I am a male INFJ, and I couldn't be more straight. I love everything about women; the beauty, grace, mysteries, and also the beasts in hiding. Some of the women I regularly interact with thinks that I'm gay since I don't show any sexual interest. The truth is ,I'm incredibly picky about women and cheap sexual behaviors often times turn me off, and i lose all interest in them. I stopped correcting people about my sexuality since they will never understand my side of the story.
Very much agreed here. I am also a very straight INFJ male, with almost these exact sentiments. The two other INFJ males (both straight) that I know in real life are almost exactly the same as well.
I've also had more than a few people assume I was female online. I think the fact that I have a gender balanced personality is a strength.
But, I have to admit, I have felt a lot of pressure over the course of my life to be more masculine, to live up to a gender role that I'm just not capable of truly meeting. I'd rather help a girl out with her emotional problems than help her out of her pants. I've always been surprised when women are shocked that I'm not trying to have sex with them. I can't imagine why someone would try to take advantage of them like that. Apparently, most women can't imagine a guy not trying to take advantage of them. I'm also not into sports, fixing cars, or any of that manly stuff. I'm also not especially driven to be overly successful. I just want to help and hopefully that will include me being comfortable in the process. So far, it's worked out for me, but I've been labeled an underachiever my whole life. I'm happy. I help people. I live. I love. I don't see the problem, but the male gender role doesn't seem to include this sort of thing.
I come off as a very masculine guy when people first meet me in real life, and they're often surprised to find out how strong my feminine side is. Even my highly perceptive INTJs are surprised by this. Once people get to know me, I'm often accused of being a 'woman' due to the way I think, feel, and care about people, and especially about how I approach relationships. I care more about the emotional side of things, the touching, the simple affection, the connection between us, etc than the sex. In fact, unless the sex is a by product of the emotional spiritual connection, I'm not interested - and I feel gross about it.
I've also been told by some of the girls I've been with that I kiss like a girl (well all of them that had been in relationships with girls), meaning that I have the emotional intimacy and compassion of a woman - again this is a surprise to them because of my 'big tough guy' presence which I've never been able to understand who I manage to project this. I've always been a big old teddy bear on the inside. When I get protective, it's always a very maternal type of reflex, but I suppose it is because I have very masculine features and those piercing INFJ eyes.
But, I also agree that there seems to be a lot of gay INFJ males. Funny thing about that is, us straight INFJ males never have any issue with that. We all seem to understand that fussy sensibility we all share with respect to our mates and accept that our gay INFJ males have the same fussiness, and their very small group of potential mates just happens to also be male. We all understand that there are a LOT more requirements beyond gender. It's just how we are.
Our fluid (and feminine) exterior masks our steely centers. ( It accounts for that unexplained glint in our eyes.)
People don't anticipate that head-rattling clang when they sound us out with force.
I'm kinda the opposite. Apparently my steely center comes across pretty strong, and it's my fluid side (I much prefer the wording you're using here) that is not seen very clearly.
But, once people see this part of me and come to know it, they are even more surprised by the head-rattling clang when someone forces my hand.
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