lies in being able to solve our own problems. Humility, therefore, lies in recognizing when we need help, and being able to ask for it appropriately. You may find it helpful to read about Transactional Analysis to identify how to ask for help without losing a sense of equality.
Transactional Analysis is based on the understanding that everyone has three parts, Parent, Adult and Child.
The Parent is the learned element, and is basically the unfiltered recordings of the first five years of your life.
It can be thought of as what your parents taught you, consciously or unconsciously, in that time.
It may include safety information (“Don’t run across the road!”), beliefs (religious or ‘life’ systems), and rules for life.
The Child is the ‘felt experience’, or the remembered responses of the ‘little person’ to the adult world, again in the first five years.
In general, the Child is about emotion and feelings, as these are the predominant response in small children.
The Adult is the thinking or reasoning element who examines the Parent and Child data and decides whether
When the Parent is involved, there are some give-aways in the language used, with common phrases being ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘should’, and ‘ought’, especially when these are used without considering whether the position is sensible.
There may also be gestures such as finger-wagging and head-shaking.
The Child often manifests in a very emotional response.
Verbal clues include use of childish words and phrases such as ‘I wish’, ‘gonna’, ‘don’t want’, and ‘won’t’.
The Adult manifests through fact-finding.
The basic language of the Adult is a series of questions: who, what, why, where, how?
- Seek feedback from others on a regular basis
This is, perhaps, particularly important for leaders, but we can all gain from hearing what others think of us. Take time to ask others to provide feedback, anonymously if necessary, and make it clear that you welcome their opinions. Listen to the feedback openly and then be grateful.
- Review your actions against the language of pride
Pride and arrogance, which also cover smugness, snobbery, and vanity, are unpleasant words. It can sometimes be hard to avoid feeling a bit proud of ourselves, or vain, or even snobbish. It is often quite pleasant to feel like that, for example, if we have done something good, and everyone is praising us. However, we tend not to call these feelings by name, because the words themselves carry negative connotations.
To cultivate humility, review your feelings against the words: ask yourself ‘was that snobbish?’, ‘was I being a bit vain then?’, and be honest about the answers. Recognizing and naming these feelings for what they are is a good step towards humility.
Hoping you all are weathering the storm okay. Big hugs❤
Same to you!
I still send you daily prayers and healing thoughts in my meditations even when I haven't been on the forum for a while!
Thank you for being you Sandie!
Same to you!
I still send you daily prayers and healing thoughts in my meditations even when I haven't been on the forum for a while!
Thank you for being you Sandie!
awww shucks. I needed that. Sure am grateful you are you too! Can't help but think at times our paths were meant to cross for a purpose. Many thanks Friend, it's an honor to be.
The honor is all mine!
You are the poster-child of passion, compassion, and kindness.
for me it took a complete failure of life as I knew it to begin the process of examining life. I found so much to work on. . and here I am, still a work in progress, but standing on firm ground for the first time in a long, long time