INFJ friendship vs relationship | INFJ Forum

INFJ friendship vs relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by dreamer03, Mar 1, 2017.

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  1. dreamer03

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    Hey INFJs, I have an INFJ male friend and was wondering if there is any way to tell if he is interested in me romantically or not? Lately, he's been initiating the two of us hanging out, (for the past month or two its been once or twice a week typically, but he's not the kind of guy that has ever initiated hanging out one on one with a girl - he's pretty reserved) he compliments me occasionally and said I was beautiful a couple of times, he opens up to me and we have the best deep conversations, and he's protective of me. I've also noticed that he treats me differently when we're alone than when we're in a group. In a group he seems more extroverted and almost seems to intentionally ignore me.. but whenever we're alone, he used to be extremely quiet and shy and has only recently started to open up, but our conversations have started to flow deeply and naturally. We seem to click really well during our one on one conversations.

    However, he seems to be sending mixed signals and is very difficult to read. I would just ask him about it but we've had such a great friendship over the last few years and I don't want to make things awkward or mess it up. So, I thought I'd ask you awesome people on here what you think? INFJs are so hard to read lol. Thanks in advance for the replies
     
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  2. t5juyt

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    Wow. No replies? I'm really surprised. Here's my take. In the same situation, experience has taught me to bring it up. Not on the phone, not in a text: nothing indirect. In person and in private. If he seemed caught off guard, I'd tell him to take some time to think about it, two days max. If I haven't heard from him within that time frame, I'd take that as a sign to not get caught up in him any further. I wouldn't shut him out completely (he may actually need more time to come around to opening up, but at least he'll know that I don't want to feel like I'm being strung along), but I won't risk getting my heart broken over a perceived promise.

    In 2004, there was a book released, "He's Just Not That Into You." Yes, there is a movie adaptation, but the book spells it out better. Though I am a gay man, I bought the book and read it. Then I bought several more copies for my female co-workers. It's a fairly quick read, but it's to the point and quite truthful.

    I wish you the best with your friend.
     
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  3. highlighter

    highlighter Regular Poster

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    skip.....you words of "heart broken over a perceived promise"

    wow that cut me to the core, this is exactly what has just happened to, me. betrayed, lied too, devalued and discarded. but in the end maybe i believed, she loved, when in truth it was all lie. it sucks, i cant forgive her, damn covert narc. I am in no contact right now and will be forever. cut out a cancer.

    but back on track!!!

    so for your friend, honestly....my advice is this. if you feel like there is a connection, a real connection I would say to tell him BUT i would say to use a physical gesture first and than tell him how you feel.
    here is my rational
    as an INFJ male i can tell you that I hold back on physical signs of affection BIG TIME....as in it takes all of my will but I hold it back, especially around the one i love. the reason for this is because there is so much emotion so much feeling love ...passion that the slightest touch could unleash all of it. it may look like hes a brick wall....stone cold void of emotion and love....but my guess that is a house of cards!
    so what I would do. is get in his personal space, hug him get close to where you could kiss him, and tell him. the idea is also to make sure that this is 100% not misconstrued it is confessing romantic interest/love....its all out in the open. and than see where it goes. just do it. words can go all over the place but a real romantic embrace, a kiss a touch of the had.....that is fucking real.
    hope this helps!

    best wishes!!!
     
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  4. Professor Snep

    Professor Snep Smart. Sexy. Snep.

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    You can only know for sure if you ask him bluntly. Buuuuuuuuuuuut then again, who actually does that stuff?

    However, it sounds like he cares an awful lot for you, be it as a friend or as a potential lover. There may very well be a chance he does indeed have deep feelings for you, which could result in supposedly conflicted feelings (as a possible explanation for his two way behaviour). Just talk to him, and touch upon the topic. You don't have to directly confess anything, but it'd probably help though.
     
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