how to forget the past? | INFJ Forum

how to forget the past?

Grey Wolf

Grey Wolf

Airborne all the way!
Jan 21, 2009
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no idea
well, I just spent the last 4 days on holidays with a few friends and the girl I was once very close to. technically, she the first girl that I liked that much. Long story short, back then things did not turn out as it should due to a few factors and thats good too as I think we would have tore each other apart if we got together.

anyway, the last 4 days were pure hell. the pain at one point actually became physical. kept remembering the good days and seeing how awkward made it worse and our friends who kept playing around with that failed shit made it worse. just to be clear, she once liked me too. I have no interest whatsoever in being with her but somehow it still hurt like crap. its a heck lot better today compared to the last few days, and its not much, so I can think a little bit more so I pose this question: how do you forget the past that you had with someone whom you considered close to your heart? 'cos I honestly wanna be ok being around her again. actually in fact, the first 2 days were bearable. it just got bad real quick on the third.

many thanks
 
I don't know how to help you forget the past, but I just wanted to give you a hug. :hug: Time is the only thing that has really healed my wounds.
 
Elowen said:
I don't know how to help you forget the past, but I just wanted to give you a hug. :hug: Time is the only thing that has really healed my wounds.
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haha thanks.. yeah I thought it did for me too haha its been about a year since that mess already :/ was kinda surprised at myself too
 
The movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is about this.
 
As [MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION] said, accept the things that have happened and look forward to the things that will happen. Also, and this is just from my personal stance, try not to be too hard on yourself. For me, my past is painful because I tend to magnify the smaller things to appear bigger and hurt worse than they actually should. Once I started to take it easy and put things into a larger perspective, my past became marginally easier to manage (it's a working progress).
 
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aww dam man.. I sure as hell aint gonna watch that show HAHAHA

invisible: I know.. i've said that to other friends myself ironically HAHAH I've accepted it. I know nothings gonna happen, I know its in the past. and yet somehow the hurt still doesnt seem to go away :/

D.C: yeah I gotta stop being hard on myself.. haha
 
You gotta train your mind to block certain past events. Avoid them like the plague!
But I know it's really hard to do if you have vivid memory recalls ....
 
PeaceSeeker said:
You gotta train your mind to block certain past events. Avoid them like the plague!
But I know it's really hard to do if you have vivid memory recalls ....
Click to expand...

yeah.. my best and most self destructive trait.. haha i tend to remember things too vividly.. :m169:
 
interesting.. playing guitar seems to have helped haha :m027:
 
If you want to forget the past there are two proven ways:
- Don't think about it and the memories will fade
- A drug called p*********, which has the side effect of dulling memories.
 
It seems to take about ten years to achieve enough distance, that old wounds will not reopen. That's my experience anyway. It's maybe better to simply stay away from each other until at least a significant accumulation of time has elapsed.
 
Honestly, I think your expectations of yourself are too high.
Unlike Eternal Sunshine (one of my all-time faves), there
is no way to make yourself forget a relationship.

Our memories are part of who were are, and without them,
we are likely to make the same mistakes repeatedly. I
really don't think you truly want to forget the past, you
likely just want the hurt to dissipate. It will in time.

You can't tell yourself: it's been a year; I should be over this...
Accept that you were not ready for whatever happened on day 3.

You may have accepted that nothing will come of this, that it is
the past, etc. But just knowing that doesn't make the hurt go away,
since this kind of hurt is emotional, not physical or rational.

I think the reason they say time heals all wounds is that the passage
of time allows you to temporarily forget, for longer and longer periods
of time. Some hurts take longer than others to heal, and everyone has
their own timetable. I wish you luck in the process of healing.
 
How to forget what has happened in the past: accept what has happened in the past.
 
Amen to Flavus and Invisible.

Its the only way.
 
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I would agree that acceptance is important. I always think the main conflict is that people assume they must toss away all the good memories in order to "move on". I disagree. I remember the good things and accept the fact that things didn't work out for XYZ. If you think in those terms then the good memories remain but you rationally understand that it is over. I'm sure there was a reason you were attracted to her in the first place. The idea isn't to wax poetic about her in the present but embrace the good memories and teach yourself to move on.
 
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I don't think someone can ever truly forget times spend with someone you were truly close to. Perhaps you'll always have a soft spot for her. But you can remain okay with her, remain friends. Time and distance are the only ways to move on.

Cherish the good memories of the past, as hard as it is to know they may never come again, exactly as they are, anyway. They're a part of you, moments that made you who you are today. Moving on is accepting that and looking forward to new memories, as friends this time, or however you want to keep her in your life. And looking forward to new experiences, new feelings and new people that will undoubtedly be in your future.

[strike]Or you could unhealthily repress your feelings, banish them to the back of your mind by force. But it screws you over in the long run, so I would not recommend that. Believe me. :tongue1:[/strike]

Take care, hun. :hug:
 
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