Is marriage worth it anymore? | INFJ Forum

Is marriage worth it anymore?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Blind Bandit, Jun 9, 2010.

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  1. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    As a child of a divorced family. My father divorced twice now single. My mother married three times divorced twice and now married and stable. Having dealt with the fights the arguments and the hurts its hard for me to want to get married. Not mention being a man is not good in a divorce.



    http://www.ifeminists.net/introduction/editorials/2002/0709a.html

    Thoughts , opinions, rants otherwise are appreciated.
     
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  2. Ergo Christobal

    Ergo Christobal Talking Lightbulb
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    People just need to find the right people. What I imagine as a stable relationship is one that has been tested and ironed out. Then a few years pass, tensions resolve. Fights become trivial. THEN you marry, assuming you're still together.

    It just seems to me like most divorce stories occur when people realize that they're with the wrong person, something they should have realized before the marriage. It's hard to tell sometimes, even after years of dating there are still going to be those moments. There might even be divorce with that person that was supposed to be the one. In fact, it's very likely. Even then, if they were at least close to the "right one" then the divorce shouldn't be too rough, out of mutual respect and understanding for each-others needs.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that all the failed attempts and lonely waiting are worth it for the one solid successful marriage.

    But I hardly know anything on the subject, just my thoughts.
     
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  3. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    T'is a bleak look at the word "Marriage"...

    Funny because I still like the concept somehow, but that is probably because I am a romantisist and a traditionalist. Being divorced myself, I cannot fathem how these women can be so selfish as to do things like this. To deny a man the right to see his own children, is so very toxic on everyone involved. The big picture for any of these reasons brings me panic, so even though my X left us, I have never denied him the right to see his kids. He is the father afterall... Women like this are just too nasty.

    About marriage though... I suppose it pays to be on the same page, and have some degree of insight into the other person's motives. Not to mention, it's in cases like these that intuition is a godsend.
     
  4. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    [RANT]

    An interesting fact...the state with the lowest rate of divorce is Massachusettes...the first state to adopt same sex marriage. And Denmark, Norway, and Sweden saw a significant increase in heterosexual marriages after they adopted same sex marriage. Just an observation.

    Honestly, I think if we leave it alone, the heterosexuals are going to destroy marriage all on their own. Of course, I can already hear some of them concieving ways that this is our fault.

    [/RANT]

    I would love to get married, and some day I might even move to Canada to do it. I agree that the system needs to be more egalatarian or marriage will continue to suffer, but one must remember that marriage was created to be a patriarchal structure.
     
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  5. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Yes... and also when you let resentment build upon years and years without actually communicating with your partner and trying to fix things. Even worse is if no side wants to work to fix anything. It all comes down to what Chris said though, find the right person, or at least someone stable.

    I also agree with Ria that I can't understand the women who do this. Guys, gotta guard your hearts and not just take any old gal who'll take you.

    Lastly, Marriage is worth it, if its doesn't lead to a situation where both of you feel trapped and you *have to* stay in the relationship, long past it meaning anything good. If its going badly, it'll end up where you just go BOOM ones day and leave this relationship where leaving means destroying your entire life.

    There are tons of benifits to a close, perminent relationship, and it doesn't have to exactly be marriage, but thanks to many legal systems it can be better just to be formal about it. Men tend to live longer and better lives, statistically, its easier financially (as long as you dont both have a habit of overspending) and always having a companion to do things in life with including everything from chores to happiness to loss makes your quality of life so much better.

    Tl;dr:
    If you're marrying someone just cause you love them, but you don't get along in a home, don't do the same activities together, don't have anything to say to each other and don't even have the same life goals and values, you should NOT be married.
     
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  6. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Somewhat a bit too....political from my side. It completely demonizes the mother (and the rules) and victimizes the father... Which probably were rarely the case.

    Marriage is a sweet thing. Sweet, but not straight and trouble-free. A certain compromise should happen...and compromises usually happened when clashing....
    Then again, wasn't it the attitudes of "date fast, marry fast, divorce fast" that make this happen? Is this impatience the result of traditional romantic notions or a forced attempt of romance instead?

    Lastly, I wonder how they're going to be Peter Pan.
     
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  7. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    YES, so true!
    No one bothers with actual courting, and getting to know people. They just think "love is magic and makes things work".
     
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  8. TurtleTrooper

    TurtleTrooper Community Member

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    weird.
    I think marriage is an awesome concept. However I think if I were ever to get divorced, it would be because my partner changed in a way that I couldn't get along with. That's what people forget about; people change. They go yadda yadda yadda divorce is baaaad mkay but sometimes people just change and they end up not fitting anymore. Happened with my parents. I don't blame either of them. Shit happens. Changes occur. Get over it.
     
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  9. OP
    Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    Thats a good point. People do change and being with someone for a long time you have to question weather it will work out in the long run.

    From where I stand its hard to see that working.
     
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  10. TurtleTrooper

    TurtleTrooper Community Member

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    weird.
    See what working?
     
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  11. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Well did it work while it did last? And did they BOOM explode and destroy each other's lives in the divorce?
     
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  12. OP
    Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    Marriage. People change and grow. What if the person you married no longer gives you what you need? Or is the person you thought they where.
     
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  13. TurtleTrooper

    TurtleTrooper Community Member

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    Lol I actually don't ever remember them getting along. And yes they did go BOOM explode and destroy each other's lives in the divorce and no I don't want to talk about it. Sorry.

    @Blind Bandit

    Oh, I see what you mean. But remember it does work sometimes.
     
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    #13 TurtleTrooper, Jun 9, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
  14. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Well I can see you're already set. I don't think you actually want to be reassured, you just want to be upset :(. Thats okay and all, but don't let it destroy your ability to see our point too.
    Turtle, if they never got along, then it fall under what Chris and me said above, I'm sorry.
    //hugs
     
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  15. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    imo many people rush into marriage without really knowing what they want or what they expect from it.. just doing it because it's the traditional thing to do. but i still think it's worth it... if you find the right guy/girl ;)
     
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  16. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    I think people are still naive/stupid nowadays to know what's good for them. People are far too impatient, they get these grand ideas of what their life should be like and in their self entitlement end up botching up their lives down the track.
    Marriage is a long term thing, but a lot of people seem to date for a bit and decide 'our love is enough' and run with it. I think a couple should be together a minimum of a year to determine how suited they are, but realistically I think people need to be together longer and even live together first to determine if they can live together for years to come. Instead young people are rushing into marriage with the notion that if it doesn't work out then.. hey, we could always get divorced!
    My sister is one of these young idiots, having dated the first boyfriend she's had for 4ish months and already getting engaged.

    I do believe that men get a raw deal in the courts. I've heard horror stories of these things myself, the courts should not be empowering these horrible people. Frankly I think that children should be removed from people like that and given to the other parent. I don't think people like that should even have access to the children.

    I'm also a child of separated parents. Been separated since 2001 but have not gone through the divorce yet, except in this case I will say the blame is entirely on the father.
     
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  17. OP
    Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    There is simply no way I know would in a year if someone could marry me that's such a short time. I would need at least a few years.
     
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    #17 Blind Bandit, Jun 9, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
  18. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    this:

    It's highly risky, but it's all right, if you thought of him/her as worthy. BUT NOT IN A SHORT RUN. Then again, people thought they know each other...and surprised when they don't.
    yeah; this, or the belief of that? A genuine belief (borderline naivety or innocence), or an attempt to believe?

    I'm in a contemplating mood, if one hasn't realized. XD
     
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  19. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Hell, just being together for a few years can qualify you as common law without ever getting married. Just living together is what tests marriage the most anyhow.
     
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  20. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    To bandit:
    I think that should be the case, apparently some others think that even a year is 'way too long' though. Those are probably the kind of people that shouldn't be getting married.
     
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    #20 Skoffin, Jun 9, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
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