INFJs, why would you friendzone someone? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

INFJs, why would you friendzone someone?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by fabulousworld, Mar 5, 2020.

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  1. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Oh, I have a weakness for quiet women.

    Always have.
     
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  2. mintoots

    mintoots Also: Tooth, 뚵수, Tootsu

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    Silent waters run deep. I am often intrigued by quiet men as well.
     
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  3. ReasonEnduring

    ReasonEnduring Permanent Fixture

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    I have mixed feelings about this.

    On the one hand my realtionships that changed from friendship into something more were good because we had a common ground to stand on. When they fell apart it was usually something they'd been lying or dishonest about during our friendship which became apparent the more we were together.

    My wife was pretty much my best friend before we were togther, we always had a strong connection.

    That said, not every friendship is relationship material.

    Some people are too different, some people just have preferences you don't fit. Eye colour, hair colour etc.

    Sometimes situations just don;t work out.

    True if you are both looking for something like as you say on a dating site it makes it easier for common intent.

    Basically you just have to be careful. Can be worth a try but it depends whats more valuable, friendship, or the chance at something more. If it fails then its the price to be paid.

    Plus its hard to stay in a friendship when you have feelings for someone. Better off possibly taking the risk then cutting the person out of your life if it fails because that's never going to be a normal friendship, at least from what I've observed.
     
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  4. OP
    fabulousworld

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    Thank you everyone so much for your thoughtful responses! I appreciate all the comments saying "just move on," so I'd like to explain myself a bit more. I take all experiences in life like this as a way to more deeply understand humanity and to illuminate which parts of me need to be healed. I definitely want someone who also wants me romantically, so I am moving on, no doubt. Sorry if my initial post came off otherwise. All these questions I'm posing and musings are a part of my process, which, undoubtedly, one that leans in. Some may see it as unproductive or self-defeating or even masochistic, but I've learned over time that it's my gift to "face the music," if you will, at times like these. I actively lean in and I am able to meet and chat with the inner demons that come up - and I learn and grow immensely from it... I learn so much nuance about myself, people, human nature, relationships, which all brings deep healing. Just wanted to share the perspective from which I'm approaching this.

    Having said all that, being an ENFP, at times like these, asking lots of questions and entertaining/exploring possibilities is how I process. So, truly thank you everyone for your responses. Hearing all your different perspectives has helped me process and left me finally in a state of peace with all this this evening!

    Everything absolutely happened as it needed to. :) There is no one to blame and we both acted authentically and natural to what we felt. I've very glad I told him when I did (before further feelings developed), so I'm proud I protected myself while honoring my feelings; although I care for him as a friend, what I feel for him, honestly, is mostly infatuation/limerence and I know it. The pain comes from the perceived attachment that the infatuation produces. Nonetheless, it still hurts - but that's because him seeing me just as a friend is showing me old wounds, deeper layers of self-love that I have not healed yet. For that, I am so grateful and that's part of the joy in this journey.

    My motto is very much: The only way out is through! So I am letting go in my own way - which is to lean into the questions and the pain, and I am learning so much about different kinds of caring and love and healing. The fact that this man has come into my life, the closest to an ideal partner as I've met, means that I am on the right path. I can't wait to meet the right one for me - and I'm sure he can't wait as well. ;)

    Thanks again everyone and have a lovey night! @ReasonEnduring @slant @Aneirin @mintoots @Rit4lin @acd @Peppermint @Fidicen @Asa
     
  5. slant

    slant Ruby Adoraboobie

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    I mean in the context of: you make a pass at a friend, they say no. It would be unhealthy to stay in that friendship thinking it would progress to romance. If a friendship evolves into that naturally, that's one thing. But if one of you are in the friendship hoping it turns into something else (and worse you don't communicate that ever) then that to me is a problem.

    It's better to go on dates and have intentions of dating from the start than to start out every friendship with the opposite sex as a potential sexual partner. That's just a terrible way to live.
     
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  6. ReasonEnduring

    ReasonEnduring Permanent Fixture

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    Oh absolutely.
     
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  7. just me

    just me GONE

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    The more we open up with each other in private, the more we desire it. The more another listens and shares of their thoughts and feelings, we start looking forward to talking with them. We find ourselves connected in some form, and it can grow into deeper feelings. Speaking so others can understand us better can be difficult at times. Finding someone that understands us can be a real treat. We may cleave to it and yearn for it.

    Speaking with all the grammar one has learned can be made fun of by those who do not understand it. We may seek more level communication grounds. Speaking with someone on the same level of understanding can be enjoyable. Understanding each other is a need we all have. We may feel another is meeting our own needs; thus, get confused regarding where we are and where we could be. We may get confused: should I stay or should I go?



    Of course, we may make wrong choices. We may stay where we are, rather than go somewhere else we may feel more comfortable. We may scare away a friend in hopes of more. We may let a friend down in search of a better life. If it is at the cost of helping destroy another's life, we have even more difficult decisions. It is in our nature to climb a ladder, but we should not infringe on another's happiness along our way. Should we do so, we have faced a most difficult step in our climb.

    Friends are hard to come by.
     
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    #27 just me, Mar 9, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2020
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  8. Horatio

    Horatio Regular Poster

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    Because not attracted enough to bang or start something more than platonic.
     
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  9. origamipuzzleboxes

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    Friend, for me at least, and I am an INFJ so I can maybe understand what your friend is going through, being someone's friend, indeed part of their chosen family, is so much closer than having to deal with messy stuff like sex and romance and the feeling that you can't tell each other everything and anxiety around those. Also, most INFJs think of their close friends with an intensity and strength of friendship that is typically viewed as romantic.
     
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  10. Undercaffeinated INFJ

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    A lot of people have pretty much said what I thought when reading this... but it seemed like certain actions of his that you interpreted as him being interested, was just him being an INFJ. Like, how he remembered you when he saw certain pictures, how he remembered certain details about you, how your conversations lasted for hours and were so deep..... that’s just us as INFJ’s. We could be like that to just about anyone, and even moreso to those who reciprocate it to us. Because of these tendencies, my husband tends to think I’m a flirt or that I’m falling in love with other people. Truth is, we are just very compassionate and caring people. Sorry, friend. I’m glad to hear you’ve moved on.
     
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  11. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    People friendzone themselves. They put themselves in a reality that's safe.
     
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  12. Amaterasu

    Amaterasu Community Member

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    it’s okay if they’re a little quiet but I like the confrontational, goofy, bit of an ass sometimes, kind of gals.

    I would friend zone someone if there’s just nothing there. Usually it’s just based on attraction. If you’re not funny or cute, I don’t want it.
     
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  13. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Honestly, the best way to git da gurlz is to join the military and conquer the world.

    That's the way you do it.
     
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  14. Morticia D

    Morticia D Newbie

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    Everyone is in my friend zone.

    A better question might be when or why I wouldn't "friendzone" someone.
     
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