Living without the 3 C's.

[Satya]

Complaining.
Criticizing.
Condemning.

These are known as the 3 C's. The question; can you live without them? Before you answer, this isn't just a matter of you not complaining, condemning, or criticizing others, but living without those three things within your own mind and self talk. Can you do it?

I've been challenging myself to live without using the 3 C's with others and myself and I have been amazed how often in the average day I have such negative thoughts. In fact, nearly all my thinking falls within one of these three.

To develop positive thinking, you are suppose to replace these things with their positive equivalent.

Appreciation for situations, views, and people simply for the opportunity to experience them.

Instead of complaining, you are suppose to find the good in the situation. Instead of criticizing, you are suppose to find the good in the point of view. Instead of condemning, you are suppose to find the good in the person.

It takes a lot of effort to relinquish negative judgment of others and yourself. It may even be impossible. However, a negative attitude is a useless attitude. It serves no purpose aside from distancing yourself from others and stressing yourself out for being less than perfect. A positive attitude is rational. You empower yourself and others.

So do you think you could do it?

 

[Ergo Christobal]

I think I could do it, criticizing and condemning are already taken care of. tend to see the brighter side of things, but I'll occasionally complain about the little stuff. I can't judge people harsh enough to criticize them, and I certainly can't condemn anybody.

I find the good in almost everybody, and I respect almost all points of view. I can criticize a poor argument on a purely empirical basis, and I very rarely criticize people for their actions. Mostly it's people I don't know, and it's just to blow off steam. Like how Will Wright ruined Spore by selling out and compromising for a mandatorial easy-mode lamefest.

Manditorial: mandatory tutorial.

 

[Norwich]

Sounds like a noble exercise. I'll give it dry run and get back to you.

 

[sassafras]

I think that it is possible to live without the 3 C's, but I think that if you put yourself into an avoiding mindset, you're setting yourself up for failure because you'll catch yourself in a "thinking about not thinking about not thinking" loop. Instead, focus on their opposites:

Optimism: What is positive in this situation? What can I learn from it?
Openness: Okay, so this is another way of looking at the same issue.
Acceptance: I may not agree with it, but I accept their right to a point of view.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Is having an ideal and comparing a particular reality to it a criticism?

Many people seem to think such comparison implies a negative judgement. When I make such comparisons I regard them as neutral judgments or observations.

For example. My study at home is occasionally perfectly organized - however, it is usually very messy. The mess doesn't bother me because I know exactly where everything is - and everything is where it is for a particular reason. In fact, the only reason I ever tidy my study is because tidying is an activity which I occasionaly enjoy doing.

So when I say a room is very messy most people regard it as a negative criticism, however, I regard it as a simple fact to which I am mostly indifferent.

At Work. Nevertheless, at work I will notice if there is any mess whatsoever and add to the observation the directive that it needs to be organised. Some subordinates seem to take this as a negative criticism as well in a way which I don't quite understand because if one of them comes to me and says the exact same thing it is merely a kind of informal 'report.' I suspect that the observation of a mess and the direction to tidy might be regarded as negative because people either: don't like being told what to do; or don't like tidying things up.

Psychological Projection of Negativity. Perhaps there is also a kind of projection that occurs, where people who make negative criticisms impute negative judgements to those of us who judge day-to-day stuff with indifference. ?
This seems to gel with what often occurs on the forum - if one makes a droll post some people will get the humour, some will get offended, some will simply be baffled. It seems that people's interpretation/judgement is highly coloured by their internal mood.

The Point. Subjectively, if one is critical, one will likely see criticisms everywhere; if one is more-or-less indifferent one will see interesting observations everywhere; if one is positive one will see compliments everywhere. The connection between the internal mood and one's impression/judgement of other's judgements may work in such a way that by imputing good motives and positive judgements to other's words/actions one may actually improve one's own judging-mood.

 

[invisible]

when it all comes down to it i don't really know what reality is. it's so confusing! i become less certain of what is right. but i like to have multiple perspectives on something. the more perspectives i have the more balanced my general impression seems to me and the more flexible its applications. but it's important to stay generally optimistic, otherwise you can't do anything!

 

[Satya]

FA, I think you might be over analyzing it.

However, cognitive behavioral theory recognizes that attitude and behavior interact with each other in both directions. Attitude influences and reinforces behavior and behavior influences and reinforces attitude. As such, constantly making negative judgments, even if your attitude was neutral when you made them, may influence your attitude to become negative down the road.

While it is true that attitudes and moods are entirely subjective, it doesn't detract from the reality that people experience both positive and negative attitudes/moods and that their behavior can unconsciously shape those attitudes/moods. The simple idea behind removing the 3 C's is to make people conscious of their negative judgments and how it may be influencing their attitudes/moods. By doing so, people can consciously choose to replace the negative judgments with positive ones, and thereby influence their own attitudes.

As for what constitutes, "criticism", "condemnation", and "complaining", that in itself requires intuition and empathy. Intuition to understand what constitutes the 3 C's to yourself, and the empathy to understand what constitutes the 3 C's in others. Subjective? Yes, but virtually everything that has to deal with intuition and empathy is subjective.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I get the impression that Perceivers often think Judgers (such as INFJs) are often making NEGATIVE judgements when often that is not the case. Psychologically, closure in distinguishing (MBTI Judging) is very distinct from the process of evaluation (Judging in the common parlance).

 

[Satya]

I get the impression that Perceivers often think Judgers (such as INFJs) are often making NEGATIVE judgements when often that is not the case. Psychologically, closure in distinguishing (MBTI Judging) is very distinct from the process of evaluation (Judging in the common parlance).

Huh? I wasn't relating the 3 C's to the MBTI at all. This is simply a psychological observation. Complaining, criticizing, and condemning generally serve no purpose. They hurt relationships when used on others and stress out an individual when used as self talk.

Do you think you could strip complaining, condemning, and criticizing from your self talk and interactions with others?

 

[Faye]

I could only live without the first one.

 

[invisible]

i'm not dead horse flogging but i wouldn't want to stop those things in myself. they're part of my mind and i can't stop them. they're useful to me as long as i keep them balanced with their more positive alternatives. and my critical faculties have given me so much joy and allowed me to tease out positive ways of understanding something that i might not otherwise have considered. i don't want to shut out a point of view. i think it's human to be negative and critical sometimes and trying to beat that out of your thinking is more negative and self-damning than accepting your negative side and balancing it with your positive side. appreciating the negative side of things can be useful as long as you're not prepared to stop there. if people never complained in the first place, change would never happen, in just the same way that it would never happen if people didn't think positively about potentials and what could be done. but maybe this is actually what is being said, and i'm not properly appreciating it.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Huh? I wasn't relating the 3 C's to the MBTI at all. This is simply a psychological observation. Complaining, criticizing, and condemning generally serve no purpose. They hurt relationships when used on others and stress out an individual when used as self talk.

Do you think you could strip complaining, condemning, and criticizing from your self talk and interactions with others?

Condemning. I would have to start condemning to stop condemning - although M-Tewalt's fire-works the other week make me wonder whether I had absolutely decided that she was completely incapable of reliably telling the truth about herself. On that thread I had suggested that M-Tewalt keep posting on the forum, but that she refrain from saying anything personal in her posts (because she had only seemed to lie about personal matters). Even if I don't think she could escape lying about herself, I think it may be because it has become an ingrained self-defence mechanism. (Is this condemnation? I ask myself).

Complaining/criticising. As for complaining and criticising I could easily stop expressing my dislike for certain things. In fact I rarely state my preference outside this forum. However, : Would I want to get to the point where if I saw a giant ugly statue of Jesus half-out of the water (like the one that burned down today) and think such a structure was pleasant?

The innability to clearly distinguish the unpleasant or repulsive from what is pleasant and appealing is not something I aspire to because I suspect that it would subjectively act as a disservice to what what is indeed pleasant. For instance: whenever I have been away from Sydney and return, I always notice a nasty petrol/household garbage smell that makes me cringe. Conversely, I always notice how crisp and fresh the air is in the country-side. I don't want to lose the ability to distinguish and prefer unpolluted air. Similarly, I don't want to lose the ability to distinguish and prefer polite, kind, gentle people over the rude, inconsiderate/cantankerous/bullish kind of people.

 

[Satya]

Interesting view. I would not assume that eliminating the 3 C's would also eliminate the ability to discern good from bad, or pleasant from unpleasant, but I suppose that is a possibility. Recognizing bad, and dwelling on it are two different things in my point of view. The 3 C's have a lot more to do with dwelling on it than recognizing it.

 

[WaeV]

My first thought was that I avoid those Cs by default pretty well, but then I went to criticize your grammar. It's "supposed to" not "suppose to".

=P

 

[Morgain]

interesting topic!

I think trying to avoid those three C's or at least trying to break down there effect on my being, is something to concider. I have noticed as well that my mind gets very negative and hurt for all the things that are missing in my life, for all the things that are not the way they are suppost to be. It would help a lot if i could look at it from an other perspective more often, accepting things the way they are instead of condemning them or complaining about them. There is and will always be something I want that I don't have. I always think "if I had this, my life would be wonderful". But once i get it, it isn't as perfect as I expected, and there still is something to complain about. The solution to me is to realise that there will always be a gap, something not right, something missing. If I accept this as a solid fact, I can accept life as it is and be happy with what I do have, and that is so much already.

hope my grammar is correct...

 

[Trifoilum]

Aaaaah, grand cause! XD

Interesting idea, I'll aspire to be able to see good sides as much as I see bad sides, and will act on it more on the former than I do the latter.

Perhaps it didn't fit the goal..simply said, I can't do it --no, maybe not -simply- that. But IMO having a (non-overwhelming) negative/cynical/realistic view on something helped as much together with having a positive/idealist/optimistic view on that very same thing. You can only appreciate one's beauty when you know its flaws.

But this is a good wake up call. I've been feeling pretty negative these days. Time to appreciate things more, starting from this thread and its purpose! XD

 

[Tamagochi]

I think I could live without them if I really tried. But is it really wise to get rid of those Cs? After all they are installed to our psyche for some reason.

For example does appreciation always beat criticism? (Hi Hitler, I really admire the work you did...) History shows that highly appreciative societies (like Tibet) get devoured by aggressive ones or stagnate.

 

[Poetic Justice]

Personally I would abandon this version of the 3 c's. It is outdated and not as useful as many of the other techniques out there

Instead of focusing on what not to do. focus on what you want to do.

If I say to you "don't picture a pink elephant"

What do did you just do?

You pictured a pink elephant, right?

By focusing on what not to do you are mentally rehearsing doing it

So instead of thinking "don't complain" think "How can I appreciate this situation" or "Whats good about this situation" or whatever is appropriate.

Replace your "why's" with "how's" i.e instead of thinking why something went wrong think how you can do better next time. Instead of thinking why you may be unemployed think how you can gain employment etc

Continually remind yourself that ther is no failure, only feedback

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Personally I would abandon this version of the 3 c's. It is outdated and not as useful as many of the other techniques out there

Instead of focusing on what not to do. focus on what you want to do.

If I say to you "don't picture a pink elephant"

What do did you just do?

You pictured a pink elephant, right?

By focusing on what not to do you are mentally rehearsing doing it

So instead of thinking "don't complain" think "How can I appreciate this situation" or "Whats good about this situation" or whatever is appropriate.

Replace your "why's" with "how's" i.e instead of thinking why something went wrong think how you can do better next time. Instead of thinking why you may be unemployed think how you can gain employment etc

Continually remind yourself that ther is no failure, only feedback

Very True.

 

[Morgain]

Personally I would abandon this version of the 3 c's. It is outdated and not as useful as many of the other techniques out there

Instead of focusing on what not to do. focus on what you want to do.

So instead of thinking "don't complain" think "How can I appreciate this situation" or "Whats good about this situation" or whatever is appropriate.

isn't that exactly what he was saying here? or is my english that bad?

Appreciation for situations, views, and people simply for the opportunity to experience them.

Instead of complaining, you are suppose to find the good in the situation. Instead of criticizing, you are suppose to find the good in the point of view. Instead of condemning, you are suppose to find the good in the person.