INFJ and bullying

[lazyhappy]

What makes INFJs a target for bullying? What exactly do we do that encourages other people to be cruel to us? I mean, aren't we supposed to be the warmer, most empathetic type?

If there is any type i'd bully, it'd be the INTJs and the ESTPs XD. Never the INFJs, you'll do that cold glaring thing... I cant even tease u guys =.=... i'll just end up like: ...
You guys are more bully then the ones bullied... in my exparience >.>
.... atleast mine is... shes a mental bully (meaning she finds my weakness in the mind and exploits it if ever mad at me)....
I know my INFJ doesnt think its true but the only one ever really poking fun at her, is herself.

 

[in_wonderment]

What makes INFJs a target for bullying? What exactly do we do that encourages other people to be cruel to us? I mean, aren't we supposed to be the warmer, most empathetic type?

What is it about us that makes us so misunderstood?

First, I think this probably applies more if you're an INFJ male. In which case, I'd guess it's the introverted/feeling part that makes you different. The not showing emotion - is likely social conditioning... not the natural state of an INFJ.

Personally, I have a great struggle inside about not showing all of my emotions. I allow myself to show the positive ones... and just retreat as best I can when I'm upset.

My theory on teasing, which I hate, is typically I won't do it - so I assume people won't tease me back. This works the majority of the time. Also I've been lucky with the fact that I've always been a fairly popular person in life, and a woman, so I largely avoid bullying.

Bullying and teasing is one of my pet peeves though. If I could remove it from society, I would, in a heart beat.

 

[Honey]

There is no breaking point. INFJs will go to hell and back long before they ever break. An INFJ has to choose between confrontation or suffering.

I think this is true only under certain conditions. I cannot be overtly or directly bullied at all and I am here wondering how any other INFJ older than say 16 can be if they are anything like me. People very, very often do try at first (as with most introverts) but they soon learn that that is a very bad idea. I am probably about 5 times more aggressive and assertive than most INTPs that I have met when the situation calls for it and I am no stranger to silent mental warfare if that is what I judge to be necessary.

My problem is that I have a natural fear of being victimized and I often do feel victimized and I think it might be related to the ESTP shadow, whether there is actually reality based victimization is another issue. I do not respond as well to indirect harassment because I cannot easily discern if it is my own known hyper sensitivity to external stimulus/people that is the problem or if there is a real attempt to victimize me. In these cases it can take a long-ish amount of time (with some real internal discomfort) for my Ni to observe consistent behavior patterns and build up a true reality based picture of what is happening, maybe get some objective input from others and then react...strongly if needed. I am now also a little hestitant to react to things because I have too many people around me who are afraid of me either because they have tried to bully me or were percieved as doing such and I probably reacted too harshly. I like harmony and that I am causing fear in people is not something I am happy with even though I understand its usefulness for self protection.

The OP probably needs to focus more on the bully rather than on the self, find their weakness/fear and exploit and manipulate it. Also, argue more and very loudly when needed, make sure you are louder than your opponent, do not surrender the last word and calmly and slowly move closer to the personal space of the bully you are arguing with at some point during the argument, most bullies are indeed under-developed cowards and I am always surprised at how easily they back down, my strongest supporters now are often people who tried to bully me.

 

[Billy]

The only thing a bully understands is strength. Fill a sock up with a cue ball and smash him in the face with it. He will leave you be I promise.

 

[sassafras]

The only thing a bully understands is strength. Fill a sock up with a cue ball and smash him in the face with it. He will leave you be I promise.

Agreed. In fact, I will illustrate:


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[TinyBubbles]

The only thing a bully understands is strength. Fill a sock up with a cue ball and smash him in the face with it. He will leave you be I promise.

Violence should only be used a last resort. Besides, it doesn't always work - HE might leave you alone, but his friends might not.

 

[Jonathan]

Wise words, April. Violence usually just causes more violence.

 

[Carpe Diem]

That really sucks. I have walked in your shoes many miles. It really sucks because you are always trying to figure out what you did wrong so you can fix it and you never realize it's you! Its just you being yourself that makes them want to hate you. And there is nothing you can do about it other than to stand up on your own two feet and let it be known that you won't take it anymore. Which hurts you again because you don't want to be like that. Sometimes I just feel like I am just going around hurting myself all the time it's one of the main reasons I am alone as much as possible. Dealing with people hurts me...

Googling searching and finding random hits to a collection of search words including "INFJ" "male" etc. eventually brought me to find this post. I know it's a year old, and I'll be bumping a long forgotten post, but I felt this post really resonate.

As a fellow INFJ male, reading this brought tears to my eyes. Knowing others have trekked similar paths, ignites a beacon far off in the distance. Over the years, I've had to pick up a few skills to manage being who I am. I joined the army for a while (finalized my disdain for authority), got into very good physical shape, picked up numerous MAs just to protect myself. I truly wish none of this was needed but when this inane, ignorant, naturally impotent majority population showed itself to me, I closed all my doors, and put up my barriers. I still do this today, because I've yet to truly recover from the experience. I help those who seek help, but if anyone attempts to push me, I retaliate a thousand fold. I may have become an unhealthy INFJ now, but no one has rescued me, and I don't mind knowing I can, for the time being, ignore the very same people I strive to protect.

 

[Billy]

Violence should only be used a last resort. Besides, it doesn't always work - HE might leave you alone, but his friends might not.

True, but the most likely scenario is that everyone would stay the hell away from you because they don't want to get their faces smashed either. And if they are the type of kids who would jump you, then more then likely them jumping you was gonna happen on the timeline somewhere, this is a great deterrent to that because bullies unlike champions are cowards who need to pick on people weaker in strength. Effective violence after respectfully trying to find a diplomatic solution is usually the best course of action as it implies a minimal amount of violence to cause an end, whereas reporting them, would result in more ostracizing, more beatings, and bigger risks if the law gets involved, just showing that you wont be a victim and that you can give back what they give you if not worse is often the quickest way to settle silly bullying. This is based on my personal experiences from being a kid who got bullied until around 5th grade when I hit my growth spurt. All the kids who thought they could bully me eventually became my friends. Mostly because I would be respectful and kind, but not tolerate much more then just name calling etc which I could just laugh off and compete in.

Every case that crossed that line though, got his face smashed, when they sense that there is a real risk to their actions, they suddenly want to talk "rationally" many of those guys I recruited to the football team for my coaches and they were able to direct their anger and frustrations in life on the field, I basically de-bullied many of the bullies I met. It was a logical choice to befriend them afterwards so I could get my hooks into them and meet them on an emotional level.

 

[Majesty]

I didn't read the thread, I may (probably am) be repeating.

Because INFJs tend to have low confidence, they may believe the bully. They're also shy and reserved, nothing better for a bully in need of self-esteem boost Would you rather bully the popular girl with thousands of friends or the shy little girl reading in a corner? Yeah Also they don't really answer and just accept and sometimes are scared to hurt the bully (wich is kind of ridiculous ), wich is also perfect for the little cowardly bullies.

I know I'm saying INFJs are, they are, ect. Obviously this is generally speaking, and I took a bit of that from a INFJ friend who was bullied young. He said he was manipulated more than bullied.

 

[Praefect]

I agree with Billy. It's what worked for me.

Violence doesn't automatically beget more violence. Ask the Carthaginians. The Romans burned the entire city, enslaved the thousands of citizens that survived the raping and pillaging, destroyed the burned out ruins and salted the earth so nothing would ever grow there again. They ended their culture, language and stories. Romans did nothing in halfheartedly.

I quote the great Bartlet:

"Did you know that two thousand years ago a Roman citizen could walk across the face of the known world free of the fear of molestation? He could walk across the earth unharmed, cloaked only in the words