Invite etiquette

Wyst

Wyst

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So let's say you've been invited to a party. You let the host know that you'll be there.

But then you find out a friend of yours is coming in town that week and they don't really know anyone in that group. You decide to ask the host if you can bring your friend with you and then reveal to the host that you've already told your friend about the possibility of coming.

Is this generally ok? Or would it be considered rude?
Thoughts?
 
Depends on the host/friend. Some people would probably say, "sure, why not." And others, who probably have a particular plan in mind in terms of who is coming, and how much to prepare, maybe a little more uncertain. It depends on the person's response. Did the host seem bothered by this?
 
Wyst said:
So let's say you've been invited to a party. You let the host know that you'll be there.

But then you find out a friend of yours is coming in town that week and they don't really know anyone in that group. You decide to ask the host if you can bring your friend with you and then reveal to the host that you've already told your friend about the possibility of coming.

Is this generally ok? Or would it be considered rude?
Thoughts?
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It all depends on this I guess.
I'd ask the host first though. Or I wouldn't tell my friend about the party, I'd just say that 'I might be busy, but I'll try to arrange something'.
 
I think there are so many variables in this situation that no one could know for sure.

Whats the host like?

Whats the party about?

What kind of people are coming?

Whats the dress code?

Whats the social status of the people coming?

Will there be dancing?

What kind of a person is your guest?

How do you know the host?
 
corndogman said:
I think there are so many variables in this situation that no one could know for sure.

Whats the host like?

Whats the party about?

What kind of people are coming?

Whats the dress code?

Whats the social status of the people coming?

Will there be dancing?

What kind of a person is your guest?

How do you know the host?
Click to expand...



You left out the most important question:


Will there be an open bar?
 
I dont see why it would be offensive to at least ask. Not asking and showing up with the other friend would be bad protocol though.
 
If ever put in this situation I would ask the host before mentioning it to the friend. I wouldn't want to get the friend's hopes up or pressure the host. I believe that would be slightly rude. But, asking the host beforehand is fine in my eyes.
 
Haha - well, I'm the host.

Historically, I've been really really weak at initiating friendships and even weaker at planning organizing social things. I've been working hard on getting better though.

Really, the event isn't that big a deal, no dress code or anything like that. About 8 people are coming over to my apartment and we're going make pizza from scratch and watch 'The Empire Strikes Back'.

It's BYOB and there'll be enough food if one more person comes over. So it's not really an inconvenience from that angle. It's just that these are a group of people that I've very intentionally invited because I want to get to know them better. So, in a sense it feels like a slap in the face when people ask me, "Who's going to be there?" and "Can I bring so-and-so?", since it feels like whether or not they'll come over depends on who else is there or only if they can bring so-and-so.
 
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how big is the apartment?

can you go outside?

8 is a bad number because they will split into one bigger group and one smaller group.

Give them all a +1 on their invite cards on the off chance that they cant break out of their shells right away they can still be comfortable with the +1 they brought.
 
Sounds like you want a get together with friends and they are interpreting it as a party. People are bound to ask if others can come if they are under the impression that it's a party.
 
Update:

So my friend is suggesting we move the whole thing to her house so other people can come. At this point I kinda feel run over by other people's agenda...
 
Wyst said:
Update:

So my friend is suggesting we move the whole thing to her house so other people can come. At this point I kinda feel run over by other people's agenda...
Click to expand...


I think that once it gets moved to your friends apt its no longer your party. Which might be a problem for you or not. Either way you can still get to know new people.
 
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That was kind of rude of your friend to move the party to her place.

If it were me and I wanted to get to know these people better I'd do it by inviting just a couple people at a time to something more formal like a dinner party. It's also rude from an etiquette standpoint for these people to be asking you who else is coming to your party before they accept. They can ask what type of party it is (and since it's BYOB how many people are coming), but it's rude to ask who's going to be there (of course, I'm assuming none of these people know each other). If having all their friends invited is a requirement before they are invited anywhere, 1. they are kinda lame and 2. they should have just declined your invitation.
 
Well, if it's a party, it's not really rude to ask if they can invite a friend, since at a lot of parties, especially informal ones, people are expected to invite their friends to make it a bigger and more fun party.

It might be rude to ask who's coming, but that's it.

corndogman said:
I think that once it gets moved to her house it is no longer her party.
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I'm confused.

I would think that it was Wyst's party when it was at his place, and then it was the girl's party once it was moved to her place.

You seem to think it was her party when it was Wyst's place, and then it became his party once it was over at her place?

You have a very strange concept of ownership.

Anyway, Wyst... I say that if she moves the party over to her place, just let her take responsibility for hosting it. That seems fair to me. Try to enjoy yourself and pretend like she just invited you to her party in the first place, and your plan just somehow ended up canceled.
 
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I'd say if you don't want your friend taking over your get together then stand up to her.
 
So I tried a couple things:

- use the media room at my apartment to allow for more people to come. But since we'd be there past the hours for the club house, we'd have to rent it for $100. No good.

- I agreed to moving it to her place but then pointed out that I'd hate to put a burden on her two roommates who are teachers. They both are ending there first week back on the job today and may not want a sudden group of people in their house when they want to relax and rest.

Then my friend said it was no biggie that let's just keep it at my place and that her friend could catch us next time around.

I said, to bring her friend and we wouldn't tell anyone else he was a last minute addition. She said that she saw where I was coming from and it wasn't a big deal..

Even though she says it's not a big deal, I feel like a jerk. lol I can't win!
 
athenian200 said:
Well, if it's a party, it's not really rude to ask if they can invite a friend, since at a lot of parties, especially informal ones, people are expected to invite their friends to make it a bigger and more fun party.

It might be rude to ask who's coming, but that's it.



I'm confused.

I would think that it was Wyst's party when it was at his place, and then it was the girl's party once it was moved to her place.

You seem to think it was her party when it was Wyst's place, and then it became his party once it was over at her place?

You have a very strange concept of ownership.

Anyway, Wyst... I say that if she moves the party over to her place, just let her take responsibility for hosting it. That seems fair to me. Try to enjoy yourself and pretend like she just invited you to her party in the first place, and your plan just somehow ended up canceled.
Click to expand...


No i meant once wyst has the party moved to another persons apt, whoever owns the apartment is now the host(ess). I can see that you were very confused by that.
 
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always best to ask first before offering an invite to someone elses party or gathering unless it is clear with the invite that you are also asked to bring a friend. Most couples get an automatic understanding that if you invite one you are also inviting the other, so just asking when you get invited if you can bring a date or a friend is always a good thing, even if you don't have anyone specifically in mind.

I'm the kind of guy that likes to keep my options open.
 
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