I have only one phobia and it developed only after a traumatic experience. It is difficult for me to feel fear about something in advance of it happening. I am not sure if that's how most people feel.
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ExhumedMorrison left such an eloquent response I can scarcely do it justice, and out of respect to them, I can only point to their words as wisdom.
We are not the sum of our past mistakes and failures, but I think you're doing a lovely job of sharing of yourself despite what you fear. I have had the pleasure of knowing more of you due to your bravery, and I can only be grateful for the opportunity.
As for your latter statement, I think your intent was clear, and I appreciate the symbolism in it.
I’m not too sure either. I’ve developed some that aren’t on this list either. It’s going to take years of therapy to get over it.
What I mean by irrational isn’t that it’s irrational to fear. It’s that fear in itself is irrational. It’s not quite that the person is wrong or their connections, but finding new ones is apart of what makes people unique and developing. I’m sorry if I spoke too soon.
Thank you for noting the specification of how you relate to 'failure', Syn. I think there is a part of this underlying in me as well. Somehow, given your nature, I doubt you will look back with regret or shame. You love others well, and in doing so, you've learned to love yourself. Carving out your new path is going to be an adventure, and I'm glad to be a witness to it. I think you will continue living a beautiful life.
No, thank you for giving me something to think about.
Yet, if a particular man dragged me under the bed, I wouldn't fear it, I would relish it. lol.
I suppose it is multi-faceted, and the components are just as transcendentally affixed to us as they are interwoven into our other fears. I am afraid of clowns because my ex-step-grandmother had an entire room of clown figurines. It was the room she forced me to sleep in when I was little. Their faces are etched into my mind. I grew weary in the way their over-pronounced smiles stretched and swayed in the dance of the moonlight glinting through the window, and I could never sleep in that house. I think the exaggerated façade is what I fear more than the entity itself. When I see a clown, I ask myself, 'Who are you really, beneath that mask?'. I think fear is as much a part of our experience as our perception.
EM, you are welcome here. Speak as much or as little as you like. You don't have to suppress yourself or your feelings, and you certainly don't need to make yourself small for the sake of others. I want to hear from you, please. I would like it very much if you shared whatever was on your mind or your heart.
I fear losing someone far more than I fear them losing me. Perhaps, we don't recognize just how much we influence others. I don't wish to project my inherent value, as it is difficult for me to grapple with, but it doesn't mean that I am not valuable to some. I imagine that this is the same for you too, EM. You have more influence than you know. You belong, and you are wanted. Some will be devastated in your loss due to this. Don't discount your worth for those in the proximity of your path of influence.
ngl the idea of death isn’t that scary though of course as a human it would be natural to have questions, BUT I feel a little selfish for being afraid to die alone knowing someone may miss me, but yet fearing losing them even more.
You don't have to go.
Do you wish to?
Clowns used to scare me. And then, I found this terror delightful. It became a recurring joke among me & my sisters. And now they're not frightening anymore.
I think this is wisdom. You fear what you know. I'm sorry you endured trauma, and I hope that you never have to endure anything like it again.
I'm glad to share my journey with you!
Maybe, in loving others, and being intentional, is more easy here. I'm doing same outside here. I have 2 friends that know the true 'San', like I'm here. But is not to easy when people doesn't inspire trust.
Maybe the bravura in opening the chest to others come from the fact that I had learned how to embrace my weaknesses, and understanding that I did my better, even that things had gone wrong.
Undoubtedly, I like the risk, as a young kid that loves his skate, and don't mind being skinned on his knee, on his hands, or even a broken arm sometimes.
"The salvation is by risk, without which, life is not worth it!"
I have Ativan to help lol. It's a very, very specific thing that is well managed and doesn't control my life so it's not a bit deal for me. But when I think of fear, that's the kind of context I'm using.
Do I want to drown? No, I don't necessarily feel like it. But I can't conjure a visceral fear. It doesn't sound great, but I think I'd rather that than burning alive. Now if that jar was on the list...
This makes me happy ^_^ I hope you can better be yourself in person more in the future. It definitely sounds like you will.
People don't inspire trust. Is it something that troubles you?
Our hearts are stronger than they seem.
There is only one thought that terrifies me, and it's losing someone I love. The rest are things I would be afraid of in that moment, but I don't worry about them. I take precautions and feel pretty much in control to prevent a lot of what's on that list or at least I can prepare myself to deal with certain situations, like public speaking for example. Maybe what I fear are things I can't control, or things I feel I have no control over. Like losing people I love.
For me it is "I don't know who you are but I will find out."
I see. I've been abused in past relationships, and dealt with emotional and verbal abuse growing up, but I don't fear it. I think the reason is because I've proven to myself that I can survive despite going through it. Perhaps, it is messed up that I fear being abandoned more than I fear reliving abuse. I'm sure that is far more telling than I would like it to be, but it's there all the same.
I think the type of fear that causes a visceral reaction for me, is more so loss than anything else. The abandonment is akin to fragmentation. I can think of no greater pain than that, personally.
I am glad that your fear wasn't in the list, as some fears once dealt with should remain cast off and far from our minds.
Oh no. We’re getting into attachment styles now.
Yes, in dealing with people, being highly perceptive is as much a gift as it is a curse. We all wear masks of some kind, but it's nice when you find someone who is willing to remove theirs without you having to do the work for them.
N
Valuing your values and your feelings is a part of that and it okay to give yourself credit for noticing it.
It’s actually quite normal with abuse to feel that way and put yourself at more risk. I think my biggest step towards recovery has been to walk away from those things. It doesn’t hurt to say that you’re on a journey through your healing and it’s not abnormal to feel that way and know that others do it too. I fear the abandonment at times, but I fear more abandoning my kids or myself than losing my abuser.
Valuing your values and your feelings is a part of that and it okay to give yourself credit for noticing it.
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