INFPs and emotional honesty | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

INFPs and emotional honesty

FiftySeven said:
not to mention Fo and Fum:m037:
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Ok. Here I go again. Te vs. Ti. T refers to our logical cognitive framework. There is no ethics involved here. That is F and separate. Ti is more interested in logic for it's own sake, a sort of search for absolute truth. Te on the other hand uses logic for practical reasons. The logic must be useful otherwise it is of questionable importance.

Am I wrong or am I right? Am I leaving something out?
 
Fe: What will others feel if I do this.

Fi: Does this fit into my morals/ethics.

...Essentially

infjs are more guarded than infps so we don't share our feelings nearly as much, just like [MENTION=3156]saru[/MENTION] said. infps are more open to that kind of stuff. We like to listen more than tell.
 
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AlienSpectator said:
Am I wrong or am I right? Am I leaving something out?
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I think Te is about making logical external connections, much like Ne but with logic. Ti is focused on getting the logical answer, again like Ni but with logic instead of intuition.

Te is also used when you're thinking out loud trying to come up with all possible logical explanations of something.

But I may be wrong.

Edit:
I was wrong. Te and Ti aren't like perceiving functions such as N or S. Te seeks that everything external fits in logically and works well (i.e. machinery or a worker process of some sort).

Ti wants to get everything right in a logical fashion (makes sense, I can relate). I see this as the mindset of an engineer trying to do things the best, most efficient way.
 
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bickelz said:
Interesting but I thin it fails to outline why. Because everyone deals with stuff differently. Some people need to talk about it because they can't take those bottled up feelings. I would prefer to think it out on my own because I'm an introvert.

Bottling things up too much can be stressful and stress is bad in high amounts.
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Well I've also read that there is no such thing as "bottling up" and that bringing up old emotions is just reliving that feeling, I'm not sure as to my own personal beliefs on it but the bottling up thing might just be one of those "common truths" things that aren't actually true.
 
i guess, it's everything in moderation. too much emotional honesty is not necessarily a good thing, nor is too little, depending on the circumstances. And it's probably also situational. What is appropriate or comfortable with one person in a specific situation may not be in another.
 
This thread brings these lines from the movie First Knight to mind

Arthur: When a woman loves two men, she must choose between them.
Guinevere: I choose you.
Arthur: Your will chooses me. Your heart chooses him.
Guinevere: My will is stronger than my heart. Do you think I put so high a price on my feelings? They'll pass. My will holds me to my course through life.
Arthur: As mine does me, and yet, all I have to do is look at you and everything I ever believed in fades to nothing. All I want is your love.
Guinevere: You have it.
Arthur: Do I? Then look on me as you looked on him.
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Quoted from http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/f/first-knight-script-transcript-gere.html
Formatting and character names added by me

I think those lines illustrate exactly the scenario a jealous lover fears and I understand it. What also needs to be understood is that people do choose to love with their heart and their will. Guinevere was unfaithful, however, not everyone is. Some people (#1) will have close friends and continue to love their partner with both and heart and soul. Some (#2) won't. However, if you cage #1 because you fear they will be a #2 then in my opinion, you do an injustice to this person you love and are just as guilty of betrayal as Guinevere.

As an aside, there is a thread about literary characters that you identify with. Well, those lines from Guinevere's lips could have been mine but so far I'm not a cheat like she is. Who knows what the future holds? I can still learn. LOL
 
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AlienSpectator said:
This thread brings these lines from the movie First Knight to mind


Quoted from http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/f/first-knight-script-transcript-gere.html
Formatting and character names added by me

I think those lines illustrate exactly the scenario a jealous lover fears and I understand it. What also needs to be understood is that people do choose to love with their heart and their will. Guinevere was unfaithful, however, not everyone is. Some people (#1) will have close friends and continue to love their partner with both and heart and soul. Some (#2) won't. However, if you cage #1 because you fear they will be a #2 then in my opinion, you do an injustice to this person you love and are just as guilty of betrayal as Guinevere.

As an aside, there is a thread about literary characters that you identify with. Well, those lines from Guinevere's lips could have been mine but so far I'm not a cheat like she is. Who knows what the future holds? I can still learn. LOL
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Very deep!
 
Sali said:
Well I've also read that there is no such thing as "bottling up" and that bringing up old emotions is just reliving that feeling, I'm not sure as to my own personal beliefs on it but the bottling up thing might just be one of those "common truths" things that aren't actually true.
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The bold part is what is meant by bottling stuff up, it causes stress and takes up space in your mind which causes you to forget about little stuff. It can cause poor work and sometimes more serious things.

And what about bottling up stress? I think our nation's waistline can attribute to that.
 
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As far as emotional honesty were concerned, I noticed that INFP and INFJ can indeed be more emotionally honest, the only difference being that INFP tend to took an emotional, humanistic kind of perspective when looking at their own emotions (Fi?) while INFJ tend to be more detached and observational when looking on theirs. (Ti?)

I think extroverts are more 'loud', but not necessarily honest. Of course it all goes back depending on each person....
 
SouloftheLaurel said:
Hmmm. My best friend is an INFP and she is very reserved with her emotions, but now that we know each other well, we tell each other practically everything, but I know that she still holds back some of her emotons, moreso than I do, at least. But that's ok. I end up figuring it out, and letting her know in my own silent way, that it's ok : )

They will keep your secrets, I can tell you that as well.
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I think my emotional honesty depends on the person I'm with. With some people I can be totaly honest, with others I'm very reserved. But in any case I can not bottle up emotions very long.

I like most to be open and say what is on my mind. But I can only do it with people who are open and honest themselves and are respectful towards me. My project leader at work for instance is someone I can be totaly open with. Last week I had a nervous breakdown (which involved crying) in a meeting with him. (Mostly stress of having (or better taking) so much work to satisfy everyone and an issue with a colleague) he was very understanding and honest about what he thinks of me. Afterwards I felt so relieved that I could start working with a new energy.

On the other hand with people who are closed or vulnerable or judgmental I have a hard time telling what is on my mind. My colleague is a good example. I have been trying so hard the last months to comfort her and create trust between us to then find out that she has had a problem with me for months, could not tell me (for not hurting me I think) but told our projectleader who told me. I wanted to go to her and talk it out but I just can not put myself to do it. I don't know what it will do to her, how it will influence our relationship, if it will make things better or worse, but the fact that she couldn't say it to my face bothers me big time.

The same with the above example of Soul of the Laurel. This is exactly how I am with my Es/nFP friend. We are both very vulnerable when it comes to our deepest emotions. She irritates me a lot but I don't want to tell her because I don't want to risk our relationship because it is in my opinion very fragile. But by not telling her I built up a lot of stress which has to come out one way or the other. She is now starting to know me better and better and most of the time now can tell when I'm irritated. So now most of the times when I'm biting my teeth she looks and me and says "what are you not telling me, there is something bugging you, tell me" :)

But there isn't a single person who knows the fully extend of my emotions and that is because I think my emotions are to powerful (mostly sad) for anyone to deal with. Most people are to plain or absorbed with themselves to deal with them, others judge them, dismiss or diminish them, and with others, like my best friend, they echo their own suppressed emotions and I don't want to make them sad.
 
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I remember when I was just like that years back. Once in a while a sweet talking stranger with a warm smile came along, had me drawn and my guards come down instantly, and turned me into an emotional slut. I could share literally anything with them, failing to consider whether they wanted to hear it or not.

You bleed, you learn. I don't tend to do that anymore. Unless I sense genuine interest from the select few.
 
yeah, you're right, you do have to be careful about who you share with. Some won't care and others will abuse the trust. But when you do find that person you can share it with who truly understands and cares, who really listens, and appreciates what it means for you to share, then it's pretty awesome.
 
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LivingProof said:
I remember when I was just like that years back. Once in a while a sweet talking stranger with a warm smile came along, had me drawn and my guards come down instantly, and turned me into an emotional slut. I could share literally anything with them, failing to consider whether they wanted to hear it or not.

You bleed, you learn. I don't tend to do that anymore. Unless I sense genuine interest from the select few.
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me too.

being so leaky makes me loose my independence and self worth. I become so emotionally dependent of that person that I turn to him/her for every problem believing that he/she knows better what to do than me.

Ik think it is important to be able to be emotional honest to release stress and deepen relationships but in the end you have to realize that you and only you holds the knowledge. Only you can solve your problems and makes you happy. Others can function as mirrors or supports but they can never do the job for you.
 
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