How long does it take for you to know someone well?

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INFPishy
How long does it take for you to know someone well?


i know this relative, but i keep hearing someone say it takes a while, to really get to know people and fully understand who they are. While others say, not very long. They learned to get to know the person pretty quickly. I'm wondering if this changes depending whether it's a friendship or relationship.


For how long should you spend time with someone to know who and how they are as a person before moving towards a long term committment? i've heard 6 months to a year is typical.
 
6-12 months with friendship and the same for an intimate relationship. Most of that time is caused by the fact that their is rarely the right environment that I need to get to know people.

For example, in my first year of uni, by the end of the year, I had an inkling as to who I knew I could get on with, but I hadn't really made a connection yet though I had a few acquaintances and people that I liked.

In the second year (currently), I thought all summer about the people I liked and made more of an effort when I came back. I got to know a lot more people because of the teams we were in. But the people who I really, really hit it off with (an ENFJ, ENFP, 2 INFP's, 2 ISFPs) I am now quite close with as a result of me approaching them about training in self protection with me. That effort really made the difference, I can honestly say I've never ever had a proper group of friends in my entire life until now. We are still not really, properly close yet but that's because they're all quite extroverted and popular so it's hard to get time with them.

So yeah, me making any semblance of friendship at uni took about 14 months, :redface: And even that is rare.

A friend I made when I was 17, an ENFJ, took 4 months of continual effort to persuade me to go to an event with him. Though I hardly see him anymore since moving.

I have had really, really horrible relationships with pretend-friends who are actually psychological bullies and emotional vampires, which thankfully I have learnt a lot from. I am extremely cautious as a result and know the signs of a bully, insecurity/low self-esteem that will lead to toxic relationships.
 
Over the internet it can take about 2 months to get to know someone well by interenet standards. In 'the real world'...About 3 months if I manage to get them speaking about certain things that help me link their personality together. I find it quite simple really. :P
 
That is a tough one. To get to know them really well, I'd say about a year if I can get good regular contact with them. From there, whether or not I can really trust them is another matter. I've got a few friends I'm sure I will never be able to trust with many aspects of myself, and fewer who I really, really feel like I can.
Doesn't stop me from trying though :mhula:
 
I really don't know the answer to this question. I don't judge these things in terms of time. My natural tendency is to assume that people are who they say they are. Sure you can learn facts but a person is so much more than that. You can also have an impression of their character but people are inconsistent and often have hidden motives, sometimes even from themselves. I don't think it is really possible to know anyone. We are all doomed to be strangers stumbling in the dark.
 
This depends entirely on the people involved. Some people have that connection/chemistry that enables them to trust each other almost immediately and reveal a lot of themselves very early on. Whereas others may not ever fully trust and always hide away a part of themselves. You might think you know them well, but you never really know them.

I tend to sort of spew a lot about myself when I am getting to know someone. I either scare them away, or they like me. However, I am quite secretive. The people who think they know me well will still never see certain aspects of my personality as long as I feel it is not safe to reveal it. I don't trust all my sensitivities with just anyone, and I imagine most other people are the same. The soft underbelly of the scorpion is not often exposed.
 
I guess that depends. You may feel like you can predict someone's interests, motivations, and behavior and still not know all their details and particular quirks. It all depends on how much that person shares. I've had people I knew very well within a short time simply because they were extremely extroverted and simple (not in a bad way). However, I have friends that have known me for years and still are completely unaware of parts of my personality. I think it almost entirely depends on if that person is an introvert or extrovert and how cautious they are about sharing.

In regards to dating, I don't feel that I ever truly know someone until the relationship is over. I know this sounds so negative, but think about when you break up with someone and suddenly you're on their bad side. Everything is different and someone you thought was so pure and good can treat you like total garbage! I have discovered an entire side to someone that they never let me see after a breakup or bad fight. That said, the only conclusion I can reach is that people are very aware of how much they are showing you, so you are seeing what they wish for you to see. I can't really trust that. But being strictly friends for a long time helps, as well as hearing them talk about their ex's. If they are willing to bash an ex and tell me her secrets, they are not the guy for me.

So all that to say, its not a time limit for me. Its knowing certain things and letting the facade fall off.
 
honestly it depends how often and how deeply I talk to them.

I've got a friende who I considered a close friend after only 3 months, yet it took my husband and I about6 months to really get to know one another, and another 3 to decide that we wanted to get married.
 
kiu said:
I really don't know the answer to this question. I don't judge these things in terms of time. My natural tendency is to assume that people are who they say they are. Sure you can learn facts but a person is so much more than that. You can also have an impression of their character but people are inconsistent and often have hidden motives, sometimes even from themselves. I don't think it is really possible to know anyone. We are all doomed to be strangers stumbling in the dark.
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Kiu, that was great - you really summed up my thoughts and feelings on this. I have learned in life that situations can change people and bring out sides of them that you never imagined were there. This is why I now really believe that marriage or any kind of long term partnership is the toughest gig in the world.
 
About 15 minutes. Actually easing them into that fact takes about 2 weeks to a year, depending on various factors.
 
I can't really say about relationships, because the only thing I had close to a love relationship was online and that took me literally 3-4 months to actually be comfortable with him to have a small relationship. As for friendships, it really depends on the person and if I can connect with them easily, then it takes about a week.
 
I had this discussion with someone close to me fairly recently, we were discussing how long you would know some of the people you know vs others if you measured in real time. Real time is the more accurate measurement. I have friends I've known since grade school that I don't really ever talk to I would say I know them far less than someone I talk to for hours daily that I've met within the last year or so.
 
i do tend to get to a point at which there is a "click" feeling and i'm like "ah. i know you." then after that i can predict behaviour fairly accurately. i don't know how long it takes though. it depends on how quickly the person demonstrates what they are really like, how guarded they are, what it is they think they have to hide. one fairly consistent thing i have learned is that if someone is not a good person, they will come straight out and tell you, just as long as you can listen carefully.

but sometimes i have been able to tell in a very short period of time, almost just by looking at someone, and i have been proven exactly right. that is a weird kind of feeling.

actually i think i'm generally pretty good at reading people.
 
No rulls...I don't let many people too close. I think I better know most of people around me than they know me. Sometimes, I just go for friendship with them, even if I don't know them that well. If I feel that I want it. I am really notebook infj in friendships. I have many acquaintances, but I literally pick up friends I love. I know it sounds harsh, I don't even ask them:) Not many though picked up that way. i never told them that in these terms anyway, that they are special. It would sound freaky:)
So, in most situation it takes time...But, sometimes I accept someone without knowing. very rarely, but with great itensity:)
 
Rite said:
How long does it take for you to know someone well?
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That depends on how much intimacy you want and need.

Rite said:
For how long should you spend time with someone to know who and how they are as a person before moving towards a long term committment?
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My sense is you
 
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