Introverts and extra sociability | INFJ Forum

Introverts and extra sociability

acd

acd

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I really consider myself an introvert. However, if I'm at a club or a party or a bar with just a few friends, I become this social butterfly monster who can't help but soak up the attention and give attention to every stranger. I become this extreme extrovert in settings like these, and it's fun while it's happening.. but then afterwards I feel strange.

Does anyone else experience it? It kind of baffles me how I can be two totally different people in different settings. At work and school I don't talk to anyone. In fact, my co-workers are always commenting on how silent I always am.
 
most probably alcohol and

overcompensation
[-kom′pənsā′shən] Etymology: AS, ofer + L, compensare, to weigh together

an exaggerated attempt to overcome a real or imagined physical or psychologic deficit. The attempt may be conscious or unconscious.

I do it too. then, I suffer two hangovers. one alcohol induced and the other born from being an introvert who is overcompensating in a social enviroment. in other words, a people hangover. I burn twice as bright and draw em in like a moth to flame, conversly I need twice as long to recover from people and the atmosphere.
 
I like the image of a social butterfly monster. Sometimes this is true of me too.
It can go either way though. Sometimes I'm downright moody in social situations, but other times the life and soul of the party. Alcohol amplifies the effect both ways. I've not yet figured out how to control the switch, so that can be frustrating.

At work I sometimes feel like I'm being appropriately sociable, whilst keeping my focus on the job in hand, but some people still label me as 'the quiet one', as if this is a bad thing. Maybe if they did some work and shut the cakehole for five minutes... ;)
 
I can only be more sociable if there is some specific task like teaching or performing. I can go through the motions of smiling and saying what needs to be said, but I don't experience as a social interaction really. I never turn into a social butterfly, but can see how that be a funny feeling to be able to transform like that.
 
ya this can happen to me sometimes.....and yes it also involves alcohol.yet for the most part i hate drawing attention to myself so even when ive done nothing wrong not only do i feel strange later i feel embarrassed....often i dont even like to think about having been in the spotlight,in fact it makes me even more reserved for a time,it can make me feel hypocritical and unnerved that i havent acted true to my usual form....
 
chingachgook said:
most probably alcohol and

overcompensation
[-kom′pənsā′shən] Etymology: AS, ofer + L, compensare, to weigh together

an exaggerated attempt to overcome a real or imagined physical or psychologic deficit. The attempt may be conscious or unconscious.
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Overcompensation for sure.. I do this thing where I intentionally break my own rules or also push myself out of my comfort zone just to see how far I can go.

It usually involves alcohol for me in social settings, but not always. It just so happens that I'm a happy madly in love with humanity drunk.

I'm normally pretty withdrawn and actually even a smidge shy...the alcohol only amplifies my brazenness to challenge that.
 
Helpful Elf said:
Sometimes I'm downright moody in social situations, but other times the life and soul of the party. Alcohol amplifies the effect both ways.
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This is true of me as well, although it's harder for me to maintain the extrovertedness without at least a sip of something.

The other factor that I find plays into it a lot is how well I know the people I'm socializing with. Or the ratio of strangers to people I already know and have established some kind of relationship with. Obviously the more strangers, the more reserved I stay. But I mean that in terms of the direct group of people I'm "with." If I'm out at a bar with some friends, the amount of strangers in the room would probably vastly outnumber the people I know, but since I'm not really interacting with anyone but my friends, I can still get quite lively.
 
This is EXACTLY what I do. Like become charm personified. But I always, in a small way, feel terrible and insincere about it. It used to be only when I was out socializing that this side came out. But then the older I get, I find myself being this way in other environments like work and so.

I think I do it because it seems to make people around me happy enough and I'm completely indifferent either way. Plus it feels better being liked for false charms then hated for sharp wits. Or something. And I genuinely do love people that much... blah. My thoughts are incoherent today.
 
alt ctrl del said:
I do this thing where I intentionally break my own rules or also push myself out of my comfort zone just to see how far I can go. .
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That is Se usage. And yes I get like this as well when I get caught up in the energy of the moment. I have noticed a pattern where if I feel drained afterwords or "strange" as you said. It was because I was not being myself, and as such was unhealthy. Overtime you will sort of learn this unspoken language with yourself and you find what you can and can not do when you break out of your everyday mold.
 
Are you 100% introverted?
 
Maybe begin at a club simply puts you in an e mood.

pun unintended.
 
I would have to say it's the setting, and being under the influence.

I'm a very introverted person, and in group settings I will isolate one person out of the crowd to converse with them. Other times, I'll quietly observe or listen to music. I get to know a group of people by multiple 1x1 encounters with each member. I've never been to a bar, and I don't drink, so you can count me in as the control.
 
i've had this happen to me in my childhood and early adolescence when i felt socially pressured to succomb to the expectations of the extraverted majority whether at a party, a classroom, or in other charged group situations. i became a full blown ESTP as if by default. it was so emotionally draining because it was my defence mechanism that repressed and obscured my real interests of expression; i internally despised the image i was projecting and yet others approved of it so much.
 
this happens to me whenever I'm at a party with my friends. at the beginning of the part I'm very quiet, and just listen to the conversation, but within an hour, I'm the loudest and most rambunctious one there, and I and quite obviously an extrovert at the time (acting then thinking, unless I think aloud, then act). However, I go home at the end of the evening, curl up into a little ball, and don't talk for a bout a day. Normally, once the party done and over with, I'm happy with it and can go for a long time without any major social interaction. Lately, however, I've really been the partying type. Each weekend that goes by feels like a wasted opportunity. I have a feeling it's all doe to the up coming graduation and summer (aka senioritis).
 
dylan said:
This is true of me as well, although it's harder for me to maintain the extrovertedness without at least a sip of something.

The other factor that I find plays into it a lot is how well I know the people I'm socializing with. Or the ratio of strangers to people I already know and have established some kind of relationship with. Obviously the more strangers, the more reserved I stay. But I mean that in terms of the direct group of people I'm "with." If I'm out at a bar with some friends, the amount of strangers in the room would probably vastly outnumber the people I know, but since I'm not really interacting with anyone but my friends, I can still get quite lively.
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^^ yes

It's funny when I don't have to actually come up with a reply but can just copy someone else's because it's what I would normally say anyway....

I love this forum. <3
 
A good friend told me recently: You know, when I met you, I thought that you are quiet. But - you actually talk - a lot:)
 
dneecey said:
^^ yes

It's funny when I don't have to actually come up with a reply but can just copy someone else's because it's what I would normally say anyway....

I love this forum. <3
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Hahahaha, I want to do that all too often. But I always feel as if I should add something new as well. More then half the time I will read someones post and be like "ha, I could have said that".
 
IndigoSensor said:
Hahahaha, I want to do that all too often. But I always feel as if I should add something new as well. More then half the time I will read someones post and be like "ha, I could have said that".
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See even IRL I very rarely talk unless I truly feel like I have something to add to the conversation... I try to carry that over in this forum especially, but sometimes what's already been said, as far as I'm concerned is more than enough... It's nice, because I'm not much of a talker. :D
 
When I drink alcohol I experience this. Everyone is my friend when I am drunk. Well, not everyone, but most people. I think I've made some people uncomfortable.
 
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