I liken it to a pressure cooker when the safety valve blows. That's the only way I can describe INFJ rage. It is one part of being an INFJ that scares me the most because I just become incandescent with the person concerned (who, needless to say is door slammed as well) and I only end up hurting myself even more because I then have to carry the burden of guilt around with me due to my inability to keep my cool - I could have just done a "normal" door slam on someone and it would have had the same effect, after all......
- Sep 28, 2008
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The trick is letting out a little steam all the time. Even when you don't feel particularly angry.
The trick is letting out a little steam all the time. Even when you don't feel particularly angry.
Very true. I’m often at odds when I argue with those close to me because I simply want the other person to know how upset I am. If that means saying some not-so-nice things, so be it. But when I’m not that angry, I’m the sweetest! It’s just a matter of wanting the other person to realize - look, you hurt me, so it’s only mutual. (Until we apologize and kiss & make up haha)
This is, unfortunately 100% true. The importance is that we tailor it just to you, perfectly to you -- and we know you more than you know yourself. I've done this before, and feel terrible still to this day, but it's the truth. Don't be up on alert though, as this is extremely, extremely rare since we know you before meeting you (so it means we know you're good) and we are extremely patient.
It also means that if we walk up to you to meet you, we already know everything about you. Don't be alarmed though, since we're walking up to you with only the purest of positive intentions. The reason why we can be so brutal when betrayed (and I purposely used betrayed instead of hurt) is because we trusted you and knew you so well -- you hurt us bad -- betrayed us. But that is very rare, and don't be up in arms about it.
I like this, when I was younger I was definitely on "the dark side". Once you crossed me and ignored my many many many warnings. I distroyed you. It was never without good reason and warning. I'd even wait till the other girl tried to get physical with me. Then all bets we're off. I was raised with "if you feel physically threatened, don't wait for them to punch you first, you beat that bitch into a hospital bed." Yep this was back in the day when a school fight just got you suspended. I thankfully was really intimidating in highschool and only a few idoits tried to mess with me. They lost and a few will still run if they see me.
It's kinda fucked up but I'm proud I didn't let people bully me in highschool. Plus my rep followed me when I moved so I didn't have to worry at all, and I could drop a little of the bad ass crazy chick mask.
It's kinda fucked up but I'm proud I didn't let people bully me in highschool. Plus my rep followed me when I moved so I didn't have to worry at all, and I could drop a little of the bad ass crazy chick mask.
No guilt and no shame. People that betray occupy the inner most circle of hell (Dante-INFJ).
Core issues is like a two-sided sword. And all the rage inflicted to their core of a betrayer was trigger by their actions... is nothing more than their own reflection that they gleefully focused and nurtured, without empathy is their OWN dark side.
We didn't make them who they are, we merely drove a stake into their core issue not to damage them, after all, the issues we thru at them was their own personhood that we dissected. We didn't lie when we loudly slammed the door on them. "Slam " implies a loud shocking noise that makes you jump out of your own skin. Doesn't imply we quietly shut the door and walked away..BOOM! All we did was a mirror on them, all the crap that they own, what we did was shed light on on their shadow to hopefully wake them up from the undeas. We didn't make them who they are and guide them to do the things that lack empathy, but we did purged what we soaked in from their shadow...and thru it back at them.
The way I see it, psychopaths make up 1% so nature needed to create a balance by making INFJ. Look at our traits, we are designed to sniff out and expose predators, way before other personality types can.
INFJ are the vampire hunters...IMO.
If someone received our rage, it's because we purged their assholery from us and slammed the doors of hell onto their trapped souls.
People call us unicorns, what do you think the horn on its head is used for?
This only happened to me once. After the betrayal, it felt like a psychological white blood cell attacking a covert malignant narcisst invader to protect myself from any future harm. But leading up to it, I was mirroring her behavior whether it was real or fake to try and provocate me, I wanted her to see her reactions from her games or her lack of empathy for herself...it only escalated the situation. I think it was my subconscious protecting me from my conscious mind that was unwilling to accept I was dealing with a high functioning psychopathy.
Until she did her grand finale, premeditated discard, behind my back smear campaign all the while being sweet and smiling in person... that was a major betrayal to our 4 years of friendship and closeness that my INFJ rage emerged in part to tell her that I noticed everything and in another part to protect myself from further and future psychological and emotional abuse.
It's not what I am or like to be as an INFJ, but my depth of subconscious resources emerging to protect me from abuse that I inadvertently fell into slowly over the years until her mask came off permanently that trigger me. I even surprised myself, I felt I needed to purge her assholery from my system. I know INFJ have a hard time leaving toxic relationship but man, did I give it to her.
This. So so so this.
I’ve seen and stared into the belly of this beast many times. You fight with spirit, and you do it cold blood. It’s like an avalanche of emotions sprinkled with a little bit of INFJ logic which is not your strong suit. It just comes across so so so bad. And usually the issue is over your feelings being hurt or some unspoken emotional need. Such a bad look. You will throw the entire kitchen sink at us.
There are a few ways to defeat this dragon from my experience. One is to not back down. At all. Two is to stay rational and fight back with objectivity. Any “NT” should be able to handle this so long as they’re emotionally stable during the conflict. Three is if the INFJ has went into crazy mode, diffuse it with humor. Four is to make it safe for them to do it (they did just make themselves vulnerable to a degree) but point out where they are wrong. You have to fight fire with fire, though
Usually, once the INFJ returns to stability in a day or so, they’ll realize how stupid they acted and it violated their code and harmony. You’ll get a small “sorry” if they trust you. Withdrawal otherwise because they’re embarrassed
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I've never seen this deciphered so well. I was actually laughing, sitting at my PC, alone in my room at 3:00am
If anyone heard me in the house, they'd think I've completely lost it. (I was also laughing maniacally on the inside)I used to do this more often when I was much younger; I guess because I had less understanding about people/relationships, too high expectations and anger problems (partly due to always feeling misunderstood). Once I calmed down after the operatic piece, the guilt would completely overtake me. Just a horrible feeling that wouldn't let me sleep or rest until I apologised.
Nowadays however, on the rare occasions that I do this, I feel that it is well and truly deserved. You know it is when you don't feel that debilitating guilt and feel at peace in your heart. It takes a hell of a lot to get me to this point though. It's normally when someone violates my core values continuously; when someone dear to me lies to me or blatantly takes advantage of my kindness (which many see as a weakness). Then they realise who the weak one is.
The two important words here though for me; truth and justice.
But just remember, if an INFJ does this to you when you don't deserve it, they're going to be suffering exponentially on the inside.
INTP...huh, I like the voice of reasoning with no jabs. I think I like your type.
I am embarrassed about the rage, I spent a majority of my relationship life attracting damaged people, so I took a break before I met my ex ENTP to work on my character and to understand cutting edge relationship skills. However, my higher character only attracted a stronger more intense dark triad woman this time.
I became aware that I'm an INFJ during the last year of that relationship, and I became fascinated because for the first time I didn't feel alone like an alien on this planet.
After her 2nd betrayal, I just came upon Cluster B while also observing her, and I got stuck in the Ni-Ti loop... the deeper I studied about personality disorders, each ahhh ha moment I discovered it dredged up memories that she did those malignant traits on me, so I went on the offensive. Felt like the Hulk with the aftermath hangover of the damage I inflicted. It's a transformation that surprised my good nature.
Thanks for the good observation and tips, it's the dark side of the INFJ, a shadow that shouldn't be glamorized or weaponized. But aware of... perhaps to say to the abuser, you don't want to get me angry, you wouldn't like me if I when I'm angry.
I wished I just walked away, and let the bridge crumble rather then nuclear strike. But I honestly feel my subconscious recognized I was dealing with an apex predator, so my dark side protected me from any future interactions cause I know I hit her core and will not try and Hoover me back in like her other narcisstic supplies that I witnessed.