I was wondering how an INFJ autist would function considering that Autism, especially high functionning autism, is often associated with an extreme thinking preference due to a different developmental pattern.
However, my guess would be that while Autists would tend score as thinkers, many of them could actually be feelers and not know it because they would look more like someone in a loop than the usual person of one type.
What do you think ? Does anyone have Autism here to help me understand ? Or just an opinion.
INFJ and on the Spectrum here. They call it "HIGH MASKING Autism."
I have consistently tested as INFJ my entire life. My first test was in 1983. The description of an INFJ fit me like a glove. In fact, when the counselor first read a description in 1983, it was the first time in my life that I felt like anyone had seen me. I have been given many other labels: bipolar 2, aspergers, ADHD... they are all more or less true, but none of them hit the nail on the head. Except INFJ.
I've often wondered if whatever I truly am simply hasn't been noticed yet and labeled, that these other labels are just close approximations. I think we don't really understand what makes an INFJ an INFJ. I suspect that it's some kind of neurodivergence. But whatever those underlying causes are, I'm positive they will describe me.
My life has been a long metamorphosis. I am nothing at all like the person I was in junior high. I was socially awkward. If you surprised me with something unexpected, I was like a doe in the headlights. My face didn't convey my emotions well, and I would like people or care about them or feel compassion, and no one would have any idea. I was very stupid about clothing style at the very age when girls are little clones. My vocabulary made me come across as a snob. I've always been the sort to hyperfocus in on one subject, a kind of deep dive that looks like an obsession to others. You know the kid that knows every fact about dinosaurs? That was me and the Lord of the Rings. I'd talk about things *I* found interesting, and not notice that everyone else was bored and irritated. I had so many habits that felt "off" to others, everything from compulsively twisting my hair to playing the same song over and over and over. I think I drove people nuts.
I have spent my entire life in therapy working sooooo hard on these things. Why? Because I desperately wanted friends, and they were very few and far between. I used to watch people who had social ease and grace, and try to figure out how they did it. Then I'd go home and practice it in the mirror. At first, mimicking it in public made me feel like an imposter. The only reward at first was that at least people could see what my feelings actually were for a change.
And so I worked and worked and worked on my social flaws. The change happened so slowly that I didn't even see it, like the moving hands of a clock. And as time went by, those copied behaviors stopped feeling borrowed and started feeling natural. What began as conscious practice gradually became habit, and habit became character. I wasn't pretending to be a warm, thoughtful, socially skilled person. I was becoming one. The same way a musician practices scales until they no longer have to think about them, I practiced the skills that helped me connect with people until they became authentically mine.
This past May I was in charge of a Shabbat service--my Rabbi wanted a Friday devoted to mental health while she was away on Sabbatical, something really special. I had my hands in everything from the music to the food. And honestly? I could never have done it except countless people helped me out. Submitting poetry. Making the zillions of green ribbons. Welcoming people. Reading from the liturgy. Creating the brochure. Speaking. Cooking for the oneg (the social afterwards). Adjusting the sound system... etc, etc, ETC! People helped me left and right.
And after the evening was over, and I was snug in my bed.... I realized.... Oh my God. I have friends. I have lots and lots and lots of friends. People who actually LIKE me.
They were all there for me when I needed them. I was used to being INVISIBLE. So where had they come from? Where had *I* come from? When had I become this new person? It's been a confusing change.
I'm not perfect. Trust me, I still have
plenty of flaws. I'm
still working on myself. But for every aspie on the spectrum, for everyone who has ever been called a freak, dweeb, weirdo, or loser... Don't give up.
