INFJs and Marriage

IINFJs and marital dissatisfaction

  • I have or have had marital dissatisfaction

    Votes: 10 55.6%

  • I don't have and have not really experienced marital dissatisfaction.

    Votes: 8 44.4%
  • Total voters
    18
Stu

Stu

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Okay,
I have never seen this statistic, but certainly it begs the question.

If you are married please weigh in


Artchewygirl said:
......we have the "Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction". If that doesn't justify a support group I don't know what does! .
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My own marriage is strong and I derive a lot of knowledge and experience about life from it.
 
Yet again I don't fit the parameters.:(
I am very happily married but not all of those twenty years have been blissful. I'm sure if polled during one of the more turbulent periods, I would have voted dissatisfied. Am I glad we persevered? Definitely! So, today I would say very satisfied!

Thank You Dave!
 
I am very satisified in my marriage so far, I'll let you know if things change in the next 10 years.

I have however had some very unhappy relationships. I think that I'm the sort of girl who knows very clearly what she wants and can get hurt easily whne what I want isn't what the other wants. I think INFJs get hurt easily, and so perhaps relationships in general are a bit harder for us. I can't be in a relationship with no communication, I don't like distance from my partner and I talk about my feelings a lot, and it can cause arguments.
 
Griffschen said:
I talk about my feelings a lot, and it can cause arguments.
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I can relate to feelings and the resulting arguments. Initially, emotions weren't much of an issue for my husband and I. But that's probably because I was in serious denial of all of my feelings. When I started becoming aware, I began to want to talk about them ad nauseam. As can be imagined, my husband had a little difficulty with this change in persona. But luckily, we're both adjusting.
 
I would love to marry at some point in the future if I could find a husband and wife or two who would fit me in a really emotionally completing way. I like the idea that such people are out there. I've met a few of them but life interrupts perfect moments to keep moving.
 
I think there was a thread about the institution of marriage a while back which was interesting. I'm not married, just single and always have been. I'm not sure if I will get married because I think it's kind of silly. I also hate the way married couples talk about each other. "Oh I have dinner with the wife" well good for you. I'll just wallow in my single agony.
 
I want to get married someday, and assuming I get married to the partner I am currently with (and live with) it will be an INFJ-INFJ marriage. So far I'm very satisfied with our relationship. There have been points where I've been dissatisfied, but they are usually reasonably quickly resolved with a bit of discussion. I make a point to never let us go to bed angry with each other, which really helps and if we have a disagreement or one of us hurts the others feelings, we try to sit down alone and talk about it as soon as it is convenient to do so. I'm sure we will have many more disagreements in the future though. :p
 
I would like the prospect of marriage if I wasn't so terrified of divorce, men get utterly screwed in divorce situations.
 
Tell Barnabas he is a TERRIBLE wife. Didn't pick up my dry cleaning. Or make me my pie...and he tried to run away to this pie baking contest then he told me he was pregnant and I made him promise he'd love me more than he loves the baby but I know he didn't mean it he said it in that bitch-ass sarcastic tone of his. Damn wifey.
 
I voted for the second because I've never been married, but I find it incredibly hard to believe that anyone who is married has never felt some sort of dissatisfaction due to being married. I believe that any relationship we include ourselves in, be it marriage or simply friendship, includes periodic and completely normal times of dissatisfaction. I see it as simply part of human nature, but at the same time it gives everyone involved a chance to grow and strengthen what they have.
 
I think that this is because INFJs have the highest expectations in regard to marriage, or I am guessing we do.


And I kind of hate to say this, but: Additionally, most INFJs are females, and our type is not confrontational, enjoys giving, and a lot of INFJs (esp. the females) I do think tend to get taken advantage of in ways in the realm of marriage. Relationships, esp. marriages, are power struggles, and we tend to really play up the power struggle aspect, at least in the U.S.

INFJs highly value their relationships, especially marriage, and given how so many people have developed such a negative attitude toward marriage (esp. if it is mixed in with narcissism), it is not surprising that an INFJ would be very unhappy if theirs went south. Of course, this does not mean that INFJs are not the instigators in some cases, but being the cause of the problem does not mean you cannot be dissatisified.

So, in sum, I think that INFJs have high expectations in regard to marriage, so they are most likely to be let down.
 
Sali said:
I resent the connotation that male INFJs are somehow less giving than female INFJs.
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I really didn't see that implied in what Dragon said. I think you misread that sentence.
 
So, in sum, I think that INFJs have high expectations in regard to marriage, so they are most likely to be let down.
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I think you're right. I know i have very high expectations of my husband and his duty to me and mine to him.

A basic example is that all forms of cheating are out, and at the first sign of any I'm out the door.

But I get annoyed when I have to spell things out plainly to my husband when he doesn't get the hint that I'm angry. He can be inconsiderate sometimes of my feelings and that really does upset me a lot.

For example, at the moment we're living in different countries, and I've asked him nicely time and time again to not come home too late on friday and saturday evenings, becaue I can't spend my whole day in front of my computer waiting for him so we can talk. I'm not unreasonable or anything, but I do ask him to come home before midnight on one of those days so we can actually sit down and have a proper conversation. His work prevents that most of the week, though I get up before 8 most days so we can at least have a short conversation. Anyway, most weekends he won't show up till 1am or later most times, and that gets to me because he doesn't consider what I've got to do on the weekend, yet he complains if I'm not around.


But he doesn't see this as big a deal as I do, and that annoys me, because sometimes he just fails to se things the way I do, even though to me it's obvious. but I love him, and we'll get through it somehow.
 
bamf said:
................. I find it incredibly hard to believe that anyone who is married has never felt some sort of dissatisfaction due to being married. ...................any relationship .............includes periodic and completely normal times of dissatisfaction.................
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I assumed that "Marital dissatisfaction" means that the relationship itself is not fulfilling. The idea being that INFJs and marriage are a bad mix.

If the person you are married to does not infuriate and disappoint you on occasion than you have probably attained pronounced level of enlightenment.
 
Woman says to man: My husband sometimes likes to degrade me during arguments and ends the arguments by saying "Leave the room and make me a sandwich!", what's a good come back for when he says that??

The man replies: Well you should come back with a sandwich, duh.

HAHA
 
I would also need some form of "other" option.

I am overall happily married but we have had some turbulence. Every couple does. The myth of a marriage where partners never fight or get into any sort of disagreement is just that- a myth.

But overall I am satisfied.

I'm an INFJ married to an INFP.
 
Why is there no other option but dissatisfied?
I am fully happy with my marriage and most the time people answer based on their current situation not their marriage as a whole.
As far as the INFJ side is concerned in relevance to marriage, it can be awkward but it can be worked out, as with any emotional problem.
My wife is a ENFJ.
 
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