Help! "What ifs" are killing me!

Satya

Satya

C'est la vie
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MBTI
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Over the last year I have been overcome with "what ifs". I understand from reading the "Distinguishing INFPs from INFJs" thread that these are usually derived from Ne.

They stress me the hell out! In fact, I'm just about to go insane because of them!

I'll obsess about what people I know are thinking and doing to the point that I'll formulate grand conspiracy theories out of virtually nothing. It'll stress me out to the point that I become physically ill and begin to wonder if everyone is out to get me. This is despite knowing that even if everything turns to shit, it will still turn out okay because life will go on.

In the old days, I would become so focused on getting something done and get absorbed in doing it, but now I have trouble even starting things because I worry constantly about every little thing I could do wrong. I can no longer enjoy my work, its something I compulsively worry about. That is all I seem to do nowadays is worry about everything.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? If so how did you overcome it?
 
Stop thinking and start doing, in the physical world, for some reason you can't use Se and Ne at the same time I've found, but at least with Se you can accept clearly defined laws, while running on Ne you make up wide encompassing theories (the what if's).
 
I've experienced this Satya, but I'm afraid I'll be of little help to you. Once I realized it wasn't helping me to worry constantly about what-ifs, I decided to quit doing it. I do know what it feels like to some degree though. Sorry I can't offer more insight here. :(
 
Satya said:
I suppose I should make one serious post in this thread.

I've found the best way to tackle depression is just to learn to not take life too seriously. It's just as much about having fun as getting work done. Shit happens, but life goes on. Once I remember that we are really all just a bunch of monkeys trying to get by, I feel like life is all about how I live it, not all those things I can't control.
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You posted this last October, Satya. I post it here to remind you. Hope it helps! ^_^

Remember, we can't always control our own thoughts. When your mind does something silly/annoying/frustrating like that, just thank it for doing its job and don't fight the thought, but let it go on its own. If you fight it or try to ignore it, you'll ingrain it more strongly in your mind. If you just accept it, then refocus your attention elsewhere, you free the thought to leave on its own.
 
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80% of my current stress is do to "uncertianties" (which could be called what if's) about the future. Any kind of uncertainty drives me insane. I know exactly how you feel.
 
Satya: tell me about the what if's.

I sometimes get sick to the stomach and one time I would even get a rash if I thought about what was bothering me.

Silently Honest is right about the doing - it helps, especially if you end up forgetting some of your hypotheses.

I have also come to the conclusion, that even if something bad and unjust is coming my way, I deserve everything I get for all the unjust things I have done. This isn't of much comfort to me, but it is important to me.
 
Silently Honest said:
Stop thinking and start doing, in the physical world, for some reason you can't use Se and Ne at the same time I've found, but at least with Se you can accept clearly defined laws, while running on Ne you make up wide encompassing theories (the what if's).
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I think that is it. It feels right.

Milon said:
You posted this last October, Satya. I post it here to remind you. Hope it helps! ^_^

Remember, we can't always control our own thoughts. When your mind does something silly/annoying/frustrating like that, just thank it for doing its job and don't fight the thought, but let it go on its own. If you fight it or try to ignore it, you'll ingrain it more strongly in your mind. If you just accept it, then refocus your attention elsewhere, you free the thought to leave on its own.
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Hm...I never thought of treating anxiety and stress the same way I treat depression, but it makes sense. I'll also try to integrate your advice about not trying to control my thinking.

IndigoSensor said:
80% of my current stress is do to "uncertianties" (which could be called what if's) about the future. Any kind of uncertainty drives me insane. I know exactly how you feel.
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Thanks man.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
Satya: tell me about the what if's.
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They are like a little voice in the back of my head that switches on. I start out by feeling really excited and ambitious about doing something and then that voice starts suggesting things like I could be doing this or that wrong or even that I'm wasting my time because when I'm done its going to be useless and I'm just going to have to do it all over again. The more stress I feel the louder the voice gets and it starts to make me worry about whats going to happen if I don't get it done, and then the voice starts blaming people for the situation I am in and claiming its actually their fault that I'm not progressing. If the anxiety grows from there then I might even begin to fantasize about conspiracies in which people are lying to me or ignoring me so that they could be causing me all this grief.

I sometimes get sick to the stomach and one time I would even get a rash if I thought about what was bothering me.
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Its severe for me. Last time I ended up on an IV drip in the hospital because the nausea was so bad I couldn't even keep down water. Stomach sickness, insomnia, fatigue, headaches, aches and pain, etc. are usually the symptoms I feel as a result of this stress. It just builds and build until it takes my body down.

I have also come to the conclusion, that even if something bad and unjust is coming my way, I deserve everything I get for all the unjust things I have done. This isn't of much comfort to me, but it is important to me.
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There is some comfort in that because its the suspense that kills you.
 
Agreed - suspense is the worst, suspense turns the unpleasant into torture.
 
I have found (for myself) that when I get mired in the "what ifs" it is typically because I have lost touch with my sense of humor. Life is very funny, if you are in the right frame of mind.

Laughing is good for the soul.

Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive.
 
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The problem with what if's with me is that they seem all to real and validated, for me to help calm them down. After they take over I have a hard time viewing any positive I currently have in life.
 
What sucks about it most to me, is even when I think it goes away it really doesn't. I will search endlessly for ways to calm down and forget all of the worries that I have. I usually do find something, and then sort of feel relaxed. However, as soon as I remember my worries and emotions, and they take over again. All of that "peace" that I found is soon forgotten. I look back on it and I realise that I did not feel better durring that time. Thus making it like it never ever stops. Like I can never get out of it even for a moment. There is no rest period.
 
The moment you don't believe in the good of the future is when it no longer believes in you.

Trust the future and it'll trust you.
 
Laughing what if's away? !!!!

Wyote said:
I have found (for myself) that when I get mired in the "what ifs" it is typically because I have lost touch with my sense of humor. Life is very funny, if you are in the right frame of mind.

Laughing is good for the soul.

Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive.
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I can only 200% agree to above quote as I found out for myself as well. But for me it is not only to stay in touch of my sense of humour. For me it is also accepting the what ifs as let's say "an internal work of art" done by very talented actors. My "what if's" are like films that can easily drive all sorts of emotions like tragedies, horror movies, romantics and comedies. The funny thing about is that some days these "actors" do their job that professional that you cannot tell that what you see is only going on in your head.
It is humor which is the bridge to "real life" (or whatever your perception will make of it) and wich allows us to see ourselves with gentle and loving amusement. Life is funny dependent from which point of view you see it. Enjoy it ;-)
 
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Here's how I look at "what ifs."

Whenever I wonder "what if I took option B instead of option A" I tell myself "if you did take option B you'd be aking yourself what would've happened if you took option A. You can't have it both ways, just be glad you're still alive."

I hope that made sense. :)


Oh, you mean the other what ifs, like "what if the sky falls down in a minute?" No, it doesn't really affect me. Everything is in fate's hands, so it's good to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
 
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INTJ Guy said:
Here's how I look at "what ifs."

Whenever I wonder "what if I took option B instead of option A" I tell myself "if you did take option B you'd be aking yourself what would've happened if you took option A. You can't have it both ways, just be glad you're till alive."

I hope that made sense. :)


Oh, you mean the other what ifs, like "what if the sky falls down in a minute?" No, it doesn't really affect me. Everything is in fate's hands, so it's good to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
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You must remeber, were F's, not T's. It's not that simple. :tongue1:
 
Flavus Aquila said:
I have also come to the conclusion, that even if something bad and unjust is coming my way, I deserve everything I get for all the unjust things I have done. This isn't of much comfort to me, but it is important to me.
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Satya said:
They are like a little voice in the back of my head that switches on. I start out by feeling really excited and ambitious about doing something and then that voice starts suggesting things like I could be doing this or that wrong or even that I'm wasting my time because when I'm done its going to be useless and I'm just going to have to do it all over again. The more stress I feel the louder the voice gets and it starts to make me worry about whats going to happen if I don't get it done, and then the voice starts blaming people for the situation I am in and claiming its actually their fault that I'm not progressing. If the anxiety grows from there then I might even begin to fantasize about conspiracies in which people are lying to me or ignoring me so that they could be causing me all this grief.
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I have one thing to say to that. Grace! What about grace? What about saying to yourself, to your criticizers, to the whole world, you know what? I did my best. Sure it could have been done better. Yes, it could have been done faster and smarter and cheaper. But I did it. It got done. Now that we're in a better state, we can work to improve the situation. We can continue to grow, to progress. It wasn't perfect, but others can add to this.

I have often made the mistake of trying to jump from newbie straight to master. It never works. You'll only do nothing for fear of failure, or worse - fear of something less than perfection. Look around you! Where do you see perfection? We don't live there yet, but if we do nothing, we never will. So try... Give... Do... Be... If you don't, we'll stay right where we are. Maybe even slide back a couple generations. Don't give up before you even tried!

Mark Twain said:
Twenty years from now, you'll regret the things you didn't do, rather than the things you did do. So cast off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Seriously, think about that. I regret more than anything the things I didn't do - and I'm only 25!

Even though we're F's, not T's, it doesn't mean we can't change how we think. We just first have to change how we feel about it, then everything else will follow. How do you change your feelings? Perspective and desire.
 
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