How do you disappear?
- Thread starter arbygil
- Start date
I just don't go out and stay to myself. I used to do really weird things to get people to leave me alone. I lived in my closet for a few weeks or so when I was about twelve. I had books and a lamp and plenty of pillows and blankets. I cried a lot because people leave you alone more often if you are crying.
I have learned to have a balance. I have days I go out and socialize and then I have days I don't. I get overwhelmed easily. My friends think I don't get out much because I live so out from everything, mostly it's because public transport is creepy.
I have learned to have a balance. I have days I go out and socialize and then I have days I don't. I get overwhelmed easily. My friends think I don't get out much because I live so out from everything, mostly it's because public transport is creepy.
I always wished I had an invisibility cloak - since years before Harry Potter came along - for those times when I'd rather not face the world at all, or rather, the people in the world. It would be wonderful to have that option, to vanish, to observe unseen, to walk around without being noticed.
Avoiding people's eyes is a subconscious way of attempting to vanish. I do that a lot, even now. It's like a defiant 'I don't want you to see me - I just want to be me, without you looking'. Shame it's an illusion.
I sometimes think I'd make a better spirit guide than I would a physical person. I could appear in a form pleasing to the person, whisper words of encouragement or prophecy, then vanish away. That would work for me. I'd have the interaction I needed, on my terms, be a useful part of existence, and be in control of how I appeared to others.
Avoiding people's eyes is a subconscious way of attempting to vanish. I do that a lot, even now. It's like a defiant 'I don't want you to see me - I just want to be me, without you looking'. Shame it's an illusion.
I sometimes think I'd make a better spirit guide than I would a physical person. I could appear in a form pleasing to the person, whisper words of encouragement or prophecy, then vanish away. That would work for me. I'd have the interaction I needed, on my terms, be a useful part of existence, and be in control of how I appeared to others.
When son Tom was in the initial stages of his illness, I disappeared for months, my only contact with Tom when he came out of his room at nght, with Annie our aide and occasionally with J (who retreated into her work and was rarely home); but I was too paralyzed by indecision and fear to have contact with anyone else. I never left the house. Annie did all the errands and grocery shopping. Anyway, my point is, that got to be a habit and lasted for years until recently.
Once my writing studio is set up in the garage, I can truly disappear and read and write for days without interruption, except for calls from my son Tom...I'll have to take my cell but it has caller ID and can just not answer any other calls. I'm thinking of putting a chaise longue in there so I can get off my butt periodically and read comfortably. I could disappear for long periods with occasional forays into the house on the days Tom is here, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sometimes I think it's good that I'm still his anchor; it keeps me tethered to the world.
Once my writing studio is set up in the garage, I can truly disappear and read and write for days without interruption, except for calls from my son Tom...I'll have to take my cell but it has caller ID and can just not answer any other calls. I'm thinking of putting a chaise longue in there so I can get off my butt periodically and read comfortably. I could disappear for long periods with occasional forays into the house on the days Tom is here, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sometimes I think it's good that I'm still his anchor; it keeps me tethered to the world.