INFJ + INFP friendships

[shahmeran]

I can see that in myself too. Standing up on other peoples behalf (more than on mine). I concidered it a good tread :shocked:
One side note, it is not because no offense was intented that the other person can't be hurt or offended by what you say or do. Maybe the reason why INFP's stand up so quickly is because they have a strong radar for what can be offensive to others and what not?

No question that it can be a good trait Morgain. Not all those of a type express its traits the same way, and added to that different people have different 'issues' and carry different baggage, and I think it was some of that baggage which skewed her outlook on things.

I think INFJs have a strong radar for what others are thinking and feeling too, but perhaps in INFJs it more relates to how the thinking/feeling affects them personally rather than how it might affect others?

 

[shahmeran]

Yup, this is my experience with most as well, and it drives me INSANE. The problem is if you express any disagreement with it, you are worse off then the person who caused the offence in the first place. I just can't deal with this kind of illogic. I get upset with people when they do something offensive, that I am cool with. The problem I have is how they approached it.

I'm very much a 'to each his own' sort of person for the most part, and rarely only see one answer/side to something, so I often butt heads with those who proclaim "the" answer to anything, since IMO it's not "the" anything, but only their opinion - and what's wrong with stating it that way?

Yes, I know what you mean about daring to disagree and being tainted thereafter - that's certainly what happened with this ex-friend.

 

[Morgain]

No question that it can be a good trait Morgain. Not all those of a type express its traits the same way, and added to that different people have different 'issues' and carry different baggage, and I think it was some of that baggage which skewed her outlook on things.

I think INFJs have a strong radar for what others are thinking and feeling too, but perhaps in INFJs it more relates to how the thinking/feeling affects them personally rather than how it might affect others?

or maybe INFP's rather feel that "they would be offended if this was said or done to them - so the other person must feel offended too - so they start a cruisade in there regard? even though the "offended person" isn't offended at all?
In that case it must be a very unpleasant/akward experience for the supposedely offended person, I guess... Maybe I should withold myself from starting cruisades on other peoples behalf ...

 

[IndigoSensor]

I'm very much a 'to each his own' sort of person for the most part, and rarely only see one answer/side to something, so I often butt heads with those who proclaim "the" answer to anything, since IMO it's not "the" anything, but only their opinion - and what's wrong with stating it that way?

Yes, I know what you mean about daring to disagree and being tainted thereafter - that's certainly what happened with this ex-friend.

I am as well a to each their own person. There isn't anything wrong with having an opinion. The problem comes in when you force the opinion (whether actively or passively, much more often it's the latter) I have an issue using these opinions to appeal to someone emotions to make them feel guilty or get everyone to do what they want and not care about anything else. That was my major problem, trying to guilt you into something and using passive agressive tactics. Those do not sit well with me.

 

[shahmeran]

or maybe INFP's rather feel that "they would be offended if this was said or done to them - so the other person must feel offended too - so they start a cruisade in there regard? even though the "offended person" isn't offended at all?
In that case it must be a very unpleasant/akward experience for the supposedely offended person, I guess... Maybe I should withold myself from starting cruisades on other peoples behalf ...

It's gotta be tricky ;-)

 

[Morgain]

well, after some thinking about those cruisades I can see that they can be really annoying in some cases.

If I look at myself. Most of the time I'm very concidered to other people, to other opinions and I can find a good reason behind everyones behaviour even though it isn't a very appropriate behaviour. I try to see why they behave that way and than I can tolerate it.
The cruisade thing only start when someone really pushes a button, a deep hidden button, probably on of my deep morals (even though I can't really say what those morals are). And it gets more easy to push that button when I'm tired or stressed or when I have been going out of my way to be concidered to others and it is one time to much. And the problem is, when that button is pushed it is very hard for me to ignore it and act normal. The only alternative for going on the cruisade is withdrawing completely and ignoring those people for a certain amount of time.

actually it happened this evening. I went with a friend to a festival (yesterday and today). Her boyfriend also came today but I guess he was a bit forced to come. They have a very different tast of music and he wants her to listen to his type of music with his friends so she only finds it fair that he does the same for her. I'm starting to think she might be an INFP too. So the whole time I felt that he was there against his wishes. Eventually he found some of his friends there. He wanted to hang out with them but since this was now "her music time" he was supposted to stick with us. Eventually he went to his friends and she was very annoyed by it. And I ofcourse picked up her annoyed feelings and felt a bit off for the rest of the evening. And I must agree with her that he rather wants to fullfill his own desires instead of being conciderate. But it wasn't my problem so I tried to ignore it all. But then after the last act I really wanted to go home since i have to work tomorrow but my friends stuff was still in my car and we couldn't leave because her boyfriend was still chatting with his friends. So she told him we had to leave because of this. He told his friends he had to leave because of her, as if it was her fault that his evening had ended. The whole time I was waiting so tired ready to go but he was STILL chatting with them. Really that was the moment he pushed my button of "not being in touch with other peoples needs and not being conciderate". This was a moment in wich I could snap and tell him what I thought, very offended because my needs didn't seem to be very important. Luckely soon ofter that he finely came with us to the car. I don't know what I had done otherwise. I could have just turned around and left but then I would have been very inconciderate towards my friend who had been very nice to me the whole day. I could have told him what I thought but the result would be the same. There is no good way out of it...
(I don't know if this was a good example of what we where discussing?)