wow! thanks again! THIS is the info i was really looking for. thank you for answering so candidly and for reading my posts. also thank you for being so forgiving. i feel AWFUL for what i did, for the harm i put other people in, including myfriend who followed me home and was likely drunk himself, and so much so for what it would do to my father to have lost his dad and then to lose me.
what value does this friendship hold...he's like a brother. He's also a drifter n we've talked bout how nobody else knows who we were in other cities. Same people inside, of course, but only we witnessed each other's lives and for some reason that holds meaning, like when siblings talk bout how only each other know what life was like. He's a musician, too, owns his own companies n stuff that he's still building and growing. Most importantly, I think it's cuz we're of those people that left Hell Paso then got sucked back in but brought back "the new way." Imagine if Pilgrims had landed, lived here a while, then returned to Europe and had been touched by the way the Indians lived...that's mostly what we share. Having been in the same places by total coincidence, then ending up here again by total coincidence, plus an increased physical attraction towards each other, I guess we share a mindset that El Pasoans do not have, this town is very, very old fashioned and behind the times. Also, we had the same "creator." My exboyfriend is his ex best friend, picture lestat with the little girl vampire n Brad Pitt. My ex shunned us both, blocked us out completely, for no connected reasons, then soon enough many of our former friends shunned us in the same way. When I was in Seattle i played with other DJs in a crew, my ex included and my friend, we were called "Prophets of the Apocalypse," because oddly enough others of us there were extremely prophetic. I know, it sounds all corny and hokey, but they told Justin that he and I would end up together, which i recently found out. I know his family, he knows mine...to someone who's been a drifter having any connection to anything seems so important.
There aren't many female musicians here, the other female DJ is hooked on heroin so i like her but not thanks. I don';t hang out with male DJs cuz they want to get all intimate n i'm not interested in any of em. I've dated white collar, blue collar, military, but again, none of em have the balance of the double life. When my friend n I get along, it's awesome! It's like being home, with my kindred spirit. Like it's been this way for lifetimes. His cock is a perfect fit (sorry so crass, but the sex is unbeatable!). I've been chasing him for about 10 years, sometimes more bluntly than other times, n sometimes he's chased me.
The reason i'm so obsessive over this is that INFJs have a hard time getting out of bad relationships. I'm on some personal quest to see what IS a bad relationship vs. a good one. My folks been together for 35 years. I've seen them go through hell together. Some of my friends had parents who remarried and perhaps had less drama, but they are not bonded the way I see my parents are bonded cuz they lived through the good and the bad together. Most of myfamily is still married, mostly 20 yr or longer marriages. As their child, I see a huge value in that they know who they are and have always been together, it's the only thing that kept me sane for many years. I'm very confused as to what holds more value in life - - the few interpersonal connections or living a life of sheer happiness even if it means letting some friendships go.
what value does this friendship hold...he's like a brother. He's also a drifter n we've talked bout how nobody else knows who we were in other cities. Same people inside, of course, but only we witnessed each other's lives and for some reason that holds meaning, like when siblings talk bout how only each other know what life was like. He's a musician, too, owns his own companies n stuff that he's still building and growing. Most importantly, I think it's cuz we're of those people that left Hell Paso then got sucked back in but brought back "the new way." Imagine if Pilgrims had landed, lived here a while, then returned to Europe and had been touched by the way the Indians lived...that's mostly what we share. Having been in the same places by total coincidence, then ending up here again by total coincidence, plus an increased physical attraction towards each other, I guess we share a mindset that El Pasoans do not have, this town is very, very old fashioned and behind the times. Also, we had the same "creator." My exboyfriend is his ex best friend, picture lestat with the little girl vampire n Brad Pitt. My ex shunned us both, blocked us out completely, for no connected reasons, then soon enough many of our former friends shunned us in the same way. When I was in Seattle i played with other DJs in a crew, my ex included and my friend, we were called "Prophets of the Apocalypse," because oddly enough others of us there were extremely prophetic. I know, it sounds all corny and hokey, but they told Justin that he and I would end up together, which i recently found out. I know his family, he knows mine...to someone who's been a drifter having any connection to anything seems so important.
There aren't many female musicians here, the other female DJ is hooked on heroin so i like her but not thanks. I don';t hang out with male DJs cuz they want to get all intimate n i'm not interested in any of em. I've dated white collar, blue collar, military, but again, none of em have the balance of the double life. When my friend n I get along, it's awesome! It's like being home, with my kindred spirit. Like it's been this way for lifetimes. His cock is a perfect fit (sorry so crass, but the sex is unbeatable!). I've been chasing him for about 10 years, sometimes more bluntly than other times, n sometimes he's chased me.
The reason i'm so obsessive over this is that INFJs have a hard time getting out of bad relationships. I'm on some personal quest to see what IS a bad relationship vs. a good one. My folks been together for 35 years. I've seen them go through hell together. Some of my friends had parents who remarried and perhaps had less drama, but they are not bonded the way I see my parents are bonded cuz they lived through the good and the bad together. Most of myfamily is still married, mostly 20 yr or longer marriages. As their child, I see a huge value in that they know who they are and have always been together, it's the only thing that kept me sane for many years. I'm very confused as to what holds more value in life - - the few interpersonal connections or living a life of sheer happiness even if it means letting some friendships go.
