rmoat
Newbie
- MBTI
- INFJ
I wanted to start a conversation about INFJs making friends with others. Before I fully knew my MBTI type, it would always frustrate me when there was this group of friends, and I really only could connect with one but not the majority of the group. The one friend that I did connect with would always tell me, "The others just don't understand you", "Try to be social tonight, the others think you don't like them because you never talk in the group", and "You just kind of leave everyone and they don't think you like them".
It wasn't until I understood what an INFJ really was, until I started connecting the pieces. It got me thinking about relationships, friendships, and even dating. It made me wonder, are other INFJs like me when it comes to creating relationships? Or am I just really weird?
I often have come off as a snob to others, because no matter what MBTI type people are, I don't make friends by talking (small talk, especially since I don't like small talk, or really know what to say to someone I don't really know). I've also noticed that depending on the person, it can take a very short few weeks to as long as a year for someone to actually get to know me.
I like to say I am an introvert in communication and interaction with people, but I am an extrovert when it comes to physical activities and sports. So basically, talking to me will rarely form a friendship/relationship or a bond. But if you go do something with me, people will see the real me (after some time).
Also, I realized I can go for a very long time without any close friends. Yes, interaction with casual friends is okay, but I've gone up to a year without close friends, and then at one point I get to the point where I really feel like I need a close friend. I don't open up to many people, and most people that could be potential friends are just not even interesting to me (same goes with dating, so many girls that I could date, and yet sometimes there is only 1 in 100 that will stand out to me--guess that's why I am still single).
But then, someone will enter my life (whether it be someone I work with, someone I see at some event on occasion) and I really want to know them. It's like there is something about them that has attracted the INFJ in me. And I will go out of my way to reach out to them (non-typical for me), and I am either excited to be their friend if they are a male, or excited to ask them on a date if they are a girl.
Unfortunately, I also feel that whatever it is about these people that attract me to them, I am very extremely loyal, and know what a true friend is (at least I know how to treat them like they are valued, because I value the friendship) and feel like I get close too fast at times. I've also had some of these close friends betray me, and it takes me a very long time to get over, with mixtures of anger and sadness, even to forgiveness, but still not having the desire to ever be around them again.
Although I feel like I have many friends, I also feel like I don't have any friends at all. Yes, maybe a couple true close friends, but friendships seem to always come and go. Maybe it's because they can't keep up with my INFJ energy? I once had someone I considered my best friend tell me that he was an apple and I was an orange, and that we were too different. It eventually escalated to the ending of our friendship in an abrupt bad ending.
Are any of you INFJs like this? How do you make friends? Have you experienced the same thing? I feel like nobody really understands what it's like to be an INFJ, and yet here is a forum of the only people who probably gets most of this if not all of it.
It wasn't until I understood what an INFJ really was, until I started connecting the pieces. It got me thinking about relationships, friendships, and even dating. It made me wonder, are other INFJs like me when it comes to creating relationships? Or am I just really weird?

I often have come off as a snob to others, because no matter what MBTI type people are, I don't make friends by talking (small talk, especially since I don't like small talk, or really know what to say to someone I don't really know). I've also noticed that depending on the person, it can take a very short few weeks to as long as a year for someone to actually get to know me.
I like to say I am an introvert in communication and interaction with people, but I am an extrovert when it comes to physical activities and sports. So basically, talking to me will rarely form a friendship/relationship or a bond. But if you go do something with me, people will see the real me (after some time).
Also, I realized I can go for a very long time without any close friends. Yes, interaction with casual friends is okay, but I've gone up to a year without close friends, and then at one point I get to the point where I really feel like I need a close friend. I don't open up to many people, and most people that could be potential friends are just not even interesting to me (same goes with dating, so many girls that I could date, and yet sometimes there is only 1 in 100 that will stand out to me--guess that's why I am still single).
But then, someone will enter my life (whether it be someone I work with, someone I see at some event on occasion) and I really want to know them. It's like there is something about them that has attracted the INFJ in me. And I will go out of my way to reach out to them (non-typical for me), and I am either excited to be their friend if they are a male, or excited to ask them on a date if they are a girl.
Unfortunately, I also feel that whatever it is about these people that attract me to them, I am very extremely loyal, and know what a true friend is (at least I know how to treat them like they are valued, because I value the friendship) and feel like I get close too fast at times. I've also had some of these close friends betray me, and it takes me a very long time to get over, with mixtures of anger and sadness, even to forgiveness, but still not having the desire to ever be around them again.
Although I feel like I have many friends, I also feel like I don't have any friends at all. Yes, maybe a couple true close friends, but friendships seem to always come and go. Maybe it's because they can't keep up with my INFJ energy? I once had someone I considered my best friend tell me that he was an apple and I was an orange, and that we were too different. It eventually escalated to the ending of our friendship in an abrupt bad ending.
Are any of you INFJs like this? How do you make friends? Have you experienced the same thing? I feel like nobody really understands what it's like to be an INFJ, and yet here is a forum of the only people who probably gets most of this if not all of it.