INFPs and emotional honesty

[Gaze]

I've noticed that INFPs and some INFJs, probably because of the NF configuration and the introvertedness, tend to be more comfortable expressing their personal feelings, discussing shortcomings or insecurities, compared to other types. As a supposed INFP, this kind of emotional honesty can be positive and cathartic because writing or expressing those feelings helps to address them, leaving a sense of relief after they've been acknowledged. In my case, it allows me to get those feelings out, whereas bottling these feelings inside and trying hide them or suppress them creates some serious emotional problems later on.

But this is also a quality which many consider a weakness or a flaw or fault.

So, why are INFPs or INFJs so comfortable with being so vulnerable or emotional honest about themselves?

And how we can exercise this without making others feel uncomfortable?

 

[Saru Inc]

Hah, I never disclose my personal feelings unless I know someone very very very very very very very very well. 9 times out of ten I don't tell anyone at all, for fear it would cause them distress; as well as embarrassment on my half.

 

[Seraffa]

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

that was from http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

INFJs are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them.

that was from http://www.pajbk.com/MBTI/INFJ_rel.html

I read somewhere else (that I can't google today, for some reason) that we only give a limited amount of people the "keys to our kingdom" ( I have 2 such people), and these are people we could tell ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to. This is how I have always operated, even before I knew I was an INFJ for sure.

Perhaps the Extroverts out there are socialising and talking so much that they believe they have conveyed their emotions honestly, but have only really touched the surface. It's volume vs. content between us and extroverts. I think you would have to ask them a lot of questions even if they were blabbing away, because maybe they are so busy being themselves they are not answering the key questions you have in mind? (that 'repetitive chatter' that I, as an INFJ, wince to hear every day of my life around other people.)

 

[kammy]

So, why are INFPs or INFJs so comfortable with being so vulnerable or emotional honest about themselves?

And how we can exercise this without making others feel uncomfortable?

I find it is easier to connect with people on a personal level. Usually it only comes up if somebody else is being emotionally honest about themselves. I can tell which people I don't mind showing a little vulnerability to.

 

[Agapooka]

The way I see it, everyone could benefit from not bottling up negative emotions.

Some are more confident than others in releasing themselves of that weight through the particular method of sharing it with other people. It was mentioned that this makes the self vulnerable. If this is true of an INFP, who has a dominant Fi function, you can only imagine how vulnerable an INTP might feel doing the same thing. His feeling function is his inferior function. It is difficult and taxing to use it.


Agapooka

 

[Seraffa]

Oh wait - you weren't asking about Exroverts at all.

Well - I think the simple fact could be that, when we start talking and disclosing, we disclose towards the other person as if we were disclosing something to ourselves. As if INFJ to INFJ. And yes, since Saru is right, if an innocent INFJ discloses too much too fast to someone who doesn't know them too well, said memeber of the general public, I have noticed, tends to tell us "well - maybe there's a counselor out there who could listen to your story!" I used to get mad over that, veiwing other people as "copping out" from my conversation when really - the only thing wrong was they were another MB type that simply can't process the vast amount of incoming information the way we can. Hence, they can't automatically resonate with us, even if we like them.

 

[Gaze]

I'm not really referring to the desire to express feelings to any and everyone regardless of who they are. I am choosy about who I reveal things to. I'm referring to the tendency to be comfortable, even with those who know well, expressing how we feel or discussing insecurities, without feeling less about ourselves as a result. There's a tendency for those who don't feel comfortable doing this to make those who are comfortable feel as if something is wrong or that they are burdening them with the feelings, as if they're being asked to solve a problem they are not being asked to solve. I express feelings to get them out, not necessarily to see advice or ask for the solution, because 7-8 times out of 10, I can figure out the problem for myself. Its the act of expressing those feelings which provides healing, not that you want someone to rescue you from the problem or do anything about it. I think this is why i write my feelings out on a blog vs. talking with someone, because when I try to express or explain my feelings to someone, they treat it as being something of a burden although they never feel bad about unloading all their problems on me when they feel like it .

 

[Seraffa]

I really suck at focusing on this thread today. I'm sorry!

 

[Gaze]

I really suck at focusing on this thread today. I'm sorry!

@Seraffa . . . you do not suck. All opinions are welcome. I'm just working out some stuff of my own. Don't be deterred by my posts. Please post and thank you for responding to this thread.

 

[This]

I'm not really referring to the desire to express feelings to any and everyone regardless of who they are. I am choosy about who I reveal things to. I'm referring to the tendency to be comfortable, even with those who know well, expressing how we feel or discussing insecurities, without feeling less about ourselves as a result. There's a tendency for those who don't feel comfortable doing this to make those who are comfortable feel as if something is wrong or that they are burdening them with the feelings, as if they're being asked to solve a problem they are not being asked to solve. I express feelings to get them out, not necessarily to see advice or ask for the solution, because 7-8 times out of 10, I can figure out the problem for myself. Its the act of expressing those feelings which provides healing, not that you want someone to rescue you from the problem or do anything about it. I think this is why i write my feelings out on a blog vs. talking with someone, because when I try to express or explain my feelings to someone, they treat it as being something of a burden although they never feel bad about unloading all their problems on me when they feel like it .

Well for me it's a little strange, sometimes I'm willing to share a lot with someone and sometimes I'm willing to share nothing at all. It's hard to explain but sometimes I just feel like "this is a person I can share a lot with" or sometimes I don't. It's hard to explain and there are also certain parts of myself I don't think I'll ever share with anyone, in fact there's certain parts of myself that I'm not entirely convinced that I'm actually sharing with myself. I have to do a lot of backwards emotion feeling at times, like I'll have to think "which emotion is this and what category does that fall under and what caused that" because if I don't it makes my stomach really riled up and I become very impulsive.

 

[Gaze]

Well for me it's a little strange, sometimes I'm willing to share a lot with someone and sometimes I'm willing to share nothing at all. It's hard to explain but sometimes I just feel like "this is a person I can share a lot with" or sometimes I don't. It's hard to explain and there are also certain parts of myself I don't think I'll ever share with anyone, in fact there's certain parts of myself that I'm not entirely convinced that I'm actually sharing with myself. I have to do a lot of backwards emotion feeling at times, like I'll have to think "which emotion is this and what category does that fall under and what caused that" because if I don't it makes my stomach really riled up and I become very impulsive.

Yeah, sometimes I want to share everything, and other times, i want to keep it to myself. And yeah, i also play the emotional detective, trying to figure out what i'm feeling, why, and the cause. And it really helps to go through that process, and although i sometimes feel very uncomfortable unloading all this feelings whether by writing it out on blog or sharing it with someone, i find that it's almost necessary to do it, or else it creates this knot in my chest which doesn't leave.

 

[This]

Yeah, sometimes I want to share everything, and other times, i want to keep it to myself. And yeah, i also play the emotional detective, trying to figure out what i'm feeling, why, and the cause. And it really helps to go through that process, and although i sometimes feel very uncomfortable unloading all this feelings whether by writing it out on blog or sharing it with someone, i find that it's almost necessary to do it, or else it creates this knot in my chest which doesn't leave.

I also find it's easier to share on the internet, which may not be the best thing in the world, lol.

 

[Gaze]

I also find it's easier to share on the internet, which may not be the best thing in the world, lol.

Yeah, hate to admit but there's something comforting about sharing online than with someone in person, although it's not really private. There's a sense of trust there which probably shouldn't be there but it is. I wouldn't even talk about this stuff with anyone irl unless i was close to them and i know they'd understand and not be turned off by it. Most of the time, i keep things to myself.

 

[poshlost]

no, never.

 

[Ria]

I tend to associate Fe as Wanting to share, express and connect.

Fi imo, tends to be more inhibited.

 

[This]

I tend to associate Fe as Wanting to share, express and connect.

Fi imo, tends to be more inhibited.

I'm a little confused on the difference between Fe and Fi and also Te and Ti for that matter.

 

[jyrffw54]

Hmmm. My best friend is an INFP and she is very reserved with her emotions, but now that we know each other well, we tell each other practically everything, but I know that she still holds back some of her emotons, moreso than I do, at least. But that's ok. I end up figuring it out, and letting her know in my own silent way, that it's ok : )

They will keep your secrets, I can tell you that as well.

 

[FiftySeven]

I'm a little confused on the difference between Fe and Fi .

not to mention Fo and Fum

 

[not sure]

I'm a little confused on the difference between Fe and Fi and also Te and Ti for that matter.

I appreciate correction because I'm not sure I understand this either. Hopefully, actually typing my thoughts will help to clarify it. I believe Fe means that a person's ethics are external. Their ethics are based on those of society. While the Fi person has their own internal code of ethics, independent of society. The Fe person thinks, "What does society say is right?" The Fi person says, "What do I say is right?"

So am I wrong or am I right?

 

[This]

I appreciate correction because I'm not sure I understand this either. Hopefully, actually typing my thoughts will help to clarify it. I believe Fe means that a person's ethics are external. Their ethics are based on those of society. While the Fi person has their own internal code of ethics, independent of society. The Fe person thinks, "What does society say is right?" The Fi person says, "What do I say is right?"

So am I wrong or am I right?

Holy crap, if that's right than I'm an INTJ with a highly developed Fi.