Help! "What ifs" are killing me! | INFJ Forum

Help! "What ifs" are killing me!

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Satya, Mar 22, 2009.

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  1. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    Over the last year I have been overcome with "what ifs". I understand from reading the "Distinguishing INFPs from INFJs" thread that these are usually derived from Ne.

    They stress me the hell out! In fact, I'm just about to go insane because of them!

    I'll obsess about what people I know are thinking and doing to the point that I'll formulate grand conspiracy theories out of virtually nothing. It'll stress me out to the point that I become physically ill and begin to wonder if everyone is out to get me. This is despite knowing that even if everything turns to shit, it will still turn out okay because life will go on.

    In the old days, I would become so focused on getting something done and get absorbed in doing it, but now I have trouble even starting things because I worry constantly about every little thing I could do wrong. I can no longer enjoy my work, its something I compulsively worry about. That is all I seem to do nowadays is worry about everything.

    Has anyone else ever experienced this? If so how did you overcome it?
     
  2. Silently Honest

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    Stop thinking and start doing, in the physical world, for some reason you can't use Se and Ne at the same time I've found, but at least with Se you can accept clearly defined laws, while running on Ne you make up wide encompassing theories (the what if's).
     
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  3. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    I've experienced this Satya, but I'm afraid I'll be of little help to you. Once I realized it wasn't helping me to worry constantly about what-ifs, I decided to quit doing it. I do know what it feels like to some degree though. Sorry I can't offer more insight here. :(
     
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  4. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    You posted this last October, Satya. I post it here to remind you. Hope it helps! ^_^

    Remember, we can't always control our own thoughts. When your mind does something silly/annoying/frustrating like that, just thank it for doing its job and don't fight the thought, but let it go on its own. If you fight it or try to ignore it, you'll ingrain it more strongly in your mind. If you just accept it, then refocus your attention elsewhere, you free the thought to leave on its own.
     
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    #4 Milon, Mar 22, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2009
  5. IndigoSensor

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    80% of my current stress is do to "uncertianties" (which could be called what if's) about the future. Any kind of uncertainty drives me insane. I know exactly how you feel.
     
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  6. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Satya: tell me about the what if's.

    I sometimes get sick to the stomach and one time I would even get a rash if I thought about what was bothering me.

    Silently Honest is right about the doing - it helps, especially if you end up forgetting some of your hypotheses.

    I have also come to the conclusion, that even if something bad and unjust is coming my way, I deserve everything I get for all the unjust things I have done. This isn't of much comfort to me, but it is important to me.
     
  7. OP
    Satya

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    I think that is it. It feels right.

    Hm...I never thought of treating anxiety and stress the same way I treat depression, but it makes sense. I'll also try to integrate your advice about not trying to control my thinking.

    Thanks man.
     
  8. OP
    Satya

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    They are like a little voice in the back of my head that switches on. I start out by feeling really excited and ambitious about doing something and then that voice starts suggesting things like I could be doing this or that wrong or even that I'm wasting my time because when I'm done its going to be useless and I'm just going to have to do it all over again. The more stress I feel the louder the voice gets and it starts to make me worry about whats going to happen if I don't get it done, and then the voice starts blaming people for the situation I am in and claiming its actually their fault that I'm not progressing. If the anxiety grows from there then I might even begin to fantasize about conspiracies in which people are lying to me or ignoring me so that they could be causing me all this grief.

    Its severe for me. Last time I ended up on an IV drip in the hospital because the nausea was so bad I couldn't even keep down water. Stomach sickness, insomnia, fatigue, headaches, aches and pain, etc. are usually the symptoms I feel as a result of this stress. It just builds and build until it takes my body down.

    There is some comfort in that because its the suspense that kills you.
     
  9. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Agreed - suspense is the worst, suspense turns the unpleasant into torture.
     
  10. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    I have found (for myself) that when I get mired in the "what ifs" it is typically because I have lost touch with my sense of humor. Life is very funny, if you are in the right frame of mind.

    Laughing is good for the soul.

    Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive.
     
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    #10 Wyote, Mar 22, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2009
  11. IndigoSensor

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    The problem with what if's with me is that they seem all to real and validated, for me to help calm them down. After they take over I have a hard time viewing any positive I currently have in life.
     
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  12. OP
    Satya

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    Exactly.
     
  13. IndigoSensor

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    What sucks about it most to me, is even when I think it goes away it really doesn't. I will search endlessly for ways to calm down and forget all of the worries that I have. I usually do find something, and then sort of feel relaxed. However, as soon as I remember my worries and emotions, and they take over again. All of that "peace" that I found is soon forgotten. I look back on it and I realise that I did not feel better durring that time. Thus making it like it never ever stops. Like I can never get out of it even for a moment. There is no rest period.
     
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  14. Naxx

    Naxx Permanent Fixture

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    The moment you don't believe in the good of the future is when it no longer believes in you.

    Trust the future and it'll trust you.
     
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  15. Mila

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    Laughing what if's away? !!!!


    I can only 200% agree to above quote as I found out for myself as well. But for me it is not only to stay in touch of my sense of humour. For me it is also accepting the what ifs as let's say "an internal work of art" done by very talented actors. My "what if's" are like films that can easily drive all sorts of emotions like tragedies, horror movies, romantics and comedies. The funny thing about is that some days these "actors" do their job that professional that you cannot tell that what you see is only going on in your head.
    It is humor which is the bridge to "real life" (or whatever your perception will make of it) and wich allows us to see ourselves with gentle and loving amusement. Life is funny dependent from which point of view you see it. Enjoy it ;-)
     
    #15 Mila, Mar 22, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 25, 2009
  16. INTJ Guy

    INTJ Guy Regular Poster

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    Here's how I look at "what ifs."

    Whenever I wonder "what if I took option B instead of option A" I tell myself "if you did take option B you'd be aking yourself what would've happened if you took option A. You can't have it both ways, just be glad you're still alive."

    I hope that made sense. :)


    Oh, you mean the other what ifs, like "what if the sky falls down in a minute?" No, it doesn't really affect me. Everything is in fate's hands, so it's good to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
     
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    #16 INTJ Guy, Mar 22, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2009
  17. IndigoSensor

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    You must remeber, were F's, not T's. It's not that simple. :tongue1:
     
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  18. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    I can totally relate, I hate those what if's. Like S. Honest said the only way you can change is by breaking the habit and getting things done.
     
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  19. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    I have one thing to say to that. Grace! What about grace? What about saying to yourself, to your criticizers, to the whole world, you know what? I did my best. Sure it could have been done better. Yes, it could have been done faster and smarter and cheaper. But I did it. It got done. Now that we're in a better state, we can work to improve the situation. We can continue to grow, to progress. It wasn't perfect, but others can add to this.

    I have often made the mistake of trying to jump from newbie straight to master. It never works. You'll only do nothing for fear of failure, or worse - fear of something less than perfection. Look around you! Where do you see perfection? We don't live there yet, but if we do nothing, we never will. So try... Give... Do... Be... If you don't, we'll stay right where we are. Maybe even slide back a couple generations. Don't give up before you even tried!

    Seriously, think about that. I regret more than anything the things I didn't do - and I'm only 25!

    Even though we're F's, not T's, it doesn't mean we can't change how we think. We just first have to change how we feel about it, then everything else will follow. How do you change your feelings? Perspective and desire.
     
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    #19 Milon, Mar 23, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
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