I need a female's perspective

[mattles]

Maybe, but every single woman ive pursued? That must be the worst luck ever, but people dont usually have that bad of luck do they?

 

[DevilDoll]

Is there anything about INFJ males that you find unappealing?

It depends on the INFJ I am dealing with. No two people of the same type are alike. I think what you need to do is analyze yourself not your personality type. What are you doing that these girls don't like? Maybe you are making moves on the wrong women? I think you are asking the wrong questions.

 

[Neuropedia]

I seem to. Almost everyone claims to have the worst luck at relationships. I'm not sure if any of us are right. Maybe we're all being screwed over by the population who claims that love doesn't suck.
I think so.
I wish I had better advice, but I'm just bitter and overly emotional

 

[bickelz]

Or excitement in the relationship. What did you guys do together?

 

[mattles]

well my personality type is essentially who i am, like i said kearseys description of INFJ is literally to a tee for me. I realize that no two INFJ's are exactly the same, but the baser points of their personality have to be similar, or else all of this typology would be irrelevant and useless.

and Neuro, im a bitter cynical misanthrope now based on my experience with most humans. Its bee since august since ive tried for anyone, at this point im not sure if its worth it to just be screwed over again.

 

[Neuropedia]

Im not sure if it is worth it. Everytime I swear off love I seem to be drawn back to it. If you ever what to hate on relationships together give me a call

 

[mattles]

Bickelz, we did everything from movies and pool to nights in to breaking into abandoned amusement parks at night. Wed go to and throw parties, we did a lot.

Neuro, im always up for a good chat about relationships and the reasons to hate them.

 

[donkeybals]

This just so happens to be my first post and I fear that this one may be the most relevant post I will ever contribute to these forums. Heres a little background information before my question...

I am a true INFJ male, there was no category in which it was possible that at time I could be described as anything else but INFJ. I have had the worst luck with women, for whatever reason I always seem to meet the ones who just eventually hurt me in pretty significant ways. For whatever reason it doesn't quite matter what I do because it always has ended that way. That is to say, though, that things only end that way when they, by some sort of miracle, actually start. The hardest thing is actually finding a female who has feelings for me that are more than friendship. The question I want to ask some of you females is this...

What is it about INFJ males that make them unsuitable to be with? Maybe its not a question of suitability, but how is it that females never seem to respond to INFJ males in that way?

One thing that I've noticed is that a lot of INFJ males are always the best friend, or even just the casual friend or acquaintance. Any input would be greatly appreciated and very helpful.

Honestly, entps are probably our best type. I checked other forums, and ironically enough they sounded like clones of my ex gfs. There the blabber mouths who talk too much and off the wall bonkers. And they have add.

 

[Tamagochi]

Honestly, entps are probably our best type. I checked other forums, and ironically enough they sounded like clones of my ex gfs. There the blabber mouths who talk too much and off the wall bonkers. And they have add.

except that entp girls are the rarest breed of them all

Personally I prefer infj/enfj for my lover (most of my crushes were of those types).

 

[Bird]

Maybe you complained too much?

 

[Trifoilum]

First of all, feelings change. People change, for better or worse.

You probably meet people who are in that time of change. You went into date with someone, they enjoy being with you, they grow up, but then they are gone. They need -more- experience. Whether it's in a bad boy, or another good guy with a slightly different quirk than you, or another women. Simply put; graduated. It hurts, and I'm sorry to hear it happens to you a lot. But it happens. And like a flying kite, there's no way nor point to chase it. Or to blame you or the women or the men who took her way. Most of the time everyone has some degree of blame to put here.

Stay away from the "I need to be a douchebag" train of thought, for bluntly speaking that is a disgrace to yourself. However, I personally consider what a lot of IXFXs people (regardless of gender) have to grow is strength of character. The backbone to stand up to what you're believing -- and withstanding all the implications and consequences.

An INTJ friend of me call it 'integrity'.

Because when we start doubting about ourselves, what do we have?

 

[Billy]

Maybe you complained too much?

Thats what I was beginning to think too...

IME, women have liked me for the same traits he is saying they disliked him for. Unless he is portraying them negatively IE, instead of being sensitive, he is being overly sensitive, instead of being connected, he is being clingy etc.

My only other real conclusions were that he is shooting too high, and he needs to readjust his aim to women who are obviously more interested in him and on his level. (see physically)

If he claims he is not the best looking guy, I dunno... I would like to see a picture so I can make an honest and objective assessment to see if there are any severe physical flaws, but even so, I know people who are about as interesting as a block of wood and who are rather physically unattractive to boot who can still find a girlfriend.

Most of the time, this is a mental issue.

 

[Billy]

Bickelz, we did everything from movies and pool to nights in to breaking into abandoned amusement parks at night. Wed go to and throw parties, we did a lot.

Neuro, im always up for a good chat about relationships and the reasons to hate them.

If you made a move, then she obviously told you no... why then did you waste so much time with her if you were interested in that and she wasnt? Something isnt adding up, either you are lying about being clear when you made your intentions or you made a series of really stupid choices. Either way, its on you.

 

[mattles]

billy, i wouldnt keep making bold assumptions about my character like that. i asked for female perspective, and while youve given something that resembles advice, youre on the verge of insulting me. Im starting to question whether or not youve actually taken any jungian typology and arent just someone who stumbled across a wikipedia page or something.

As for Trifoilum, you kind of hit the nail on the head with the most rational conclusion i came up with. I think its been a matter of timing mostly. And youre right about staying away from the "I need to be a douchebag" train of thought, ive never been one who figured that actually worked anyway. On top of that itd be difficult for me to pull of that level of douchery effectively, i abhor those types of people because they are, as you said, a disgrace.

 

[Billy]

billy, i wouldnt keep making bold assumptions about my character like that. i asked for female perspective, and while youve given something that resembles advice, youre on the verge of insulting me. Im starting to question whether or not youve actually taken any jungian typology and arent just someone who stumbled across a wikipedia page or something.

As for Trifoilum, you kind of hit the nail on the head with the most rational conclusion i came up with. I think its been a matter of timing mostly. And youre right about staying away from the "I need to be a douchebag" train of thought, ive never been one who figured that actually worked anyway. On top of that itd be difficult for me to pull of that level of douchery effectively, i abhor those types of people because they are, as you said, a disgrace.

Bold assumptions? You mean openly pondering. Feel free to answer them. As for your needing of female input, its illogical, for one thing, they have very little experience being males or dating females. (in general)

And what do you mean by "taken jungian typology"? You are aware that Jungian THeory, and MBTI aren't real science right? That you aren't your personality type, and that type itself has a way of changing over time or can be mistaken. Are you on the verge of taking away my INFJ-ness because I am not giving you the answers you want to hear over the answers you need to hear? Not again...

Ah well, I will take my leave, you can have your pity party since answers aren't what you are looking for... by the way, you're probably a INFP or ISFP. Based on your posts so far.

 

[mattles]

There is a fundamental difference between open pondering and bold assumptions.

For example:
Open pondering - "Do you feel sometimes that maybe you're being overly sensitive?"

Bold assumption - "Unless hes portraying them negatively, IE (because people don't know when Im going to give an example) being overly sensative...either youre lying about being clear..."

As for Jungian typology, yes, I do realize this isn't an exact science. What kind of psychologist would I be if i didnt realize that? Do you think I could have passed my core classes and have started working on my masters in clinical psychology if I didn't realize that? I was speaking on a personal basis, for ME, as i have had to take these tests over and over again for school and read quite a few descriptions of the temperaments (D.Kiersey, J.Butt, and M.M.Heiss to name a few), the description of INFJ fits perfectly despite the fragile and ever changing nature of personality. Not only have I consistently tested grossly INFJ in which no areas I came close to being considered any other category, but the descriptions might as well have been written about me. Admittedly there are a few quirks I have that not all INFJ's have, but thats getting away from the BASER qualities that define an INFJ. So how are you qualified to TELL ME what Im doing wrong without even asking HOW Im doing things?

And have I ever asked for pity? I don't remember saying that I was so sad because it was happening or that I always wonder why Im alone. I don't recall asking for anything but perspective, as you don't know that perspective not only changes IN situations, but it also CHANGES the situation. In regards to any problem one may face, degrees of objectivity can be greater achieved through changes in perspective because not everyone in a situation or problem will see things the same way. Maybe a female in here had lost interest or feelings for someone because of complacency. Maybe I hadnt considered that was a possibility or even knew that was something that could happen. Without that perspective maybe nothing new could have been illuminated, something I hadnt seen before.

So I will thank those who posted something progressive to the thread and gave advice. What I WONT do is overcompensate by saying how much women love me or use pseudo-intellectualism to make myself feel better for things I have likely repressed and don't even know Im compensating for them. Also, don't procreate billy.

 

[Bird]

Do you think I could have passed my core classes and have started working on my masters in clinical psychology if I didn't realize that?

Yes.



When trying to type one's self you shouldn't
read the descriptions and rely on tests. As I am
often encouraging, you should look at things from
the viewpoint of functions.


But I'm sure you know this as you did pass your
core classes, after all (;

 

[mattles]

I was very confident in who I was before I had taken the tests, but after doing so and hearing a description that is a little better worded than my own it really only reassured myself. And trust me, if I thought ANYTHING in personality was an absolute science I wouldn't have passed my core classes because of my professors. I have always had this penchant for not exactly knowing how to properly word what my personality is like. Once I had started studying psychology more in depth I realized that there are some descriptions that are better than others and in my case, unlike some of my classmates, I got lucky in finding that the description was able to do something that I could not. That being to accurately describe my personality. I don't rely on the descriptions to say who I am, they just say it better than I do.

And functionality isn't always the most important thing

 

[Billy]

There is a fundamental difference between open pondering and bold assumptions

For example:
Open pondering - "Do you feel sometimes that maybe you're being overly sensitive?"

Bold assumption - "Unless hes portraying them negatively, IE (because people don't know when Im going to give an example) being overly sensative...either youre lying about being clear..."

So in other words, yes you are being overly sensitive... now, care to answer any of the bold assumptions?

As for Jungian typology, yes, I do realize this isn't an exact science. What kind of psychologist would I be if i didnt realize that?

Probably not a psychologist at all.

Do you think I could have passed my core classes and have started working on my masters in clinical psychology if I didn't realize that?

Yeah, because quite frankly, school is easy. Its a giant bureaucracy... so I guess congrats on being able to navigate it?

I was speaking on a personal basis, for ME, as i have had to take these tests over and over again for school and read quite a few descriptions of the temperaments (D.Kiersey, J.Butt, and M.M.Heiss to name a few), the description of INFJ fits perfectly despite the fragile and ever changing nature of personality.

You put so much faith in this thing that I wonder what came 1st, the chicken or the egg, in your case.

Not only have I consistently tested grossly INFJ in which no areas I came close to being considered any other category, but the descriptions might as well have been written about me. Admittedly there are a few quirks I have that not all INFJ's have, but thats getting away from the BASER qualities that define an INFJ. So how are you qualified to TELL ME what Im doing wrong without even asking HOW Im doing things?

Just an opinion. based on observation.

And have I ever asked for pity?

Not expressly... no, but talk is cheap. You seem to think that offering answers to all the advice given and further insisting that it must be the INFJ type that is the problem is usually a call for pity. There are other people here who follow a similar pathology. Dismissing the right advice so they can retain the "problem" because they want people to "awwwwww" them to death.

Its a simple equation, lets get back on point, you are getting friend zoned... now, have you made your intentions clear? Have you told these women, "I have romantic feelings for you" in no uncertain terms?

I don't remember saying that I was so sad because it was happening or that I always wonder why Im alone. I don't recall asking for anything but perspective, as you don't know that perspective not only changes IN situations, but it also CHANGES the situation. In regards to any problem one may face, degrees of objectivity can be greater achieved through changes in perspective because not everyone in a situation or problem will see things the same way.

uhh ok...

Maybe a female in here had lost interest or feelings for someone because of complacency. Maybe I hadnt considered that was a possibility or even knew that was something that could happen. Without that perspective maybe nothing new could have been illuminated, something I hadnt seen before.

Yeah maybe, or maybe you wanted girls to give you a pity party. Usually when I see a dude saying something like "ladies help me out" etc and he offers up a platter of complaints like your OP and dismisses advice given my BS meter starts going off.

So I will thank those who posted something progressive to the thread and gave advice.

You're welcome.

What I WONT do is overcompensate by saying how much women love me or use pseudo-intellectualism to make myself feel better for things I have likely repressed and don't even know Im compensating for them. Also, don't procreate billy.

You caught me, I overcompensate. you forgot to tell me I have a small penis and mommy problems too. As for procreation... I will do my best honestly... but it may or may not be already too late, i'll let you know my gf's test results next week. *fingers crossed*

Psychologist.. ha ha ha.

 

[arbygil]

Enough, you're both being overly sensitive. :/

As to the topic, mattles, I don't think there's anything wrong with INFJ men. But I do think a small part of the issue is you let them be friends rather than lovers. For example, you said earlier that you were the reason she had everything she had. Well, there's only three people who give you everything you want without question, if you're a girl (and one of them is fictional): Santa Claus, Daddy, or friends. Boyfriends would help her figure out her problem without solving it...and that's sometimes what we need as women. You don't need to solve the problem for us - you need to help us solve the problem for ourselves. Otherwise, we'll subconsciously see you as a father-figure or rescuer...and not dating material.