How do or did you recognize deception in a romantic partner/lover?
During the first part of my husband's affair I noticed a change in his daily habits or patterns. Once these became obvious I naturally started looking closer at him. Then I think it was his eyes. I like to look at people in the eyes and his - well - moved differently in our communications from the way they used to. Finally - I began to feel a disconnect in the bond we had - a loosening of the psychic connection we had.
How would or did you handle it?
One night after he had been gone all day without telling me where or why or what I walked up to him and calmly told him "There's no one who can make you feel as good as I do - especially in bed". And he said "You know - you're right - she's no where near as good as you."
Edit:
If you've experienced this, how did it affect you?
How do or did you recognize deception in a romantic partner/lover?
How would or did you handle it?
Edit:
If you've experienced this, how did it affect you?
When I heard those words it felt like all the air was being sucked out of my body and the black hole in me began to suddenly yawn wide open. [scream]
So I pulled back from the abyss and we talked. He promised to end it. I thought that was that...
It was the 2nd phase of his affair that broke me open tho....'cause he lied. He did not end it. And he lied and lied and we fought and fought about it. He viciously hurt me deliberately about nothing.
That was the biggest heartache out of it all. Not so much the affair. People go through those things for a variety of reasons and most are not at all about love.
But the lies? And the deliberate intent to hurt me?
That broke the bond for sure - and me also.
In the end I told him if she made him happy - then I'd not stand in his way. So - I let him go.
And damned if he didn't come back. We went through counseling and we regained most of what was lost. Not all though. The bond just never came back all the way like it had before his affair. I miss it - that easy connection we had. I miss having a bond like that with someone.
This, I have never told anyone. I sat there one night, with the gun in my hand. I wanted it to end, I accepted the finality for myself. Thoughts of everyone I knew and how it would affect them coursed through my mind. And then I saw, in my mind, my mom at my funeral. Agony and anguish contorted her face. How could I be so selfish? I am ashamed and frightened that I came so close.
I know that I have gone beyond the scope of this thread, and I apologize, but I just felt like I needed to talk about this. It has been a little over two years since this all went down, and although I still have my occasional bad days, I am the happiest I have ever been and enjoy and cherish life more now than ever before.
What made you stay in the relationship? I am curious? security, family, children? Either way, it must have been a difficult choice and I admire you for being strong and resilient.
Smart enough to get out of something I was stupid enough to get into.How do or did you recognize deception in a romantic partner/lover?
How can one not notice?
How would or did you handle it?
Divorce.
Edit:
If you've experienced this, how did it affect you?
Never had one, but...in platonic relationships; A surge of intuition; seeing things that ain't shown, things that being shown, and....at one point intuition just kicked in. Mind you, I am very generalizing here; not only deception, but omission; "I...feel like there's something they hide." I'm kinda paranoid + intuitive when it comes to this.How do or did you recognize deception in a romantic partner/lover?
Strangely (or maybe not) I rarely confront it. So it stays on the realm of assumption. I just went on a mini doorslam. "Well, they have their reasons, if I'm right, and I am entitled to feel anything about that. If I'm wrong, then. good thing."How would or did you handle it?
Felt betrayed, then went completely cold. Having a massive, acute doorslam. Then put a polite, nice face and promised inside to spend more time alone.Edit:
If you've experienced this, how did it affect you?