How do you build relationships? | INFJ Forum

How do you build relationships?

I don't really consciously set out to do it I sort of just drift along until I find someone that I connect with and then it all sort of falls into place… I usually know within 5-10 minutes if I want to be friends with someone… usually they say something I respect, or they have a sense of humor about things, and that's all it really takes. Also, their interests… I don't really care if we have identical interests but if we have things in common then that's enough.

So yeah, I don't think it's anything that usually requires conscious effort-- if we click, then we're good to go. I also think there's something to be said for pushing boundaries with things… when you can talk about certain subjects with someone, then that's when you're 'in', and at that point I'll probably make an effort to not lose touch… unless they change, which happens.
 
yeah, i've had small circle of close friends over the years, and usually I met them in college, we had similar views on things, similar personalities in some, not all cases, then sparked up discussion over lunch. Then later based on common interests such as watching movies or tv or books, we started to hang out more, get to know each other more, became more comfortable talking, shared aspects our lives, and built a deeper friendship. So, it's usually opening up and sharing something about yourself with them that makes them connect with you and feel more comfortable with you. And seeing whether that interest created more interest, connection, and committments.
 
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You listen with your heart
You laugh as needed
You reach out
You share
You

You are the key.
 
for me building a relationship is a deliberate and thought out process. relationships do not often happen on there own for me and some of the ones that happen on their own were terrible. so what i do is i find someone that meets my basic criteria of someone i would like in my life. at this point it is pretty broad. then i plan a get together with a few of my existing friends, just something simple like coffee. i make sure not to get emotionally invested in anyone, i do not expect ppl to become super close to me right away. for the ones that do, i respond in kind. after that initial stage i make the meetings more regular. when i was a student in high school and university i just wanted anyone to be my friend, now though i take it easy and understand that a quality friendship takes time and weeding out of the crazies. :) in the event that i meet someone that i dont like that much, i reduce the amount of time i spend with them. after high school and university friendships i have learned that cutting ppl off that i dont like isnt the way to go. i just talk to people less if i dont want to get to know them that much. none of this process involves expecting the other person to think im perfect in every way or expecting the other person to change in any way. the whole point is just adding ppl to my life that i connect with in different ways. over time a lot of relationships develop and none completely end.
 
I invest a bit of myself and see what it yields. If I end up with a good return on my investment, I continue to do so and help grow the relationship. If I don't, I pull out either strategically or abruptly depending on the loss sustained.
 
Slowly, very very slowly! It takes me considerable amounts of time to feel comfortable with a new person and trust that their intentions are good. Until then I tend to keep them at arm's length. Not the best or most efficient strategy for building relationships, I admit. But it's the only way I know how -- and as a bonus, you usually find the ones worth keeping.

:m161:
 
Just chill with people you have natural chemistry with. If you click, hang out with them more often. It's pretty elementary.
 
I just sit in close proximity to the person until pheromones compel us to be friendly to each other. Then I push myself upon them suddenly until they relent and claim friendship victory. ( Internet ate the last post I made, I thought I sounded better, but that's the nature of coming up with genius twice in a row)
 
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There are all different kinds of relationships and each have a unique way of beginning, maintaining, sustaining, and possibly ending. There are long term relationships, short term relationships, work related friendships, personal friendships, casual friendships (acquaintances), life long friendships, marriage, dating, room mates, parent/child, student/teacher, coworkers, the list goes on and on. Here are some good rules of thumb though that can apply to just about any kind of relationship.

Building Solid Relationships


  • Be Honest

  • Understand Before Being Understood

  • Keep Your Promises

  • Extend Courtesies and Appreciation

  • Think Win-Win

  • Clarify Your Expectations

  • Be Loyal To The Absent

  • Apologize When You Screw Up

  • Seek and Receive Feedback
 
Odyne said:
I invest a bit of myself and see what it yields. If I end up with a good return on my investment, I continue to do so and help grow the relationship. If I don't, I pull out either strategically or abruptly depending on the loss sustained.
Click to expand...

This. A progressively expanding fold.
 
A great first impression and deadpan reaction to unique "issues."

Just get them to open up is all.
 
Getting stayed together. I've done that a few time. Made m best friends that way
 
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