Is submissiveness appealing? | INFJ Forum

Is submissiveness appealing?

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Is submissiveness in any way appealing or is it simply a sign of weakness?

How do you view submissiveness in someone, especially a partner?
 
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I, personally, don't think being submissive is sexy. I like people who challenge me inside and outside the bedroom, so to speak. I'm determined and stubborn and I need someone else just as determined and stubborn to keep up with me. My last boyfriend was submissive in the sense that I would tease him and he would just accept it, he wouldn't tease me back. He was such a sweetheart but his inability to argue with me caused me to become bored and restless. We never talked about academia and it really bothered me.
On the other hand, I don't think it's necessarily a weakness either. Plenty of people find a submissive person to be sexy. I'm just not one of those people.
 
I'm not a fan of submissiveness in general. Negotiation...sure. Picking one's battles, maybe. Submission? I have trouble with that one.
 
I don't respect submissive people. At all.

What level of submissiveness constitutes a submissive person?
 
I do not like the word "submissive." I know some don't mind it at all, but it just sounds too much like slavery and servitude to me. Indentured servitude.

I am an equal, and the word "submissive" to me sounds as if someone in the relationship is more valued (more important) than the other.

Yes, I know - there is the D/s community that goes for that and such (I'm not comfortable with that either, my opinion) but I've always had issues with that. I may defer to someone if I think they're right or if I have to trust them, but I won't pander to some stranger or pander to someone who thinks its their right to dominate me.
 
I don't like people to be submissive in most cases. I guess it's because I'm pretty submissive, I need a dominant personality to balance me out.
 
I don't like people to be submissive in most cases. I guess it's because I'm pretty submissive, I need a dominant personality to balance me out.

kinda agree, as long as they're not too dominating or domineering.

What level of submissiveness constitutes a submissive person?

Yes. imo, this is the real question. I don't think submissiveness is as bad as everyone describes but i think it depends on the type of submissiveness, how submissive someone is, and in what situations. I don't like to dominate in a relationship, but i like having a challenge or battle of wits in a conversation with someone or on a topic we find mutually interesting or engaging.
 
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What level of submissiveness constitutes a submissive person?
Someone who is not assertive about their own needs.

Someone who bends over backwards just to please others. Someone who has difficulty acting/making a decision unless someone else directs them.

Someone who is entirely passive. In bed, in conversation, in argument--in every area.
That's what I meant.

If someone wants to be treated like they are incapable of thinking or acting of their own accord then alright.. I just think it's pathetic.

I think people can come to consensus or compromise without being submissive.


I don't respect very dominant people either..
 
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Someone who is not assertive about their own needs. Someone who bends over backwards to please others. Someone who has difficulty acting/making a decision unless someone else directs them.

Someone who is entirely passive. In bed, in conversation, in argument--in every area.
That's what I meant.

Children should be submissive to their parents--to a point. Other than that, I don't look too kindly on submissiveness.



I think people can come to consensus or compromise without being submissive.

That list pretty much some of the issues I struggle with myself, which I am trying to overcome. I guess I am pretty submissive, though I do not like to be associated with the term.
 
time and place for everything right? being submissive when an aggressive approach is called for is just as reckless as being aggressive when submission would serve you better. i think you've got to know when to be which, and not just lapse into one or the other because it feels comfortable or because it's the way you've always been. even assertiveness i would say is not always appropriate.
 
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Someone who is not assertive about their own needs.

Someone who bends over backwards just to please others. Someone who has difficulty acting/making a decision unless someone else directs them.

Someone who is entirely passive. In bed, in conversation, in argument--in every area.
That's what I meant.

If someone wants to be treated like they are incapable of thinking or acting of their own accord then alright.. I just think it's pathetic.

I think people can come to consensus or compromise without being submissive.


I don't respect very dominant people either..

Pretty much this. I don't expect people to be dominant in everything they do but to be purely apathetic and incapable in every facet of their soul and interaction with people is not attractive. At all.
 
. . . even assertiveness i would say is not always appropriate.


True. But you'll rarely hear anyone admitting it . . . since we're told assertiveness can give you everything you want in life (which is quite false actually) . . . It usually depends on who, what, where, when, why, and how.
 
There are ways to be assertive and tactful or diplomatic.

Acting in one extreme or the other is ridiculous and will get you nowhere.

One can be strong and merciful or kind or helpful. Deferring to someone is not submissive if you make the informed decision to take this person's counsel or advice or instructions.

I'm certainly not advocating being a control freak or acting aggressively like the Incredible Hulk.

I just cannot think of anything appealing about being submissive.

to be purely apathetic and incapable in every facet of their soul and interaction with people is not attractive. At all.
Indeed, Reon sums it up well.
 
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I think the issue is that we're taking it to the extreme. The question was do we find submissiveness attractive. So any form of submission would be applicable, wouldn't it? It wouldn't necessarily mean the person was submissive, just an action.
 
There are ways to be assertive and tactful or diplomatic.

Acting in one extreme or the other is ridiculous and will get you nowhere.

Agree.

One can be strong and merciful or kind or helpful. Deferring to someone is not submissive if you make the informed decision to take this person's counsel or advice or instructions.


Yet, many people will still argue that this is a form of blind submission . . .
 
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I don't like to dominate people (with most things, at times I do). I don't so much want people to dominate me, but submission makes nothing happen at all. it usually speak a lack of interest to me, and I want nothing to do with it.

Internally I am a very intense person, so at times I want people to be submissive to it when I let that out. Being passive though, is an issue. I can't have that.
 
I think the issue is that we're taking it to the extreme. The question was do we find submissiveness attractive. So any form of submission would be applicable, wouldn't it? It wouldn't necessarily mean the person was submissive, just an action.

Exactly. Being submissive in every area and aspect of your life is not the same and choosing to submit in particular situations or interactions. Again, everything in moderation.

Submissiveness is not all bad or good. It really depends.
 
I have heard the word used alot in certain circles, but upon analysis in almost any case it is both informed submission and willing, intentional submission...a deference of the will but not the intellect nor of personal freedom. Human dignity always takes primacy.