INTJ asking for relationship assistance | INFJ Forum

INTJ asking for relationship assistance

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Vagrant, Feb 11, 2009.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Vagrant
  1. Vagrant

    Vagrant Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2009
    Threads:
    3
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Ok, so I'm not an INFJ. I can admit that. But you guys seem pretty good at relationship advice.

    My problem is that I'm single. And I want to meet the right girl -- preferably an intuitor. But I have no idea how to go about doing that. And due to my introversion and additional shyness, I generally am hesitant to ask girls out. Is there any advice that could help me find the right woman?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. gOpHeR

    gOpHeR Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2009
    Threads:
    3
    Messages:
    221
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Walk up to people and just say "hi" and look for a ball to start rolling.
     
  3. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2008
    Threads:
    382
    Messages:
    11,684
    Likes Received:
    1,365
    Trophy Points:
    881
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    It depends. Introverted intuitive females might have already caught the "vibes" your sending, but she has your same problem: Approaching her. You might want to think about joining a club that caters to INFJ interests, and see where that takes you. Any personality club, writing club, or reading club will probably help.

    Try looking here: http://www.meetup.com/
     
  4. AntoniaDodge

    AntoniaDodge Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2008
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    109
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENTP
    My INTJ guy friends have SUCH trouble in this arena. Underneath their introverted/shy demeanor is a ribbon of steal that absolutely will NOT compromise. They want what they want, and they have no idea how to get it.

    I highly recommend looking into dating manuals. I know - everyone will cry foul and say they're nothing but crap. But it's not true. There's value to be found in them. I DON'T recommend The Mystery Method - the gentleman who has a show on MTV (or is it VH1?). Unless you're looking to get laid a lot, his brand of dating advice leads to loneliness and emotional immaturity. It IS interesting reading, but like Ayn Rand has very limited payoffs.

    I DO recommend David DeAngelo. His original manual Double Your Dating is mostly hit, some miss. Since then David D has moved on to seminars like Man Transformation which is expensive but EXCELLENT. It's mostly about becoming the man you want to be, owning yourself and observing people who can't help but be attracted to these qualities essentially become drawn to you. But start with Double Your Dating. Again, it has some miss in it, but a lot of really solid advice on male/female interpersonal relationship advice can be found therein. It's not free, but it shouldn't be. (David D also goes by the name Eben Pagan when he's focusing on business leadership advice, and there's some good stuff out there under that moniker if you're interested in business venture.)

    Good luck! It's a jungle out there.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #4 AntoniaDodge, Feb 11, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2009
  5. Eeyore

    Eeyore Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    The ONLY way is to ASK HER OUT. If you don't try, you will never know. I know it's hard. If the girl is shy, she may not even let you know that she likes you until you give her assurance of your feelings. Just tell yourself that even if the girl does not like you back the same way, you still gain a friend. The point of asking people out is really wanting to get to know each other more. You don't know yet if she's the right one or not, neither does she. It's just about getting to know each other first, be friends and see how it goes from there. It's great if it works out but it's still fine if it doesn't.
     
  6. hughnibley

    hughnibley Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2009
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENTP
    Or, you could write her a note that says:

    Dear __insert_name_here__:
    I like you, do you like me?

    please circle one:
    yes no
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. Eeyore

    Eeyore Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    That could work too.
     
  8. AntoniaDodge

    AntoniaDodge Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2008
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    109
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENTP
    When has that EVER worked.

    My answer is Yes! by the way.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Threads:
    249
    Messages:
    4,999
    Likes Received:
    710
    Trophy Points:
    245
    MBTI:
    The note idea's funny.. it could work :) Personally, I think I'd laugh if I got a note like that if I liked the person. I'd be amused. If I didn't like the person, I'd feel a wave of flattery and compassion wash over me. I wouldn't want to have to circle the 'no' (no, I don't like you - ouch!!). The other thing about the note I would caution against is that it could make things awkward if the answer is no. At least if I spoke with someone face to face, I'd try to tide things over and leave it on a friendly note. But the note doesn't offer that sort of resolution. It'd be awkward the next time, and possibly the next, and the next.. depending on who this person is and how well you know them.

    I think mutual interests can be helpful to meeting someone. That way, you already have something in common :) And, if you are doing something that you enjoy (and you know s/he enjoys), maybe you might feel more likely or at ease to be yourself. There's nothing as attractive as confidence and someone who is secure with themselves, loving life :)
     
  10. Eeyore

    Eeyore Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    If that was done in a cute, light-hearted way accompanied by some flowers and sincerity, it just might work.
     
  11. AntoniaDodge

    AntoniaDodge Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2008
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    109
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENTP
    When have flowers and sincerity EVER worked.

    I like sunflowers and flattery.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. darkstar

    darkstar Community Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2009
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I feel ya man, check out my post on love-shyness, sounds like an open and shut case. (most guys on their forum are INTJ)

    DO NOT have anything to do with pick up artists "like david d or mystery" been there, messed that up. It caused me to lose a chance at really great girl (albeit a little hard to handle)
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. AntoniaDodge

    AntoniaDodge Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2008
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    109
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENTP
    David D and Mystery are very different schools of thought. Mystery is a pick up artist, David D focuses on finding the right person. The concepts within are very thought provoking. You don't have to try and score legions of phone numbers to understand male/female relationships.

    I'm curious how David D's manual cost you a relationship.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. OP
    Vagrant

    Vagrant Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2009
    Threads:
    3
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Don't worry -- I know what PUA's do (and how it works too, it's not just made up crap. It makes sense). And I could do it. But I'm not interested in doing it. So I won't. I don't need a quick ****, I want an in-depth relationship. If I wanted a quick ****, I could just go on craigslist. I know that I could easily find somebody, I'm not ugly.



    That's my biggest problem -- I don't know who to ask out. There's obviously the girls I find attractive, but I'm afraid of asking them out unless I'm moderately sure they're interested back. Bit of a catch-22.



    It would be amusing, but last time I tried using a note (back in junior high), it ended up really badly, and kind of awkward. So I just try face to face nowadays.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #14 Vagrant, Feb 12, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2009
  15. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    May 23, 2008
    Threads:
    78
    Messages:
    4,253
    Likes Received:
    166
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    Enneagram:
    The kid in me would totally go for something cheesy and childish and innocent like that :D

    ... well as long as it was meant to be cheesy.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page