How much money is important in a relation ? | INFJ Forum

How much money is important in a relation ?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by shellyw0, Apr 28, 2009.

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  1. shellyw0

    shellyw0 Newbie

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    We all know that money is vital factor to live in this world. But however there are many people who can leave a true love for money as well.

    As far as my thoughts and opinion is concerned I would prefer that much money with which we can enjoy a normal life like a normal couple. We should not cut our dreams just because of money.

    What do you think ?
     
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  2. Virgoess

    Virgoess Regular Poster

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    Speaking for myself, comfort is a big factor. Living like a poor church mouse would be difficult even with the best relationship out there. When you have no security or future from a material standpoint, after exhausting all other options to change the situation I would leave.

    It is a balancing act though. As I get older I have to think of where this relationship is going and what your comfort will be 10, 20, 30 years down the road. Is it a shared vision of growing old together? That type of thing.

    To me, comfort is but one of the pillars that holds the roof of a relationship up.

    Comfort, to define it would be between $45k and 70k a year.
     
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  3. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    You don't need money to be happy.

    I earn way way more than I would know how to spend, but I live like a church mouse because life is easier and happier that way. The only two things of any value I own are my car and my computer (neither are worth much either).

    It's just advertising which tries to tell you that you're unhappy if you don't have a lot of bought crap in your life.
     
  4. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Enough money to live on, plus a little bit extra to have fun with or give away once in a while. That's in general. It's better not to get into a relationship where the other person has vastly different ideas about money. I believe that a loving relationship requires little money and lots of love, but of course, not everyone would agree with this.

    Money is only one aspect of abundance. You can be the richest person alive and have very little money. It's fear of loss that drives people to accumulate money. You never actually need huge stockpiles of the stuff, and contrary to popular belief having more than you need will most likely add to your worries rather than take them away.
     
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  5. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    If I don't think about how much they're making, and i'm comfortable with mine... I don't worry.
     
  6. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    Money only adds another aspect to fight over. Like Flavus said you don't need money to be happy.
     
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  7. slant

    slant Leave me be

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    My money is my money and their money is their money. I don't know why people pool their money in the first place. It's only more damaging when they breakup/get divorced. Even if a couple lasts, sharing money to me is just damn annoying. So the answer to this question is that what is enough money
    1. Depends on the individual
    2. Depends on if you don't make enough green so you have to combine with a partner in order to survive

    In which case, I question what choices led to such a predicament.
     
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  8. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    Well, seeing as how 90% or so of couples are hypergamous, money is very important. I worry about getting a job to make enough money to live comfortably. It is really important, sad as that is.
     
  9. Wyote

    Wyote ┄⍹┄
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    This is sort of a loaded question.

    Money is never the issue. Money does not create happiness. It's the drive and motivation that people have (or don't have) which crushes relationships. If you and your partner are not similarly motivated - driven to succeed - ultimately you are a miss-match and accusations will fly causing nearly irreversible emotional damage.

    Still, there are sometimes factors out of our control which can cause a lack of funds, straining relationships. These are temporary and will not sway real love.

    While money does not create happiness, money does aid in creating happiness, but it is extremely rare for a person to be unable to obtain the small amount required (simply paying for basic needs). Anyone who says otherwise has never truly been without it or forgot what that's like.
     
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    #9 Wyote, Apr 29, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2009
  10. efromm

    efromm Hiding In My Shell...
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    The older I get the more I wish I did not need money. It seems that we tie too many things to money. I live within my means and I have what I need to get by. And I work less than the average guy so for me I have the life I make. And I go do what I enjoy to do. Money is just a tool....
     
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    slant likes this.
  11. anica

    anica dark dreamer
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    How much money is important in relation?

    My true love and I both live on Social Security and I get about 2X what he does. Sometimes it's hard to live on what we get, but as far as I can tell, it doesn't affect our happiness. He is, however, better at giving than receiving, which I find frustrating, since I have more than he does.
     
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  12. Dutch Cake

    Dutch Cake Community Member

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    While money isn't needed for happiness, I do want to live at a standard. I have lived on less then a thousand American dollars a month and with three kids it isn't easy. I am living on very little now and am happy. I do want a decent roof over my head, food to eat a balanced diet everyday, enough for transportation, and enough for my therapy. It really isn't much, and as I said I have lived on less, much less, but I want a standard.

    I must say trust, respect, and honesty along with understanding and communication play a big role on how it will all work. Without these elements you could have any amount of money and never be happy.
     
  13. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    In the words of the late Charles Dickens;

    "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness.

    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."


    That is all.
     
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    #13 Lurker, Apr 30, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2009
  14. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Further Questions:

    is there a certain standard of living needed for happiness?

    or, are we just happy when we acheive whatever standard of living we have arbitrarily decided we want?
     
  15. anica

    anica dark dreamer
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    How much money is important in relation?

    My hat's off to you, DC. I too have lived on less than $1,000 U.S. per month, but I had only two kids, not three. And I heartily agree with the second paragraph of your post.
     
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  16. Creon

    Creon Community Member

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    Taking for granted that a person has enough money to survive, what could be the reason that person would choose money over love? I can't imagine of one, if we except survival.
     
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  17. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    Money isn't that big of an issue for me. My first relationship of 15 years was spent mostly with cars constantly breaking down and jobs that paid either of us maybe half of what we should have been getting. I grew up without money sometimes running out of food, so it always seemed normal to me. I learned how to focus on other things. Solve the problems you can and imaginatively escape from those you cannot. I personally get closer to someone when we have to survive in the world together. That first relationship gradually resulted in more income, but also gradually fell apart.

    My new relationship started with great financial stresses including almost losing the place we live. We are just starting to pull out of it. Lack of money has never been the thing to hurt my relationships. It adds stress, but I know what to do when there is stress and want. It's my speciality.
    :m168:
     
    #17 Julia, May 4, 2009
    Last edited: May 4, 2009
  18. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    I just remembered a scenario in which money played an important role in one of my relationships.

    I spent many years as a student living alone (no children) on $565 a month. This meant I had no car and a tight budget for food. I typically walked about a mile to the grocery store and would carry bags home, sometimes a stranger would offer me a ride, and sometimes I would bring an old bike of mine and tie the bags all over it to push it home. Groceries were a big project for me.

    For a little while I dated a guy who had enough money to own a sports car and his family owned a boat and a big suburban house. I tried to keep our asymmetrical financial set up relatively quiet, but as we were often seen in public I knew that his family cared a great deal what other people thought. I also knew if people saw me carrying groceries home like that, it could reflect on them. I mentioned to him that I usually walk to the store and carry the groceries home. He agreed to give me a ride on Friday. He stood me up. He later confessed that he was scared because of what it might mean. WTF? I think he meant that it would feel like playing house or something. At that point I realized his total lack of comprehension about me and my life. His assumption that the request was directly related to emotions or commitment left me humiliated and demoralized. Because of experiences like these I have a mild prejudice against wealthy people. I see them as potentially lacking comprehension and projecting things on me that don't belong to me. When you are in a position of little power, those judgments are especially humiliating.
     
  19. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Wow.. That's awful. I'd be very unsettled about that as well, and then figure that he sucks and shrug it off. I don't know many very wealthy people but those that I have known have are generous. His reaction could have little to do with wealth and more to do with the fact that he is a spaz when it comes to dating.
     
  20. Bored Now

    On Holiday

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    I have to be honest... I don't like dating rich guys either. Lots of reasons, I guess. I find men with money have too many options at their disposal and it gives them this sort of blase ennui that I don't find particularly engaging. Rich guys look to me to be their exotic charming little adventure and I don't like feeling that way either. Maybe its my own insecurity that makes me not like guys with money.
     
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