Inteligence/IQ Differences in Relationships | INFJ Forum

Inteligence/IQ Differences in Relationships

Flavus Aquila

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How do differences in intelligence (IQ) affect your relationships? (Or relationship preferences).

I don't mean looking at an actual iq test, but when someone is noticeably more, or less intelligent than you. (All else being equal).
 
I live a life of constant frustration because of my own ignorance and the ignorance of others

/thread
 
I live a life of constant frustration because of my own ignorance and the ignorance of others

/thread
Intelligence is different to knowledge: it's more to do with how easily information is processed, than how much/little has been processed.

How does it affect you when it's hard to keep up with a friend/SO/etc., or when they find it hard to keep up with you?
 
Intelligence is different to knowledge: it's more to do with how easily information is processed, than how much/little has been processed.

Sorry, I processed this too quickly for you. When people are slow to process, over time they are unable to accumulate equal amounts of knowledge. It's quite frustrating.

How does it affect you when it's hard to keep up with a friend/SO/etc

I have a strange God complex

or when they find it hard to keep up with you?

I'm good at relating to the common folk. It's one of the many skills I've picked up through my massive amounts of knowledge accumulation.
 
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To me, I don't find it makes much of a difference if someone is slightly more/less intelligent. When the difference is significant, it makes for two types of relationship dynamic for me:

More intelligent.
I find it exhilarating (but taxing mentally) when a friend is markedly more intelligent... it's sometimes easy to become enthralled, especially if they have a particular hobby/interest/ability upon which their full attention is focused. I had a friend at one place I worked who was very very bright. He mostly was just a regular guy, except when he spoke about musical theory, or improvised music (keyboard). I would slip into a stunned silence whenever he went into "music mode" and I would end up with mental fatigue after trying to keep up with what he was explaining. Uber awesome, even if I never really did more than sit in awe of his integration of maths, poetry, motor skills, concepts, and emotion. (Mind blown).

Less intelligent.
I am reluctant to try and discuss more integrated/complex concepts with slower friends because I get impatient quickly. But people who are less in their heads conceptually seem to have a better emotional quotient than average. I guess that I'm fascinated by how they sense-process things and somehow find a healthy subjective state when other people become neurotic. They are the best guides for showing you the recreational options in a new place... they don't over-think things and that trait is such an important segue to having a good time. I guess I relate with slower friends in a way that looks at them as life-coaches and fun experts; they have a kind of life-wisdom, without a complex philosophy.
 
im on the "less intelligent" side.. :m131:

it takes longer for me to process things on a conversational setup.(verbal) sometimes it frustrates me when i dont get right away what people are trying to tell me..or most times, i misinterpret what they mean or i'll read more into it.. (just with foreign people)

BUT. this has never been a problem to me nor to any of my... acquiantances because i tell them first hand that my thought process is slow.. AND thankfully, intelligent people who i've come across with had never made me feel dumb around them and had been patient with me.

i used to be VERY insecure around intelligent people.. i dont talk to them :m145: but i've learned that they may be good at something, doesn't mean im lesser than them or im stupid.. everyone has their own forte.. im smarter in other areas.. :p

anyhow, i love surrounding myself with people with higher intelligence than me because i learn from them. i love learning. heck, that's why i stick to this forum coz ya'll are intelligent folks. i read threads quietly.. :m131: but i dont converse coz my poor brain can't handle it.

and.. i don't like language barriers. :m080:sometimes, English words are limited i cannot translate properly what i wanted to say...

im not sure if i have answered thisthread correctly :tearsofjoy::sweatsmile: sorry Flavus.
 
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im on the "less intelligent" side.. :m131:

it takes longer for me to process things on a conversational setup.(verbal) sometimes it frustrates me when i dont get right away what people are trying to tell me..or most times, i misinterpret what they mean or i'll read more into it.. (just with foreign people)

BUT. this has never been a problem to me nor to any of my... acquiantances because i tell them first hand that my thought process is slow.. AND thankfully, intelligent people who i've come across with had never made me feel dumb around them and had been patient with me.

i used to be VERY insecure around intelligent people.. i dont talk to them :m145: but i've learned that they may be good at something, doesn't mean im lesser than them or im stupid.. everyone has their own forte.. im smarter in other areas.. :p

anyhow, i love surrounding myself with people with higher intelligence than me because i learn from them. i love learning. heck, that's why i stick to this forum coz ya'll are intelligent folks. i read threads quietly.. :m131: but i dont converse coz my poor brain can't handle it.

and.. i don't like language barriers. :m080:sometimes, English words are limited i cannot translate properly what i wanted to say...

im not sure if i have answeres thisnthread correctly :tearsofjoy::sweatsmile: sorry Flavus.
A beautiful reply and a beautiful insight into how different abilities doesn't contradict people's enjoying being around each other.
 
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if in preference for future partner/so, i prefer mine to be more intelligent. that will have us more things to talk about when we're old, toothless and wrinkly. :)
 
Less intelligent people I treat as the dogs they are. More intelligent people...well I doubt there's such a thing. If, however, I do discover such an improbability, then my only recourse would be complete annihilation of their existence.
 
Well, when the gap is not that big, it's not much of an issue.

I sincerely wish that I got to be around more people who are significantly brighter than me, but due to not being in a specialised professional work environment, or education institute, this is not the case.

85-90% of the time, I'm the brightest in the room, and amongst my "peers". I'm not very bright, by my own standards, so this fact does not bode well for humanity.

All this week, for example, I have been in a training course to qualify in Care. Not a typical INTP job, but I'm trying it because there is a staff shortage in the UK, and I'll spend a lot of time alone and managing my own schedule (pro INTP things).

However, the class I'm in is full of dumbass, tedious, ESF types.

Their brains move so slow, I often fantasise about possessing a gun, and blowing my brains out, each time they ask for very simple concepts to be repeated infinitely.

:sweat:

I hate group work which isn't split into different abilities. Kill me now.

Anyway, ESFs make up the majority of the population, suffice it to say, I think they are all cognitively challenged, and they have zero business bugging me with their irrelevant bullshit.

I avoid dumbasses where possible, although I'm stuck with family , and some long time friends , my dumbass friends must make up for their dumbass natures by being really useful to me, or hilarious.

If we're talking men, and intimate relationships... I generally prefer them to look good, say little, and do as they're told.

I struggle to find many NTs irl.
 
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Well, when the gap is not that big, it's not much of an issue.

I sincerely wish that I got to be around more people who are significantly brighter than me, but due to not being in a specialised professional work environment, or education institute, this is not the case.

85-90% of the time, I'm the brightest in the room, and amongst my "peers". I'm not very bright, by my own standards, so this fact does not bode well for humanity.

All this week, for example, I have been in a training course to qualify in Care. Not a typical INTP job, but I'm trying it because there is a staff shortage in the UK, and I'll spend a lot of time alone and managing my own schedule (pro INTP things).

However, the class I'm in is full of dumbass, tedious, ESF types.

Their brains move so slow, I often fantasise about possessing a gun, and blowing my brains out, each time they ask for very simple concepts to be repeated infinitely.

:sweat:

I hate group work which isn't split into different abilities. Kill me now.

Anyway, ESFs make up the majority of the population, suffice it to say, I think they are all cognitively challenged, and they have zero business bugging me with their irrelevant bullshit.

I avoid dumbasses where possible, although I'm stuck with family , and some long time friends , my dumbass friends must make up for their dumbass natures by being really useful to me, or hilarious.

If we're talking men, and intimate relationships... I generally prefer them to look good, say little, and do as they're told.

I struggle to find many NTs irl.
Are you my long lost twin?
(It's bad being in a mixed group in an education setting... and it's tough to appreciate others if you don't have a core of like-IQ peers).
 
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"Intelligence" is a hard word to define. At first, when I read your post @Flavus Aquila, I felt uncomfortable. Why should we put people in such boxes?
Indeed, as you mentioned, people usually call "intelligent" someone who's in fact "cultivated". Knowledge and intelligence are two different things. It's easier to measure the first, though. Intelligence is something extremely confusing. I would personally say it reflects the abilities of a person to adapt to change.
In this thread, the definition you seem to be giving to the concept of "intelligence" is the time someone's brain takes to process information. I don't think that's intelligence, although I see what you mean. Someone who takes long time to process what you're saying, and who can't really reply and add things to the conversation, is not necessarily a person who's lacking intelligence. What I'm trying to say is that some people have amazing capacities of adaptation, but they aren't speakers. It costs them to put their thoughts into words. Therefore, in my opinion, you can't measure the intelligence of people through what they say (or don't say). The cognitive processes of language are just one aspect of what could be intelligence. Plus, language can be affected by many things, on a psychopathological aspect.
I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense, ha... because I, myself have difficulties to put my thoughts into words (it's also the case in my native language) :)

Anyways, I have all kinds of acquaintances. I don't really pay attention to the things you're saying as I consider we all are human beings and therefore, we are all equals. We're all struggling, without rules, trying our best to be, to live, without having the slightest idea of the reasons why we're here and why we're doing it. That is why every person on this planet deserves respect, whether you call them "intelligent" or not.
 
"Intelligence" is a hard word to define. At first, when I read your post @Flavus Aquila, I felt uncomfortable. Why should we put people in such boxes?
Indeed, as you mentioned, people usually call "intelligent" someone who's in fact "cultivated". Knowledge and intelligence are two different things. It's easier to measure the first, though. Intelligence is something extremely confusing. I would personally say it reflects the abilities of a person to adapt to change.
In this thread, the definition you seem to be giving to the concept of "intelligence" is the time someone's brain takes to process information. I don't think that's intelligence, although I see what you mean. Someone who takes long time to process what you're saying, and who can't really reply and add things to the conversation, is not necessarily a person who's lacking intelligence. What I'm trying to say is that some people have amazing capacities of adaptation, but they aren't speakers. It costs them to put their thoughts into words. Therefore, in my opinion, you can't measure the intelligence of people through what they say (or don't say). The cognitive processes of language are just one aspect of what could be intelligence. Plus, language can be affected by many things, on a psychopathological aspect.
I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense, ha... because I, myself have difficulties to put my thoughts into words (it's also the case in my native language) :)

Anyways, I have all kinds of acquaintances. I don't really pay attention to the things you're saying as I consider we all are human beings and therefore, we are all equals. We're all struggling, without rules, trying our best to be, to live, without having the slightest idea of the reasons why we're here and why we're doing it. That is why every person on this planet deserves respect, whether you call them "intelligent" or not.
The time/speed factor is part of intelligence. The classic pun is about the person who laughs an hour after hearing a joke. The ability to process things is more fundamental, but intelligence is a combination of ability and efficiency in processing.

Being immersed in a mix of different iqs both makes one push one's limit, and to slow down and savor stuff.

I agree that the overlay of value judgements and a tricky pride/shame//jealousy/envy dynamic isn't helpful, or constructive. I think talking about the differences in IQ might take the pressure out of the "issues", and leave more space for appreciating different abilities/speeds people run with.
 
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The time/speed factor is part of intelligence.
Okay, but you can't reduce "intelligence" to it.

I think I'm against that concept as a whole since it really puts people in boxes. I believe if you say to a child "you have a high IQ" or, "you IQ is lower than the average", this can have a huge impact on his life, while this is only a subjective measure, at a given time. Plus, the measure of the IQ per se has been extremely disputed. It can be useful if you are careful with the interpretation you make of it though, in a developmental context. I think we should be careful with what we say to our children when it comes to "intelligence". That kind of considerations can have big impacts on self-esteem and on a person's choices afterwards.

For the rest, I can only agree.
 
Okay, but you can't reduce "intelligence" to it.

I think I'm against that concept as a whole since it really puts people in boxes. I believe if you say to a child "you have a high IQ" or, "you IQ is lower than the average", this can have a huge impact on his life, while this is only a subjective measure, at a given time. Plus, the measure of the IQ per se has been extremely disputed. It can be useful if you are careful with the interpretation you make of it though, in a developmental context. I think we should be careful with what we say to our children when it comes to "intelligence". That kind of considerations can have big impacts on self-esteem and on a person's choices afterwards.

For the rest, I can only agree.
On the one hand there's the issue of not cultivating pride or shame; on the other hand there is the issue of neither holding people back, nor setting people up for failure.

Life without so many stigmas/boasting points would be easier, but it isn't the reality we have. The presence of that nonsense probably needs to be addressed with a mixture of no-nonsense and care-full tact, so people can be realistic about their abilities (good and bad), and robust/secure about where they fit in the mix. (Without being boxed in, but liberated by realising their own potential).

*Complicated*
 
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I have a tendency to not really "hear" people. So I am always trying to fully listen and understand what is being said.

My friend S teaches at university. I keep up because I happen to have a natural talent for the subject she teaches. Sometimes she has been wrong and I have recognised why. But I see her looking to other friends in her future. She will need to be more connected to friends who have the time to read scholarly material relevant to her area of work. I will not have that time in future.

It was difficult for me recently when I watched "Sleepy Hollow" with my cousin and she struggled to grasp the plot. I was embarrassed to explain it to her and I don't think she understood it. My cousin works with autistic people and she's the best at what she does. I don't think that anyone can do what she does as well as she does it.

I don't think intelligence is very important. I think knowledge is more important. I like to try to get people talking about their knowledge or expertise area and to see what they have to say.

A teacher of mine says that IQ tests are a good indication of how well people perform on IQ tests, and that's all. It's not an accurate predictor of anything else about a person's life.

I think that a preference for judging people by their intelligence is a good predictor of what a dickhead someone is. I think if someone gives a high preference to understanding another person through measurements or estimations of that person's intelligence, they are more likely to be a total dickhead.
 
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A teacher of mine says that IQ tests are a good indication of how well people perform on IQ tests, and that's all. It's not an accurate predictor of anything else about a person's life.

Of course. The more you rehearse on an IQ test, the closer you'll get to a 130 score. Then, anybody can get have an IQ of 130.
The IQ test is effective only in a psychological evaluation, it helps psychologists to have a better understanding of how some cognitive abilities work, at a given time. Then, it has become a popular thing to talk about IQ, because it's a way to flatter our egos.

I like to try to get people talking about their knowledge or expertise area and to see what they have to say.
Same here. That's what matters for me as well. Each and every one of us has something new to say, a new perspective, a new way of living. This is what matters.