I think I'm losing my best friend

Ok Let me try this again. Read very slowly and take a riddilin pill. If you as a "Friend" know that you are causing another friend distress either emotional or physical are you not responsible to relieve him of his distress if you are the one who is causing it? Maybe I got this all wrong and your friend is a possessive asshole. Why would you want a possessive asshole as a friend anyways?

This is actually the closest anyones gotten to the end all point I've been looking for... My friend is causeing himself pain by being paranoid about his relationship. She would never cheat on him, trust me on this. but whatever reason my friend has dropped all trust in people me and her included.
 
He has lost his trust in the both of you. The three of you are responsible for this problem. In the end you will find that three is a crowd unless one of you is gay and even that don't last. Your doomed to fail...
 
saying nothing is unique is the same as saying everything is. The uniqueness should be simple to see as it is happing to me and my friends in a such order that has never happened before.

A concrete angel is a story about people who ignored others problems. A girl goes to school same as everyone else, sometimes with bruises on her face, the people ignore it, not there problem right? one night her neighbours hear screams but they decided not to do anything about it since they didn't hear the screams again. The next mourning she was found dead in her house.

Thats a nice happy little story. Nice piece of fiction. The kind of stuff they tell you in anecdotes.

Here is some reality.
It may be a unique little situation for your particular clique, however you may want to remember that most of the people offering advice have ALREADY lived through it. Therefore, it is not unique within the realm of human experience. And while the ultimate outcome will once again be unique to your group, the rest of us would be sitting around saying 'I told ya so. *nudges person on the left* Didn't you hear me tell him that would happen'

If there is physical abuse, and you know about it, you are now legally obligated to report it to authorities. Furthermore you can't make her grow up and take control of her social life.

Teachers these days will NOT ignore bruises. I got a call from the school because my son fell on his bike on the way to school and hit his head. I had a best friend in HS in an abusive relationship. Guess who's back I had when I marched her into the counselors office.

Maybe neighbors ignore screams if you live in the ghetto. But most places I've lived, screams will draw some sort of attention. And a call to the cops.
 
I have been friends with my buddies girlfriends it always got me into trouble. I am polite to my buddies girlfriends but I never go out of my way to talk to them anymore. It's a respect issue in the end. Somethings are worth giving up for friendship.
 
i was friends with my exs housemates he moved out.we are now all not friends.social politics are soooo complicated.
 
Thats a nice happy little story. Nice piece of fiction. The kind of stuff they tell you in anecdotes.

Here is some reality.
It may be a unique little situation for your particular clique, however you may want to remember that most of the people offering advice have ALREADY lived through it. Therefore, it is not unique within the realm of human experience. And while the ultimate outcome will once again be unique to your group, the rest of us would be sitting around saying 'I told ya so. *nudges person on the left* Didn't you hear me tell him that would happen'

If there is physical abuse, and you know about it, you are now legally obligated to report it to authorities. Furthermore you can't make her grow up and take control of her social life.

Teachers these days will NOT ignore bruises. I got a call from the school because my son fell on his bike on the way to school and hit his head. I had a best friend in HS in an abusive relationship. Guess who's back I had when I marched her into the counselors office.

Maybe neighbors ignore screams if you live in the ghetto. But most places I've lived, screams will draw some sort of attention. And a call to the cops.

What is the purpose of human developement if everything has happened before? I know what the likely outcome is. The unlikely outcome is what I am aiming for, its far more beatiful then the linear realities most people live in.

The only reason I know the story to begin with is because it happened to my friend.... your assuming too much again you don't know every teacher in the world.
 
Moment of Brutal Honesty:

Nickyrd2, I think you're in denial - probably about having a crush on / being in love with the girl.
 
Nicky, it sounds like you're frustrated. I'm going to go back over your words with you so maybe you can help us understand what needs to be said, and what is/isn't being said that we need to hear.

***

Me and my friend have been best friends since frist grade. We had everything in common, same intrests,humor, values, everything. About a year ago he started going out with a girl. They love each other but they are very different about it. She is open to her feelings and trusts pretty much everyone (something I always found beatiful and amazing).

Problem #1: They "love each other." How? How are they compatible? And what kind of love is it? Do they love each other just because they kiss and fool around and hold hands?

Problem #2: You're stepping in dangerous territory, and I believe this is what we're seeing. You're seeing something special in her, and that admiration often turns to challenge in an opposite party. You've turned into her protector and her advocate, and that's really her boyfriend's role. You've become a surrogate protector - and she's getting from you what she should be getting from her boyfriend.

The "feelings" you've developed for her are dangerously strong. It's very easy for these types of feelings to develop into relationship feelings. It's easy to confuse friendship feelings with relationship feelings when they're this deep.

My friend though is insanly overprotective of her, whenever she gets close to anouther guy he freaks out, wether its in his head or verbally.

Problem #3: See Problem #1. This isn't love, this is possession. This is the love one has for a new car in a parking lot of reckless drivers - it's not human love. It's not REAL love. He's not mature enough to experience real love if he gets this jealous. These feelings can, unfortunately, turn into the type of jealous rages that cause people to get hurt - as in physical. As in abusive. It's not normal. Again, you do *not* need to be her protector by being the person she goes to for advice. Why? Because you're not equipped to handle this. You're not a counselor. He might be your friend, but this behavior is unacceptable. She needs to see a professional, and so does your friend. He needs to learn how to deal with his anger, and she needs to learn to not fall for the wrong men.

After a while I started getting closer to his girlfriend. She came to me with her problems she said she was afraid of messing up the relationship with him, I told her I think she feels this way because of how needy his love is and how overprotective he is

Danger, danger, danger. Again, see above. You're in the middle of some thin ice. Again, based on your words, you're in a love triangle. She's talking to you, not to him. Did you know that most affairs start because the other party discovers they can talk about their problems to an opposite sex friend? In the workplace, affairs usually start with a male coworker talking to a female coworker about his family issues. They become friends, and then the relationship develops. The affair develops because someone is seeking validation - validation that they *aren't* getting from the spouse! Same thing is happening here...and this is why we're cautioning you.

I think I helped her with that we keep talking and now I value you her as one of my closest friends I havn't been so close to anyone other my friend.

Bingo. It's starting, and well...you're in the middle of it. You might still see her as a friend but I guarantee you it's developing into more than just friendship. It really won't take that much longer. Plus, you guys are 17 years old. If twenty, thirty, forty, and fifty year olds can't do this in the workplace, what makes you think things will turn out differently for high school students on their way to new experiences via college--?

But my friend saw how close we've gotten and I guess not being able to freak out at his longtime friend keeps his feelings on the inside. I started to get feelings that he didn't trust me.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here...YA THINK? Sorry, but this is truly Captain Obvious territory for us. You care for her, yes. But if I were the guy - even if I wasn't a jealous prick - I'd be uncomfortable with my girlfriend talking to my best friend about me. She needs to either talk to her girlfriends about it, or she needs to seek a professional. Yes, yes, I know she talks to you about it...but see above. This isn't something you want to talk to her about. And it's not something you need to be in the middle of.

Just recently me and her decided to hang out. She told him we were going to hang out for the day, then she asked him what he was going to do he said "I guess nothing now".

To quote Peter Griffith: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa....Whoa."

Screeeech! That's the big to-do. Right there. It's clue-by-four time. This is probably the worst thing you could do, and either she's coming on to you and you're not seeing it, or she's dumping your friend and using you as an excuse to escape. This is like something out of a manga now, because it's gonna end in tears. Shoot. Even if she wasn't dating a jealous ass, there is some things you can't do. If you guys were doing something in a group that's one thing. But going out to hang out with another guy's girl "just because" is tantamount to getting a black eye. Are you sure she's not trying to make your friend jealous enough to start a fight between you two?

Its at this point I realised what he's been doing, He's been swallowing his feelings, now I really don't he trusts me, I've been feeling so disconnected from him and now my fears are realized. This makes her the closest person to me now but I don't know what to do. I want to talk to her about it but I don't want to come between them. I know if I bring it up he would Deny everything... and he can be dam convincing at that. Anyway thanks for listening...any advice? or questions?

Answer? Don't talk to either one of them for a while. Distance yourself from the entire situation. Make her talk to him, and him to her and don't get in the middle of it. It's a minefield, babe, and you're tiptoeing in it. Sorry, but it's really the truth.

Good luck, though...try to do the brave thing.
 
In an ideal world, your best friend would be able to read your mind and see that you do not have any desire to take his girlfriend away from him, and that actually you're doing him a huge favour by keeping her entertained and away from other guys whilst he has a day off from being with her all week. He would also be grateful for your well intentioned relationship advice, and feel glad to have a friend who is working away behind the scenes to ensure his girlfriend understands him as well as you do.

He would also be able to read her mind and see that she has no ulterior motive for spending time with you. He would see that it is just an innocent friendship between two kindred souls, with no sexual overtones whatsoever, and looking into the future, he would see that it would never develop into such. He would be glad that his girlfriend and his best friend were now also best friends. It's nice when folks get along, and how wonderful to have a circle of friendship with the two most important people in your world.

Just one little problem. He can't read minds, nor can he see into the future. Those aren't common human abilities, so I'm afraid you'll have to bear with him. He's your best friend after all. Isn't it great to have a best friend? Someone you grew up with, who knows you inside out, who has shared countless experiences with you, who will be there for you all the way through your life?

It's frustrating and unfair that you have to choose. This girl is cool. She's a good friend. You like her and enjoy her company. Why does she have to be your best friend's girl? Why can't he read your mind and see into the future? You can go on and on fighting against this...

...but you do have to choose, while you still have time. Or the choice will be made for you.

Good luck. I wish you well, and for you to get out of this with your best friendship still intact.
 
^^^i get the impression its a good thing he cant read minds,hed probably lose the plot and feel very betrayed by the thought route which has been taken,that is that its his fault.Even worse it would be terrible confirming how strongly you feel about his girlfriend.also probably jealous of both situations,shes moving in on his best friend,his territory,and best friend is moving in on girlfriend territory....im guessing if he is over protective and paranoid this really is not the best way to get to the route of the problem...he probably feels like yer both going behind his back,and he also probably feels squeezed out,i mean what special function does he serve to ye at the moment?im guessing hes picked up on that and is making him really really freaked out.be careful with trust it doesnt mend well after its broken.
 
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