[INFJ] - INFJ’s are cheaters? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] INFJ’s are cheaters?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Le Miroir, Aug 30, 2020.

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  1. Le Miroir

    Le Miroir Newbie

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    Hello everyone sometime ago a guy told me these words “INFJ’s say they can never cheat and will never but in actuality they do cheat.”
    I was surprised hearing this because as a INFJ I would say I WOUND NEVER EVER CHEAT on someone but that means I play part of his words lmaoo.

    so I asked him why he thought this and he basically said because of are intuition we see far ahead in a relationship sometimes as INFJ’s many think and predict things that are false an example can be that a lot of INFJ’s accuses or think their partner is cheating so they go ahead and cheat as well. When in the end their partner never cheated to begin with.

    personally I have been in this position before with friendships where I think someone is being dishonest but I never take revenge instead block them from my life and pretend they are dead to me. You know the typical iconic ghosting of a INFJ.

    so what are you’re thoughts about this do you agree with the guy why or why not. Keep in mind this guy he knows a lot about typology sociology and MBTI.

    also why do you think a INFJ will cheat like ever? What will cause a INFJ to do that?
     
    #1 Le Miroir, Aug 30, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2020
  2. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    I think anyone can cheat; I don't believe that INFJs are immune from this particular moral failure.
     
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  3. doppy

    doppy Regular Poster

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    This is pretty much my thinking as well. Perhaps INFJs are less prone to the behavior as the thinking is usually to the extent of ending the relationship before it gets to that point. As in, it would seem rather pointless to continue to be in a relationship with someone that you no longer love for whatever reason(s) it/they may be.
     
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  4. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Your post reminds me that I have to be really careful who I get married to.
     
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  5. Roses In The Vineyard

    Roses In The Vineyard Community Member

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    Getting ahead in relationships lol? That is something one would say that has a weak personality, the social crap in this world is endless and beyond any count nor reason as to why it all is.
     
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  6. John K

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    Anyone can cheat in a relationship - what type we are may colour the actual circumstances but that’s all. I can see a couple of circumstances that could be particularly relevant to INFJs, though I’m sure there are others.

    For example we are prone to inferior Se binges of all sorts. Given the right circumstances we can lose all judgement and just wallow in sensory indulgence. So there’s one reason - we may just get carried away in the moment if opportunity presents at the right time.

    Other reasons run much deeper. We instinctively offer our partners some of our souls - if this gets trampled on then the relationship is probably doomed because we feel it as a serious deep boundary violation. We aren’t necessarily consciously aware of that because quite a few infjs have identity and boundary problems already. We may respond in many different ways, including seeking to heal our identity wounds with someone else. It’s very hard to recover a relationship that has been damaged in this way because the infj experiences it both as an ongoing trauma and a terrible sense of being wronged. Whether or not we forgive, we can’t heal the hurt easily, particularly if the offending partner has no real feel for how they have caused the damage. This is rarely a situation that arises as a new full blown event - it’s usually a death of a thousand cuts so the behaviours of everyone involved will not be simple and as rational as my description.
    I find that life is more complicated than that. Many folks stay in a relationship long after Eros has faded. A big reason is for the well-being of your children who are always hurt badly if their parents break up. Economics are another reason people stay together. Love transforms too as we age, and Eros fades - Pragma love becomes the core of all relationships over a few years old and that is the anchor that sees us through all the joys and adversities of a long life together.
     
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    #6 John K, Aug 31, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2020
  7. John K

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    Just thinking on a little bit, there's another way that is perhaps special to infjs, and that's through an empathy trap. We can be drawn to help someone because they are struggling, and we can see such value in them and we feel sorry for them - and we do this by bringing them inside ourselves emotionally, we feel their emotions as if they are our own. If the other person likes us, and particularly if they are physically attractive, we can find ourselves very drawn to them; there can be a transference where the other becomes emotionally dependent on us, which may feel like a burden, but it could just as easily feel like they are falling in love with us. This is heady stuff and can very easily transform into a love commitment without that ever being intended.
     
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  8. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    @John K

    Again, you're awesome. I wish you posted more here, forum grandpa. :sob:
     
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  9. John K

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    LOL

    [​IMG]
     
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  10. Wyote

    Wyote Dad of the Ded
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    I've read about this being the case with INFJs and cheating and I think what you've written here is right on.
    Until a person gets to a point where they are super comfortable with boundary setting, navigating with Fe is kind of a dangerous orientation.
     
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  11. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

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    :unamused:

    He has a personal bias because of his own experiences. That is all that is going on here.

    This is like saying apples are red, therefore all fruits are red, when the truth is that while some fruits are red, others are not. Not even all apples are red. Some are green. Some are yellow.
     
  12. Serval

    Serval Regular Poster

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    Well, I myself never experienced love in those ways, i never had a person to share life with, but if you might accept the words of an inexperienced man who excels in naivety, i have to say that i never would actually think to cheat on my ideal love, but before things get unpleasant or destructive i would just cut the strand that we share, a strand i believe destined to become a reminder of the guilt i would have not prevented.
    If you cheat on others you cheat on your past self, your decisions, your opinions, and you aren't better or more deserving than your partner to be angry.
    By cheating you (a very non personal you) you enter a vicious circle of entropic annihilation of happiness.
    Betraying is therefore, in my case, very improbable for i can't even understand how you would be able to get with someone.
     
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  13. Sometimes Yeah

    Sometimes Yeah Community Member

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    For some reason, I imagine INFJs handing out sympathy fucks, and thinking it was kindness instead of cheating.
     
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  14. Hostarius

    Hostarius QUIXOTIC GOOD

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    This thread:

    INFJs: if we cheat, it's only because we're so nice and kind.
     
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  15. Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
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    Would depend on the person's moral character.
    Perhaps a young INFJ would 'cheat' while experiencing and fletching out their sexuality, but I think the number of older INFJ's would either remain sigle or monogamous.
     
  16. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

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    Eh, no.
     
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  17. Infjente

    Infjente Permanent Fixture

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    It must really suck to be a male INFJ :flushed: The innocent, but intense moments when INFJs really see and feel people, can be quite an experience for them.

    Me being a female INFJ, find it relatively easy to set boundaries with men that felt I might be romantically interested. It's easier because men (for the most part) aren't expecting more, but forever hopeful and moves on.

    Women being turned down, that's devastating if they thought there were something more. Poor INFJ male brain. :sweat:
     
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  18. doppy

    doppy Regular Poster

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    Excellent perspective. Yeah, I was a bit too simplistic there. There are other obvious aspects I missed. By the way, I loved the touch of Greek mythology in your post!
     
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  19. John K

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    The Greek is good isn’t it! English has just the one word ‘love’ but they had several words to express very different sorts of love. I wonder if this is the same in other languages? I guess I have the perspective of age too - I actually met my wife 52 years ago in our first year at uni. We’ve been married for 47 years and things change over all that period. Not that age is a guarantee of wisdom - the times change and they need new perspectives. There’s a lot still that’s true in any period though - for example we all spend the first 5-10 years of living together getting to know each other and working out what it’s really all about lol.
     
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  20. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    There's few conditions where a man can afford to be soft. If a man is not a killer metaphorically speaking, chances are, he won't get what he wants in this life.

    Crush your work mercilessly,
     
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