I Like Pure and Calm Guys/Innocent Romance

DeadlyPacifist

DeadlyPacifist

Regular Poster
MBTI
INFJ
Yoyoyo, wassup my dear INFJs =)

I'd like to discuss about the type of guys who are not perverted and calm. Those types of guys are seriously attractive to me...but I don't find many. By calm, I don't mean doormat-boring, but not very hyper and such...cuz I'm a really hyper person, and another hyper person would wear me out..and it annoys me ^^;. My ideal type of romance would be the innocent child-like fairytale sort of romance. Friendship to me IS romance, and I usually end up loving my best friend [happens after 1-3 ish years], but it doesn't matter if we get into a relationship or not. I just love them. I'd like to marry my best friend in the future...actually I have a best friend right now, but we're both rather young, so I guess I'll see how things turn out.

NAO GIVE INPUT, DISCUSS, ETC, PLZ, BOYS AND GIRLS
 
Shai Gar said:
I has naked pics?
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haha!


Seriously though. I agree with you DP. If you plan on being able to be best friends with your future love, that's great! Those are always the most fun relationships because you don't have to keep impressing the person, you can just be yourself.
 
acd said:
haha!


Seriously though. I agree with you DP. If you plan on being able to be best friends with your future love, that's great! Those are always the most fun relationships because you don't have to keep impressing the person, you can just be yourself.
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+1
 
DeadlyPacifist said:
I'd like to discuss about the type of guys who are not perverted and calm.
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Well, I am this sort of person and I find that ladies tend to show little interest. I do have some wonderful lady friends who are married, spoken-for, or otherwise at a more settled place in their lives, but the single people tend I run into have all manner of other things occupying their minds and run off to the next thing far too quickly.
 
Sounds like a very flat and 2 dimensional description you have there.

When people on here say they want a nice, calm, quiet, shy or reserved guy... do you expect them to be like that throughout their personality? I mean, energy enthusiasm, outgoingness etc. are required to get what we want in life, no matter how introverted you are. I'm certainly not all those things most of the time but I have to be when it counts and I look forward to those moments when I can be.

So in other words you want someone as a comfort blanket, not a real person who fluctuates, adapts, grows and develops.
 
FYI I am not an INFJ.

As an overall demeanor, I think that someone that is typically calm and thoughtful is most certainly going to look for someone who is similar. If someone is hyper all the time I could see it becoming overwhelming, but it depends on the content for sure.

How much of this could be based on a basic argument of introversion vs extroversion?

I have personally never thought of extroversion as a horribly attractive trait in a potential mate. However, I suppose if they were still thoughtful and could see beyond some of the trivialities of every day life then yes, I could be interested.
 
My friend (INFP) says something similar. Well, she said she'd either have a guy like you described or a house of cats.
Go for the cats! :D
 
Yield said:
Sounds like a very flat and 2 dimensional description you have there.

When people on here say they want a nice, calm, quiet, shy or reserved guy... do you expect them to be like that throughout their personality? I mean, energy enthusiasm, outgoingness etc. are required to get what we want in life, no matter how introverted you are. I'm certainly not all those things most of the time but I have to be when it counts and I look forward to those moments when I can be.

So in other words you want someone as a comfort blanket, not a real person who fluctuates, adapts, grows and develops.
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This could be true, the expectation of wanting someone that is submissive.

Although DeadlyPacifist I am not assuming this is how you are, I am just exploring possibilities.


DeadlyPacifist, what do you think about someone that has strong opinions, regardless of whether you agree or disagree with them? What if those are presented in a calm manner vs an impassioned manner, does that change anything about how you view a person?
 
NeverAmI said:
This could be true, the expectation of wanting someone that is submissive.
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Well yes, I have run into this, too (unfortunately). Ladies might respond to kindness and calmness but have no idea the inner reasons/forces that allow these things to exist. They may be attracted to a certain outer docility, but I maintain those who are truly calm and pure (by choice) are a real dynamo on the inside and sometimes folks are just not prepared to handle that. The inner forces that motivate an INFJ are very hard to tame....one might be better off just exploring ways to enjoy it all.
 
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Sometimes I am attracted to introverted people more often because I often attribute higher intellect/deeper thinking to the introverted mind. This is a fallacy that I try to overcome, but it is so hard to share your own opinions with an extrovert sometimes, or just to simply collaborate. Sometimes my bias is shattered by extroverts that put me to shame in the intellectual arena.
 
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Well, my best friend is what I've described [non perverted, calm, etc] but he also has his problems, and strong opinions, etc. He also gets excited and stuff, but it's not really annoying...I'm not sure how to describe it o.O We're more extroverted around each other and other close friends...which is natural...I'd like to say more but the prison walls of school bid me to come.
 
randomsomeone said:
Well yes, I have run into this, too (unfortunately). Ladies might respond to kindness and calmness but have no idea the inner reasons/forces that allow these things to exist. They may be attracted to a certain outer docility, but I maintain those who are truly calm and pure (by choice) are a real dynamo on the inside and sometimes folks are just not prepared to handle that. The inner forces that motivate an INFJ are very hard to tame....one might be better off just exploring ways to enjoy it all.
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Precisely. An INFJ may be a calm person but underneath, their convictions are extremely fierce which tends to open up their passion, extroversion and gregariousness if they are on a quest to get something they believe in, to be done. If I do something that is seen as a nice or kind thing to do, it's ultimately driven by a very aggressive and indignant set of convictions, which set the standard for how I feel things should be.
 
Calm is good! :-D It beats annoying macho idiots hands-down, and really is a sign of strenghth. And you do have to be friends with whoever you wind up with -- it would be impossible for me to be with someone I wasn't friends with, but I don't think that's really an INFJ thing, is is? My husband is my best friend, and has been since we met, and he is calm, but not necessarily pure or innocent and certainly not weak. (Actually, he'd better be calm because at times I can be hyper and intense enough for the two of us! LOL)
 
randomsomeone said:
. . . I maintain those who are truly calm and pure (by choice) are a real dynamo on the inside and sometimes folks are just not prepared to handle that. The inner forces that motivate an INFJ are very hard to tame....one might be better off just exploring ways to enjoy it all.
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Agree.

Yield said:
Precisely. An INFJ may be a calm person but underneath, their convictions are extremely fierce which tends to open up their passion, extroversion and gregariousness if they are on a quest to get something they believe in, to be done. If I do something that is seen as a nice or kind thing to do, it's ultimately driven by a very aggressive and indignant set of convictions, which set the standard for how I feel things should be.
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Quite true.
 
Restraint said:
Agree.
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+1 too. :D
Firstly I'm against this type; I found them kinda boring (especially seems I can be categorized as one)....pretty much attracted to those bad boy types....
...then the longer I think, the more it said that I'll better off with these kind of guys. A friend of mine said it best, tho : "Don't find nice guys. Find good guys."

So yeah. Nice pleasantries and genuine goodness ARE different, after all.
 
DeadlyPacifist said:
Yoyoyo, wassup my dear INFJs =)

I'd like to discuss about the type of guys who are not perverted and calm. Those types of guys are seriously attractive to me...but I don't find many. By calm, I don't mean doormat-boring, but not very hyper and such...cuz I'm a really hyper person, and another hyper person would wear me out..and it annoys me ^^;. My ideal type of romance would be the innocent child-like fairytale sort of romance. Friendship to me IS romance, and I usually end up loving my best friend [happens after 1-3 ish years], but it doesn't matter if we get into a relationship or not. I just love them. I'd like to marry my best friend in the future...actually I have a best friend right now, but we're both rather young, so I guess I'll see how things turn out.

NAO GIVE INPUT, DISCUSS, ETC, PLZ, BOYS AND GIRLS
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I read a study on what made a successful marriage and it said that many people who have successful, happy marriages were just friends first and then decided to get together. So....yeah. :)

Shai Gar said:
I has naked pics?
Click to expand...
LOL!

laurie said:
My friend (INFP) says something similar. Well, she said she'd either have a guy like you described or a house of cats.
Go for the cats! :D
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hahaha! Yeah!

Trifoilum said:
+1 too. :D
Firstly I'm against this type; I found them kinda boring (especially seems I can be categorized as one)....pretty much attracted to those bad boy types....
...then the longer I think, the more it said that I'll better off with these kind of guys. A friend of mine said it best, tho : "Don't find nice guys. Find good guys."

So yeah. Nice pleasantries and genuine goodness ARE different, after all.
Click to expand...

I COMPLETELY agree with that. I have recently figured that out and decided the same thing.
I dated this guy who was REALLY nice, but then there were other things that really bothered me about him and his beliefs/etc. And I realized that a friend of mine, while pretty much an asshole (uncaring and too honest), was a really GOOD person and was nice to people that mattered to him, and I respect that a lot. So yeah. :D
 
DeadlyPacifist said:
Yoyoyo, wassup my dear INFJs =)

I'd like to discuss about the type of guys who are not perverted and calm. Those types of guys are seriously attractive to me...but I don't find many. By calm, I don't mean doormat-boring, but not very hyper and such...cuz I'm a really hyper person, and another hyper person would wear me out..and it annoys me ^^;. My ideal type of romance would be the innocent child-like fairytale sort of romance. Friendship to me IS romance, and I usually end up loving my best friend [happens after 1-3 ish years], but it doesn't matter if we get into a relationship or not. I just love them. I'd like to marry my best friend in the future...actually I have a best friend right now, but we're both rather young, so I guess I'll see how things turn out.

NAO GIVE INPUT, DISCUSS, ETC, PLZ, BOYS AND GIRLS
Click to expand...

hahahahahaahaha :) :) :) that's sooo cute:mlove2: :p I'd like to have a best

friend like that... cool!! you can be all :mcunni::mpoke::mwaa::m146:

and he wouldn't mind :) :) ahahahaha does he know that you like him!?!?!?!!?
 
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