Is monogamy a joke? | INFJ Forum

Is monogamy a joke?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Phage, May 8, 2010.

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  1. Phage

    Phage Community Member

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    Is monogamy natural?

    In my marriage and families class, my teacher mentioned some scientists believe that monogamy is unnatural for human beings. They believe that with the life span of a human, it doesn't make sense to be with only one person for the rest of his or her life span. Also, as people age their needs become different and so do their personalities so this could lead to people who were once compatible to become incompatible.

    What do you think?

    Edit: We were discussing monogamy and polygamy. I believe the type of monogamy we were debating with here was the traditional, one marriage your whole life (ideally).

    Edit: I changed the title of this topic because I felt it wasn't suitable. Monogamy and polygamy and any other relationship is an agreement between people. It's a preference so monogamy can't be a joke.

    My thinking on this: If I were a pregnant cavewoman, I would not want to be out hunting in the third trimester of pregnancy. I hope there would some sort of long term commitment to have helped me out through the experience. So I don't think we as a species are meant to just run around changing mates all the time unless thats how one would feel most comfortable. But there had to have been some emotional commitment for those women out in nature before modern society. The community took care of them, perhaps?
     
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    #1 Phage, May 8, 2010
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  2. 1104

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    whether or not monogamy "makes sense" isn't relevant. it seems to me that if you legally commit to something, that's your fault. otherwise, it seems historically natural for a human to be committed to one person at a time.
    in modernity, the principle is almost identical to that in choosing a career.

    of course, "natural" doesn't translate to morals. females are naturally inferior.
     
  3. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Considering it from the children's point of view - the monogamy of their parents is a good thing.

    Anyone who has ever know a polygamistic family, will know that the wives and kids miss out big-time.

    Even if my parents were to separate and re-marry now that I have lived on my own for years, I would still be devastated, because I would no longer have a home with mom and dad to visit. (Even though I can seldom visit them..... I'm such a bad son... *sigh*).
     
  4. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    How could it matter if it were unnatural at this point anyway?

    Despite monogamy being the norm nearly world wide, the population is too huge for the planet which is going to lead to our own extinction eventually.

    Our lifestyle is unnatural anyway. Along with the wealth humans have created and surpluses of the things we need (and don't need!) life has become too easy (at least for now).

    So easy, it's boring. Which makes sense that people grow incompatible when our attention spans have adapted to be so shortened given the amount of super fast stimuli we bombard ourselves with every waking second. Couple that with a first world need to always be pacified through entertainment and titilation and I'm not surprised people grow incompatible.
     
    #4 acd, May 8, 2010
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  5. Betteralone

    Betteralone Regular Poster

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    Unfortunately today's society does think monogamy is a joke. Monogamy is what we were created for. If we were not made to be with one person for life, then we wouldn't FEEL that we were. We wouldn't want and desire to share our lives forever with our soul mate.

    "The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.” ~ Oscar Wilde
     
    #5 Betteralone, May 8, 2010
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  6. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    evolutionarily speaking it would increase the diversity of the gene pool many times over if polygamy was the norm... is monogamy a joke? i might not put it that way, but i do think there are benefits to polygamy that are not there in monogamy. such as not feeling constrained to one person, especially if over the years your values change. if you had an open marriage for example, that might actually bring you two together since you'd be doing it out of choice and not obligation.. idk. but if you really love someone, i think it's hard to be OK with them seeing someone else.. :/
     
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  7. aeon

    aeon Ooh, a bunny!
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    Monogamy is a choice. Nothing more, nothing less.

    I value it. I value fidelity much more, however.


    cheers,
    Ian
     
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  8. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    I think monogomy, like raising a child, has certain benefits and richness simply because the relationship is considered life-long. There are things one discovers only it that level of commitment is there. Of course, it doesn't always work out this way but to say monogomy is unnatural? I'm not buying it. Scientists say all kinds of crazy things...that doesn't necessarily make it worthy of consideration.
     
    #8 randomsomeone, May 8, 2010
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  9. Matariki

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    I agree 100%.
     
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    #9 Matariki, May 8, 2010
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  10. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    They are saying that life-long exclusive commitment is not natural.

    Sounds odd.

    Monogamy and commitment are choices. I would say that monogamy is a type (species) of commitment.
    Similarly, fidelity is part of monogamy. There isn't a dichotomy between the two in actual monogamy.
     
    #10 Flavus Aquila, May 8, 2010
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  11. 1104

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    perhaps you should explore different interpretations before pressing the panic button. read it again, and be less naive.
     
  12. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    Hmmm. I knew a group of people who were all "dating" in high school. It was odd because there were two girls and two guys but you couldn't tell who was more together. The girls held hands with each other and so did the boys; then they would switch it up. They all legitimately seemed to care for each other as a sort of family unit. I haven't been in contact with them since high school but I never heard of them breaking up.
    I know that's not marriage or anything but I could see it as being a positive thing. The kind of polygamy in society today is usually a man with a multitude of wives. I think it would be interesting to see a group of multiple men and women who had created a family unit. I feel like I read a book where this was common.
    I'm all for how people want to live their lives as long as it isn't harmful to others. However, I prefer not sharing.
     
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  13. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    That sounds sweet and innocent... until they grow up:
    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpiB9eNk3Bg"]YouTube- Bob & Cheryl Ugly 001[/ame]
     
  14. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    I wasn't laughing. I guess it's not a very funny joke.
     
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  15. Flavus Aquila

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    Exactly - the audience thought it was a comedy sketch, but in fact it is just downright disturbing. I think the audience realised this towards the end.
     
  16. 1104

    1104 Newbie

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    because i assumed you were capable of thought beyond that of an animal.

    in nearly every culture, females were historically inferior. it occurred naturally. that doesn't make it right.
    you would have seen my point if you hadn't entertained your instinctive reaction. i know, Black Friday is so racist.
     
  17. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    ^ That would be quite interesting, indeed TG. I'm surprised they did this openly in front of others - was it an uber-accepting crowd or were they that secure?

    Monogamy, as I have understood it, means having one sexual partner at a time, so I'm curious about the definition used by your teacher suggesting that monogamy = mating for life. Is that the more commonly accepted definition?

    What does it mean for the state of monogamy to be a natural or unnatural one to humans? How can something like that be either or? Judging by the extremely vast differences in sexual preference between people, I'd say a preference for monogamy may be natural to some but unnatural to others. Socialization, religious and cultural beliefs, expectations, and other factors affect why people enter into monogamous relationships. I think it's more important that people are thriving in healthy relationships, regardless of the dynamic.

    I'm not sure how polygamy fits into that. I wonder how much socialization has to do with feeling comfortable in a polygamous relationship, although I have no doubt there are people who might crave this. But I'd have to understand it much better to be able to comment on it.
     
    #17 Soulful, May 8, 2010
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  18. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    I don't think that it all has to turn out this way. In fact, the people I'm talking about would have been outright offended if you tried to get into their relationship, and they never asked anyone to join them.
     
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    #18 That Girl, May 8, 2010
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  19. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    FYI (admin hat): :mod:

    Please remember to only quote public information. Private information should be discussed through the PM system, or via email.

    Thanks!
     
  20. OP
    Phage

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    Then why don't you stop acting like an "animal" and explain yourself like a human being. =/

    You prove nothing by stating a simple opinion. Back it up. How exactly is a female inferior? Physcially inferior? Intelluctually inferior? Emotionally inferior? Morally inferior?

    Women can do anything men can do. They have proven it. Science, they have gone there. Body building, they have gone there. Art, they have gone there. Politics, they have gone there. Pick any topic and there are women involved that are just as capable as the men they work along side. Women have even proved to be as rotten as men, and unfaithful as men, and as slutty as men. The truth is women and men are human beings and humans are each skilled in a variety of different trades and each individual to a different degree, some women better than some men, some men better than some women. The world would not function properly without men and women working together.

    And you, if it weren't for a woman carrying you in her womb for nine long months, then nuturing you and feeding and protecting you your ungrateful self and every other ungrateful mysogynist out there for who knows how many years, you wouldn't even be here to make that ignorant, close-minded statement.
     
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