INFJs, how did your folks treat you when you were children? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

INFJs, how did your folks treat you when you were children?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by ordz404, Jan 20, 2021.

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  1. Maikl Jexocuha

    Maikl Jexocuha Space Cowboy
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    My relationship with my parents is a complete mess. I don't want to talk about it. I feel more sorry for them though as time goes on. They had a very rough relationship with both of the families they came from. They do ok for themselves, and I'll just say I'm happy for them. But they'll never admit it's a mess and that they've basically transferred their burdens and problems onto me. So, I'm glad to be cut off to start over, from scratch..."lucky me"
     
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  2. InfernoMink

    InfernoMink Community Member

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    I talked back all the time so I was pretty much beat daily by my mother. A good example was getting whipped by belt before church. I didn’t want to wear those funny dress pants. I hated the way the fabric felt on my legs. I didn’t mind church, all I wanted was to wear what I wanted, jeans. I would have even wore black jeans. But all my mom would say is, everyone else’s kids wear the dress clothes and she wasn’t going to have people talk about her family.
    See what she didn’t know is that, other kids would think I was the coolest for wearing jeans to church but my mom would have been gossiped about. In reality, I just didn’t want to wear dress pants and was willing to get whipped for it. I always lost. It was always worse in the end cause now I had these belt welts all on my legs and now the dress pant fabric sensation felt 10,000% worse all while I had to watch my mom clap and sing to a fucking statue. Talking about ...”Peace Be With You”...oh just fuck right off.
    “Because I’m your mother.” Was never a legit reason for me to accept things my mom would tell me to do. My mother and I are not close. I don’t even call her on Mother’s Day. I know I’m shit for that but if I could be different, I would, but I can’t. Too many beatings and not enough understanding.
     
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    #42 InfernoMink, Feb 15, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2021
  3. OP
    ordz404

    ordz404 Community Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that. It seems like your mum has issues controlling her temper, and her only resort into subjugating you was to beat you up. It does seem that your mum is concerned more about her self image than trying to want to understand your position at that time. It must be hard to reconcile being religious and saying stuff like "peace be with you" when in actuality your mum doesn't display peaceful said behaviour, and is contrary to the religion she claims to practise. Funny how my mum would use the same phrase, "I am your mother" or "I gave birth to you" so it gives her a free pass to do what she wants when cannot win an argument that i make.

    Well, @InfernoMink, i do hope that you're in a better place, and you'd find healing for the hurt / trauma your mum has brought on you, not so much because it was your fault, but it seems like she has issues with emotional regulation and takes it out on you just because "you don't want to do things her way".

    Takecare,
    Ordz
     
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    ordz404

    ordz404 Community Member

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    Man, sorry to hear about that. Its okay not to want to talk about it. More importantly, I hope for you that it influences you less not that distance has been put between you and them.

    Ordz
     
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  5. Maikl Jexocuha

    Maikl Jexocuha Space Cowboy
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    Thanks for your thoughts. My relationship with my folks comes to mind ever so often only because it's just baffling and sad. Things didn't have to turn out how they did. But I feel sorry for them now. They'll never know me. They'll never get to see what I've created with my life. They'll never have a cut or gift or be able to stand with pride from any of my endeavors. And I'm glad.
     
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  6. InfernoMink

    InfernoMink Community Member

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    Thanks for the kind words! I’m not angry with her about it, I just don’t make an effort to contact her. There’s more than just being hit. But I guess I’ll talk about that when the time is right.
     
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    ordz404

    ordz404 Community Member

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    I do somehow feel that I share similar sentiments with you. My father is having a harder time with me because i push back these days and call out his shit for being complicit in family drama.
    I have accepted the limitations of my family, and I've given up on them. There is a death in that, to give up on someone, more so my own biological folks. They would never share in my achievements nor celebrate in my victories, nor have any meaningful emotional connection with me. Its as you say sad, when i feel that i'm "Done" with them. I have infact grown cold in that aspect of family relationships. So while this thread is for the community, it is also partly my personal reflection in taking stock of my childhood.
     
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