INFJ male + INTP female

[Reason]

When @infinite dreams slaughterbombs in a thread

 

[infinite dreams]

When @infinite dreams slaughterbombs in a thread

 

[IntpFemale]

BUT REALLY EVERYONE- I HAVE A QUESTION:
I found a guy I like who is an INFJ. He's sweet and dorky and I like him. I don't have a history of long relationships (I usually know what I want to avoid) so I'm a bit at sea. I'm worried that I won't be able to eventually meet his emotional needs because I'm just that clueless.

It sounds like INFJs tend to get clingy or INTPs feel bad about not being able to anticipate INFJ needs. How do I do my part as the INTP? I think I want to have a relationship and he seems into me. How do I not mess it up? Saying communication is all well and good, but how much? How often? Do INFJs have any stories of clingy INTPs? (It's not really in our nature I know, but are you even able to perceive neediness from an INTP?)

 

[Deleted member 16771]

How do I do my part as the INTP?

Be yourself.

How do I not mess it up?

You will mess it up. Everyone messes it up. Stop worrying about this, and trust that the 'us' will be able to fix whatever happens. Just don't cross the red lines (cheating, &c.).

Saying communication is all well and good, but how much? How often?

Ironically this is something you will have to communicate about. There is no objective rule about this, every couple is different and it will be up to the both of you to figure out what's best for the 'us'.

Do INFJs have any stories of clingy INTPs?

Why are you worried about clinginess? This again seems to indicate that you just need to talk to the chap about what the proper balance in the relationship should be.

 

[IntpFemale]

Ironically this is something you will have to communicate about.

Thank you for takinh the time to dissect my worries and reply

 

[ClevelandINTP]

INTP= not worth it.

Sorry dude, this is a one sided issue plain and simple. If you continue on this path you will wake from your daydream and realize that the INTP was grooming you all along to fit the mold of what they want.

her is the secret that INTPs dont want you to know.

THEY LIE......they claim to not want control.....BUT the truth is....
there ultimate desire is to be 100% in control of the relationship.
How much TIME is being spent together
How much free time they have
How Much free time you have
What activities are done in the time spent together
what is the "status" of the relationship WHO dictates the status?
They control how you Talk to them
When you talk to them
They control how what type of abuse you will take IE: being made fun of and given silent treatment

LMFAO
BY the time you know it you are walking on egg shells around INTPs they are pulling your strings making you jump through hoops never telling you how they feel giving you smoke and mirrors while you are giving and giving.

run. dude. just RUN.

oh and bro the whole
"she is till talking to you" comment made above..........
CHRIST.

can you not see how narcissistic that comment is and where it is coming from?
as IF the INTP is so holy and god like that is it an HONOR FROM the heavens above that the INTP would actually TALK TO YOU.
omg........no dude seriously INTPs really do think that.
cause of course INTPs blow off everyone else and rarely care about people in general so if they give you CRUMBS you should be honored with the INTP holy scraps sent from heaven.

OK sorry for the rant. And to the INTPS....if you are as full of truth as you claim to be....you wont be offended by my comments.

Late to the party

This is an interesting post

There is some truth to the whole thing where we play off wanting to be in control

We do

But it’s usually because we think we have a better way and we’re used to dealing with others being in control and that puts a lot of pain on us. We are not good at seizing control early, and instead we defer and then come to resent because we realize the leaders usually have ideas that do not inspire excellence or innovation to the degree we think they are capable of

Now, I don’t think we are unreasonable. Most things we do are for reasons and logical. So work on figuring out what each wants and negotiate. I’m sure most INTPs would love that

We don’t know how to tell you how we feel. We’re not the best at it. We don’t think the other person would even care sometimes. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not an excuse—we can be better at that. And mature INTPs get better over time. In this setup, I think the INFJ could take the lead or initiate that better

We don’t think we’re better than anybody. Honestly, that’s goes against our whole ethos

In sum, we’re not good at feelings, but, we really have a deep desire to learn about people and develop Fe. Give us a chance on that and you might see the biggest return on investment of any type

Yeah, we secretly want control. Our nonchalant attitudes are total power plays

 

[ClevelandINTP]

Oh, and I don’t think an INFJ dude could handle an INTP female

INFJ dudes should stick with less dominant types. I mean the initial post was this guy getting run over by an ESFJ

AN ESFJ

The INTP females I’ve met are pretty awesome in my opinion and headstrong

If you can’t take it, leave

The other option is these two types can learn how to handle conflict better with each other

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Oh, and I don’t think an INFJ dude could handle an INTP female

INFJ dudes should stick with less dominant types. I mean the initial post was this guy getting run over by an ESFJ

AN ESFJ

The INTP females I’ve met are pretty awesome in my opinion and headstrong

If you can’t take it, leave

The other option is these two types can learn how to handle conflict better with each other

LOL

 

[ClevelandINTP]

Just an opinion

Consider changing less dominant types to types willing and wanting a more sensitive man

Those INTP women have no time for wimps, and like things just as direct as the INTP men

 

[ClevelandINTP]

I’m dealing with an INTP woman now for reference, and oh my god, that woman loves debate and finding loopholes in arguements

 

[soulareclipse]

I’m dealing with an INTP woman now for reference, and oh my god, that woman loves debate and finding loopholes in arguements

She must have a field day with you!

Joking aside, I can't help but kind of agree with Cleve to some extent on this one. Hell, I'm INFJ female and even I managed to hurt a male INFJ's feelings to the point that he apparently doesn't even see the value in talking to me anymore. I provided honest feedback, but no amount of good will or sensitivity surrounding the issue/conversation could make up for it. Sorry/not sorry that I didn't lie by omission and blow smoke up his ass, but if that's what's required to be someone's friend, I really don't see the point in being friends anyway.

That said, most all of the INFJ males (and females ftm) here that I've talked to/interacted with have been fully able to make a logical argument while keeping a level head. They're not the drama-queeny, passive-agressive wimps that they seem to be stereotypically described as being. Also, they're funny as shit and can roast with the best of them and take it as well. I like much funny.

I don't agree that sensitivity = wimp. I'm sensitive af, but that doesn't make me a coward, nor would I make that association with anyone else. The only way that's fair is if it's equally accurate to say that honesty = asshole, which I don't believe to be categorically true either.

Still, it's reckless and irresponsible to make sweeping generalizations about any group of people for any reason. The overall mental and emotional health, as well as the maturity level of an individual is going to weigh far more heavily on their ability to have positive personal interactions, regardless of MB type.

The other option is these two types can learn how to handle conflict better with each other

I think this should be the first option. It's not always easy, but def possible if both parties are mature enough to take this approach, and it can make for an incredibly rewarding relationship.

 

[Lady Jolanda]

I’m dealing with an INTP woman now for reference, and oh my god, that woman loves debate and finding loopholes in arguements

So have you learned anything from her?

Those INTP women have no time for wimps, and like things just as direct as the INTP men

Just a few posts above yours, an INTP woman showed interest in an INFJ male. I'm sure she knows best who she wants to invest her time in.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

So have you learned anything from her?


Just a few posts above yours, an INTP woman showed interest in an INFJ male. I'm sure she knows best who she wants to invest her time in.

I’ve learned it’s both weird and interesting to talk to someone who thinks similarly to you. Also, it feels good because I’ve gone through life without that

Time will tell on the second bit. Of the INTP women I’ve met, they seem to prefer headstrong vs sensitive. Could possibly accept sensitive if the person is quirky and smart to boot. Unless they are women into women, I’ve met those INTPs too, and they tend to take on the masculine role (limited sample size)

 

[Wyote]

I’ve learned it’s both weird and interesting to talk to someone who thinks similarly to you. Also, it feels good because I’ve gone through life without that

Time will tell on the second bit. Of the INTP women I’ve met, they seem to prefer headstrong vs sensitive. Could possibly accept sensitive if the person is quirky and smart to boot. Unless they are women into women, I’ve met those INTPs too, and they tend to take on the masculine role (limited sample size)

You like yourself, it's gonna go well

 

[ClevelandINTP]

I’ve missed you, too

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Could possibly accept sensitive if the person is quirky and smart to boot. Unless they are women into women, I’ve met those INTPs too, and they tend to take on the masculine role (limited sample size), in my experience.

You keep doing this. You keep invoking pseudo-scientific terminology to describe your personal anecdotal experience, and I keep wondering why.

Is your ability to change registers to suit your audience wonky? Or do you really have no respect for the concept of a 'sample' within the context of an empirical study?

 

[Wyote]

I’ve missed you, too

 

[ClevelandINTP]

I mean, I’ve met all these people randomly. I don’t force interactions. I have tried to talk to any INTP I’ve ever met

I’m not exactly conducting a study here. Just living. But since you’re kind of calling me out, I’d hope you know it is possible for one to live their life and discover truth, and it not to be anecdotal...

The hypotheses and conclusions are the same either way in this case

I appreciate your attention to detail

I’d just ask you why you’re so serious about this considering the above

 

[soulareclipse]

You like yourself, it's gonna go well

I’ve missed you, too