Learning from the ill and aged | INFJ Forum

Learning from the ill and aged

just me

just me

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Feb 8, 2009
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Tonight I have to share feelings. To take you where I am as quickly as possible, I have been caring for ill family members as of late. My parents are both getting old and both are having health problems.....serious health problems. Kept my Dad from losing it tonight one more time as he let his blood sugar bottom out. My Mom cannot walk well with her fractured leg and spinal stenosis that are inoperable due to other health issues. Two things, one from each of them, broadsided me. My Dad asked how many times I was going to have to save his life? I told him I reckon til I die.
My Mom said they were both old and no good for nothing(double negative accepted where we live). Told her they were both still teaching me things, and man is that a mouthful. I live and work in very close proximity to them, by my own choice years ago, knowing these times were coming and they are here. I am learning things about things most people don't even think about unless they have been there and done that. Biggest lesson I have learned is putting others' needs before personal desires......or at least working things where they will both work out after their needs are met. Having the clear mind and the thoughtful heart to give them both purpose even in their dire straits was a surprise to me tonight, as it most likely was to them. They may never know how many people will learn from this evening before all is said and done. I may never know where my near future may lead me as my business is being slowly left behind. I may never know the impact this will have on my life. What I do know and will share tonight before I get some rest is this: I am glad I was there, but would not have been there had they not been there. Life is an open book full of other wonderful people. Good night all.
 
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Great post. Thanks for sharing.
 
U have a wonderful and wise way of looking at things; yr in the right place to share this stuff with.

I work with the elderly and with the mobility challenged, I've seen a lot of similar things as to what u wrote, but I have not yet experieced it with my own parents.

I felt a close and relaxed emotion of acceptance and bonding with you and yr parents from this post. I think that's nice.

It's awsome to read that there are others who find wisdome in doing things for others as apposed to doing what they want to do for themselves rather,

selflessness is ironically fulfilling I think.

thanks for sharing this!
 
Thank you for sharing this, just me.

just me said:
Tonight I have to share feelings. To take you where I am as quickly as possible, I have been caring for ill family members as of late. My parents are both getting old and both are having health problems.....serious health problems. Kept my Dad from losing it tonight one more time as he let his blood sugar bottom out. My Mom cannot walk well with her fractured leg and spinal stenosis that are inoperable due to other health issues. Two things, one from each of them, broadsided me. My Dad asked how many times I was going to have to save his life? I told him I reckon til I die.
My Mom said they were both old and no good for nothing(double negative accepted where we live). Told her they were both still teaching me things, and man is that a mouthful. I live and work in very close proximity to them, by my own choice years ago, knowing these times were coming and they are here. I am learning things about things most people don't even think about unless they have been there and done that. Biggest lesson I have learned is putting others' needs before personal desires......or at least working things where they will both work out after their needs are met. Having the clear mind and the thoughtful heart to give them both purpose even in their dire straits was a surprise to me tonight, as it most likely was to them. They may never know how many people will learn from this evening before all is said and done. I may never know where my near future may lead me as my business is being slowly left behind. I may never know the impact this will have on my life. What I do know and will share tonight before I get some rest is this: I am glad I was there, but would not have been there had they not been there. Life is an open book full of other wonderful people. Good night all.
Click to expand...

That's a lesson I'm trying to learn now. You know - before I get clubbed over the head with it. ;) Thanks again for sharing. You've been an inspiration to me.
 
Wanted to add that in health care, the caring part is just as important if not sometimes more important than the rest. Showing that you care is more and more important the older people get. Caring for others should be just that......caring. People make mistakes and take meds twice or forget to take them, take the wrong amounts of insulin or the wrong kinds.
We are people and people make mistakes. Easing someone's mind when they err is almost as important as anything else.
They said pure and undefiled religion is this; to visit the sick and the elderly. Don't ever think you aren't repaid in ways unexplainable at times, because one most certainly is filled with unspeakable blessings. Good night again.
 
Can we put some more focus on things like this, ideas like this? This is stuff that I know I need to improve on. I think I'm heading into a bit of a serious phase, hopefully the forum will do the same cause I think it helps.
 
It's hard to hear when they say they aren't good for anything or feel like they're a burden. They are so lucky to have you and your good heart around.
 
It is almost as if I had the tables turned on me tonight. Two of us painstakingly filled daily pill organizers last night. Tonight I am told there was two pills this evening when there should have been one.......just to tell me everyone makes mistakes. Maybe I am causing them more harm than good by helping to keep them alive. Sometimes I wish I was not here or even anywhere. I ponder pain and dependency. I ponder the grace one once had being slowly taken away. I ponder childish games being played on me, only to remember the pain and agony I must have put them through when I was a child or adolescent. They call it the circle of life, and payback is tough. I think so highly of myself one moment for doing what I feel is right, only to question if I am being repaid for the pain and agony of my own childhood. Am I so good? Maybe I am but a pawn in a game of life being moved about by my very own feelings. I question my own visceral momentum tonight. Maybe I am tired, or maybe it should be questioned more for better understanding of life.
I do know the driving force to be love and concern, but question my own worthiness to live through this. I am not suicidal and do not ask for tragedy in my life, but feel I need to punish myself for some reason. It all comes tonight to the question, "should I try to micromanage them with their meds and diet? Who am I to feel I should?"
 
just me said:
It is almost as if I had the tables turned on me tonight. Two of us painstakingly filled daily pill organizers last night. Tonight I am told there was two pills this evening when there should have been one.......just to tell me everyone makes mistakes. Maybe I am causing them more harm than good by helping to keep them alive. Sometimes I wish I was not here or even anywhere. I ponder pain and dependency. I ponder the grace one once had being slowly taken away. I ponder childish games being played on me, only to remember the pain and agony I must have put them through when I was a child or adolescent. They call it the circle of life, and payback is tough. I think so highly of myself one moment for doing what I feel is right, only to question if I am being repaid for the pain and agony of my own childhood. Am I so good? Maybe I am but a pawn in a game of life being moved about by my very own feelings. I question my own visceral momentum tonight. Maybe I am tired, or maybe it should be questioned more for better understanding of life.
I do know the driving force to be love and concern, but question my own worthiness to live through this. I am not suicidal and do not ask for tragedy in my life, but feel I need to punish myself for some reason. It all comes tonight to the question, "should I try to micromanage them with their meds and diet? Who am I to feel I should?"
Click to expand...

Everything yr feeling and thinking is very normal for your situation, pls take comfort in that.

You are doing yr best, and yr intentions are from a place of love, I understand your thoughts and feelings of are you really doing enough etc. it's ok... yes you are doing the right thing, and no, your not a bad person at all. Take it from someone who sees this daily, it's always a wonderful thing to see families supporting eachother in hard times.

It's important to get as much rest and replenishment for yrself too, and ask for help for yrself when and where u can so you avoid caregiver burnout.

All the best!
 
Well knowing that love is the force behind it all is half the battle. Sometimes we even get to feel the love. Either way you're doing the right thing. Please don't beat yourself up or wear yourself out.
HUG!
 
Sumone, how inquisitive and thoughtful of you. I needed that hug badly....needed it all day. Thank you and thank everyone for the kind, uplifting words and thoughts. Yes; my parents are awesome.
 
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